Hello everyone,
I hope you're all doing well. I won't be around tomorrow because it's fathers day & I'll be with my dad all day.
Warnings: Marley is having fever dreams. Read carefully as you may get confused. There's no real tortuous parts though. Marley will always have her memories, but they aren't real detailed in this chapter.
As always, many thanks to Nayafan, UnholyUnderBoob, Beaner008, & all of my readers and reviewers. It keeps me motivated to continue the story & some of you have left me the most hearty warning & beautifully kind reviews. Thank you for that.
I also want to say that I can't believe I'm at chapter 30 & for those of you who asked I don't know how many more there will be.
Thanks again all & have a lovely weekend.
It had taken several attempts over several hours to get Marley to finally fall asleep. Eventually it worked though and Beth walked into the guest room to see her four guests all curled up in the bed together, as tightly as possible. They were just a giant mass of arms and legs. "Sleep well my darlings," she said softly and shut the door behind her, as she left the room.
Marley's eyes fluttered opened and she looked down at her hands, noticing how small they were. She turned her hands back and forth trying to figure out why everything was so tiny all of a sudden. She looked down further when she saw a small, pale, sausage looking thing out in front of her. The more she looked at it, the more she saw it looked like a foot. With shaking hands, she touched it, and realized it was her own leg and foot. She looked up at the white door on the other side of the room and realized it seemed massive.
"I fell down the rabbit hole," she thought to herself and started to crawl toward the door, but was quickly distracted by something shiny handing just above her head. It caught the light nicely and when she looked up to get a better view point, she fell down onto her back. It didn't hurt though, but she felt pinned in place. Bars were now all around her and she wasn't sure what was going on. She was lying down in a very white jail cell apparently when she heard a voice. Terri's voice was on the other side of that door and it was getting closer and closer, causing Marley to cry softly, but she kept biting her lip to try and stop herself. Her body was so small, Terri was going to kill her now. There was no question.
"Mommy!" she cried out sadly. She wished Santana was there with her. She was surprised when a giant version of Santana walked in the room. Santana walked over to the place Marley was and as soon as Marley saw her she gave a faint smile and then began reaching, needing to get to Santana.
"Hey baby girl," Santana smiled carefully lifting her up into her arms. "Did you have a good nap?" she asked her gently and Marley tried to give an answer, or ask a question, but no words were coming out of her mouth. "Okay baby girl, let's get you changed and then we can go have breakfast okay?" she asked gently and Marley put her head straight to Santana's shoulder, trying to think. Why was Santana so big, why was she so small and why couldn't she talk. "Ooooh, sleepy girl," Santana crooned gently. "It's okay baby. Mommy's going to change you and then we can go eat. Papa made yummy pancakes for you to try. Are you ready for yummy pancakes? I don't think you've had those yet," Santana said and Marley felt like she was falling as Santana laid her down on a changing table and worked at getting her into a clean diaper. Marley looked scared and Santana began to sing softly. "You're okay. Just a quick clean and then you'll be good to go, very fast baby girl, very fast, I promise you," Santana told her and did make quick work of it, just as she promised.
"Okay baby girl, all done!" she cooed and carefully lifted Marley up and settled her on her hip. Marley got very tense, very quickly. She couldn't understand how she was so small. She had to be dreaming, but it was all so real. Every touch, every sound, every sight and every smell. It was all real and it was how she lived her life so she was very confused.
"There she is!" Rachel cooed sweetly when Santana walked into the kitchen and Marley saw one plate set up for her, with pancakes and some raspberries on it. "Are you hungry baby girl? Papa made pancakes, and left you berries and said he will be back soon okay?" she asked and she frowned when Marley didn't say anything. "Maybe soon you will talk to us again my love. We miss hearing your voice so much," Rachel told her kissing her cheek and turning to get a cup of juice for her to drink.
Marley looked to Santana with a lot of question on her face. She'd been talking a lot, why did Rachel say she wasn't. Something was wrong, besides the fact that she was under three feet tall now. "My girl," Santana grinned and kissed her temple. "Come on, we'll sit down. You can sit on Mommy's lap and eat breakfast, just like I promised," she told her and sat down with Marley on her lap, making sure she was comfortable. She wrapped one arm around Marley's waist to secure her in place and used her other hand to hand Marley the fork. "Who feeds my girl?" she asked her softly. "Should Mommy feed you, or do you want to feed yourself?" she asked.
