Author's Note: I'd like to thank my two betas, Wolfskill & Coreenm (my previous beta took the summer off). They both gave gave me some wonderful comments, which only increased the size of my ever-growing ego. Thanks so much, guys! =)

Also, please review. You have to review. It's okay to like my story. Honest.

And of course, thanks to all who have reviewed in the past. I look forward to getting my next chapter out.

Chapter II Summary: Bella and Jacob's growing friendship invokes growth and deeper feelings between them, but also jealousy among other friends. Bella's hurt and abandonment over Edward's leaving begins to wane almost the same time as Jacob's feelings start to change to just more than homework, soda drinking in the makeshift garage, and meal planning. Even Jacob's friends and home life begin to change as he struggles to keep the balance of Bella, schoolwork, and his other responsibilities. And what is the deal with the so-called 'La Push gang' in Forks? What is so special about them? What is their stake in Bella and Jacob's new friendship?

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Taylor Lautner & Jacob Black take their turns owning me.

Chapter II Title: 'Sick Cycle Carousel,' by LifeHouse

Early March

Angela practically tied herself to my arm out of excitement, which wasn't very like her at all. I knew she was happier than usual about something, but she had waited patiently (as I did as well) for school to end and was now walking me back to my truck in the parking lot. Her long black ponytail whipped back and forth as she bounced ungracefully from foot to foot. I was beginning to think I had an attractive "librarian" for a twin.

"You ready, Bella?" she asked, beaming.

"Yes, Angie. What?" I pretended to be exasperated, but I knew if she waited much longer I wouldn't have to pretend. A smile played on my lips in anticipation.

"I'm going to State for college! Isn't it great?" She released my arm and we began to squeal in triumph over the fact that Angela had been accepted into one of the few colleges she had picked out, and then it slowly dawned on me that I was heading nowhere. Had I really been out of touch for so long? Had I really thought there was no future besides him? The last month had seemed almost passable enough to be normal. After Ed—he— had left and I had slowly begun to actually want to open my eyes in the morning, life had suddenly sped up.

Things were a lot slower when I was depressed, and I gave an internal, but sarcastic, chuckle at myself while still smiling brightly for Angela's sake. It wasn't her fault that my future had been so consumed with him.

"I'm so happy for you, Angela. Really!" I added for effect. I truly did mean it though, I repeated to myself. I truly did.

"Speaking of happy…" Angela trailed off as she shifted her gaze to something behind me. I turned and saw why her grin had suddenly gone from "happy for her" to "happier for me."

There was my reason for being happy. There was my motive for being a functioning high school senior. I was relieved to be functioning at all. My cheeks turned a light red as I saw my best friend leaning casually on my Chevy. He walked quickly toward us, stepping over a motorcycle.

"Bella!" Jacob didn't give me time to even take half a step toward him before his arms wrapped around me earnestly. A warm gust of wind, typical for March weather, picked up, but I could barely feel through Jacob's embrace. It never got old. Jacob's eyes still sparkled every time he saw me; his hands would always jam into his pockets when he had nothing to say (which was starting to become less and less as we spent more time together), and he always smelled…wait, he smelled clean. It was after 3p.m. and he smelled clean?

"Hi, Angela," Jacob looked at my still smiling friend.

Angela's smile brightened as her eyes bounced from Jacob to me. "Hi, Jacob."

"Bella," he said again, finally putting me down.

"Jake, did you skip afternoon class?" I accused after I felt my feet touch the ground.

Jacob blinked rapidly a few times before his lie came out. He was getting better at it. "No."

"Jacob Bla—" I attempted to be stern.

"Okay. Okay. I give up," he reached for my fingers and held them close to his face. "I'm sorry, but I wanted to make sure I got to you in time."

"Uh-huh, and the shower you took? Did you account for that time too?" I joked. He never smelled offensive to me, but lately I noticed that I could pinpoint every scent that was him. The smell of gently aged pinewood, mixed with citrus from his shampoo, and the hint of wet foliage or dew out of spring. It sounded cheesy, but Jacob really did smell great. Wonderful even.

My nose scrunched up a little as I watched Jacob squirm nervously, attempting to find a loophole in my question. I loved when he tried to lie because I knew deep down that he would never lie to me, never try to keep something from me. He truly had an innocent heart. He actually had maturity, wisdom, and energy beyond his years. My sun had really gotten me to shine and to feel better about myself, regardless of others that were determined to never let me forget my "dark time."

Like Lauren and Jessica.

