*A/N: I would have poster earlier, but I was depressed. Sorry. I had my first 'bad' critique and I took it horribly. I'm not saying that to get sympathy, but I just wanted everyone to know that I'm human too. Yeah, I know. Duh.

Anyway, TY to my wonderful betas. Your insight (and spellcheck) did wonders for me.

No more Seether. Very sad times. I used them 2x already. So, we'll have to settle for Third Eye Blind's kick-ass guitar solo in "Jumper." Enjoy.

Please do me a favor and do my three R's: Read, Review, & Recommend. Make that bad critique a liar :-) Thanks!

Chapter (5&6) Summary: Bella notices the absence of her "sun" immediately and fights to keep herself from relapsing, but is failing miserably. With her father begging her not to revert back to her old ways, Jacob missing, and her school friends lacking in the support that she needs, Bella soon finds herself contemplating what the rest of her continued existence should be worth. While on the path to self discovery, Bella is quickly found by someone from the past she has tried to forget and is caught between two sides of a war. As a catalyst, Bella's intuition and knack for getting in trouble proves to be the stepping stone to something much bigger than just vampires in Forks, Washington.

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I jump into the arms of my two stars, Taylor Lautner and Jacob Black, every waking moment I can.

Chapter V Title: 'Jumper,' by Third Eye Blind

(BPOV)

The phone kept ringing. It was my fifth time calling Jacob today, and that didn't count the eleven times I tried calling yesterday or the nine times the day before. I had only been able to get through to Billy once, and that was the night Mike had dropped me off from, the carnival. I had wanted to make sure Jacob had made it home. I called close to 1 a.m. and Billy had answered, sounding wide awake. I was told Jacob was fine.

"Can I speak to him, please? I just want to make sure he was okay. He was so upset—"

"He's fine, Bella. He's asleep and I really don't want to wake him. We think its mono. You understand, right?" Billy half pleaded.

"Yeah. Okay, well have him call me when he wakes up and is feeling better. Please?" I added for effect.

Billy sounded relieved that I was letting him get off the phone. "Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Bye, Bella." And he hung up.

That had been almost a week ago, and I still hadn't heard from Jacob. Nothing. Jacob and I went from talking nearly every day to him not calling at all. What was he doing? Had I upset him by ushering him home? I only did that to help. Jacob had looked so livid. I had thought he would have collapsed right behind the fist that went into Mike.

Now I was burning with desire to talk to him. I wanted to make sure that Billy hadn't harvested his organs to pay for fishing gear. I knew that would never happen, but I hadn't seen or heard from my best friend in five days and I was going out of my mind with worry.

"Bella, honey." Charlie suddenly turned to me at the table. "We need to talk."

I was playing with my soggy cereal this morning. I think it used to be Cheerios, but now the O's looked like C's, and the milk had turned a creamy off-white color. I was finished with the food before it had even been in the bowl. I wasn't very hungry. I felt myself slipping back into a despondent existence. I had lost the best boyfriend (in my opinion). I had lost my best friend (also in my opinion). And now I was a lonely, sad, hopeless, teenage girl again. I think more than a few people would agree with that last statement.

I was sitting in the dining room chair wearing some loose shorts and a holey t-shirt with my knees pulled up to my chest. My hair still hadn't been combed. This past week for school, I just picked anything out of the closet, blindly, not caring whether it was matching or clean. Alice would not have approved.

Alice.

I cringed.

Charlie mistook the look and started slower than he normally would have. He thought I was losing it again. I mean really losing it. "Bella, this isn't healthy. Now I know you miss Jacob," I flinched again at the mention of Jacob's name. I couldn't believe that I had been dumped again. Charlie continued, "But you have to start spending time with other people again. First it was Ed—him, and now Jacob is busy, but you have to keep trying. You have to keep putting yourself out there."

I nodded politely. At least I think I nodded politely. My head was heavy with fatigue. The nightmares had come back, only this time Jacob and Edward were in them. They were both claiming to be in love with me, but every time I would take a step toward one of them they would back away from me. I felt diseased. I felt betrayed. I felt lost and alone with two guys in the forest, neither one of them really wanting to be with me. I couldn't understand it.