Marley wasn't sure, so she wrapped her very small hand over Santana's. She would try herself, but if she got tired and was still hungry, Santana would be able to help her. She took three bites and then decided she was very hot. Everything was hot. Her hands, her body, her face, even her toes. Everything just seemed to be overwhelmingly hot and she didn't know what to do about it.
"Santana," Rachel said calmly, to try and get her attention, and Santana looked up and frowned. There was something definitely off and Marley started to cry. She was confused and very warm. This time though she heard her own voice, she heard her own cries, and then she heard Santana's voice, but it had an echo, almost like Santana's voice was out of sync with her lips.
"What's wrong love?" Santana asked and Marley just cried harder while Santana tried to help her eat, because Marley was definitely still hungry. Her stomach was growling so loudly, she thought her stomach was going to eat itself. Then she realized it felt more like a cold pain rather than a hunger pain, but she was still incredibly hot. "Shhh, Mommy's here baby, you're okay," Santana said gently using her hand to brush Marley's hair out of her face. "Mommy's right here, and Mama's just running to the bathroom and Papa went to work, but he'll be back," she said kindly, her voice still holding a buzz.
Rachel appeared from somewhere that Marley had been unaware she'd gone to, and then she heard her singing. Rachel sang gently while something was carefully pushed into her ear, but it was only there for a quick moment before it was gone again and then the heat came over Marley again.
Beth walked into the bedroom, with a small bowl of ice cubes and a washcloth. "It's not wet yet my darlings, it's just cold. It'll help us keep her fever down for now."
"How did this happen? What did I do wrong?" Santana asked.
"Nothing," Rachel said kindly. "She got sick. Everyone gets sick sometimes."
"Not my kid. I do a damn good job of taking care of her."
"Yes you do," Rachel said, nodding her agreement.
"Then why does she have a fever of one hundred and four?" Santana growled protectively.
"First of all, stop talking to me like I gave it to her. I didn't. Secondly. She was very brave the last little while. She's been to the club a lot lately, and now we're in a new place and she went down to the police station and told her story to keep Terri locked up. She's done a lot, her immune system isn't quite up to par because Terri ruined any relationship she had with food, so she doesn't eat well or enough, and now, unfortunately, she's paying the price."
"You are wildly unhelpful," Santana grumbled.
"You just don't want to hear the truth and you don't like that you can't control it. Just sit with her and rest. I'm sure everything will be fine within the next twenty four hours," Rachel said and she left the room, but not fast enough as she was suddenly hit by Panda as he went flying through the air, with Santana's help. Rachel ignored it and went to Beth. "Thank you for your hospitality. I need to get to work though, is there anything I need to do special to come back?" she asked.
"No darling. I have a car downstairs waiting for you. I do not trust Terri, so until we are sure that she is either locked up, or sent very far away, you will all be chauffeured where you need to go. I haven't heard from the judge yet, so until I do I am keeping all four of you as safe as I possibly can," she said. Rachel didn't argue. She simply nodded and headed downstairs to go to work. Once she was gone, Santana emerged from the bedroom and looked confused. "What's the matter darling?" Beth asked.
"I've never taken care of a sick person before. I don't know what I'm doing and she's crying in her sleep and I can't wake her. Her mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. The tears however are very real."
"Where's my baby girl?" Santana cooed sweetly. Marley was back in the white jail again. She didn't remember how she got there, but Santana and now Kurt were there with her, picking her up, playing with her and giving her lots of cuddles and kisses. "There she is," Santana smiled. "There's my baby girl," she grinned.
"Alright don't fuss too much, I want time with her too," Kurt said.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Santana said and she nuzzled Marley gently. "Will you go stay with Papa for a bit? Mommy wants to change your bedding, so you'll be more comfortable," she told her and she gave her a kiss, before carefully passing Marley to Kurt and Marley hung on to him as tightly as she could.
"You're okay baby. Mommy's right there, you're just staying with Papa, so you don't accidentally crawl underfoot. We don't want anything to happen to you," he said.
"Mommy?" she asked him softly.
"Yes, Mommy's right there," he said pointing at Santana. "Here, we can sit right here and watch Mommy work," he told her. He sat down on the ground and instead of sitting her in his lap he helped her to stand and turn so she could watch. She turned back so she was only partially able to see and was suddenly fixated on the fact that she and Papa were the same height. He was seated fully on the floor and she was standing on her feet and as tall as he was. Something was very wrong. She also knew that she felt very safe.
