Author's Note: Hey! Thanks for reading and leaving such nice reviews!
Since we got a lot of insight into Loki's demons and a bit of Thorki goodness, I felt that it might be time to extend on Steve/Loki, you know, to fix things after he put his foot in it.
Anyway, I hope you'll like it.
Read, review, enjoy ;)
A few days later...
It's late night. Steve is sitting on the couch, watching TV, the room perfectly dark other than the blueish light flickering through the room, dimming his features pale, almost white. His face is solemn, sad almost. His eyes are fixed on the screen as suddenly the door opens and Loki steps in.
"L, Loki," he stammers, caught off-guard at her sudden appearance. Steve nervously sits up, having that ridiculous feeling that he just got caught with his hands in the cookie jar, for some unexplainable reason.
"Oh, Captain. I did not expect you here," Loki blinks at Steve, who manages a shy smile. "I didn't expect anyone to be up either."
"Well, I'm more of a creature of the night. It fits my morbid dark being a bit more than bright daylight, no?" she shrugs. "But that is not the matter. I apologize for interrupting you in your nightly activity. I shall head out again."
"Oh, ugh, you didn't interrupt me in anything. You can stay if you want," Steve argues quickly.
"That is very kind of you," Loki blinks at him.
"Well, maybe is better to have some company after all," Steve smirks wrily. Loki walks over to the couch and takes her seat next to him, tilting her head at the screen, "May I ask what we are watching?"
"Oh, documentary... on the 40's. I know, cliché, but...," he wants to explain, but Loki politely interrupts him, "Oh, I fully understand your sentiment. This is the time you grew up in. I cannot imagine what it must be like to miss all this time you were frozen, even if I have to give you that you are handling the situation extremely well, according to my standards, that is," Loki argues. And really, she isn't judging anyone anymore for trying to live in the past. After all, that is her dream also. Going back in time where she went wrong and then take a different exit. No, she can perfectly understand it that Steve wants to escape, if only just for the duration of a documentary.
"Thank you," he smirks.
"And of course I'm quite intrigued with this time also," Loki adds, a small smile creeping up her face, which makes Steve frown at her incredulously, "Really?"
She shrugs, "Well, I read about this particular era. Of course there is what most of us define as horrific, and that's what it was, but then... the times of Velcro, the radar, the frisbee... and the Slinky?"
Steve chuckles to himself, "Do you even know what a Slinky is?"
Really, you can say about Loki what you want, but that woman never ceases to surprise and amaze. They live together for so long now, yet... there is always something new to her. It's an ongoing process of getting to know each other, as it seems.
"Oh, of course," she says in a scolding way before she carries on. "Well, I saw a picture... even if I do fail to see how this is actually entertainment for longer than three seconds, but maybe that is just a kind of activity I do not come to understand."
"Nope, never saw what people got so upset about," Steve shakes his head. "I mean... only thing it does is being colorful, if it is, and making the same movement until it stops, and then you pick it back up and repeat the process."
"Well, then it isn't just my foreignness that keeps me from truly appreciating this kind of... activity," she shrugs. Loki glances at the screen again as the pictures flicker across, perfectly absorbed into the matter. Steve smirks as he eases against the backrest now also. And that is another thing about the trickster that is really interesting about her: even someone who is so analytic and calm most of the time can have that glimmer of childish enthusiasm in her eyes. It suits her well, and all would love if she put it to display more often. Because that would mean that she'd be better, too.
At one point of the documentary, she suddenly leans forward, clapping her hands together silently.
"What is it?" Steve frowns at her. She turns to him, a hint of sheepishness in her mimic, "Oh! I adore this man! Charlie Chaplin is great!"
She keeps on glancing at the screen with glittering eyes.
"You really like it?" Steve asks.
"I adore this kind of humor. This is genius," Loki nods frantically.
"Yeah, I liked him also. Still do," Steve smirks. Loki laughs as the next joke comes about in the clip – and really, she has such a nice laughter.
"I take it that you took your time studying world's history?" Steve questions.
"Well, yes," Loki shrugs.
"I thought we were too barbaric to your liking," Steve argues. At least that is what she used to say, especially in the beginning.