I moved my legs to get up. Charlie put his hand forward to stop me and cleared the table himself. Even in my stupor, I realized that he must have been worried. "Please," he said as he put his hand on my shoulder, "don't stay in the house all day. It's gorgeous out. Take a drive. Get into a little trouble. I don't care. Just be happy."

My eyes watered. Be happy? God, Edward had wanted me to be happy at one point. I couldn't remember him saying it, but I knew it was what he meant. He wanted me to keep living, to keep myself safe, for Charlie's sake.

"Fine." My mind had shut down. I couldn't see straight anymore, and I couldn't pretend to care about what was required of me. School was the same. This whole week I spent half the time avoiding being alone with Mike so that he wouldn't ask me out again and the other half of the time pretending, with Angela, that life wasn't the waste that I thought it really was. It wasn't working.

The phone rang through the house as Charlie left for work. I had forgotten how lonely the weekends could be.

"Hello?" I tried to smile as Charlie gave a wave through the door, but I wasn't sure if my smile was convincing enough. Charlie frowned at my feeble attempt.

"Bella? It's Angela. I had to tell you quick—I need to dress the twins in a few minutes. Anyway, Tyler is planning to ask you out. He let it slip to Eric and he told Mike, who told Jessica, who told Lauren, and now the whole school knows. Lauren's mad by the way," Angela rushed.

Wow. "Great. We were doing so well as friends before."

Angela chuckled a little. "You talk to Jacob? Is he feeling better yet?"

My mood sunk even lower. "No. Not a word or peep from him."

"Bummer," Angela sympathized. "Listen, we'll talk about it later. Just wanted to tell you what had happened since yesterday afternoon. Mike isn't too happy about Tyler's plan either."

I hadn't noticed really. I was too busy trying to avoid him. "Well, I'll deal with that later too." This was crazy. First these two guys were staking claim, and my best friend was nowhere to be found? What was going on? I suddenly had the urge to fight, and I knew exactly who my sparring partner would be. I was sick of losing people. I had lost him. I was not going to lose Jake too. "Thanks for the heads up, Angela. I think I need to take a drive."

"Okay, no problem. Talk to you later—Bye!"

I hung up the phone and changed into a light green sweater and jeans. I tried to locate the most comfortable sneakers I could find, grabbed my keys, and almost ran to my truck. My fingers tapped the syllables of "La Push" all the way toward my former best friend's house. He had better be dead or dying for ignoring me for so long. I couldn't stand being abandoned. Jacob had been there for me, and now I felt almost as bad as I had before when Edward left. Yes. Edward had left me too. My anger continued to boil as I remembered Jacob's promise to me. Was he mad at me? Did he suddenly get home and think that I was leading him on and decided not to play my games any longer? I had to find out and he was going to tell me.

I would apologize. Whatever it took to get him back as my friend, I would apologize. He couldn't be mad at me if I presented my side. Jacob knew that he had hurt me. He couldn't expect me to forget about everything so quickly. It has only been a few months! I reasoned with myself. I needed more time. I just needed more time. Maybe then it would not have been so bad. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty about his slightly younger age. Does Jacob really look sixteen anymore, anyway? I wasn't even sure about that.

I reached Jacob's house and my heart was pounding in my chest. I tripped going up the stairs to the small porch, but caught my balance quickly. I rapped on the door, but no one answered. I looked around the front yard, the makeshift garage, and then peered inside the house again. I knew the door was probably open, but I didn't want to pry too much just in case Jacob really had taken to ignoring me to a whole new level.

"Fine," I sighed loudly. "Damn it, Jake."

I jumped back in my truck. There was no point in staying. I didn't know where else to go except to the beach. I could hear the waves crash on the beach as I drove down the deserted road. I parked my truck a safe difference from the sharp rocks and walked the half mile mile up the cliff. There was really nothing left for me. There was no hope of me forgetting what Jacob Black meant to me. If I couldn't even let go of Edward now, by this time, there was no way I could forget about Jake. At least until I was able to say his name out loud finally without hurting.