Lauren especially.

Jessica, by herself was not so bad, but Lauren was mean just to be mean. Even when Lauren wasn't close to me I could feel her stare and her contempt for the group (and for me) when they had accepted me back in socially. Accepting me back, though I truly hadn't deserved it, as if I hadn't spent the first few months after their departure to just wallow in my grief. No, Lauren wouldn't let me forget. She'd bring them up a few different times at lunch once or twice a week and then casually cover her mouth as if she said something naughty. My heart used to feel twenty pounds heavier until Jacob and I started to hang out on a more regular basis. Nothing affected me when we were together. Or at least, it didn't seem to have an adverse effect on me.

"Well, you hate when I come over to your house dirty," Jacob replied, appearing shy.

I mocked forgetfulness. "Oh, was I supposed to help you study today? I forgot. Another time, perhaps?"

Jacob drew in a sharp breath and began to tickle me on my sides. I squealed and tried to shield myself behind Angela, who was laughing as well, and he proceeded to tickle the two of us at the same time. I noticed that his hands lingered much longer on me.

"Stop! Bad Jake! Bad boy!" I scolded. "Okay, I give. I remember. I remember—ha!" His hands flew around me, but now I felt warmer from his fingertips making contact with my skin instead of tickling through my shirt. I gazed at him slightly too long when a loud clearing of the throat interrupted my gaze.

"Bella, hey. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Mike Newton glanced from me to Jacob and back to me as I nodded a little, still warm from Jacob's playful tickling (and not so playful touching).

"Sure, sure." I had adopted Jacob's favorite phrase. I looked back at Jacob with an amused expression and he looked as if he didn't want to let me go yet. Jacob's hot touch and delay in letting go of my abdomen continued to remain on my skin as I followed Mike a small distance away from him and Angela. "What's on your mind, Mike?" I asked before we got too far away. I figured that if Mike was going to ask me out, maybe he would be persuaded to hold it off (like indefinitely) until we were not so close to my two best friends.

"Well, there's a street fair this weekend and now that the weather is a bit nicer for March I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? You'd have fun."

I gave an encouraging laugh although my insides were screaming. Fortunately, I knew a way out of this already.

"Yeah, sounds great!" Okay, much too enthusiastic Bella. He's going to think you planned an 'out' ahead of time. "We should all go. Hey guys!" I turned to Angela and Jacob, Jacob had already stepped forward as my head twisted toward him. "Want to go to a street fair this weekend? Mike's invited us. There'll be like rides and prizes, right?"

Mike looked a little less enthusiastic, but addressed the new "additions" quite gracefully. "Yeah, all that stuff. We should make a thing out of it. A group thing, you know. All the couples should get together on this. Who are you going to bring with you, Jacob?" Mike looked pleased with himself for calling Jacob out.

"I'll bring Bella." Jacob said a little possessively, but his smile was so overwhelming that I left it alone for the time being.

"Well, I think Bella would prefer to come with me. She'll need a ride there. It's about an hour away, and I don't know if her Chevy can make it up that kind of terrain."

My ears perked up at the mention of my poor defenseless truck. No one could hate the truck. "Hey, wait a minute—"

Jacob cut me off. "I have a ride for us already."

Mike's eyebrows inched up. "Really? Do you now? Well, what kind of "ride" is it? My Mom's lending me the Suburban."

Jacob laughed, but it sounded insulting even to me. "Yeah, my parents don't have a fancy truck for my friends to ride in but I do have my own bike. A Harley Sprint. That one." Jacob's hands pointed in a casual direction off his shoulder and toward the vicinity of my truck. My eyes went huge when I realized that that bike was his. "I just finished building it, and it's all ready to drive us there safe and back." His tongue clicked on the last word. I suppose he intended to pick me up and drop me off, but a bike? I had never ridden a bike.

"I'll teach you later," Jacob whispered suddenly in my ear, and then his eyes once again met an obviously upset Mike. He even left his hand on my opposite shoulder for good measure as he had whispered in my ear.

"I guess that's it then. If you change your mind Bella and decide you need a ride after all," Mike straightened his blue and ivory colored football jacket, "call me. Feel free to call me before then too."

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll be keeping her pretty busy." Jacob waved his hand dismissively. That time I almost corrected him. This "pissing match" was getting out of hand.

Mike seemed to be at a disadvantage for the time. "See you around, Bella. You too, Angela. Jacob." It must have pained Mike to address him. I knew he did that more for my benefit.