"Then you got me wrong... I mean... you are barbaric," Loki chuckles. "But... We all are. Not just humankind. Believe me when I say that not once did I come across a species that is of true grace or at least... true rationalism. There is not a single race that grew out of its baby shoes yet, at least I didn't find one yet, and I traveled far by now, trust me."
No, in the end it has always been civilizations, or so they called themselves, that either left in isolation so that they are not faced with the possibility of other worlds out there. Or they try to conquer. And war, as cruel and awful as it is... it is no more than childish rivalry by the end of the day.
"So we are not too brute?" Steve chuckles.
"Not more than any other. And I have to say," she grimaces, but then lowers her voice, "your world has this kind of influence... hm, even if he shall never hear it, for his ego is going to burst by then, the world, to me, is very much like Stark."
"What? How?" Steve makes a face. That is actually the comparison he expected least. And that is already an overstatement. After all, Steve didn't even think of it.
"... you don't know why or how, but somehow... it grows on you," Loki explains with a smirk tugging at her lips. Steve laughs at that. She does have a point. That is just Tony's charm.
"There are many things about this place that are detestable, too many to the count. Just take this here," she points at Chaplin impersonating Hitler. "Utmost detestable. Wars. Genocide. Pollution. Nuclear weapons. Fires. Explosions. Plane crashes... porridge."
"Porridge is really on the list of world's grandest evils?" Steve frowns.
"At least in the top ten. I know this was invented in times of hunger, but that this abomination was not abandoned in the times of plenty, I cannot understand... it looks like slobber, it has its texture, and it tastes like it, too. Who would seriously want to eat that when there is anything else to digest?" Loki explains, perfectly sincere.
"... remind me that we never give you that," Steve grimaces.
"Oh, don't worry, I don't throw it against a wall in a tantrum. I only did that at a very young age. I just don't eat it... of course it might happen that I put a chant on the world so that porridge is forgotten about, but... I think that would violate my contract," Loki shrugs. She starts to giggle as Chaplin performs yet another comedic act.
"Well, if there's porridge in this world, then why does it grow on you?" Steve asks playfully, though he is actually curious what the God of Mischief would find worthy of the planet earth to force her to take a liking to it.
"Hm? Oh, strawberries, Great Expectations, the lab, friendship, ridiculous toupees, exotic fruit, Charlie Chaplin, physics, Utopia, cats, coffee in the morning, mathematics, chess...," she says, counting along by tapping at her fingertips.
"That's all?" Steve smirks.
"No, there's a lot I learned to like," Loki shakes her head, but then turns more sincere. "But perhaps, and foremost, it remains the people."
"Yeah?" Steve blinks at her.
"Well, humans are curious things to me. They are... mostly, taking Avengers and other enhanced ones aside for a second, very... weak beings. They are born weak. They don't have exoskeletons to protect them. They are thrown into this world naked and mostly unaware of all the dangers that surround them. They are very vulnerable creatures, if you asked me," she explains.
"Then what do you like about them?" Steve asks more silently now.
"That they don't live in fear," Loki speaks simply.
"Huh?" he frowns.
"Well, of course, humans have fears. And phobias, some of which I find very humorous. I mean, to be afraid of peanut butter being stuck in your throat? Just too funny. But with humans it is... they have those fears, but for the most part, for the entire race of humanity... they are not afraid. They live their lives. They live in a world they designed for themselves, one that wasn't laid out to them – even if I may offend some creationists here. Well, even if you believe in such... my reading of the Bible is still not all that profound, but what I can take from it... even Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden Eden, thrown into a world they didn't know, out of the protecting hands of their Father, isn't it so?" Loki tilts her head at Steve, who nods, "Sure."
"Well, and that is the thing about humans. They were left alone in a world they didn't know, for some part still don't. Just look at the fact that they only know what? Five percent of what is in the deep seas! Imagine that. They don't even know what is on their own planet! And in the greater picture, they know so little about their spot as one planet among so many that for the longest of times they were perfectly convinced that they were the center of the universe. No one told them the opposite for so long," she licks her lips. "They are afraid, and they have any reason to be. The universe must scare them very often, so I think. All those unknown lands, those stranger enemies who could take them out in the blink of an eye. And try... just look at me."