Santana finished changing the bedding and turned around to see Kurt and Marley watching each other closely for some reason. "Alright baby girl, all done," she said. Marley turned around and looked at Santana with a smile and then reached out an arm. "You want to come see Mommy?" she smiled at her and Marley continued to reach. Santana moved closer, sat down on the floor and took Marley's hands. "Are you trying to walk to Mommy?" she cooed sweetly, holding her hands gently while Kurt took care to hold her torso and keep her up and steady so she could walk to Santana.
"I know it's very scary baby girl, but Mommy's here and Papa's here and if Mama were here she'd be supporting you too. You are so close and Mommy is so proud of you," Santana said.
"Mommy," Marley told her.
"Yes baby, you can walk to Mommy, come on, you can do it. We can count the steps," Santana offered and Marley shook her head no. She very carefully dropped down to her knees and crawled to Santana. The only problem was Santana was now Terri and Terri had a death grip on her little body.
"You little bitch! You think you're good enough to crawl? You're an infant. Infants don't crawl, or talk, or move. They stay where they are put and that's all they do! You don't get to move unless I say so. You don't get to eat unless I say so, and you sure as hell don't talk, unless I say so, and I think you need a reminder of that!" Terri said and she shoved a pacifier soaked in vinegar into her mouth and locked it in place behind her head.
Marley didn't know what was going on, but that terrible taste was in her mouth, stuck there while Terri carried her off to the bedroom. She put her in the crib, undid the diaper and Marley's eyes were quickly covered with a blindfold and her world went black.
Marley kicked in her sleep and it startled Santana awake. She'd tried to stay awake for the past three hours, but Beth saw exhaustion on her face when she went to get new ice, so she made her lay down next to Marley.
Santana rolled onto her side and gathered Marley close. "Shhh, Mommy Santana has you Marley. It's just Mommy Santana and Marley. We are very safe, cuddled up together in Miss Beth's house. I promise you my baby girl, you are perfectly normal, loved, beautiful, talented and a super strong young lady. You are the best lady to ever walk into my life, and I will always be your Mommy, for as long as you want me to. I love you too much to ever let anything so terrible happen to you again," Santana said and then she shifted carefully. Marley had calmed down by now and Santana sighed. She carefully pulled Marley on top of her while she leaned against the headboard and kept Marley on her chest. She grabbed the thermometer and took Marley's temperature, glad to see it was now down two degrees.
"Okay big girl. Now we have a talk," Santana said, once she got her settled against her chest. "See sweetheart, a very mean lady took a lot of things away from you. We know that her name is Terri. Now I know that we've been patient with you these last few weeks when it comes to eating, but that was wrong of us, and now because of that, you've gotten sick. You have a kind of high fever and your body needs proper nourishment to combat that. I think it will lead to a lot of fights, but we're going to have to be a little bit stricter. You're going to have to eat a little more. I know you have a crazy relationship with food, but we have to help your body get better and the way to do that is to eat and change your relationship with food. We have to get you to understand that food is a good thing. I will never force it down your throat, but we're going to set up a system for you to eat more food. I will measure it out with you and explain it all to you and anything else I need to do to get you to understand," Santana told her as she pet her hair gently.
Beth walked in and smiled. "Talking to yourself there?" she teased her.
"Kind of. I'm actually hoping she hears me somehow. I know they say people in comas can hear you. I'm hoping fever sleeps or whatever it is she has are the same thing."
"And how are you feeling about yourself?" Beth asked her.
"I don't understand the question," she said.
"You yelled at Rachel earlier, because, and I quote, my kid doesn't get sick," Beth said pointedly.
"Yeah, well she doesn't. She hasn't. Not until now anyway."
"And you think that's your fault?" Beth asked kindly.
"Well isn't it? I mean, I did wake her up at stupid o'clock, I did take her down to the police station, I let her go into a room by herself and tell her story and then I brought her back home. I've taken her so far out of her comfort zone and safety places that there really was no other way for her body to react."
"First of all. I woke her up at stupid o'clock as you so poetically call it. Terri was the one who caused a ruckus for her to even need to go to police station, and she made the decision to go into the room by herself, on her own. All you did was support her along the way. And actually if we're going to get really technical, I'm the one who took all of you out of your comfort zones and safety places," Beth said.
