Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for reading and reviewing and motivating!
Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you'll like it.
Read, review, and enjoy ;)
"... No!" Loki growls, pulling at her sleeve furiously. She, Steve, and Tony are standing in the lounge.
"Oh, c'mon, Loki, please!" Steve sighs. She is just being a drama queen again...
"No, by the Gods, no! Such monstrous nonsense! No! Never! Not in all eons in the world!" she cries out, gritting her white teeth at him. She bears more semblance to a cheetah than a human being now.
"For the team?" he asks, though the Captain knows it's a lost cause anyways.
"I said no!" she growls. If possible, her long raven hair actually starts to stand up from her scalp thanks to the agitation.
"Don't make me beg you," he exhales.
"You could crawl on your stomach and I wouldn't listen to any of this foolery! No to that! No to all of it! No, from the bottom of my black heart! No!" she yells. That is actually the Loki all remember from the former days, or so it seems.
"I'm kinda with Steve. Those events are fun!" Tony argues, glancing up from his notepad.
"To you watching internet videos of teenagers burping in each other's faces is also considered fun," Loki retorts.
"That is totally...," Tony wants to defend himself, but the other two interrupt him simultaneously, "Shut up."
"Always at the guy with good looks, genius, and money...," Tony grumbles, going back to his notes. Shall the two figure it out themselves.
"Loki, please? Can't you just do us this one favor?" Steve turns to the young woman again, but before Loki can throw the next accusation at him, Bruce comes inside.
"Bruce! You have to help me out!" Steve exclaims, hoping that her best friend might convince her.
"With what now?" Bruce frowns. Really, this house is just one deposit of drama.
"To convince Loki!" Steve insists.
"No one can convince her of anything she doesn't want," Bruce chuckles. That is a lesson he long since learned. It might be that she is much kinder than most people give her credit for, but she stays a bullhead out of the handbook.
"Look, I'm not asking for myself, but because SHIELD wants to work on its reputation, and especially the Avengers. As superheroes we have keep up a positive attitude. We don't want the masses to come with the pitchforks, you see," Steve explains.
"And what does Loki have to do with it?" Bruce frowns.
"There is this charity event, well, not charity, but...," Steve wants to say, but Loki quickly interrupts him, "He wants me to go to a school to play around with children."
"What?! I thought this was supposed to be for this old people's home!" Tony cries out, because then sure as hell he would have told the Captain to stop right away, oh dear! Steve stares even more. Why is everyone against him all of a sudden?!
"I guess you can count yourself lucky that she didn't tear your face off yet," Bruce shakes his head, and Tony can only agree, "Most definitely."
Steve's frown only deepens. At some point, he must have missed a memo.
"As I said, it's a SHIELD-order. They want us to work on our reputation. Especially for Loki now on the team it's important that she gets her status. She got a few good news stories by now, but other than that, they don't know her, or rather Jade Eyes," Steve goes on.
"Which was supposed to be the main intention here, after all. I work undercover to do just that," Loki hisses.
"But Jade Eyes is the persona people recognize you for, just as people see me as Captain America. And because you aren't there as an original member, we have to make sure that people get to know you and like you," Steve goes on. He knows it sucks, but that's just the daily business of any superhero, as it seems. You don't just have to save the world, but you have to make it a public issue.
"I give a damn," she growls, but Steve argues, "But SHIELD doesn't. And they have a point. Look, if public is on our side, then we have it a lot easier walking around. In plains. That means for you also that you can just go to a café without having to fear that someone comes to throw something at you. Plus, it's good to find new beneficiaries and everything. I know how it is like to be the pet for a bigger organization. I was the commercial guy for the Army for some time, too, and now I'm kinda again. It's just what we do also. I know it sucks, but everyone has to do it, and especially you, since you refuse giving interviews, at all."
However, that only gets Loki's anger flaring another time, "Again, for good reason, since I would have nothing to tell other than some construed lies. Where's the point? I can't talk about my true heritage, I can't talk about my experience here on Earth before my employment here since I consider it rubbish, and rather a shameful state of mind to be begging in the streets... and about SHIELD internals I'm not supposed to talk either. Well, now you tell me what I'm supposed to talk about?"
"Hey, it's not like I'm not with you on that one, but we aren't just a secret agency who saves the world, we have a public reputation. We can't walk down the street without being recognized as the Avengers. The same goes for you. If we handle this the right way now, then you will have least trouble, believe me. Cooperation is really the best," he assures her, in the hope that will actually calm the trickster.
"I will behead those children once I see them, how will that help me to gain a positive reputation, hm?" Loki hisses, the anger pouring over her.
"Loki, we all know you won't. So stop kidding me, will you?" Steve sighs, losing patience.
"Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm perfectly sincere," she grits her teeth.
"What's the deal with kids, you tell me?" Steve shakes his head. Tony and Bruce look at each other almost in shock. They should have interrupted sooner, but once Loki gets going, there is no way to stop her... let's just think back to the time when Loki first came to Earth. You can say what you want, the God of Mischief pulled it off till the bitter end.
