AN: This Chapter was inspired by a song. (There's a quote of it to start the chapter). Thank-you, for reading.

Chapter 16: Sleep

"So shut your eyes, Kiss me goodbye, and sleep. Just sleep." –My Chemical Romance, Sleep.

*Logan's POV*

I'm tired. Tired of what you ask. Tired of everything. One thing is constantly swimming around my head; it's a quote from one of my favourite books, Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy.

"O, then I ought to have done it, to have done it last night! But I hadn't the courage. That's just like me!'

'The courage to do what?' As she did not answer he took her by the hand. 'What were you thinking of doing?' He inquired.

'Of putting an end to myself."

Using quotes to explain your feelings is so much easier than just shouting 'hey everyone, I want to kill myself'. It sounds morbid, I know, but I've been thinking about this for a while. Even before the accident, the accident just enhanced my thoughts. Before I had my doubts but now I'm certain. It's not a matter of if, it's when. I will die by way of suicide.

I wake up each morning wondering if today will be the day, but now I know that today will be the day, November 26th, it seems as good a day as any, so why should I bother waiting any longer? I'll do this world a favour by leaving it, and everyone knows that, they just don't know that I'll be leaving soon. By this afternoon, I'm thinking around 2 o'clockish, I'll be dead, I'll finally be fucking dead. It feels good to actually be able to say that. I'll die by tonight. The stupid thing is that I don't feel guilty about this. I know everyone will be fine without me, they'd be way better off. Then they won't have to bother changing the apartment (to be disabled access) or move. There'll be way more space without me and everyone likes more space, with my stuff in the lounge area at the minute, and my chair, there's barely enough room to breathe.

It's stupid but I can't even go to see my room anymore, unless someone carries me; the doors aren't wide enough for my chair. That's why there's a hospital bed in the lounge, I told Mama Knight that I'd sleep on the orange sofa, but she basically told me that she'd never let me do that, I need a proper bed. A proper bed being a fucking hospital bed.

I'm cutting again. Just thought I'd throw that in there, it could risk everything but I just don't care anymore, I can't do much, but I can cut. And because I can't feel anything on my legs anymore, I can cut there all I want, no pain, no nothing but there's still blood. Lots and lots of blood. Blood is good. It's all that really matters.

I'm not really sure how to end it. There are too many choices; I'll struggle with anything physical, stupid legs. It pretty much leaves me with overdosing. I'm going to overdose on my anti-depressants, and hopefully pass out and choke to death on my own vomit. Pretty gross, but at least I'll die. It sounds like an overdose is peaceful, but it's really not. It's still sucking out your own life. 'Playing God' as they say. Ha, I had to write a religious studies essay on that, at least I got a good mark. Luckily it was before the accident, if it was after I would have written multiple times that god doesn't exist if he does horrible things to people, like me, he can't be omnibenevolent. He did this to me, so I'll end me, as a way to get him back for the horror that he has sprung on my life. I want to defy him (if he does exist, I seriously have my doubts), I want to break the rules and end it all. I want to die and I want to die now.

I've got it all planned, like seriously planned. At 2 o'clock exactly on this here day, November 26th, I shall overdose on my anti-depressant medication as by way of a suicide attempt- hopefully a successful one.

It sounds so real now, I'm getting nervous, what if I don't succeed, if that's the case then I've fucked it up for everyone, we'll all go into the mental hospital. We'll be forced to get better; I'd be trapped in there forever. I can't have that; I have to have my life finished for good.

It's not like I don't belong in the mental hospital, I do. I'm fucking messed up. I once spent an entire exam, justifying a way I could kill everyone in the room. (It's not a healthy thing to think, I settled on a mass shooting, where I would then climb to the roof, and just wait. I'd wait to see if anyone would talk to me, if they would try to save me from myself, to see how shocked they'd be that the quiet, 'smart' kid went on a mass murder spree, killing 'innocent' teenagers. People who have ruined his life, and who would continue to ruin it, unless he done something about it. It was the last resort. The gun would obviously have had a silencer on it. The last person I would kill would be the one who has been as good as dead for too long. I'd shoot myself in the head, possible the eye- not enough to kill straight away, then I'd jump of the roof, and fly to my death, and either be killed by impact, blood loss or [if they reinstated it] capital punishment.) It just makes me think of a quote from another one of my favourite books: Peter Pan- "To die would be an awfully big adventure."

Maybe I spent too long fantasising about this whole unrealistic me-killing-everyone-thing. Because (a) I would never have had the guts to do it and (b) I'll be dead soon anyway.

Would you look at that? It's time. Time for me to die, time for me to leave this world and become nothing but a distant memory. I like that 'distant memory', my new identity and all I'll ever be from now on.

I've crushed all the pills- you'd think they would have hidden them to stop the possibility of this happening, but I'm not complaining, I'm embracing it. I'm taking the opportunity to leave this world. I'll never grow up, I'll never get married, have kids, become a doctor, change the world, travel the world or any other of my petty dreams that I once thought were realistic. It's getting closer now, I really want to quote Shakespeare, the bit from the end of Romeo and Juliet, you know the 'eyes look your last' etc. Only there's no Juliet. Leaving the world like I came into it, alone. I'll be alone forever, alone and dead. I like it. Me being dead, it's destiny.

I put the crushed pills into my mouth smiling for the first time in ages. I'll finally be happy, I'll finally be dead. I line up five glasses of water, just to be sure that I've got enough to get the mixture down. If you drink too much, you can drown in your own lungs- a backup plan, I guess. I press the first glass to me lips- so this is it, the end, the end of everything I know. I down it and move on to the nest, and the nest, and the next, and then I'm at the final glass. I raise it up and silently thank my friends, my family and the fans. Then I drink the last of it and I'm pulled into a deep, deep sleep. My vision goes blurry and I laugh. I've actually done it. Goodbye...