Author's Note: Hello everyone, thanks for reading and reviewing! Special thanks to kyo and kyuumihaira for their kindness and being surprised 3
I hope some of you were at least positively surprised by this twist. For those who foresaw it – you have a very fine sense for that^^
Okay, so in this chapter we get a bit of Thorki-goodness and set the stage for what's next for our Norse Gods and their little-big future.
As always, reviews are welcome and ever so much appreciated. I do a happy-dance each time I get one ;)
Read, review and hopefully enjoy ;)
Thor glances at the still motionless form of the God of Mischief in front of him. Loki is prepped up in one of the beds in the sickbay. His right hand is loosely entangled with hers – and has been ever since he was allowed to sit with her.
It's really curious how vulnerable and frail she is at times. Usually, Loki is what Tony calls a "badass", always tough, always strong, and even if Thor knows by now that she feels much more and much more deeply than meets the eye, Loki still found the strength not only to cover up for it, but also to radiate the opposite force, this strength that made one's skin crawl. When others radiate fear, she radiates this sheer will. Her emerald eyes seem to overflow with devotion even for the smallest of actions.
Yet, here she lies, and Loki looks like a butterfly ripped out of the cocoon too early. The cocoon protected her, even if it meant that she lived apart form the outside world, but it kept her safe, but now... now that cocoon opened, and Thor gets the impression that his bold move to make her move out of that cocoon may have come all too early, if she is still that frail that he is almost afraid of touching her at this very moment.
Thor readjust his grip on her, trying to find solace in the steady rise and fall of her chest. He starts to understand why she finds it so reassuring. It's something so simple, but it#s a visible reminder that this person you care about so deeply is still there.
And he feared he had already lost her.
All over again.
That is when he suddenly feels her hand moving in his. Instinctively, her fist tightens around his as her eyes slowly open, allowing the light to get past her eyelids.
"You're awake!" the thunderer cries out, relief washing over him. Thor clasps her hand ever so tightly with both his palms, eyes wide in surprise and joy. Loki glances at him with a small frown, still coming around. He holds her hand close to his chest with one hand, the other he tears away to place on her forehead, swiping a few loose strands out of her face. She relaxes to his touch, but then her eyes suddenly open wide and her muscles stiffen, "The... the child? What about the child? Did it..."
Thor strokes the side of her cheek again, his voice hushed, "Shh, shh, it's okay. Everything's alright. The child is healthy and sound."
Loki lets out a breath she didn't know she had held, closing her eyes for a few moments.
"And the others? What about Stark?" Loki questions. The last thing she remembers is holding up that rock with her last energy. What came after that is nothing more but a blur of colors and odd shapes... and something about ducks and geese, though she honestly can't put that.
"He is in best health," Thor assures her quickly. "The same is true for everyone else."
"Then I'm glad," she sighs. Loki already feared that she had failed again after all, failed this child, failed her friends, Thor...
"Do you need anything? Shall I bring Doctor Banner?" Thor asks her, worry still written all over him.
"I'm good, thank you," Loki replies, offering a feeble smile.
"Doctor Banner said so, too... but he also said that you'll have to rest a while," Thor says, his voice now rather bossily. The images of her lifeless form in his arms are still too vivid in his memory, as is the fear he felt within him that either her or the child were hurt in some way.
Thor always thought he was a fearless person, but he knows by now that he does have fears. He fears for Loki. And now also for that child also.
Because they are worth the fear.
"I already guessed as much. This is... I mean...," Loki sighs, but then closes her eyes again. The thoughts are just rambling through her brain that it gets hard to tell them apart, put those marbles on the string in the right order. Right now she just thinks of Thor and the baby, nothing else.
"Thor... I...," she stammers, but that is when both say at the same time, "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" Thor frowns at her incredulously. After all, he spent the last hours preparing an apology speech, fully convinced that Loki would give him Hel and back for not seeing this, for arguing with her, for all those things.