"I'm still her Mommy though. I just want to do everything I can to keep her safe, and I feel like I failed."
"Then you truly are her Mommy, so let's leave her to rest properly for the next half hour or so, so that her Mommy can take some much needed time for herself. You were promised a session a while back and that was taken away from you, by Terri. I'm going to give you a choice. We can go into my room and finish what we started, or I can take you to the gym room and you can beat the shit out of my kick boxing bag," Beth told her.
"I can't leave her Miss," Santana said.
"What about when your friends come back? Will you take me up on my offer then?" Beth asked.
"I will seriously consider it," Santana said honestly and Beth leaned in and kissed her forehead, she knew it was the best she was going to get out of her. Santana was nothing, if not stubborn.
Kurt came back to Beth's house and smiled when Rachel got out of the service car and took his hand. "It's too weird," she told him.
"That's what I say, but at least we're being kept safe," he said. The two rode the elevator up to Beth's floor and stepped into the foyer once the doors opened. Beth greeted both of them with a friendly hug and then stepped back. "Is Marley sleeping?" Kurt asked, keeping his voice low.
"No, she finally woke up ten minutes ago and her fever is gone."
"Yay!" Rachel smiled and the two of them went to see their baby. "Hey munchkin," Rachel smiled.
"Mama!" Marley smiled tiredly, pressing her body into Santana.
"Oh good, everyone is home now, so we can all have a family talk," Santana said and Marley looked panicked. "Calm down my love, you know I'm not mad. We've already talked about it, but now Mama and Papa have to join us, so that we are all on the same page, that's all my baby," she told her gently.
Rachel took a seat near them and kissed Marley's cheek. "Come sit with Mama while we talk?" Rachel offered holding her arms out to Marley and Marley gave her a funny look, but carefully moved into her arms. "I missed my baby girl so much today," she said covering her in kisses and cuddles.
"Papa missed you too, but Mama is too quick for me sometimes," Kurt said and gave her some kisses before moving to sit next to Santana and took her hand. She looked extra stressed about this upcoming conversation. "So what are we discussing?" he asked.
"I want to talk about Marley's eating schedule. I really don't like that our baby girl was sick, and the best way for her to stay healthy and continue to heal is to eat. I talked to her earlier and I told her what the new plan is. We are going to measure everything out. We're going to start small to get her stomach used to it little by little. We will never, ever, ever force it down her throat. If it gets cold we will reheat it, as many times as it takes. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure we're going to have some fights, but we are doing this to make Marley better, and we will all be calm about it," Santana said.
"Do you understand all that Mommy said baby girl?" Rachel asked kindly and Marley nodded.
"Is there anything else you want to add or ask about?" Kurt offered. Marley shook her head no and sat with Rachel. "Okay baby girl, look at me please," Kurt said kindly and he knelt in front of her. "I know you don't want to talk. That's okay. I will ask you easy questions. I just want to talk to you about one thing. Do you know who's holding you?" he asked her and she nodded, lacing her fingers through Rachel's. I want you to think about something. Do you know for sure that Mommy and Mama and I love you more than anything else? Are you sure of that?" he asked her and she went stone still. This was it. This was how it was going to go down. They knew. They knew she didn't talk about them at the police station. They knew she didn't tell anyone else she was grateful that they even attempted to care for her, and because of that, they were going to get rid of her. She dropped her fingers from Rachel's and Kurt quickly took them.
"Marley baby, I don't mean to scare you. I just want you to believe what we know is the truth. We love you. You are now and forever our baby girl, whether you are nineteen or any other age. This new food thing. It's scary for us, because we know it's right for you, but we also feel like we're taking something away from you and you don't deserve that. I just want you to be sure and truly believe that we love you and only want the best for you, because it is the truth. Rachel was listening to Kurt but her eyes were glued on Santana's. Santana was seconds away from losing it.
"Well how about we start right now. It's dinner time, I'm very hungry, and the first time we do this, it should be as a family because that's what we are. All four of us make a family. We might be unconventional, but it's still a family," she smiled and kissed Marley's temple a few times. "Go on love, you cuddle with Papa for a while and Mommy and I will make dinner together. Once it's all cooked, we will then measure it out like Mommy said okay?" she asked.