I hit Jacob as soon as Mike was a safer distance away. "Bad Jake! Very bad—"

"Keep hitting me like that and I'll be spanking you in a minute," he teased. I hit him again and then stopped, in case he wasn't kidding.

I said goodbye to Angela as Jacob loaded his Harley Sprint bike into the back of my truck, single-handedly. At least it didn't look like scrap metal, as I had thought it would. I watched him from the corner of my eye while about six other girls received the full view.

"Wow. Is that how they breed 'em in La Push?" One girl was bold enough to ask while she passed Angela and me on the way to her own car. My jaw tightened. Jacob laughed quite boisterously when my face was almost unchanged getting into the truck.

"Still not lifting weights, huh?" I asked carefully.

"Nope. I guess it's all in the breeding." He laughed again. I tapped him on the head with my finger.

At my house, Jacob helped make dinner for Charlie and Billy, who was dropped off later by Harry Clearwater. Jacob assisted with the stuffed chicken breast, Spanish rice, and mixed vegetables. Jacob picked out all the carrots because he hated the orange. Our fathers watched the game inside the living room, and Jacob chose to ignore my request to watch with our dads and was instead washing and drying dishes by my side. Our comfortable silence had been enhanced by the great meal and it was quite a few clean dishes before Jacob spoke.

"I think Embry likes you."

I looked up. "Huh?"

"Embry. My friend you met at the garage? He hasn't been back much since you were last there. And I think it's your fault too." He accused with a smile. "Anyway, so I figure you owe me. You cost me a friend and now you have to give me something."

"Really? And what makes you think that Embry stopped hanging out with you was my fault? Maybe it was yours. Maybe you weren't mature enough for him."

"Am I mature enough for you?" Jacob turned to me.

"Well, yeah. You're okay." I drawled out my voice.

"Only okay?" Jacob looked at me quizzically. "Well, Embry is only a few months older than me. That's not such a huge age difference. Do you like him?"

I huffed a little and tried to blow the soap bubbles that were coming close to my face. "He's okay too. And Quil's okay. You're all okay, okay?" I laughed at the end to relieve some of the tension. The new kitchen atmosphere was starting to produce small beads of sweat on my back.

"Which one of us is the most okay?" Jacob stopped washing but kept his hands in the water. His muscles seemed tense and his breathing became slower. It became similar to how one controls their breathing to be less because they didn't want to miss a single word that the other person said.

"I would have to think it was you, Jake. I spend all of my free time with you. My school work suffers. My house cleaning suffers. My social life would suffer had I really had one before you." I attempted to taunt him again. We could not have this conversation. Not now. Not when things were so good.

"Bells, would you like to—"

"Jake! Jacob? Throw a beer in here, would you?" Charlie's voice called out. "Bring one for your old man too. And what are you doing in there anyway? You should be watching the game with us. Don't you want to know the score?"

"Still batting zero," Jacob mumbled.

I smiled as I watched Jacob sulk toward the fridge and take out two beers for his father and mine. He even opened one of them and pretended to take a long sip before Charlie playfully swatted him. "I could arrest you for that, you know. No open cans of beer for the underage."

"I'm sixteen, Charlie."

"Yeah well, you and she can't drink."

I don't know how I was dragged into it. "I'm eighteen, Dad. I can drink beer," I insisted.

"No, you can't," Charlie argued.

I finished the last dish, grateful that Jacob hadn't been able to ask what he had wanted to. I knew he might ask again, but I didn't have to answer him now.

Again, he seemed to have understood. "Come on, Bells. You get to read Macbeth to me tonight."

I smiled again. "All right! Witches, bloody carnage, betrayal, and heartache. Are you sure you're in the mood for all that fun?" I added sarcastically.

"It'll keep me distracted from thinking about other things I'd rather be doing."

"Like?" I regretted it as soon as I caught his expression. His still innocent face was becoming more and more manly, and I'm sure his thoughts mimicked that fact as well.

Jacob loosely grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. He squeezed it and pressed his lips to my upper palm before saying, "Nothing. It can wait."

Angela called me about an hour before Jacob was set to pick me up for the street fair carnival the town was having. She was stuck babysitting her two smaller brothers, and Ben was over keeping her company. Jessica and Eric already bailed earlier in the week, replying that they had other plans and I suspected that Lauren and Tyler just wouldn't show up. Tyler himself wasn't bad either, but Lauren really was a "show" all alone. It looked as though it would be just Jacob, Mike, and I. I sighed, knowing that it was too late to call and cancel now.

