Author's Note: Hello to you, my dear readership! Thanks for the positive feedback – this really pulled me through my little personal low I had^^
I'm sorry that updating took me that long. But there was a lot going on in "real life" (i.e. supposed to be the world outside fanfiction, though I doubt there actually is. I think it's all a mean conspiracy and we're actually all in the fanfiction Matrix and the others just didn't realize that yet... something like that), so I didn't have the time to update the way I wanted to. And writer's block did the rest.
Anyways, I still sincerely hope that the chapter will make up for the long wait-time. I'm trying!
As always, read, review and hopefully enjoy;)
After Loki and Tony made the plan on the new project, a bit of time has passed – and Tony actually came up with a few solutions, or rather, a few tests designed to make Loki's ideas happen. Both agreed that they could now involve Bruce also, after it turned out that the plan is not that farfetched after all. Therefore, the three are now back to the lab to work on all the problems there are, because it's so many.
"Alright, my little Empress, you're playing my personal guinea pig today!" Tony declares with a wicked smirk tugging at his lips, to which Loki only rolls her eyes, "I will transform you into a guinea pig if you mess this up, I hope you are aware of that."
Tony looks distressed for a second, but brushes it off with his trademark grin.
"So, what do you want me to test?" she asks after a moment of silence.
"Well, we said that we have to figure out how you fold space – so that we can copy that. The amazing mechanic and genius I am, I designed a device that should deliver us the data we need," Tony explains.
"And you're sure you're not from Asgard?" Loki makes a face. "You boast just the way the Aesir do."
"Self-consciousness is always good," Tony argues.
"Oh yes, because those who are overly self-conscious made the best emperors over the last centuries," she snorts.
"You're the one to talk," Tony retorts playfully. He loves to banter with Loki.
"Oh, I know I'm a selfish creature, but I see now that this is not always a good thing... for the rest," she shrugs with an air of nonchalance. Loki learned by now that there is a difference between loving yourself and caring too much about yourself. Before, she had to care only about her because there was no one, because that protected her, but now... now Loki dares to let go of these defenses, for those people she dares to call friends and lover to come to her – and protect her also. Perhaps it's not about having learned humility, but about learning to... trust. Loki starts to understand that you don't have to let yourself fall off buildings and abysses to have the sensation of letting go, of being allowed to let go. She now sees that you can let go just to be caught, by those you let into your life and into your heart, be it that her heart is still a secluded kind of place, a dark place with ice that didn't melt over the eons of time, yet anyways.
"Listen to that, even Gods can learn," he huffs playfully. "But enough of us and more of that awesome project."
He ducks behind one of the tables to retrieve the device he built. Loki glances at the object, her eyes instantly narrow slits. Tony bites his tongue with a smirk as he comes closer.
"You expect me to wear that," Loki asks, though it is more of a statement, a statement she would rather not believe in. He can't be sincere.
"Yep," Tony smirks dumbly.
"No," she shakes her head.
"Yes," Tony insists.
"No," Loki warns him.
"You wear horns," Tony snorts. Loki lets out a grunt, "I bet you made it look so utterly ridiculous on purpose."
"I swear it has to look like that. It's a prototype, so I didn't give too much on the design yet," Tony argues. Loki snarls under her breath some more before she grabs the helmet from Tony's hands. It's a mixture of transparent plastic and metal, way too big for her head, and cables sticking out in all kinds of directions. Loki exhales before she puts it on her head, though it almost covers her eyes completely, making her look a bit like a mushroom.
"I bet you enjoy this," Loki grunts. Tony snickers, "You have no idea."
He takes out his phone slowly, hoping that Loki won't catch him, but as he wants to release the shutter, the phone is flung out of his hand, sending it crushing to the ground.
"Hey!" Tony cries out, turning back to Loki, who hisses in a low voice, "If you dare to take any pictures, that is what you get."
"I wasn't," Tony insists, acting innocently, but that is when he takes out the next device – only to find it on the ground as well, "Hey! Those are expensive!"
"Well, if they are that dear to you, stop taking pictures. Then I'm not forced to repeat the process," she hisses.
