I'm back! I want you to know how much it mean to get so many reviews! 26! That's beautiful!

Sirius Lee Black: haha yes! thanks for the review.

Jessieklove: hmm it is Steve so I wonder, thanks!

Save-a-horse-ride-a-ponyboy: your soul you say?

Woem: I don't like your suffering!... maybe a little…

Pffff: I gots this! I'm a updating!

Guest: Thank you!

Arg: I'mith updatingith nowith.

Scoff: I like turtles tho C:

Gaaaaahhhhh: oh my god, Becky look she updated!

Password: cause I get lazy!

No: I'm sorry!

Grrrrrrr: I'm updating now!

Pop punk: I'm glad you like it so much!

iDaSpPaEr: updating.

Phoenixx Rising: I know! Poor Steve!

Papseiadr: I did too! I hate it there:/

SuAoIwLr: uPdAtInG

iwatchsunsets2: thank you so mush your reviews are always a big help.

: I know it sucks!

Padamajedward: I know poor pony!

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puppylover27: I'm glad you like it!

Jayla728: I enjoy that you enjoy this story.

I'll never forget coming home to see Evie bawling her eyes out on our couch.

It's a weird sight indeed. For one I didn't even know she knew where we lived. I guess a lot of greasers know where the Curtis house is so why should Evie be any different? Second Soda is sitting next to her talking softly and rubbing her back. I look around confused where is Steve?

His girlfriend is here so where is he?

I not so quietly let my back pack fall of my shoulder. They both jump and look at me. I let my mouth fall open. I stutter out an apology when they both stare at me. I automatically feel uncomfortable when Evie looks me up and down. I just got home from school and then track. So I'm sweaty and a little shaky on my legs.

I've said it once I'll say it again, I'll never get a girl.

She sniffs and looks me up and down she doesn't seem to recognize me. I'd only met Evie a hand full of times. I don't go out with my brother when he takes the girls, when we use to go out, when I use to go out. I get this sudden feeling of loneliness wishing I could go back. Back to when I hung out with my brother all the time.

I shake it off hearing her sniff, I wonder why she doesn't recognize me. I'm sure we'd met enough times for her to see me an at least enough times to know who I am when she sees me. Suddenly an expression crosses her face, "Your Ponyboy?" She ask before looking at Soda, "He's your little brother Pony?"

It's the way she ask like she can't believe it's me. She looks at me with wide eyes and I wonder why she looks so shocked. I don't ask just nod when Soda tells her that it is me.

"You look so different."

The words echo in my head. I feel worse because I can I only imagine what I look like to everyone else around me. I've dropped to 78 pounds, which is low for my height. I never see it in the mirror so I can only pretend I see myself as a thin and pale looking 13 year old. Like everyone else.

I tug the edges of my jacket closer towards each other and look towards Soda for a second wondering what's going on.

"Steve got hauled in."

I get tense. No. he was my only chance. My only chance to get help. Now he's gone, who will help me? Who will I be able to confess to?

Still a side of me is so relived, I can go on and not have to worry about anyone telling my brothers.

Oh how I hate the conflicting feelings.

"What happened?"

I need to know, who is agents me so much they took away my only chance?

Evie's eyes water again and she looks down, "He got caught stealing hubcaps."

My eyes go wide in shock. Steve is the best at stealing those he can lift them in under five minutes. It's so weird hearing that he got caught stealing them. I look at Evie and wonder where she was when she found out as she reduces into tears again.

She starts swearing and I flinch. I don't like girls who swear but, I can understand her boyfriend just got locked up. She goes on and on how there just stupid hubcaps and he gave them back now he's facing 6 months in reform school. Then she starts crying again.

It is then that I decide to give up any idea on being able to understand women.

Soda explains to me the story about Evie coming in after getting a call from Steve at the station. Soda's shift was over and Evie didn't want to go home alone so Sandy is coming over later after she gets out of work to come get Evie.

I nod, "So I'll start dinner."

I'm going to eat tonight. Not the whole plate but a good amount, I've done so well. I had an apple for breakfast, drank water and had a few crackers with Johnny for lunch, I just need dinner. I just need dinner and it will be a day that was semi- normal. I'll be one step closer to getting better.

I go to the kitchen and pick out pasta sauce and spaghetti noodles. I boil water and cook some ground beef to go with the sauce. I feel a wave excitement. I'm going to do it.

Today will be the day where I don't skip a meal and I keep everything down.

While I'm stirring the noodles I hear the door open and close. I hear voices of Two-bit and Dallas. They're asking what going to happen to Steve. I hear quite footsteps towards the kitchen. I know it is before anything is even done to assure me.

"Hey Johnnycake."

He returns a quite hello and sit down at the table. I've been pouring the red sauce into the pan with the meat and I feel Johnny's eyes on me. I turn my head.

"Are you ok?"

Wordlessly he nods, "Just lost in thought, I guess you're rubbing off on me." he grins weakly.

I smiles back. It all feels wrong. Before Johnny was my closest friend he and I knew stuff the gang didn't know. I feel like there's this wall separating us. He doesn't know anything.

He doesn't how excited his best friend is to go one day and eat all three meals. He doesn't know his best friend lies to everyone. He doesn't know his best friend is starving himself. He doesn't know about his best friend's nightmare. He doesn't know about the endless hours his best friend lays awake at night battling himself over the same thing over and over again.