I kissed and saluted Charlie walking out of the door, meeting Jacob down the block a little ways so Charlie wouldn't hear the motorcycle rumble down the road. Who was I kidding? I just didn't want to hear Charlie lecture. I pulled on my light green hoodie a little more and checked for my wallet in my back blue jeans pocket. Jacob arrived with his Sprint in a navy blue button-down shirt and black pants. He looked like he cleaned up again. His hair was even pulled back in a neat ponytail. I patted his head affectionately as he grimaced and handed me a black helmet before we took off on his bike.

I inhaled him for the whole ride over. The way his hair felt against my skin. Any girl would have sold themselves for his luscious dark mane and to gaze into his genuinely warm eyes. His citrus shampoo did not disappoint, and I was almost saddened as the time passed by too quickly on the bike.

"Wow, Bells. I'm surprised. You didn't scream or hit me when I hit 80 on the road," Jacob stated when we arrived.

I snapped back to reality. "You hit 80? Jacob—" I tried to hit him but he ducked and caught my arm. He wouldn't let it go.

"It doesn't count if you didn't know," he mocked. He twirled me around a little and then pulled me to him. He was hot. Almost 45 degrees on the outskirts of Forks, at night at a carnival and Jacob felt as if he were at least 100 degrees, completely searing to the touch. "You smell and look great, by the way." He ducked his head halfway into my hair.

"Do I? What do I smell like?"

"Strawberries. You just washed you hair. And you had Ellios pizza for lunch."

I stared at him. "What did I have for breakfast?" I challenged.

"A granola bar." He shrugged.

"How did you know that?" I was amazed. "Can you really smell that?"

"I took a guess at breakfast. The pizza—I remembered that Charlie brought some last night for us while we were studying and you put some slices in the freezer to keep away from me." He laughed.

"So, you cheat, where do you want to wait for Mike?"

Jacob shrugged again. "I think we should go in and get started. You have a cell phone, right?"

"Uh, no. I am not into technology. I still have dial-up."

"Well, Mike is resourceful. Let him signal us with a flashlight or something." Jacob started to pull me toward the entrance.

"Jake—"

"Come on, Bella. You'll have a great time. I promise. Would I lie to you?" He gave me "puppy dog" eyes and started to whine.

"I hate you. You do that too well." My skin flushed as he yipped happily and resumed pulling me toward the entrance. "I will curb you. You know that, right?"

"Sure, sure. Two tickets, please." He turned to reply to the ticket cashier.

The carnival was relatively large for Forks. It had a few rides, which Jacob insisted that we try. I kept trying to slow him down but Jacob was acting like a kid in a toy store. He wanted to see and touch everything. I was surprised (and a little crushed) that I wasn't on the itinerary to be touched. Wait? What? Since when did I want my best friend to touch me? Since when had I needed a reason for Jacob and me to remain in each other's company like this?

I was in constant confusion.

Suddenly Jacob stopped and tensed beside me. He looked far off and then looked upset. I had never seen Jacob's fist tighten out of anger before, even with Mike. I put my hand on his arm and felt his immense temperature through his casual dress shirt. My hand almost recoiled. "Jake?" I became even more confused. I turned to see what he was looking at and saw a few guys and a female being shadowed by their huge hulking figures. They all looked like guys from the reservation. I stared in awe and the perverted thought of that girl at my school entered my mind, "is that how they breed 'em in La Push?"

All their hair was cut short, almost like a buzz, their long legs and colossal muscles visually strengthened with each long stride they took, and the four boys walked in perfect unison. There were no awkward movements. No fighting to get to see who would lead the group. Very clearly, you could see who was in charge. Only the girl that was holding the one guy's hand walked with him though the guy seemed to have been following her a bit. He followed her and the other boys pursued him.

And they were pursuing him toward us.

They stopped short in front of us and considered the two of us in silence. The girl, who was beautiful except for three long jagged scars on her face, smiled at us. She smiled more at Jacob, with a hint of recognition.

"Hi, Jacob. How are you? You must be Isabella. I'm Emily."

"It's Bella," I corrected automatically.

She stuck out her hand and I grabbed it although I distinctly heard Jacob give a low growl. And two other boys that I didn't know growled back, taking a small step forward. The biggest one held up his hand as if to stop them.

"Easy." He spoke with influence. "Jacob."

"Sam." Jacob's response was brief.

I had heard that name before but could not place it but I did recognize one face. Embry. "Hi, Embry. How are you?" I brightened. "Jacob said he hadn't seen you much. Been okay?"