"It would be only for... personal use," Tony argues.
"If you think that this is reassuring in any way – you're more than plainly mistaken. I won't ever let you have pictures of me for 'personal use'. And here I thought you were spoken for," she fumes.
"Not like that. Why does everyone think that?!" Tony cries out, to which both Bruce and Loki only roll their eyes.
"What I meant is that I would have a good laugh from such a picture," Tony argues, but that seems to get Loki's anger only flaring as she snarls, "If I find a single one, you can be assured that I will make it my personal obligation to make your life living hell. You can ask Thor, I'm really good at that."
"Poor sport," Tony pouts. Loki narrows her eyes at him again, so the billionaire holds up his hands in surrender, "Fine, no pictures."
"Good," she huffs before she blinks up to the device again.
"Ugh, this is utterly ridiculous. And I look ridiculous," Loki grunts with disappointment in her voice.
"Well, you can wear it," Bruce offers with a smirk.
"He's right. It's more of a fashion statement," Tony joins.
"Ugh, let's just return to how this is actually useful in any way before I forget myself," Loki snorts.
"Well, as already said, this is supposed to give us the data we need so we can figure out how to manage to fold space," Tony explains.
"What do I have to do?" Loki asks, wanting to get over with this part as soon as possible.
"The idea is that you do your appear-disappear-trick while Bruce and I observe everything," Tony explains.
"Good, then let's get over with it," she grunts, stepping into the center of the room. "What distance?"
"I'd say... from where you stand to the corner over there?" Bruce suggests.
"Very well," Loki nods. "Whenever you are ready."
The two men step over to the panels.
"Okay... on go, 3, 2, 1, go," Tony says and Loki does as is expected of her. A moment later, she is gone and reappears in the corner. "Was that satisfactory?"
"Sorry, no, I think it was too short for a recording," Bruce grimaces.
"So I am to go a greater distance," Loki nods.
"Yeah, let's go for the roof this time," Bruce nods.
"The roof it is, then," Loki exhales.
"Go," Tony nods. Loki does so and a moment later disappears and reappears.
"Anything now?" Loki asks.
"Yeah, but... still not enough for a clear analysis," Bruce grimaces at the screens mindfully.
"Am I to move to China next?" she huffs.
"No, how about... outskirt of town and back?" Tony suggests.
"Well, that will take a bit longer," she shrugs. At least it does now. There were times when it took Loki the blink of an eye to get to anywhere she wanted to be, but those times seem to be long since over, seem so far away that they are just tatters of clouds in a dark sky.
"Okay, go," Tony orders. Loki closes her eyes to do the trick – and soon finds herself outside town and a few moments later back in the room.
"Do we finally have results?" she asks, growing impatient.
"Hey, you were the one to come up with the idea, so you don't get to complain, Empress," Tony lectures her.
"I do that by nature," she argues.
"True again," Tony shrugs.
"We have recordings this time," Bruce jumps in.
"Awesome," Tony smiles, making a victorious pose. Loki walks over to the two men, taking the helmet off and thrusting it against Tony's chest. The man lets out a yelp at the force the God has, but chooses not to make a comment. He is a man after all, he can take it. No, he is the Iron Man, so he can take it. Loki observes the screens curiously, swiping her hands over the panels swiftly, "It's odd to see it like that."
"What is?" Bruce frowns at her.
"Well, my magic... translated into math, physics, broken down to its most elemental parts," she exhales almost dreamily.
"Does that upset you?" Bruce grimaces.
"I don't know, it's just, well... foreign. When I... travel, let's say, I just see colors and obscure shapes. This is nothing like my impressions from before," Loki explains.
"Then let's untangle this to figure out what's behind the obscure shapes and colors, shall we?" Bruce smirks. Loki nods back with a smile tugging at her lips.
And so they start to work.
A few weeks later, the second phase of "Project: Beat Einstein", so Tony calls it at least, is launched. Once again, the three are in the lab, this time with two huge metal devices set at either end of the room.
"Well, so this is it," Tony grimaces.