He doesn't know me anymore. And what's worse is he knows it too.

A churn in my stomach over the fact I've lost touch with the one person I told everything too. Even more then I told Soda. All greasers have in this world is their buddy's, their gangs. In my gang I have Johnny. What kind of world is it when I don't have him?

My own isolated world.

I finish up dinner by the time Darry gets home. I starts serving calling out to the others that the food is ready. I hand them a plate one by one as they all come in. the mood has eased despite Steve getting arrested, there's joking around the table as I sit down with my plate.

You can do this Ponyboy, I tell myself, if you do it today, you can do it tomorrow and the next day.

I know I have to get better. I have too with Steve in the cooler for the next six months. Because I won't make it that long if I don't.

I feel it. On Days when I don't try. My body is giving up. It's harder to drag myself out of bed. I can only stand for so long before I feel like collapsing. Even then those Days I suck it up and go to the track. I can't go on like this.

I know I'm dying and it's going to kill me but I'm still scared.

I look around the table everyone is eating and grinning, at something Two-bit said. I wonder if they know. Can they see it?

Can they see it and, if they can how come no one is helping? It fills me with the bitter disappointment because maybe everyone does see it and yet no one wants to help. Why would they when it so much better without having to deal with my problems? They all have their own so why must I be another thing to add to the list. Perhaps it would be best is I just died.

Death. It sends a chill down my spine. I've thought about it just as much as anyone else. It doesn't scare me. It's a fact of life. Something I learned when my parents died. Everyone dies and no one can stop it. It's simply the circle of life.

It makes my stomach coil just like that night, when I was so scared someone would think I had a problem. Only thing know I know for certain I've got a problem. Like a pile of rocks in the pit of my stomach. The drowning, oh the constant push and tug of waves trampling each other trapping beneath the surface. I can't tell which is up and which is down.

Air bubbles escape my moth one by one. The only thing I still hold on to is the little bit of air escaping my lips. I don't have anything. No friends they aren't here to save me and the water has washed out the grease in my hair. I watch stands slip and slide into the waves. Oh right I'm losing my hair. My clothes are soaked and I feel so empty and I'm trapped. I try kicking my way towards the surface but I don't have a clue where it is. I feel my body getting weaker and my vision is fading and I can't go on.

Each wave comes non-stop and I just hear it no matter what I do I can't block out the clear as a bell, it will be worth it, one day you will be thin.

Then I run out of air and I eyes close and that's how it ends. Trapped in Ana's pond.

I look down at my plate and think I can't do this. My heart slams agents my chest, I have to do this. I can do this, I will do this. I wrap noodles around the fork. I feel shaky, I can't do this.

I raise the fork to my lips, this is it. I'm going to do it.

And suddenly, my hand goes slack. The noodles fall from the fork back to the plate. I stare at them I feel a wave of fear. What if I really can't do this? What if I physically cannot feed myself a third meal?

I have to try.

I once again bring the noodles to my lips, I open my mouth slightly and…

I drop the fork.

I clanks to the plate, I can't do this. I really honestly can't; I feel sick thinking about this. The coil in my stomach grows impossible tight like a bad cramp I get from running. I wrap and arm around my stomach.

I. Can't. Do. This.

All hopes of getting better fly out the window. I can't go threw one day of eating three meals, who says I can ever do it? No one is going to help because no one knows. I can't do anything. I can't ask for help. I can't think. I can't do anything right. I can't eat three meals.

"You done yet Pony?" its Soda standing with an arm filled with plates.

I look at him fully ready to say no. I will do this, I have to do this. I will if it takes all night I have to eat three meals today. If not I'll take a switch and off myself right now because there's no point otherwise. "Yeah Soda, I'm stuffed."

He smiles as if nothing is wrong and takes my plate.

I feel dreadfully numb. Suddenly everything is a blur. I won't remember the rest of the night.

I won't remember Sandy coming over. I won't remember Darry asking about homework. I won't remember going out for a smoke with Dallas and Johnny. I won't remember taking a shower and laying down for bed with Soda.

I'll forever remember the feeling of hopelessness.

The water closing in and my vision going out and the stop of air bubbles floating up.

I give up. Ana wins I'm done.

The next month blurs by. I go by unfeeling, I don't know what's going on.

I've never been so alone.

I'm terrified that tomorrow might not come and at the same time I hope it doesn't. I can't live like this.

I think my brothers know it's official I'm not ok. I have a small memory of Darry watching me push around peas on a plate. "You should eat those." Then Soda nods.

"Don't feel well."

Then they believe it. They actually believe it! It almost makes me laugh, they even tell me to lie down and take my temperature. Darry gives me aspirin and Soda pulls the covers up. I don't get out of bed the next day.

Not even to check my weight.

The gang comes by ask how I've been; I don't see them. I hear them talking to Darry. Who tells them in a voice that only he could do pull off. Masked worry that makes it seem like everything is going to be ok. "He's coming down with a real bad case of something."

I'm sick, have been for almost a year and it's only getting worse.

And I have done it! Did I take it too far? Was I too dramatic? Everyone in character? Or this makes no sense and I killed the story? /.\

Sorry I took so long guys, I had cheer camp this past week so couldn't update.

Reviews are love!