"I shouldn't have kept it from you. I knew it in a while. And I obviously knew it before that mission," Loki admits, her voice no more than a whisper.
"But why didn't you tell me?" Thor can't help but ask. Because he still fails to understand why she would keep that from him.
"Well, first of all, I was angry at you – for, well, impregnating me," Loki huffs. The thunderer frowns at that, "Oh."
"And then I was mad at myself because... by the Gods, Thor, that was not supposed to happen! At all! I... It was mere chance this happened. I took measurements to prevent that, but...," she mutters, but Thor interrupts her, "You did what?!"
Loki narrows her eyes at him, "Now don't you dare give me that look! You really think I let you close in that certain way without taking any measurements?! I'm not that dumb, Thor... it's just that I miscalculated at some point."
And how much she hates it when her plans, her equations, don't work out the way she wants them to.
"In what regard?" Thor furrows his eyebrows at her, so she goes on to explain, "All I know about Jotun physiology... either stems from what I found out by myself... or the Jotuns, and that again mostly from what I know from their books and stories. Because they don't really like me enough to let me in on their deepest secrets after I killed their King... and even from the books I couldn't ever gather much because they are scarcely found outside of Jotunheimr... For all I know, they never mixed with other races. You see... that we... what we are... there are no records for that. This never happened before... So... even if I took measurements to prevent that... I didn't know if it would work... you know, herbs, some magic chants and actually some Midgardian things also... but... seemingly Aesir are rather unaffected by this, for some godforsaken reason!"
She grits her teeth. Loki watched enough Midgardian TV to know that this is... cliché. The woman who ends up pregnant in the worst moment ever. Loki always knew they were living clichés, but she hoped that they were not such awfully ones after all, but they are.
"But what would you apologize for?" Loki then asks.
"I didn't keep you safe," Thor says, bowing his head.
"That can hardly be blamed on you," Loki rolls her eyes.
"Yes! I have an obligation to keep you safe! I didn't. You never should have been on that mission," Thor argues vehemently.
"Thor, I made the decision to go," Loki shakes her head. It's hardly his fault that she decided so. Even she sees that.
"... even if so... I should have protected you. But I was so angry with you about not telling me, or telling me just at this moment, that I didn't have your back in battle. That mustn't happen, whether we are in love, or in argument, or any other disposition. I let you down as a teammate. And that is unforgivable in battle. It may have cost you your life that I couldn't get over my pride," Thor argues, his voice shaking in anguish for himself.
"But I forgive you that," Loki assures him credibly. She knows how much of a strain it is to a man like Thor to feel like he let down one of his companions.
"Thank you," Thor nods.
"Yet, I will tell you so right now: I will have this child," Loki says after a longer pause, her voice suddenly very strong and determined.
"What? Yes, of course you will. You are in best health soon again. You won't miscarry. Rest assured," Thor says, patting the back of her hand.
"That's not what I mean," Loki argues.
"Then what do you mean?" Thor frowns at her.
"Thor, I will have this child of yours, but I don't expect you to accept it," she tells him.
"Of course I accept that you have our child. I wouldn't allow you not to have it!" Thor grimaces.
"Thor, you don't get it," Loki sighs again.
That is why she loves and hates him at the same time. For that look in his eyes. For that innocence. For not seeing what is beyond, for seeing the world so brightly colored.
"What is it that I don't get?" Thor frowns.
"Thor, this child is yours. I lay with no other man," Loki says.
"... I knew that. How would you have another man beside me...?" Thor replies, to which Loki rolls her eyes.
"Then what do you mean to say?" Thor asks, now more seriously again.
"I don't expect anything of you when it comes to this child of yours, because it is my fault I let this happen. You bear no responsibilities towards it," she tells him.
"What?!" Thor gapes at her.
"You are to be King one day, Thor. And in the times that we currently live in, this time might come sooner than either one of us can imagine," Loki says. "The future of Asgard stands on very shaky pillars. Your presence is required there more than ever."