Marley nodded and she went to sit with Kurt and Rachel quickly pulled Santana into the kitchen. "Tell me, tell me right now," Rachel hissed.
"I'll slap you!" Santana hissed back.
"Stop that. Tell me. Tell me what you need. Tell me what's freaking you out. Tell me anything you have to tell me, because all we did was explain to her what is going to happen and you nearly lost it," Rachel said.
"We just took away her choices, and I promised her I wasn't going to do that!" Santana said with a soft whine and then she did lose it. Rachel wrapped her in a tight hug and just held her. Rubbing her back and letting her get it out of her system. She needed this release, because while change was hard for Marley, it was also hard for Santana and she never admitted it.
Rachel held her tightly and after a few minutes she calmed down. "Look at me," Rachel said kindly. "You didn't take anything away. We're not forcing her to eat rotten food, or things that will make her sick. We're not even forcing her to eat," Rachel said and Santana glared at her. "At least not in the same way Terri forced her. Tell me. What made you think this was a good idea to start with?" Rachel asked. Santana huffed and Rachel shook her head and held firm. "You must have had a reason. You don't do anything when it comes to Marley that you haven't thought about first. We all know that! Even Nicole at the club knows that!"
"She is this close to walking," Santana said. "Every time she makes a break through she has more spasms, more pain, and regresses for about a week. Walking requires a ton of energy, and I just want her body to be ready for it," Santana said. "I want to stop all the pain and frustration she has."
"You can't do that," Rachel said simply and Santana growled. "That's not what I mean," Rachel said kindly. "What I mean is that you can't stop the pain and frustration. You make it less, you reassure her when she panics, and you are her Mommy and the one she wants to see when she's in those moments," Rachel said. "You want it lessened, that's not a bad thing Santana. It's not even anywhere close to what might be perceived as bad. Yes, it's going to suck the first few times. I don't doubt that. I expect a full out tantrum for the next month if I'm being honest with you. The difference is, you're doing this to help her. We're not yelling, we're not giving her undercooked food or over cooked. All we're doing is making sure she gets the nourishment she needs, so that when she starts to walk, her body can handle it. "We both gave her a bath the other night, what did we see?"
"Her ribs, collar bone, and spine," Santana said with some defeat in her voice.
"Do you think we should be seeing those things?" Rachel asked.
"No, but I don't want her thinking that we're torturing her either. I'm just afraid this is going to scare her."
"Listen to me very carefully. Marley is not afraid of her Mommy, and you Santana Lopez are most definitely her Mommy," Santana sighed and gathered her composure. Rachel helped her cook dinner and then pulled out her phone. "How much food is good for her, do you think? I mean how small are we starting here?" she asked.
"Small, but reasonable, what does the website say?" Santana asked.
"Three to four ounces of the meatloaf, and a cup of steamed vegetables," Rachel said.
"Yeah right," Santana laughed. "The meat I'm good with, measure out the full cup, but we won't push that. We'll push half that and all of the meat. I don't want to scare her," Santana told her. Rachel pulled out the food scale and went to start measuring, but Santana stopped her. "No. We do it in front of her. She has to see it happen. I don't want her not knowing. I promised her that she would see all measurements," Santana said.
Rachel nodded and put the last touches of shaved parmesan on the broccoli and cheddar. "It looks good to me," Rachel said and Santana nodded. Rachel moved over to the couch and smiled. "Hey," she smiled kindly at Kurt and Marley who were engaged in a game of tic tac toe. Marley was the X because it was easiest to draw for her. O's were much more difficult wit her motor skills at the moment. "When you two are finished with your game, dinner is ready and we are waiting for Marley to come look at dinner, so we can measure it all out together," Rachel told her.
The two finished the game and Kurt nodded. "Alright baby, let's go see what we can do for dinner," Kurt said and Marley just moved where she was asked to. She didn't speak. They were both on their feet and Kurt stood behind Marley. He put his arms around her body and then opened them up. She laid her forearms and hands on his, and laced their fingers together in a white knuckle grip. He very gently bumped his knees into the back of hers, one at a time, which was how they all helped her to walk.