Embry's glance looked almost as tense as Jacob's; he looked at Sam who nodded, turned back to me and replied, "I've been okay Bella. You?"

Jacob's hand closed tightly around mine, and then a low rush of air escaped his mouth. A boy stepped forward with a cruel smile.

"Relax there, Jakey boy. Wouldn't want to have to put you in your place," he sneered.

"That's enough, Paul." Sam looked a bit exasperated. "Go have fun," he said, turning toward us.

"That sounds like an order. I'm not in your gang so you can't order me around," Jacob snapped. I had never seen him that angry. His face turned red instantly, and Sam only gave a half smile.

"Just a suggestion, Jacob." Sam briefly nodded toward me before grabbing Emily's hand, who gave a light wave to me, and then they all walked away.

"Bye, Embry!" I called, trying to remain civil.

Embry gave a weak smile, but said nothing. Jacob shook a bit more and I turned to him, a little upset that he had reacted so childishly.

"What's the matter with you?" I cried.

"It's them. The La Push gang. They have this holier-than-thou bullshit that has the whole tribe eating out of their hand and now Embry is bugging—"

"I thought Embry stopped hanging out with you because of me?" I tried to tease. It worked.

Jacob's smile resumed, and he eased his grip on my hand. He had been holding it so tight that it turned numb; I hadn't felt it through most of our encounter with the "La Push gang."

"Ha ha, Bells. Want to ride the Ferris wheel?" He changed the subject fast.

I humored him. "Sure, sure."

Jacob's mood was as if the La Push gang had never existed. The line to the Ferris wheel was short, and we got on almost right away after Jacob had won me a stuffed animal. Jacob won the ball toss. He had actually broken the four of the five bottles on the first and only throw he took. The attendant and I were stunned. I recovered quickly, rubbed Jacob's shoulders and replied, "He eats his spinach," at the wide-opened-mouth attendant. Jacob handed me a Cerberus, the three headed dog who guarded the gates of hell. I gave him a look.

"I scare easily. Are you trying to tell me something? Do you think I need a protector?"

"Woof-woof." Jacob buried his head in my hair.

The Ferris wheel was a ride of less scary intentions. Though the breeze had picked up as the time got later and I was still miffed by Jacob's atrocious behavior, I was still laughing and feeling great. He used his body to block most of the wind from entering the rickety car and put his arms around me to keep me warm. His breathing suddenly became a little harder, and my eyes began to feel heavy as his fingertips made a trail of fire down my cheek. The hole in my chest suddenly opened as I had abrupt thoughts of the last time I had felt anything for anyone, human or otherwise. I pulled away and Jacob loosened his grip a little but wouldn't let me get too far.

He looked at me fervently. "Bella, I—"

"Jake, don't do this. Not right now." I shook my head and felt tears swell in my eyes. I still hadn't been able to shake all my dreams of him, but I couldn't ignore all the feelings that Jacob had evoked in me either. Most were friendly thoughts, I had to admit. Other thoughts reminded me how dangerous it was to have an attractive best friend that just so happened to be attracted to you too. But I wouldn't walk down that road yet. I wasn't ready and I had to make Jacob understand that too.

Jacob looked down at my shaking hands. "When Bella? Look, I'm not trying to rush you—"

"Then don't. Then just don't. I need you right now." I blinked furiously. I was hoping that I wouldn't start to cry. Old wounds hadn't healed quite as quickly as I thought even with Jacob as the Band-Aid.

"And I'm here for you, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." I swallowed my tongue to suppress my next sentence, but I couldn't avoid it any longer. Not with the way he stared at me intently. Our close proximity in the small moving car with his hulking figure made me feel even more pressed to open up, to disclose my feelings of inadequacy to my best friend, the new reason for my world. "I don't want ever want you to leave, but I'm being selfish. And I know that."

He smiled a little. "You're not selfish, honey. I will not give up on you. And I've got loads of time. You just make sure you don't turn forty on me tomorrow."

I chuckled lightly and pushed a few free strands of my hair behind my ear. The wind ruined my attempt.

"Let me get that." His fingers moved effortlessly across my widow's peak to catch every loose tress before his movements tilted my chin up toward him. "I know what he did to you. And you need to know that I would never ever do that. I will never hurt you. I promise." His brown eyes never strayed from me as my shaking ceased and my screaming fears went silent.