"That I know...," Thor sighs, so Loki carries on, "We still have to keep in mind that it might become necessary that you take the Throne from Odin, at least until he is back to his senses. We talked about this."
"Yes," Thor exhales, letting his head hang low. He detested this conversation, because he certainly didn't like the implication that this would mean he wouldn't get to see Loki during that time. However, the trickster was quite persistent that he may have to steal the Throne from Odin if the plans of the secret treaties did not succeed.
"Well, for that... you have to give up on those responsibilities to the child. In the eyes of Asgard, for that sake, we have to make sure no one knows of it," Loki then says.
"What are you talking about?" Thor blinks at her, his mouth standing slightly open.
"Thor, you have to see that what we do here, being together, is already against the rules, against the law," Loki insists. "It's no longer about this scandal of a seemingly incestuous relationship or... two princes waking up next to each other. It's about the Crown Prince laying with a banished criminal."
"So what?" Thor shrugs. It didn't bother them before, did it?
"It was fine, though, because it was merely the act. It gets frowned upon, but not really sanctioned," Loki exhales.
"Right," Thor nods in agreement.
"That's changed now because there is this being growing within me, a living proof for our crime," Loki tells him, her voice grave.
"Love is no crime," Thor insists.
"Love between the future King of Asgard and an outlaw banished to Midgard is, in the eyes of Asgard," Loki hisses.
"What would it matter?" Thor shrugs.
"Thor, now don't be dense! This crime, if it came to light at this very moment would take any chance away from you to climb the Throne. If Odin were to know about this, he would banish you, or worse, and he would most certainly, and rightly so, deny you the Throne and any other rights of a royal," Loki says, gesticulating with her free hand.
"I don't care about my title," Thor argues.
"But you have to!" Loki insists.
"No," Thor shakes his head simply. He doesn't care about his title. He really doesn't. There was a time when he did, but that is long since over now.
"Yes! You are the only one standing between Odin and the other worlds, between war and peace. If you fall out of line now, if you don't keep the chance open to become King and stay Commander-in-chief, everything is lost, Thor. Odin will cut all ties to Midgard – and it is very likely that Asgard will be attacked the moment the exclusion fully unfolds. You mustn't appear in a bad light to Odin, more than you do anyways," Loki growls.
"You can't ask me to deceive that child. It is mine, you said it," Thor growls.
"Yes, it is, but... it is a child you were never supposed to have, Thor," Loki argues.
"But this is not political," Thor shakes his head. "This is..."
"It is political, Thor. It couldn't be any more political. Even if we take aside for a second that Odin is going insane over this... even if... if this crisis wasn't there... what would be? Huh? Sooner or later ,the day would come that you'd climb the Throne," she insists.
"So?" he grimaces.
"If you are to rule Asgard, now sooner or later... I cannot follow," Loki replies, her voice growing weak towards the end.
"That's not true. Once I am King, I can lift your sentence and you may return with me," Thor argues.
"No," Loki shakes her head.
"Why not?" Thor blinks at her.
"Thor, the people of Asgard hate me. And they have any reason to. I caused them harm. A lot of it. Do you really think that they would accept a Jotun breed as... their Queen? After all she's done? Or rather... after all he's done? After all he is, she is? Believe me, they won't," Loki shakes her head, her voice quivering.
"But... there are a lot more reasons that played into your... breakout," Thor argues. "We talked about this. If the people knew..."
"They'd have me dangling from the gallows," Loki snorts.
"I wouldn't let that happen," Thor shakes his head.
"But it's what they'd want. That would weaken you, you and your reign," Loki replies. "And it's not even just about that, Thor. I don't need to be Queen... or someone's acceptance. I lived well without it in eons of time, but... I don't want to go back to Asgard either."
"What?" Thor blinks at her.
"Every fiber of my being fights it," Loki admits, biting her lower lip.