Steve flashes a comforting smile at her.
"And still... they do not live in fear. They live. They enjoy life: go to baseball games, play chess in the park, skip ropes, eat tons of ice cream, go sky diving, bring up their children, swim, drink coffee, go shopping, ride bicycles, watch Charlie Chaplin, drive cars... they hope. I like that about humans. They aren't afraid of life itself. And even in the greatest crises there is still enough people who dare to live. Perhaps it's that... that they dare to live, no matter what the circumstance. Yeah, I think I like that best," she explains, but then realizes what she just said and blushes slightly. "Oh, I'm drifting off, I apologize."
"No, no, please. It's nice that someone actually says that, especially from outer space. Makes me feel better about myself, thinking about it. I mean... you just basically made me a compliment," Steve assures her.
"And I meant it," she replies.
"Thank you," Steve smirks, but then both fall silent again. The two continue to watch the documentary a while longer when Loki speaks up again, "May I ask why you were so solemn when I came in? I didn't come around to notice."
"... honestly? Uhm, it kinda revolves around you also," Steve admits, which makes her frown at him, "Oh, then... I apologize."
"No, no, it's not something you did, it's what I did," Steve assures her quickly.
"Oh, you mean... that school incident," Loki grimaces.
"Well, obviously," Steve grimaces.
"But I already told you that I don't blame you," Loki insists.
"But I blame myself," Steve admits.
"You couldn't know. I didn't tell you," she argues.
"Yeah, no... I get that, but... this incident... just put a few things in perspective, you see?" Steve bites his lower lip.
"In how far?" she asks curiously.
"Well... I'm just a bit... afraid... that I fall back into pattern," Steve sighs. Loki frowns at him, her emerald eyes sparkling in the dark. Steve licks his lips before he goes on to explain, "Well, back when I was... made Captain America... I was more of a showpiece for the Army. I did those stupid autograph tours when I should have fought against the real enemies in the world. I hated this time because I saw all those soldiers, my fellows, coming back from war wounded... even disabled, if not in a body bag with a flag atop. And I stood there and posed for pictures. It was... disgusting to me. I mean, what do I have all this power for if I don't use it, right?! Well, of course came my active time after that, and that is one of the things I'm utmost proud of, but...," he pauses briefly before he carries on in a softer voice, "When this school-meet came about, I realized that I am very close to doing it again, being this showpiece, just not for the Army but for the SHIELD, or Avengers."
"Oh, I hope I didn't cause the discomfort in you," Loki grimaces. It might be that it was hurtful for her, but no one else should be forced to feel bad for her also. It is a private matter after all.
"No, no, it doesn't have to do with you in particular, or even this situation. It's just that this incident made me realize that this is what I do all the while. I act as the voice of SHIELD for the public, because I have this kinda reputation, maybe. Still... I fear I might head back down that road that I hoped I could get away from. I really hoped that this would be a chance to make sure that I never become a showpiece again. Just as you, I believe in this country and the world in general. And I want to protect that. If I become just some antiquity put on display again... I don't know how to deal with that," he admits.
"May I speak my opinion about the matter?" Loki asks tentatively.
"What? Yes, sure," Steve grimaces. And he can't deny that he actually wants to hear her opinion.
"I don't see your point," Loki says. Steve blinks at her, "What?"
"Let me finish. I don't see your point because... well, you say, in the beginning of your career you were this showpiece because you didn't fight, and only inherited this official function as Captain America, the person on cereal cartons and comic books and whatever else," Loki says, and Steve nods, "Yes."
"And you thought that the times where you weren't this showpiece were when you fought," Loki carries on, and again, Steve can only agree, "Yes."
"... and now you say that you fear that you are going back to this showpiece status because you act as representative of the SHIELD," Loki says. Steve grimaces – she just broke his statement down, but what about it?
"Well, yes," Steve gesticulates. Just what is Loki trying to tell him?