"Thin ice, Steve, you better come back to shore, right now," Tony shakes his head vehemently, purposely stepping over to the couch... just in case he has to jump behind it for cover.
"What? I don't get it. Why can't you go see children? They are nice and cute. They are not like a hungry pack of journalists," Steve argues.
"Steve, leave it alone," Bruce almost begs now, actually fearing for the Captain's life. "Tony can just go alone."
"Geez, I don't want to be the mean guy here, I just got told that she's supposed to join with you and Thor," Steve argues.
"For goodness' sake, shuddup!" Tony cries out, waving his hands in the air.
"The reason why I do not wish to go and have fun with children is plainly that I would rather die than holding hands with some stranger's child and not my own. It would be unforgivable to play with children when I should be with mine," she hisses. Steve gapes at her, "What?"
"She means to say...," Bruce wants to jump in, but Loki quickly interrupts, "Captain, I understand that you are here merely as the messenger, but as one of the team I tell you now: I won't play with children not mine. My children are out there, somewhere, alone, and that is punishment enough. I can't bring myself to laugh along with some stranger's child and pretend that I'm not a mother already."
"Now I feel like the total jerk," Steve sighs, running his fingers through his hair. He had no clue about this, to be perfectly honest. At some point he thought that the Norse lore was more of a... loose interpretation. At least that is what he learned in school, to see the symbolism... but that was seemingly bogus.
"Ha! Mr. Right wasn't right!" Tony huffs, glad for once not to be the "culprit" here, but Bruce just glares at him.
"Loki, I didn't know that you...," Steve stammers, but Loki replies, now in a softer voice, "You couldn't know. And I really don't blame you. I apologize for... taking it out on you. I would just politely ask you to tell Master Fury that I will not join for that. He can count me in for almost anything else but this."
"Yeah, no, that's alright. That's... I'm so sorry," he blinks at her.
"Don't be. Thank you," Loki whispers. With that she quickly makes her way out of the room into the hallway where she bumps into Thor, who obviously overheard the conversation.
"Loki, I... I'm so sorry that...," he wants to say, coming a little closer, but she just draws away from him, "I have to go."
With that she disappears. Loki just can't look at anyone now, Thor the least. Or else she will start to cry, and Loki swore to never shed a tear for her children again. She cried enough, cried all tears that she could, but it hurts, hurt worse than any stab wound she ever took, worse than any wound she suffered so far. The trickster hastily makes her way into her room, shuts the door, and flops down on the ground, needing the stability of the floor to literally ground herself. She draws her knees to her chest and sucks in the much-needed air, which pours down her throat like acid. Loki closes her eyes against the tears she is not willing to shed. It was one thing to come clean to Stark, or to Bruce, but it's another to get it rubbed under your nose that you lost this fight, so long ago that you cannot possibly go back, change something, anything. As her mind races, the loose objects in her room start to float in the air. When her feelings lead astray, then sometimes her magic gets the better of her, too. Loki tries to concentrate, regain focus, tranquility. Loki calls back to mind the last times she was face-to-face with her children, how she used to sit with them, talk to them, mumble apologies, offer comfort in the darkness that greedily swallowed them, just to spit them back out in different places, scattered over the realms.
Loki takes her time to regain focus, find back to herself. The God of Mischief made a promise to them back then, to her children, that none of them would cry again, not for their shared life never coming about. They promised to stand strong, never bow to anyone or anything, always hold the head high, even in the darkest hours of life. They can take their freedom, but not their dignity, she used to tell them. So be it that they are all monsters, but monsters are strong, monsters do not hesitate to bite, ram their gigantic claws into weak flesh, tear apart, shred, set on fire, kill. For them it actually became a comfort that their destiny was not merely to be parted, but also to be made something children would be afraid of. It protected them of the world no one wanted them in from the start. No one dared to come close, no one dared to touch them because they feared their vengeance. So perhaps it was the smaller evil, the smaller curse of all possible. After all, they are alive. And that is more than some dare to wish for. If life is the one good that matters by the end of the day, then that means that their fight might not be a lost cause after all?
After a long time of meditation, Loki actually feels calm and focused again, at least enough to work again. She just needs the silence to allow her thoughts to lead astray. A caged animal will go down, but if you let it out of the cage a few times a day and let it stroll around, then madness comes far later to claim it again.
Loki gets up and walks outside, just to find Thor leaning against the wall, arms folded over the strong chest. She actually jumps at that a bit. After all, she didn't expect to find anyone only close to her room. Normally, all Avengers know by now that if Loki is having one of her mood swings they do best at keeping a long distance until she calmed down again. It was actually Steve who had to learn it the very hard way. He passed by when suddenly objects kept smashing against the wall. It was only thanks to his fast reflexes that he managed to jump back and bypass injury. Loki greatly apologized for it, but since then... everyone knew that Loki angry means bad stuff to happen.