"But a while ago it sounded like you wanted to be back," Thor argues. After all, she pushed him into making those plans. She helped find ways to keep Asgard safe. She showed concern reaching beyond that she feels for Mother or for him.
"And I wanted to, for a while, but now no longer," Loki admits.
And how foolish she was for ever considering this.
"Why?" Thor asks, his voice raw.
"I... I have a life here now. I am me, I am the closest thing to being me than I ever was other than during our childhood," Loki says, a lone tear running down her face. "I am happy here. With our friends. With our mission. With earth. This is actually a life again. I found a new purpose and with that I also found peace. Something I believed I would never be able to have again."
Thor glances at her sadly, so Loki carries on, "And in Asgard... I won't ever have it, I know. There is just too much that's happened. All the hatred towards me, and from me... I would go down, and I can't do that to you, or this child. And if I were to go there, and then as your mistress or whatever... under a different name... I would always be the courtesan. And I won't be that. I won't. Ever. I can't, Thor. As much as I love you, you can't demand from me that I live in a golden cage. Asgard means imprisonment to me. I fear it will always."
"But, in theory... if we go by a different name... then you can be Queen and no one will know," Thor argues. "And by that I do not mean that you'd have to, I hope you see that."
"I will know," Loki argues in a soft voice. "And... I do not wish to base the life of this child on lies. I did for mine, and see where it got me. I mean, I'm happy now, but... the way there was paved with... anger and resent and pain. I do not wish that for this child."
"I wouldn't ever force you," Thor tells her.
"I know you wouldn't," Loki shrugs. "But the thing is... even if we didn't ever make it public... and you climb the Throne one day, with me here and you visiting, for example... you still have a certain role to fulfill, which is something we mustn't ignore."
Thor glances at her, so she explains, "Thor, you are to have a Queen and Thorsons to continue your heritage once you resign from the position as the King. You are to have an heir, with a righteous Queen."
"I already said, you'd be," Thor argues.
"If I stay on Earth, I can't. A Queen of Asgard has to be in Asgard," Loki tells him. "Look, it's actually quite easy. You don't have to accept the child, officially. He or she would be no heir and would have no right to the Throne. That'd mean you were free to have children with a Queen to produce the heir needed to secure the Crown. Of course you may come to see him or her, be the father, but... just not officially. That is the easiest of options. You go save Asgard and eventually become its King, and I stay here and am a mother and will be with the Avengers. It will be raised here."
"No. I don't accept that," Thor replies.
"Thor, your responsibilities towards Asgard are bigger than those to me... or this child," Loki argues, but Thor is having none of it.
Enough is enough.
"I love you and I love this child," he insists.
"It doesn't change a thing. This child, if you ever accepted it as your first heir, would be a bastard child, your firstborn would be a bastard. And not only a bastard produced within Aesir blood, but it will be a child of three world: Asgard, Jotunheimr and Earth...," Loki says, her voice growing weaker. "And I don't even know what it will look like once it is born. Will it be blue? Or green? Or purple? I won't run the risk of this child going through what I went through, not knowing of its true heritage, or being forced to hide it. And even if one couldn't see it, I will not tell him or her lies about this or force it to lie about it. It broke me in ways that I can't even explain. I will not do that to this child. You can't present it as your heir as the King. So you have to... you have to let us go. You have to let us stay on Earth, as us. You may visit, but all in secret. That's the only option we have... or you don't see us altogether... I mean... I said it, you have... no responsibilities... I can tell the child I don't know the father, if you wish for that, to save the shame or the risk of being uncovered..."
Her voice trails off, but that is when Thor intervenes, "No. Not ever. This is my child. And I love this child. I won't be any less for it than its father."
"That's what it may be to you, but not what it will be to the law or to the people," Loki argues vehemently.
"I can change the law, and I will," Thor retorts.
"But you will not change the minds, Thor! You won't! And I won't accept this child to be looked down at! Scowled at! You know what I went through. You know what it did to me, how it changed me. I am the mother of this child and I love it too much to give it such a pain. No, just no!" Loki shakes her head.