"... but you still fight with us. That is why I don't understand you. You fight alongside us, all the while. You didn't miss out on a single battle ever since I was admitted to the team. You fight with us, you claim victory with us, you face loss with us. That is a different situation from the one you had in the beginning of your career as Captain America. You aren't just the showpiece, because you fight. You fight the way you did in your active times, just that now... you also fulfill this other part. Maybe you are a showpiece, but you are also and ever the more a soldier fulfilling his duty. Your role is an evolved one now: you are not merely a showpiece of the Army, you represent the values you set for yourself and many can identify with, as it seems, by your official work as an Avengers representative and by standing to them in times of battle. So honestly speaking, Captain... I think you are plainly wrong," she concludes. Steve looks at her, stunned. Loki was the last one he thought would encourage him. After all the trouble he caused her, after all it is not really her personality to cheer people on. But the more Steve thinks about what Loki just said... she is right.
"... did I offend you, or...?" Loki tilts her head at him, after all, he stayed quiet for a long while to mull this over. Steve shakes his head to break out of his thoughts and then quickly says, "No, no, you didn't. Not in the least."
"Then... what is the matter?" she frowns.
"Well, foremost, I still ask myself how you can actually be nice to me after I've been a total jerk to you," he laughs shyly.
"As I said, it was not your fault, Captain," Loki assures him another time, "because I can by no stretch of imagination recall that you were present when this... actually took place. Or did you hide your Aesir heritage that well from me?"
"No, still just a kid from Brooklyn," Steve smirks at her.
"So how is the blame on you, Captain?" she argues, "or is it the righteousness surging within you once again that you just have to take the blame of the world?"
"It's just that I'd rather understand you angry at me than... not," Steve admits.
"Well, I have that reputation... mostly for a reason. And I was angry at you before, so why should I be now? The situation didn't come about. Or is it another human trait that one always has to bother oneself about what could have been?" Loki argues.
"Not really," Steve shakes his head.
"Captain, I took my time to... think about this and... sort out my feelings. I will not lie, this opened up some very old wounds, perhaps the most hurtful of them all," she pauses for a moment before she carries on, "I know that sometimes I am overly dramatic. I'm known and feared for my mood swings ever since a child."
"That was not overly dramatic, believe me. I mean... I can't say that I would've acted the same way. I don't know how that must feel like. I just imagine it to be absolute terror," Steve argues.
"And that is what it was... is, will always be, but... as I said, I took my time. And now I am good again. I take a bit of time to close those wounds again, but then I'm as good as new. I am no longer angry or overly sad... against what could be believed after my performance from a few days back, I'm actually... past it, in some way. I already told Master Stark. I no longer mourn their loss. I try to cherish their lives," she explains in all honesty.
"So... forgive and forget, is that what you suggest?" Steve asks faintly.
"Forgiven and forgotten, yes," she nods, "So? About what caused your personal crisis... what do you make of it?"
"That... you made a point," he grimaces.
"Really? I thought I was just obsessed over my perspective," she puckers her lips, but Steve shakes his head vehemently, "No, no, no, absolutely not. You just made me realize that you are right, and that I'm wrong. I am wrong. Hell, I'm wrong," he exhales, leaning back in his seat, a smile creeping up his face.
"Why are you smiling when you are wrong?" Loki grimaces. Even if she gains a better understanding of humans with each day passing, this is something she doesn't get. Why would somebody be happy about being wrong? She hates it to be wrong, or far worse – to be proven wrong.
"Because being wrong means that I'm no showpiece," he smiles. "You can't imagine what that means to me, Loki. So... thank you."
"... I'm glad if I can be of help, Captain," she shrugs.
"Loki?" Steve turns to her. She blinks at him as he carries on with a smirk, "You are a curious case."
"... is that a compliment?" she frowns playfully.
"Absolutely," Steve smirks. She grins back at him. The Captains leans back in his seat again, as does Loki, but then she exclaims excitedly at the sight on the screen, "Oh, the Swing Era!"
Steve eases further into the seat, smiling as Loki almost dances along in her seating position. No doubt she loves music and dance. The Captain has to smirk at himself, though, also. When he came here tonight, he thought he would just mope for a couple of hours, recalling the 'good old times' by watching the documentary, to forget about his mistakes with Loki and the dread of losing a part of himself. What he didn't expect was to find someone who also liked his times... someone who cares, listens, forgives... and actually someone who pulls him out of this hole by offering a hand.
Charlie Chaplin really rocks.