"Yep, this is it," Bruce agrees.
"... okay, so the tests went alright. Question is now if we get this to work," Tony shrugs. Loki rolls her eyes at that, "If you want me to do it, you just have to say so."
"No, no, no. I mean, the tests with the dummies we sent through went fine. Maybe we should start with sending through some animals or so," Tony shrugs.
"What if they die?" Loki makes a face.
"Hey, is better if a mouse dies than one of us," Tony argues. "And I didn't take you for the type of person who really cares."
Loki narrows her eyes at him, "I actually like most animals. In my opinion they are often the better creatures. They don't know malice. And I find it unfair to toss one of these creatures into the unknown, perhaps to death only because we're too afraid to do it ourselves."
"It's what most scientists do," Tony shrugs.
"Then I'm not like most scientists," Loki snorts. "It's the best choice if I go. If I get thrown some other place, I can come back without having to take the bus, and I'm a God, let's not forget that."
"We would also get you," Tony argues with a smirk. "So you wouldn't have to take matters of public transportation."
"Oh, so considerate to tend to your guinea pig," she snorts before she steps over to the portal.
"Alright, so the idea is that you enter through gate A to come out at gate B," Tony points at the two machines. "Should be easy enough."
"Just switch it on already," Loki snorts impatiently as she takes her stance in front of gate A. Tony and Bruce nod as they start to work on the panels. The gate is suddenly filled with a strange light, a light Loki finds very familiar, however. Those are the colors and indescribable shapes she knows, or rather doesn't really know but grew accustomed to. A faint smirk tugs at her lips as she feels this strangely familiar pull within her body, a warmth spreading all the way from her midsection to her fingertips.
"Okay, so remember, if possible, don't try to fold space yourself, or the results won't be accurate," Bruce reminds her.
"I will most certainly try," Loki shrugs.
"Alright, go in whenever you're ready," Tony tells her. Loki takes another moment to focus before she takes the first tentative step towards the portal, only to find a suddenly very strong pull that sucks her in. Loki disappears into the light, only to find herself being spit out of the other gate, with such a force that it knocks the trickster against the wall. She falls to the ground in a bony heap.
"Loki!" Bruce cries out as he sees her smashing against the wall, already running up to the fallen God, Tony short up behind him, "Holy mother!"
Gladly, however, Loki comes already back to consciousness as the two come over to her. Tony and Bruce kneel beside her, worry all over their features.
"Are you alright?" Bruce asks. Loki rubs the back of her head as she sits up, still looking dazed, "I think so... that was not how it was supposed to go."
"Definitely not," Tony grimaces sympathetically.
"Maybe I should wear a helmet next time," she makes a face, wincing.
"Better would be a... whole body armor, or one of those plastic bubbles, geez," Tony hisses, but then tilts his head at the dent in the metal wall where you can still recognize Loki's outline. "Wow."
Even if he is absolutely sorry for Loki to get the whole nine yards, Tony knows that if Bruce or him would have gone through that, they wouldn't be as unharmed as she is.
"It's curious. With the dummies, it didn't escalate like that," Loki grimaces, still absently rubbing the back of her head.
"Well, maybe it's different to send live matter through it after all," Tony shrugs.
"Obviously so, or else I wouldn't have had such a rough... landing," Loki makes a face.
"But it usually doesn't go like that when you fold space, right?" Tony frowns.
"Only when I was still a novice," Loki shrugs. She can still recall how as a boy still he came home all bloodied and dirty after he practiced on his own for hours, in the forests – and how upset Mother had been, just as was Thor. Loki never told them what he practiced in the secluded places no other Aesir dared to step upon or even knew about. Loki wanted something solely for himself that was beside the obvious talents of shapeshifting, healing, and other magic. A part of him wanted to keep that mystery alive, that Loki could steal away from everyone's eyes, that there was something that no one knew, that didn't meet the eye. And it was to protect himself also. So that Loki could escape when the jealousy was too grand or the sadness just too overwhelming – and he simply had to get away. However, at some point Odin learned about his trick, and took the ability away from him when he banished the God of Mischief to Earth, which is why Loki is now bound to travel shorter distances that don't even allow her to enjoy this rush the trickster grew so accustomed to, learned to love. You have to lose something to miss it, right? And Loki honestly misses the rush within her, that there is... an escape.
