Chapter 13: Monotonous beeping.

*Carlos' POV*

The machine beeps monotonously; I can't believe the confusion I felt when I woke. I was in this room alone. Alone and afraid, I didn't know where anyone was, I didn't know where I was, but now I know. I'm in the hospital. We were in a car crash, it's been twenty-four hours, we were all injured, some more than others. I was the lucky one- no broken bones, just cuts and bruises, oh and concus- concus, con-something I can't say. I was on the side the car hit, but I wasn't seriously injured. I was lucky, lucky, me lucky? All my friends are slowly dying, even before the accident. We were fighting. We were fighting, we caused the accident. Maybe I would be better off dead, because we probably have to go to court now, we could be arrested, and we could go to jail. I guess this is it. I guess it's over. Big Time Rush is finished, done for. We're nothing. We really are finished. It's sad, I naïvely thought we'd last forever, but it wasn't meant to be. It was never meant to be.

We should have stayed home, in Minnesota, playing hockey and then living our separate lives, achieving our dreams, meeting up a couple of times a year, once for a camping trip and then anything else we felt like doing. That's what the plan was, but we fucked that up. We fucked it up good and proper. Oops? It's like we always mess up, it's like our speciality. The one thing we are good at is a bad thing. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I just ruin things.

The doctor enters, but I don't listen to what he says, I think I should have when a wheelchair is put beside the bed. I ask what it is for, they say so I can visit the others. I say I don't need it. They say it's a precautionary measure. Not that I care. For the minute they are all alive, but who knows how long that will last.

I get wheeled/ pushed to the room next door, Kendall's room. The doctor explains what is wrong with him, broken arm, cuts and bruises, lucky but not as lucky as me, I want to be there when he wakes up but I want to see the others, so I get moved on again. It's James next door, not so lucky, broken ribs, two broken legs, not to mention a smashed up skull, with a thirty-five percent chance of brain damage. The luck has run out- if we even had some to start with. I want to say something but the doctor moves me on again, finally Logan. The doctor tells me that he's about to go in for emergency surgery but doesn't tell me what for, he doesn't tell me what's wrong, I just see a bundle of bandages.

I go back to the first room, Kendall's room and try to piece it all together. Logan was driving; Kendall was sitting behind him, in the back. I was next to Kendall and James was in front of me. That's all I can remember, we always sit like that because Logan is the best driver and James thinks that girls can see him better when he's in the front. I know the car hit on my side, that's what I was told anyway, but I don't know anything else. I'm useless, an utter waste of an existence. I'm lonely, I want my friends. The tears stream down my face. "I wish my friends would wake up." I whisper, I wish, I pray.

The something happened, Kendall woke up. My thoughts were heard, I had a friend, I had some hope. He was confused, understandably, I was too, and I still am. But he's the leader, he'll figure it out, he always does, but what if that changes, what if we all change. What if things will never be the same again?

"Hey Carlos, What happened?" Kendall asks.

"Car accident." I reply quietly. He looks confused for a second, trying to understand, trying to work out why I didn't say more.

"Where are the others?" He asks.

"They're here, sort of, next door. They're not awake yet." I tell him, although it's probably not much help.

"You were the first to wake?"

I nod in reply; I don't feel like talking anymore, which most people would say is unlike me. I'm a loud person, a happy person, but I don't think I am anymore, and I don't know why.

I guess something happened before the accident, before we all got broken. Maybe something happened during the accident, wait a second. That doctor lady visited us and said we all had mental illnesses, but I don't think that's why I don't feel like talking. What did we all have? Kendall was anger stuff, James was bulimia, Logan was depression and I had ADHD. But stuff happened, but I'm not too sure what. Katie told us, she told us that Kendall took drugs, I liked alcohol, James was starving himself and Logan was cutting. But there was something else. Something just before the accident.

Kendall wished we were dead.