There was a little noise on the cliff. I could hear a few seagulls, but I could see no people on the beach from where I stood. No witnesses. The wind picked back up again as I stepped closer to the edge, but I wasn't worried about falling in. Wait—should I be worried?

I glanced over the sudden drop and inhaled. I didn't even like salt water, but the breeze in my hair made my muscles less tense. It could have been as easy as falling asleep to the rain if I just stepped over and plunged into the water. No one would miss me. Charlie might for a while, but he had his work. Renee had Phil now. My friends had each other. Jacob had "other" things to do now. And Edward…That's right. I had no idea what Edward had. He left and even that didn't matter to me anymore either.

Suddenly, I wanted to jump. I wanted to feel the wind burn my face and scald my skin. The waves could make all the noise that they wanted to in my ears, crushing my inner ear-drums. The sky would fall further away as I slipped deeper into the gray-stained watery abyss. My toes were touching the edge. Do it, Bella. We'd all be better off, the voices in my head now screamed at me. I even admitted my feelings to the open air and the salty sea, seeing as these might be my final moments before the water would fill my lungs and wash me out farther into the open ocean. I even grinned at the thought of not being found. It would be as if I never existed.

Edward had told me that. He told me it would be as if he had never existed. He lied!

Edward was always keeping things from me. He was so superior. Thought he knew so much more than anyone else since he could read minds. My boyfriend, the vampire. The dream that I had been having seemed even less real when I pictured him as the person I would be in love with forever. It wasn't until Jacob that I had even felt good or wanted by an ordinary human boy. Jacob had given me hope and then had stolen it back. I missed him terribly.

I missed the distraction he provided in the middle of the day. The nights were the worst, but I had started to daydream about Jacob even when he was right there in front of me. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as I remembered my fantasies about my former best friend.

The hand-holding had been the best, but at times he would caress my fingers in a way that stayed in my mind long after he had gone. He would push my hair back and place it behind my ears. Jacob seemed to know what I liked and what I didn't like, even though I had never had a conversation about it with him, and we had talked about nearly everything.

The nights were the worst. Sometimes Jacob would get tied up taking care of Billy and couldn't be over until after I had started getting ready for bed. He'd pop in for about ten minutes and then leave, not wanting to be disrespectful of Charlie's house rules. A lot of nights it was commendable, but other nights I would feel as if he would show himself long enough to get me excited and then leave me in the night by myself.

Well, he had probably been hoping not to leave me alone in the night by myself.

I increasingly became aware of what my body would do when he was near.

While it was a great comfort being close to him, it also drove my body crazy with shivers of pleasure, shivers, and involuntary moans that would escape my lips sometimes during the night. After awhile, my visions of Jake even started to occur during the day. At times, I could feel my breath catch when he made a quick movement toward me, or my nipples harden when we sometimes embraced, or I would lick my lips when he would drink from his soda after a long run on one of the rare warm days we were sometimes blessed to have in Forks. I was sure he hadn't notice all the gradual changes in our relationship, but I was afraid to make it known, just in case.

I even caught myself fantasizing about his legs entwined with mine when he accidentally dropped a screwdriver and I caught sight of his back. The sweat that showered his skin and the hot inside temperature hadn't helped the matters at all. I had rushed home later that same night to pleasure myself with a slightly chilled shower. I stayed until the cold water numbed my skin and the slickness inside me ran dry.

I almost thought I was imagining him watching me. Wait—someone was watching me. I felt the atmosphere change and it had nothing to do with the flashbacks in my mind. My nose smelled a pleasant odor, distinct and familiar. My eyes adjusted to the figure not standing more than a few dozen yards away from me. I recognized that shape, that inhuman stance, that rock hard granite body. A hunter stalking his prey even when it knew there was no escape. I was between the cliff and his arms. I suddenly wanted to be near neither. I could even see the amusement in his red eyes.

He wasn't even hungry, but I knew he'd kill me for fun.

"Bella," Laurent called. "I hadn't expected to find you here. What are you doing here all alone?"

*A/N: I'll update again by Tuesday night before I leave for the midnight showing of Eclipse. I just couldn't bring myself to post anymore tonight. :-[

Don't forget my three R's: Read, Review, Recommend.