"That sucks," Tony sighs.
"Anyway, I think we're calling it a day," Bruce argues.
"I'm not too badly hurt, Bruce," Loki responds. "And I can heal myself. So this shouldn't bother."
To prove her point, she heals the small cut on her forehead and the lump that also started to build. "I want to do it another time."
"And you're sure?" Tony grimaces.
"Yes," she replies, straightening back up. The two hold out their arms out of reflex, to offer a hand if needed, but Loki seems actually fine. Or at least she does well at hiding it that she is not. With the trickster one can never know. Loki confidently steps back over to portal A, her heels clicking on the metal rhythmically, leaving no doubt in her decision or will. Bruce and Tony shrug at each other.
"Okay, JARVIS, we need some cushions here," Tony says.
"Of course, Sir," Jarvis replies. Soon Tony's robots appear with cushions of all sizes in tow. Loki, meanwhile, changed into her armor, but added a few more metal pieces around neck and head to better protect herself.
"I like the look," Tony snickers. "Looks even more like 'I-take-over-the-world'."
"Whatever," Loki snorts.
"You can go whenever you're ready," Bruce tells her. "We decreased the energy output, so we hope that it goes alright this time."
"I surely hope so, too," Loki exhales before she steps closer to the portal. She is sucked in moments later, but finds herself spit back out – to where she came from, smashing her into the wall without cushions.
"This must be some kind of joke," she grunts, crossing her arms over her chest angrily while Tony and Bruce run up to her again.
"Are you okay?" Bruce asks worriedly.
"That is what I wore the armor for after all," Loki shrugs. The doctor helps her into a sitting position.
"We're really not doing this on purpose," Bruce assures her.
"I know, it's just very annoying," Loki snorts.
"Even if this sucked for you, it brought us one step closer to figuring this out. The right level of energy is between what we had before and the smaller amount from now," Tony argues.
"That is... surprisingly true," Loki blinks at him.
"Alright, so do you feel ready for another round or should we call it a day?" Tony questions, to which Loki only huffs, "Bring it on, Stark."
Tony smirks as he and Bruce help the God back up, "But this time, cushions on both ends. We're not taking any chances, again."
"Good point," Bruce agrees. Little time later, the room is properly prepared for their use.
"Okay, if you find a spot that's not cushioned, it's your own fault," Tony glances at the lab that is now full of mats and cushions. Loki just snorts before she goes into position again.
"Okay, we're ready," Bruce tells her, to which Loki nods, "If this doesn't work soon, I will just shred it myself."
"Now, now, Empress, keep the spirits high!" Tony argues.
"Tells me the guy who is not getting tossed around like a ragdoll," Loki mutters under her breath before she steps through the portal another time, only to be spit out on the other end, with less force than before, but still enough for her to be knocked off her feet and into the wall.
"This. Is. Annoying," she grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest angrily once again. If only this was not her own idea. Then she could complain about it more than she does now – and Loki complains a lot already.
"We're almost there," Tony yells, hoping that this will somehow encourage her... or rather calm her so that she doesn't make a guinea pig out of him for messing this up. Loki grunts as she straightens back up, trying to take Tony's words to heart. That they are almost there. One step closer to... safety, protection. So that she can let go again, if only a bit.
After more hours of exhausting back-and-forth through the portals, the three called it a day, though with the success that upon last try, it really worked. Otherwise, Loki surely wouldn't have agreed to put an end to this test phase. She is a stubborn thing after all. Bruce, Tony and Loki therefore set the new plan of how to make the trickster's vision happen. Not really satisfied but rather pleased, she makes her way over to her room. Her entire body aches from the abuse – and because her healing abilities left her after the... what was it? Fiftieth time? Loki actually lost count, and she never loses count. The God of Mischief lets a sigh of relief as she makes her way into her room, flopping down on the bed, face-first, burying her head in the soft fabric of the pillow, allowing the rest of her body to melt into the mattress. However, her little piece of peace is soon disturbed by someone entering the room, that very someone being Thor, of course.