"There's my baby girl," Santana smiled moving in close and giving Marley a tight hug. "I'm very proud of you love, do you think you can stand at the counter and watch Mommy measure out your food?" she asked and Marley nodded, but looked scared. "It's okay sweetheart, it's not going to be a lot. I know it's going to look like a lot, but it really isn't. Mama made her meatloaf, so let's cut that first and measure out four ounces," she said and Marley looked confused. "Here hold on to the counter and watch this number right here," Santana said tapping the digital display while Rachel covered the scale with some foil. Kurt slipped in behind Marley to help her support herself and Santana went into the drawer for a knife, moving the meatloaf in front of Marley.
"I know you're concerned sweetheart, so I'm going to hand you the knife and you cut, where you think four ounces is," Santana told her carefully handing her the butter knife to cut with. Rachel watched as she cut up a third of the meatloaf and kept quiet. It was good to know, Marley didn't understand proper measurement and she smiled at Santana. She was very proud of Santana for having Marley attempt it. They put the food on the scale and Marley's eyes almost bugged out of her head when it measured at nearly nine ounces. "Is that more or less than you need my love?" she asked. Marley wasn't up for talking, so she shook her head no and Santana didn't push. "Can you make it smaller?" she asked her. Marley cut off half the chunk and it came in at just over four ounces. "Can Mommy shave off the rest?" she asked her and Marley nodded handing her the knife.
Santana shaved it down to four ounces and then Rachel took the dish and made three other plates while Kurt continued to hold Marley and Santana moved to the broccoli and cheddar with parmesan. "Alright, here's the deal baby girl. We're going to measure out one whole cup, which is sixteen ounces. I know that sounds like a lot, but because it's all light, it's not as much as you think. I want you to see that I'm measuring out the one cup, and then we'll put it all on one plate, we'll all sit down and we can all eat dinner together. We haven't done that in a few nights," Santana said.
"What about Miss Beth?" Kurt asked.
She had to go to the club for an appointment, it's just the four of us," Santana said. Kurt nodded and watched as Santana measured out the food perfectly. Once it was done, the four sat down and Kurt put Marley between Rachel and Santana's chairs. Marley had to be supported on both sides, and they needed to make sure that she felt safe. Once they were seated Marley picked up her fork and carefully ate four tiny bites of her meatloaf and didn't touch her vegetables.
"Mommy," she said softly.
"Yes baby?" she asked.
"Done," she told her.
"I know you want to be done baby, but now we're at the part that you and I have both been not looking forward to. You have to finish. If you need a break, you can take it, we're going to continue to eat and if you're break is too long and I need to heat it up for your I will. You have to eat more. You only had four bites," she said.
"No Mommy, done," Marley insisted.
"Do you want one of us to feed you sweetheart?" Kurt offered. Maybe if they didn't make her feed herself it would go easier.
"No, done," she said.
"You aren't baby girl. Time to eat more," Santana said kindly and Marley sat there stubbornly, not eating and the three of them let it go. They engaged in general conversation and tried to get Marley to join in, but she started to wiggle and fuss. She didn't want to eat. Eating was bad, she was going to get very fat, very quickly, and then they were going to make her be an adult all the time and eventually make her live on her own.
"Mommy, done," she said to Santana.
"No baby. You aren't done. You have to eat more, and then you will be done. Mommy will feed you if you like," she offered kindly and Marley started to cry.
Santana was expecting this and so she took a deep breath and did her best to breathe and stay calm. She needed to show her she wasn't mad, that she understood, albeit only slightly, and that she was going to help her to get better. "Mommy done," Marley cried.
"Shhh, you can take your break if you need to baby. It's alright. Mommy isn't mad, but we can not leave the table until you finish what's on your plate," Santana said and Marley started to cry harder. They were getting rid of her. This was how it was going to happen. "Come on baby, I will feed you, it's okay," she told her.
"Mommy pee. Pee done," she pleaded getting more and more worked up.
"Shhh okay, okay, let's talk. This is not that much baby. This is very doable and you've eaten more than this before. You're perfectly okay sweetheart, I'm not mad. Come here," Santana said and she pulled her baby girl into her lap and Marley tried to make herself small, holding on to Santana's shirt with a death grip. "Shhh, you're okay baby girl. I will absolutely feed you honey, that's okay. I'm very proud of you for taking four bites all on your own. That was very good," Santana praised her. Marley shrunk down, so she was in a more cradle like position and Santana simply kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently from side to side. Kurt pushed the other chair near to Marley's feet and then had them rest upon it. Once that was done, he left the two alone while he and Rachel put away the left over food.