I barely felt us stepping out of the seat, and we stayed close to the exit gate of the ride. I continued walking when Jacob startled me by keeping a hold of my wrist. I knew he still had it so the shock wasn't nearly as unexpected, but it was the way it now felt that had changed for me. He stared at me, and my eyes had to readjust to moonlight shining over the two of us. Even the lights from the ride blared with bright intensity, and my pulse was going way too fast. My skin clung to my body and even though that was exactly what it was supposed to do, I still felt like I was trapped—that I wasn't given a choice. But it was a choice that I was suddenly okay with.

Jacob's hands moved from my wrists to my face, and then his lips suddenly looked so smooth. His breath warmed my face even more than his hands and my body felt fragile, but safe within his. I felt optimistic for my damaged heart. I was never going to run right, as his car and bike did but I now felt hope. Period. His chest was almost completely covering my upper body, and I suddenly wanted it to cover more. I was aching to feel more. I felt completely calm as I saw his neck angle a little toward me, his eyes completely opened to watch me. I was fine with it. I was fine with him. My next breath got caught in my throat when suddenly,

"Hey guys! What's up? I was looking for you two like the whole time I was here. Thought you guys stood me up." Mike and his voice easily jogged over to catch up to our almost moment.

Jacob dropped his hands harshly and visibly gritted his teeth. "So why the hell didn't you leave then?"

Mike looked hurt for a moment before continuing, "Well I'm not the kind of guy that just comes and goes as he pleases. When I make a commitment, I stick with it. For better or worse, you know."

I glanced at him with regard to that last statement.

"Yeah? Is that so?" Jacob leaned away from me and started toward Mike. "Why don't you let me commit to breaking your god-damn—"

"Jacob Black! What's the matter with you?" I put my arm out, and Jacob noticeably shook under me. If I had thought he was hot before, he was literally matching the power of an uncontrollable small fire. Even his eyes had turned from warm liquid brown to dark and ominous onyx. It reminded me of Ed—him when he had needed to hunt. Fear and anger silenced me.

Jacob shook his head, and Mike stepped back, clearly worried. His hand shot out toward me to pull me away from Jacob, but I shrugged him off. Jacob would never hurt me. Not now and not ever.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Jacob looked like he wanted to scream. "I'm really sorry. Something's wrong with me. I feel sick."

My feelings turned to worry. I reached for him. "Jake—"

"No! Don't touch me!"

I jumped back. Mike reached for me again, and I unconsciously allowed him to pull me toward him. Jacob looked mad again for an instant when he noticed how close we were.

"Get off of her!" He took another step toward Mike.

"Hey! You're the one who looks like he's going to spontaneously combust! And if you do, I don't want her near you when it happens!" Mike defended.

Jacob started to shake again. "I'd never—"

"Jacob!" I grew anxious and clutched my Cerberus. Jacob paused and looked at me.

"Let me take you home, Bella." Jacob started.

Mike got brave again. "I can take her."

"You—"

"Jake, stop! Listen, I don't think you or I should drive the bike. Mainly because you're sick and I can't. Let Mike give you a ride back—"

"I'd rather walk," Jacob stated stubbornly.

Mike shrugged. "Suit yourself. No reason to call it an early night just because—"

A distinct snarl came out of Jacob's lips, and I myself jumped back. My heart tugged in two separate directions. "Jake." Mike blocked me a little, but I pushed his arm from me and flung my arms around a still shaking Jacob. "Please. You look so upset."

Jacob stopped shaking and covered me with his arms. My heaving into his chest did nothing for the ache I was feeling at trying to get him to go home. But I was afraid he would hurt himself by staying here to 'protect' me while he was clearly unwell or hurt Mike just because he was in the way. I still remembered our almost moment and clenched my eyes trying to remember the sweet Jacob that I had wanted to selfishly hold onto so badly. I pushed my nose into his neck and loose hair.

"Okay." He pulled back. I was unsatisfied by how he felt still, scared that he wouldn't make it home on his bike or if he could walk but I was glad that he was listening.

"I'll call you when I get home. Will it be too late?" I asked.

Jacob shook his head and kept his eyes low. He was being submissive.

I gave him another small hug, and I barely was able to feel his arms again when Mike pulled me back. Jacob started to say something, but when my eyes met his he stopped himself.

"Get home safe, okay?" I pleaded.

I was hoping that he would say his trademark line, but Jacob only looked defeated and tired as we continued to watch each other while Mike dragged me further and further away. I could no longer see him after a few minutes but Jacob's head never moved, seemingly able to see me across the vast distance of the carnival grounds.