"Ah, here you are, JARVIS told me that you'd be here... why are you in bed?" Thor frowns as he approaches the raven woman.
"Because I want to, isn't that reason enough?" she huffs, allowing her arm to dangle over one side of the bed.
"It's still bright day," Thor argues.
"And since I'm a creature of the night, I probably do best sleeping in the day to roam around by night," Loki exhales. Thor now stands in front of her and kneels down to meet her eyes, "Are you sick or so?"
"Sick of your questioning, perhaps," she snorts, though her voice is soft. "So, what do you want?"
"I actually wanted to spend time with you, but you were aloof all day," Thor smirks at her, but his smile soon fades from his lips as he catches sight of the bruises on Loki's arms and cheek. "What happened to you?!"
"Oh, that? It's nothing," Loki shrugs.
"This is not nothing. Are your healing powers still not working properly?" Thor demands. Once again, his worry morphs into anger so easily that Loki would laugh out loud if she found the energy for it.
"They are working properly. They are just no longer effective after so and so many tries," Loki tells him, her voice still not rising in the slightest.
"Who did this to you?" Thor asks again, his voice as hard as stone.
"A wall," Loki snorts, to which Thor can't help but furrow his eyebrows, "What? What wall?"
"Stark, Bruce and I were experimenting a bit... and it didn't go as planned," she tells him, hiding the smirk in the pillow. Thor's reaction is just priceless at times – and Loki, even if she is beyond tired, can't resist to let him squirm a bit.
"What didn't go as planned?! What did they do to you?!" Thor asks, anger rising anew. If either one did something to Loki, they will suffer his rage, that much is for certain.
"They did nothing, Thor. I asked them for it," Loki hums with a smirk. This is just too funny in her opinion.
"You asked them for what?! To hurt you?! Are you out of your mind?!" Thor cries out.
"Maybe, that's not out yet," Loki snickers.
"That's it, I will have a conversation with them, now," Thor grunts, looking like a lion short before it strikes the antelope.
"And by conversation you mean to smash them with your hammer, now, that's not kind," Loki argues mockingly, though Thor clearly misses her sarcastic undertone ever since he saw the bruises.
"That is not the way you treat a fair maiden," Thor growls. "I shall teach them a lesson."
However, before he can get up and possibly behead Bruce and Tony, Loki stretches out her arm to catch his, "Give it a rest, Thor. I was just making fun of you."
"Those bruises are for real," he argues vehemently.
"But I genuinely volunteered. We are testing a new apparatus. It was my idea, so leave the two be," she exhales.
"What idea involves getting hurt?" Thor demands. Loki tries not to think about Tony's comment from earlier the day when he remarked that the thunderer "goes totally boyfriend" on her once he finds out about what they do with the trickster.
"Let's not have this conversation. Just accept that I am working on a new project that... is quite demanding," she snorts.
"What are you up to?" Thor insists.
"As I said, a new project. It will help us a great deal," Loki tells him.
"Why don't you tell me straight away – if I am to find out once you introduce it to the rest of the team anyways?" Thor snorts.
"I don't want to talk about it," Loki exhales.
"If you don't tell me, I will get the truth out of Master Stark or Master Banner, then," Thor threatens. Loki sits up this time, narrowing her eyes at him, "If you think you can threaten me, you're more than plainly mistaken."
"Then tell me, and don't keep secrets all over again," Thor demands.
"Fine, have my oh so grand secret," Loki gives in with a snarl. "I'm actually following your advice!"
"What advice did I give you?" Thor grimaces. Loki can't help but roll her eyes at that, "You gave me the advice to make things work by taking a different approach. I'm doing so now. I can't travel the greater distances the way I used to anymore, well, so my new plan is to build a device that will allow all of us to get from one spot to another in a shorter amount of time."
"So... a Bifröst for Midgard," Thor grimaces curiously.