"I'm not mad baby, I'm not, but we just have to get you to eat more. Do you know why sweetheart?" she asked kindly and Marley just cried. "Shh, it's okay baby, I'm going to tell you. You've been working with Mr. Joe and you are so so so close to walking and every time you have a breakthrough, you end up in more pain. So I want to start you eating now, so that when you do have your break through you won't be in so much pain," Santana said.
"Pee Mommy," she said trying to make herself smaller and younger and she couldn't figure out how to do it. She was convinced they were going to force her to eat and then send her away. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control.
"Okay, okay, that's enough, come here," Santana said and she pulled her close and just rocked her. "Shhh, Mommy's here. I'm not letting go baby. Not until you tell me you want me to. I will be your Mommy for as long as you want me to sweetheart, and I don't know what's scaring you, but you definitely need to eat my love," Santana said, speaking softly.
Santana held her close and rubbed her back, waiting for her to calm down and it struck Santana that she could feel Marley's spine, even through her clothes, after all this time, so she carefully held up her hand and laced her fingers into Marley's. "Okay baby girl, let's have a little talk. You know how Big Girl Marly is nineteen?" she asked and Marley nodded. "Well Mommy is only twenty four. That's not that much older than her is it? That's only five years. So Mommy and Big Girl Marley should look a little bit alike shouldn't they?" she asked and Marley looked at her curiously. "Here's let's see," she said and unlaced their fingers. "Look at Mommy's hand for a minute. What do you see?" she asked her.
"Fingers," she said softly and Santana smiled, kissed the top of her head and praised her.
"Very good, now do you think Mommy has big fat fingers or are they okay for Mommy?" she asked her.
"No fat Mommy," she told her.
"Thank you," Santana smiled. "Let's look at your fingers baby girl. Do you see a difference?" she asked her and Marley studied her own fingers closely, noticing that her hand the same size as Santana's, but everything seemed weaker to her, thinner. She couldn't see her finger bones, or their outline, but there was a definite thinness to her hand and that struck a nerve with her. Every dirty word that Terri had ever called her came screaming back to her brain. Sick. Twisted. Dirty. Slut. Whore. No good. Fat. Piggy. On and on and on she heard them in her head until finally she couldn't take anymore and little tears started to trickle down her cheeks. Santana rocked her and soothed her, brushing away her tears with her thumbs.
"Mommy?" she asked and Santana looked at her, taking her hand and kissing her temple, letting her gather her thoughts, so she could formulate her question. "I sick?" she asked.
"You were sick. You had a very high fever, but your fever broke, so you're doing better," she said.
"I sick here?" she asked wiggling her hand.
"A little bit. You're just malnourished. Do you know what that word means?" Santana asked. This was where it always got tricky. Marley was nineteen and very smart. However at the moment, this was clearly Baby Marley and Santana was never sure what Baby Marley would and wouldn't admit to. Marley shook her head no and Santana gave her a kiss. "That's a very big word for my baby girl. I know, but I will teach you. It means that your body doesn't have all the nutrients in it that it needs. It's what makes you feel so much pain after therapy or when you have a muscle spasm. If you are malnourished you get a lot of pain sometimes in your body," she said.
"I fat," she told her.
"You are not fat my love. You are a beautiful baby girl and a beautiful young lady. You just are malnourished because a very mean lady was very cruel to you. That is why Mommy is insisting we do not leave this table until you eat. I will even feed you if you like," Santana told her. "We've also been sitting here for some time, so perhaps we should heat it up a little bit, and then get you to eat dinner," she said.
"I fat Mommy," Marley whimpered.
"I know you think that baby, but if that's true, which it isn't, then that means Mommy is really fat. Do you think that Mommy is really fat?" she asked her.
"No," Marley said shaking her head wildly and starting to fidget to get away.
"Shhh, you're okay baby. I'm not mad and you're right, I'm not fat, but neither are you. You are beautiful my love, and I want to help you to stay that way. In order to do that, you have to eat," Santana told her. "Mommy is going to sit you in your chair and heat up dinner and then you and I are going to sit down and get you to eat more," Santana told her. She covered her in kisses and set her down in her chair, took her plate and heated it up for thirty seconds. She took it out, sat down and picked up Marley's fork and mixed up the food, to let the heat distribute evenly. "Okay baby girl, who is going to feed my sweet beautiful Marley?" she asked. Marley simply looked at her and handed Santana the fork.