"I don't demand that from you," Thor argues.
"... and even if it's not about the people... What is with Odin? If he finds out about us, in the state he is in now, so set in his ways that he is a statue? He might send you to a different realm. Make it impossible for us to ever meet again. He could kill you, even. He did with Hel and me already. And who knows what he'll do to the child...? What if he takes it away from us? What if he... what if he kills it?" Loki replies, fresh tears welling up her eyes, making the emerald of her eyes glisten like crystals.
"Father would never," Thor means to say, but Loki quickly cuts him off, "Really? What about my other children, those he sent away, tied to places so far away that no one can reach them?"
"Loki... I know it's horrible to say, but... but he did not kill them in that sense, he...," Thor mumbles, but Loki is having none of it and shrieks, "He compelled Hel to death."
"I know," Thor says, his head hanging low.
"So what makes you so certain that he won't do it again, if he did before, again and again and again?" Loki argues.
"... he won't. I don't believe," Thor mutters.
"It would be mere chance to count on his affection for you not to kill this child. But he might – and I can't allow such danger to our child! No, Thor! No!" the trickster cries out.
Yes, she risked that little life once, but that one time made her realize just how deeply she cares about it. At some point Loki thought she lost the ability to love a child like a mother, but now she finds herself with the same warm sensation in her guts that makes her want to go beyond all boundaries.
Even if she hates the circumstances, she... loves this child.
"Loki, so listen to me," Thor means to say, but the trickster interrupts him, "What do you expect of me, huh? That I... that... I... I make our child the sacrifice of our selfish happiness?"
"No, but...," Thor shakes his head, but she cuts him off again, "You have to see the bigger picture. Let's think further ahead: You have to see that you as Asgard's King cannot be with me or this child, officially. That is a circumstance we really can't move around."
"Then I shall not become King!" Thor argues. "Ever."
"What?!" she blinks at him.
"I shall deny the Throne," Thor tells her.
"You have responsibilities towards...," Loki means to say, but this time Thor interrupts her, "I don't care."
"... A war might break loose if you are in no position to take Odin's place, in case," Loki argues, even if she is repeating the arguments, but... but that is the truth. That is how it is. Sometimes you can't choose. Sometimes you just have to make the best out of a given situation.
Sometimes you have to be happy between the lines.
And be satisfied with it.
"It doesn't matter," Thor tells her persistently.
"Yes, it does," she snarls.
"No, this is not about politics, I told you," Thor insists.
"It is about politics," Loki shakes her head.
It always is.
"It's about love, Loki," Thor argues, his voice soft but strong.
"And that love is bound...," Loki means to say, but Thor interrupts her, "Not to me."
"Thor...," she sighs.
"It is about our love. I love you so much more than the Throne. I love this child more than the Throne could ever give me. If staying with you means to let go of the Throne, then so I will!" Thor tells her in a strong voice, leaving no doubt in his decision.
"What about your people? What about Asgard?" Loki insists, out of breath.
"I don't love them enough to put them over you," Thor shakes his head.
"What if...," Loki means to say, but Thor just shakes his head, "No."
"What now?" she huffs.
Does he really think simply denying the problems will solve them.
"No more what ifs," Thor says.
"Those are the questions we have to ask ourselves to...," Loki means to say, but once again, Thor cuts her off, "Loki, we ask ourselves that question all the time – and see where that gets us. We don't know what the future hold. I mean, you know sometimes, but... but you can't foresee everything either. We didn't see this coming. We don't know what comes tomorrow."
"Right, so we have to prepare," Loki argues.
"You always think that every what if has to turn for bad, Loki. Why shouldn't things pan out for once? What about that what if? What if our child is born healthy? What if I am able to convince Father to stop his madness? What if your plan works and the other realms still hold on to the peace treaties, now on paper or not? What if... what if Father comes to his senses, sees his mistakes and... and apologizes? What if Asgard is no longer the rigid state it used to be? What if its people moved without our notice? What about those what ifs?" Thor questions.