"In that sense, yes. Though we would create a network of devices across the globe for us to travel in between," Loki nods. "And because we're still calibrating the gates to do what they are supposed to do, it was the best for me to test them, because I could travel out of the flux if something went wrong, which didn't. The only thing that did indeed happen... was that I was thrown out too roughly. Hence the bruises. So you can calm down now, Stark and Bruce did not make an attempt on my life."
"Then why didn't you tell me that right away?!" Thor asks, now almost in a whining tone.
"Because I don't like it when you act like a dull oaf. I'm no fair maiden you have to save from the evil villains – and I won't let you. What I do, I do. That is nothing you can or will affect," she tells him, now with more honesty and clarity in her voice. Even if Loki finally admitted just how much she cares about Thor, loves Thor, she is not willing to give up all her principles she set for herself. Because she is not Maya, or she is more than Maya. Loki won't ever be just a puppet you can put on a socket to watch. She is moving, she is alive – and she wants to live between the lines of where she is granted to live. And not even Thor gets a say in this.
Thor contemplates as their eyes meet, clash. He knows that Loki, since a child, always took his freedoms more than seriously. They were his center of... being. At some point the thunderer figured that perhaps the God of Mischief always felt the strong urge to sneak away on occasion because he couldn't be without this pure feeling of not being bound to one place. However, that thought only raises sadness within Thor's soul – because now Loki is bound in one place, because of him also, because of Odin, because of rules Loki shouldn't even be bound to, as she is of a race that does not fall under Asgard's jurisdiction, is it?
"... you're probably right. I'm sorry. I was just concerned about your well-being," Thor eventually says, which actually makes Loki's eyes somewhat soften.
"So," Thor begins in a lighter tone, the smirk returning to his face as he sits down next to her, "this new project of yours is a Bifröst for Midgard."
"Yes," she joins the lighter mood, but the light breaks upon her skin into a shadow. Thor studies her features – and catches the sadness and worry pulling her down.
"Well, the idea goes further than that. The plan is to create an early warning system, for intruders coming to this realm," Loki goes on to explain after a moment of silence.
"And isn't that good? I mean, then we know if creatures from the other realms try to attack us, or isn't that the idea?" Thor blinks at her, now honestly confused at her suddenly sad expression.
"To plainly tell you the truth for once, the idea came to me not necessarily for the other realms, but rather... yours," Loki eventually admits.
"Why? What's so bad if one from Asgard came here?" Thor frowns.
"I don't say it'd be bad necessarily. I just want to be warned, which is what the device will hopefully do in the near future," Loki argues.
"But why?" Thor asks again, honestly not getting it.
"Do I really have to spell it out to you or do you see it yourself?" Loki huffs, but then lets out a grunt. "Forget that I ever asked. You obviously don't see it. So, we as... us... have to be more careful from now on."
"Why?" Thor grimaces.
"Because I'm a God fallen from grace, a criminal of Asgard who was only spared the death penalty because of... only the Gods know. What we do is forbidden," Loki tells him in a grave voice.
"That we love each other? What is... what is wrong about that? I was sent here to be around you. I'm Midgard's Keeper," Thor argues. "Your keeper."
"Yes, you were supposed to be my prison guard, though. I already told you. Odin should not know that we are now above the level of perhaps proper colleagueship. You are aligning with the enemy, Thor, the one who tried to take over Asgard and Midgard, who wanted to steal the throne, almost managed, and almost managed to kill both the Allfather and you yourself," Loki goes on, her voice rising uncontrollably.
"But you have to see that you redeemed yourself, Loki. I am most certain that if we told Father, then...," Thor means to say, but Loki interrupts him harshly. "You will not. Thor, if you told the Allfather of our affairs of the heart, he would most likely have me executed – and you denied the throne, if you don't suffer my destiny also. I'm a traitor. And that you align with me makes you one also. You know the rules."
"Father would not...," Thor mutters helplessly, suddenly hearing a whistling in his ear that's almost deafening him.
"Thor, he threatened me with that before, twice. I don't think he will chance it a third time," Loki argues vehemently.