"What are you doing here?" she asks, unable to hide her confusion and shock, actually. If anyone, she may have expected Bruce to come to her to take her to the lab, or even Stark to make her work on the project to take her mind off the obvious, but here he stands, in the flesh. He, of all people, of all creatures roaming this planet. It shouldn't come as a surprise to Loki, but still... it does.
Thor looks at her for a moment before he goes on to explain, "I just wanted to make sure that you are... alright."
"Oh, uh... thanks, I suppose," she grimaces, "so you actually stood outside my door all this time?"
Thor looks at her, and she knows that he did. Of course he did.
"I would have told the Captain if I had known. Master Stark told me that we would go to see some of the wise men of the community," Thor explains in all honesty. He would have stopped all this from the beginning. It might be that they have unresolved problems, too many to the count, but Thor wouldn't ever allow anyone to hurt Loki like that. It's enough that he is causing her so much pain.
"It was a big misunderstanding, when it comes to Master Rogers," Loki argues, hugging her arms, suddenly feeling a chill running down her spine, "I suppose that this is something I should have informed all about, to bypass such... situations."
"It never should have come to it," he argues, and for once Loki actually feels grateful for the support.
"Yet, it did, and we cannot change that circumstance," she sighs.
"Sadly not," Thor nods.
"And I suppose that I am to apologize to Master Rogers another time for insulting him like that... ugh, human customs," Loki sighs before she goes on in a hushed voice. "Sometimes I actually miss the times as an Aesir royal."
"How is that?" Thor can't help a smile. Loki shrugs at him, "Well, as a Prince I never had to apologize to the lower ranks."
"And you hardly apologized to anyone in general," he smirks.
"Because I was never at fault, you should know that," she replies, torn between a smile and a teary eye. Just why are they talking again? They shouldn't be talking, she shouldn't feel her lips tugging up for an actual smile, and he shouldn't care.
"Well... I suppose I am to properly thank you then, too, for... staying out my door," she shakes her head, unconsciously running her hands over her arms against the surging cold she feels inside of her. And for the briefest of moments the trickster asks herself if she will turn into an Ice Giant now, but then dismisses the idea. After all, that is what she is, too.
"It is nothing. It was... the absolute least I could do," he argues, searching her eyes.
"I appreciate the gesture," Loki nods, "and the... care."
"Is there anything I can for you? I mean... I," he bites his lower lip. Thor knows that he is running the risk of angering Loki to the point that she will turn him into a goldfish or something of the kind, but at this moment... he just wants her to be good again, back to the state of good she was in before. He can't stand the thought that Loki is even further damaged, for whatever the reason now. Thor learned long ago that there is only so much a person can take before he or she breaks under the pressure. Loki reached that point long ago, but still she managed to pull back somehow. Yet, as frail as her beauty is her world. It is still on the verge of breaking apart again, and Thor doesn't want it to break.
Loki blinks at him. Thor just said that, didn't he? And he meant it. Oh, by the Gods, that man is... her poison? Loki isn't even sure what to call it anymore. She hates him, but still... Thor stays the one person who manages to make her smile through her tears like that, whose mere presence, though it hurt her often, is sometimes enough to soothe all pains and sorrows, hush all the bad away. And that shouldn't be. It mustn't be. Yet...
"There is actually one thing," she hears herself say... just when did her mind disconnect from the rest? Loki is supposed to run from this man, not run into his arms, she is should punch him, hurt him, draw away, but she draws closer. Och, they truly are a cliché.
"Anything," he says, surprised that Loki actually takes the offer.
"Just come inside and don't say a word," Loki says before she turns on the heel and walks back into the room. Thor follows her command wordlessly and walks after her.
"Sit down on the bed," she goes on. Thor simply goes with it, though he is not entirely sure what to make of it. Loki nods wordlessly, then walks to the other side of the bed and sits down herself, and then slides backwards till her back touches his. Once again the young woman draws her knees up to her chin, but in a more relaxed way.
Loki knows it's perfectly childish and completely out-of-place, but... she just needs this bit of comfort. Her body literally demands it from her.
"We used to do that, as children, you remember?" she asks in a hushed voice.
"Yeah," he sighs. That was back when their world was still intact. where they were just two siblings who made pinky promises when no one was looking, when they simply stayed like that in the grass of the first spring weather, where the world was a simple universe for them and them alone.
"I know it's foolish, but...," she licks her lips, "I still find it a comfort."
"It isn't foolish," Thor argues quickly, "not at all."
"... thank you," she sighs, "for... this. I know that we..."
"It's okay. I'm just... here," Thor says in a hushed voice. Loki nods to herself and buries her face in her lap and allows the comforting warmth to her spine to overtake all doubts and insecurities, all sadness and dread. For a moment, and be it ever so brief, she is child again, a child whose world may collapse as it pleases, for as long as there was this one person that still had its back.
And isn't it ever so foolish to let the one man have her back who causes most of Loki's dread? It surely is... but all that disappears with the warmth claiming her.
And for once the warmth seems to win over the cold ice within her.
She doesn't freeze anymore.