Things Can Only Get Worse

by Cortex

The dark side are not in a good state at the moment. With Ganondorf the idiot, Vaati the mastermind, and Shadow Link the sweary juvenile, who would be? But when the three end up in a mickey- taking alternate dimension, it's imperative that they learn to put up with eachother through any means possible. It won't be easy though! Sequel to Asking For Disaster.

2. The Son of Green?

Hey guys, there are two pretty short chapters this time. It's basically one chapter broken into two for bad comedic effect. You'll see what I mean soon xD
Enjoy! :3
Mentions next chapter!

Chapter Two: The Son of Green?

"Master Ganny, it would be best if you came too!" Shadow shouted behind him as he bounced along the grass. "Hey! Master Ga-" His head hit the side of the ledge as Vaati clambered up and forgot to lift him too. "HOLY [CENSORED], VAATI! OW!"
"Oh, just put up with it!" his master hissed, and heaved him up. The two scrambled up some overhanging vines that led up to the highest point, which stood slightly above the roofs of the wooden houses of the forest. Ganondorf was still oblivious to their flight, of course, and a ChuChu was now beginning to gnaw at his leg.

Shadow made to rescue him, preparing to jump over the wooden fence that traced the edge of the cliff, but Vaati put a hand out and stopped him. He had a smirk on his face.

"Let's see how long ol' Pig- Face lasts." he said quietly, years of repressed resentment coming to the fore. Shadow gulped. It was still early in the morning- he had only just had his breakfast, so did he really want to see someone eaten alive right this minute?
However, Ganondorf was rescued from his ugly fate seconds later- by a very unlikely saviour.
"What the..." Vaati leaned over the fence, unable to believe his eyes.
Shadow shrank back in horror.

A boy in a green tunic was sprinting up to their master, hurdling anything in his way with the abandon of a starving animal. Drawing his sword vicously, he proceeded to hack away at the ChuChus. Goo flew everywhere, splattering the walls and running down the rock. Ganondorf stepped back, horrified to the point of tears. Manly tears, of course.

"NO! DON'T HURT MY BABIES!" he shrieked. Green stopped and looked at him quizzically. Ganon sunk to his knees, sobbing.
"Look at my leg!" he snapped, showing his bloodied limb to Green. "They were eating me because they loved me so much!"
Green made several hand motions, adhering to the mute tradition of the Hero. None of the three got what he was trying to say. A thought struck Vaati, and he leaned over the fence.
"How did you come back to life? Didn't we kill you after-"
There was a silence as Green demonstrated more hand movements. Vaati went pale, an interesting contrast with his purple skin.

"You... are Green's and Malon's child... from the FUTURE?!"

"GET HIIIIIIIMMMMM!" Ganon roared, and proceeded to leap on spawn- of- Green (who we shall heretofore call Green the Second, which will probably become abbreviated to Green II, which will probably become abbreviated to Green. Just to confuse matters).
Of course, this being a story that relies on cheap laughs, Green the Second's sword was rammed right up Ganon's porky backside. Shadow roared with laughter as Vaati leapt forward to help and tripped right over the fence, landing on his head many metres below.
"See?! This is why I hate this guy!" Vaati hissed, before he passed out.

Shadow eventually decided to wander down to help when he realised Vaati wasn't going to wake up for a while. By this time the fight was all but won- Ganondorf was curled up on the floor while Green the Second blew raspberries at him. With every raspberry, the King Of Evil let out a wail.
Shadow Link calmly walked up to the Hero and kicked him right where it hurt.

"OW! MY FACE!" Green shrieked, collapsing to the floor and rolling around dramatically, looking a bit like a Premier League footballer in the process of claiming a penalty. As he did so, a pale blue instrument rolled out of his pocket and lay on the floor. (Well, what else did we expect it to do? Dance a jig?)
Shadow picked it up and studied it, half- interested. It was an ocarina, with ornate patterns and a Triforce around the mouthpiece. He sniffed it, licked it, and rubbed it on his tunic. He poked a finger through one of the holes and got it stuck. He spat on it and rubbed it with his sleeve, and smiled at his handsome reflection.

"Shadow, what are you doing?" Vaati groaned from the floor- he had just come round.
"Look at this, Master!" Shadow shouted enthusiastically, running over and ignoring Green the Second's shouts of protest. "I got my finger stuck in- [CENSORED] [CENSORED [CENSORED]!"
"Oh, stop being a wuss." Vaati muttered. He had pulled the Ocarina off rather briskly, and apparently Shadow hadn't quite liked the experience ("AAAH, YOU JERK! I BET MY [CENSORED] FINGER'S BROKEN NOW!")
"SHUT UUUUUUUUPPPPPPP!" Ganondorf roared. He marched over, stopping to fart on spawn- of- Green first. "What's this thing?"
Snatching it out of Vaati's grasp, he examined it. And, as expected, got his nose stuck.
"God, I hate being a Gerudo. Who the hell invented the nose?" he muttered. Vaati wearily pulled it off. "AAAH, YOU JERK! I BET MY [CENSORED] SCHNOZZ IS BROKEN NOW!"

"Am I the only one who knows how to USE this thing?!" the mage yelled. Shadow and Ganondorf exchanged glances, looked shamefaced, and nodded. Vaati sighed, and proceeded to explain the complicated process of blowing air into something to make a noise. He put his fingers over various holes and demonstrated how the pitch and loudness could be changed, ignoring Ganondorf's heckles admirably ("Every time you blow into that, my sneezehole hurts! You MONSTER!")

Shadow Link sat enraptured. The last time he had heard music was when Ganny had farted the alphabet, and that hadn't been what one would call "tuneful". But this sound... It was gorgeous! It was soft and pretty, like a lady's voice. (Not that he had met many ladies... After Veran's death, there had been a severe shortage of female villains. Hopes had been raised when Yuga joined the group, but it was not to be).
"So... do you know any songs?" he asked Vaati.
"I just played you the entire backing melody to "Bohemian Rhapsody", boy!" Vaati snapped.
"No, no. Zelda songs. Like from the games."
"Stop breaking the fourth wall, will you." the mage muttered, but proceeded to play a couple anyway.
A few things happened.
First it rained, then Epona came trampling over them, then a disembodied voice spoke from nowhere ("Would you like to talk to Saria, Link?"), and finally they were teleported rather suddenly to-

*gasp*
Five seconds pause for suspense, please!

One hippopotamus,

Two hippopotamus,

Three hippopotamus,

Four hippopotamus,

Five hippopotamus!

Now next chapter! (if you haven't dissolved into despair at the state this story's in already).