"What did he say to you twice?" Thor blinks at her.
"That he would fulfill my destiny after all. I was a babe left to die in the temple. That was my destiny," Loki tells him in a low voice that lacks any aggression, though, but is only full of dread and sadness.
"When?" Thor demands.
"Well, the one time you should remember, when I was banished, hm?" Loki argues. Thor bows his head. Yes, he remembers his father uttering those words with so much vileness and anger in his voice that it made his heart clench – and that despite his own anger for Loki and his actions.
"And the other time?" Thor dares to ask after a moment of silence.
"... after that night," Loki whispers, not meeting his eyes. She hoped she could keep it from him longer, but Loki just can't go on like this. She feels the ice within her, the crystals drilling holes into her very soul, leaving nothing but cold and more ice that won't melt, forcing her into stagnation. So she has to break away, even if that leaves more wounds.
"What?" Thor blinks at her incredulously.
"He's said it to me once we were alone," Loki exhales. "And he meant it."
"I thought you had immediately taken off after... they found us," Thor swallows, an uneasy feeling settling within him. There seem to be so many things that he missed, so many times Thor averted his eyes, unconsciously or not, but always to the same result – that he didn't see Loki anymore.
"Oh, by no means. I never left the palace," Loki snorts.
"What?! Father said that you escaped him and...," Thor mutters, his brain not ready to catch up to the news just yet. Odin had told him that Loki had escaped to somewhere only the Gods would know, after he had only words of scorn for the Allfather. Thor had believed in that for so long, but now... now it's all different. Reality is shifted, replaced, broken down.
"I never left the palace, Thor. I was in my room all this time," Loki argues. "Odin used a spell to keep me in, and to conceal my presence from anyone else. Mother did not know either. No one knew."
Loki shrugs almost nonchalantly. It's odd how far away yet so near it feels.
"Why... why did he do that?" Thor asks.
"Obviously to keep me away from you, Thor. He didn't want me to see you, talk to you, or far more importantly... explain it all to you," she goes on, her face hardening at the memories flooding back to her mind. It had been one of those few occasions Loki had been close to begging Odin for mercy, though he did not manage to break the trickster. He only managed to break Loki in that way when he took her children from her. Not that he didn't leave fractures because of his actions, but Loki did not beg. He did not break completely. Didn't snap into two. He didn't give Odin the satisfaction. Thor can do nothing but gape. The whistling in his ears is now a full-fledged shriek. How could Odin ever possibly do that? And how could he... not know? By the Gods!
"He taught me the lesson that if I ever were to lay hands upon you again, I'd suffer his rage and that he'd send me to my real destiny, sure death in cold ice. Because the line of blood ran between us after all. That is when he certainly made a cut in his kinship, got rid of the one foul twig in the family tree by leaving it without air, so it could decay," Loki snorts, a sad smirk tugging at her lips.
"But... but why would he do that? I mean... I get it that he did that so that you wouldn't talk to me, but... why didn't he want you to talk to me?" Thor argues, knitting his eyebrows at her, looking almost helpless.
"It didn't go without his notice just how close we had always been, despite the... unshared heritage. Even if he never told me, I don't come around to think that he observed our growing relationship with more than worry. He knew what I am long before I knew what I am. And he knew it'd be a scandal for the entire Aesir race not only for the second prince to turn out a Jotun, but for that Jotun to lay with the crown prince. Though I think he was actually surprised that I followed through with it, once he saw us... Anyway, what we did was already treason, though this was believed to be solely on my side," Loki tells him.
"But it was not," Thor argues.
"It didn't matter, and you know that by now, Thor. I was the villain, the siren who tricked and seduced you into actions you, as the righteous prince you are, would never have taken part in, if not for my scheme. You have to see that Odin is that much of a strong King for a reason. He is tactician, he is a politician. He knows exactly what he does... when not in one of his fits of madness... He knew that he couldn't lose both princes to this act of felony we committed that night, so he chose one to come out of this unscathed. You," Loki explains. Logically, Loki gets Odin's plans, always did. And the logical part of her felt a strange kind of admiration for Odin's talent of scheme, since he did so well at hiding it behind the cloak of righteousness, while the other part dreaded and feared Odin for this exact talent. The trickster's curse was perhaps to always understand what Odin had in mind with his actions, see the greater plan, the darker evil hidden behind tall words, rich speeches, gold and rubies of the crown. Even if it gave the God of Mischief a tactical advantage most of the time, it also brought about the sickening revelation that truly every action, even those that were supposed to be of affection, were probably no more than tools to work on the greater plan, push forward his scheme to lands unknown. Perhaps, so Loki figures, she is not the only God of Mischief. She is seemingly the only one wearing this title proudly out to the world. And maybe that's what makes her the more honest liar of the two after all.
"I didn't know," Thor sighs, his voice low and full of anguish. He didn't know. Didn't see. If he had known, Thor would have gotten Loki out of the room, that much is for certain. Even with all the resent and shame he felt within him for Loki's tricks and that he fell for them, that is something Thor wouldn't have allowed Odin to do to the God of Mischief, to his brother... loved one. But Thor didn't know. And Loki, once again, was bound to pay the price. For a creature who needs and seeks nothing but freedom, she seems often so bound... because of him?
"Of course you didn't," Loki shakes her head. "How would you know?"
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Thor asks.
"Because it was the one time I actually believed in Odin's threat. He was sincere when he intimidated me. So I stepped back down, swallowed my pride and accepted that I'd never touch this topic again. And I did not, until now," Loki explains. "I didn't see a sense to tell you after a while either. Obviously, Odin's patience was wearing thin with everyday I spent in my chambers. After all, he had to fear for me to escape and unravel this, or possibly destroy parts of Asgard. And I did try to break out, often. After my initial fighting, I convinced him that I gave in, however. Well, I did, partly, because I never addressed the topic again. Yet, as I figured, it was either not talking about it and letting it rest, or being cast out of Asgard, without my powers, to the worst realms that even I gave a wide berth. And that choice seemed not really difficult. So it remains, Thor. As much as I cherish what we have, we have to have it in secret. If Odin learns about us, about what we do, he will crush us."
"But he was very enraged back then and clearly out of his mind to undertake such actions," Thor argues. "It might be different now. The night lies so far back."
"That man never forgets, not such things, Thor," Loki argues. "And for as long as he is like that... it actually plays into our hands. Because he turns away from Midgard like a pouting child thanks to that rage. For as long as Odin doesn't care, he averts his eyes, doesn't see. And I don't want him to see... us... me. I want to remain the shadows, if only a little while longer. This banishment, paradoxically... means safety for me now, for us. This might be our... haven."
"No prison?" Thor whispers with dread in his voice.
"A prison I can live with," Loki tells him. "The best prison I've seen so far."
Thor grasps her hand, his big palms engulfing hers completely. She smiles at him weakly. It's curious how one small gesture can spread warmth within her and melt the first layers of ice.
"And this device, this plan, this protection will be especially important once you are called back to Asgard," Loki says in a soft voice.
"So that you're protected," he nods, understanding Loki's argument, understanding her a little more. It hurts him that only now he learns just how much pain was inflicted on his loved one, and how much of it slipped through his fingertips like sand. However, Thor starts to understand also that Loki still does what he used to ever since the thunderer can remember – make the best out of a situation, and be it absolute misery. As flexible as Loki's magic, so is Loki herself. She adapts to a situation and seemingly finds comfort and solace in even the smallest things, if only entangled hands and a moment of shared silence. And that this is something Loki is willing not only to defend, but fight for. And so will Thor from this day on also.
"Yes. So that I'm protected, so he may not see... us," Loki sighs. "I need this. We need this."
"Then I hope that you'll be soon successful with your plan," Thor smirks.
"... thanks," she whispers, knowing fully well what other message underlies the words, those words left unspoken "I support you", "I'm with you". Loki allows her head to rest against Thor's shoulder. He leans his chin upon her head, their hands not letting go.
Loki feels protected for now.
And in that she dares to feel free.