"... the probability that they come about is fleetingly little, and that is already exaggerated," Loki says in a meek voice.
"But the chance is there, Loki. And even if not... I think we owe it to ourselves to try to build up a future of our own. And no, I don't accept a future that does not have you or that child of ours in it. I
know that now. I can't live without you, and I won't be able to live without that child," Thor tells her in a strong voice, holding on to Loki's hand a little tighter.
There is a longer pause until he speaks up again, "Can you only remotely imagine how... how happy I am?"
"Happy?!" she cries out.
Thor can't be sincere, can he?
"This is my child growing within you. You know that I always dreamed of a family, of a child, of someone to care about more than anything else," Thor says, with that flash of hope in his eyes that makes Loki go weak. Yes, she knows how he almost mused about that when they were still younger and not yet weighted with argument or bad fortune. He would smile, lean back and paint his future with this child, how he'd show it how to fight, to hunt, how to ride a stallion.
Thor really dreamed of having a family one day.
However, Loki fails to see how this is anything close to what he pictured while glancing into Asgard's sun while sitting in the gardens with the trickster.
"I am by no means a perfect man, you know that the very best. I'm a fool most of my time, but... but this... I think this is my proudest achievement now. I know that we agreed that it was that we found together, but now that there is this child... how could I not be happy that I finally managed to create something purely good?" Thor argues.
"Purely good?" she grimaces.
"I don't care for what it is. It could come out a serpent or dragon and I wouldn't love it any less. It is perfect the way it is, for it is my child, it is the child I have with the person I love. And that is all that matters to me. And I won't deny that happiness," Thor speaks.
"Thor, it would be very unwise at this point to tell Odin...," Loki insists, though her voice lacks any strength. She wants to melt into this feeling that he radiates. That it's okay. That this is love. That this is...
Happiness.
"And that I see. I'm not foolish, Loki, not that much that I fail to this," Thor argues. "But it's not about wise or unwise, right or wrong. I know that you like to make plans. I know that you rather think things through, but... Love's an emotion independent of all plans. It's against reason that we two are together. We both know that, and still... still we are. And it might be against reason that this child is to be born into this world, but... we love it. That is all that matters. All those other things are circumstances we can change, but what I can't and won't change is my love to you and that child of ours. You can tell me all you want that this shouldn't be or mustn't be. I simply do not care, Loki."
"This is not just about us. Not about our micro cosmos, it's about the entire cosmos. It is about the bigger picture. And in the bigger picture... there is no place for us... as us. There has never been," Loki argues sullenly.
"Yes, there is! I... we just have to...," Thor argues vehemently, but the trickster just shakes her head sadly, "There is nothing you can do. There is nothing we can do. This child will always be a child of different realms. I shall do my best to give it a home, but it's already cursing in its blood that it will never have a real place, will be homeless to the day it dies. That is enough of a burden to carry. It shouldn't carry our burdens on tops," Loki whispers.
"And I say it again: I love you. And this child. You can't ask me not to love it," Thor argues.
"And I don't. But you have to see that perhaps I have good reason to ask you to love it differently. Love it, but in secret. Kiss it, but hidden. Hold it, but in the shadows," Loki argues.
"I won't accept that, not in the future. I can agree that we have to keep it hidden now, until things are cleared with the peace treaties, but... I will do anything to find a way to get this clarified, so that we can be together, for all to see, and that our child can grow up in the light of day," Thor argues.
"Even if by some miraculous twist of fate you manage to make that happen, stop Odin's madness, open the gates, restore peace... it remains, Asgard is no longer my home. It will never be. How do I bring up a child in a home that is none to me? How do I give it a home if I don't even have it? The closest thing to home... it's this. That's what it will always boil down to. We are bound to either place, by destiny or preference. We are creatures of different realms," Loki argues sadly. "and I don't see how that will ever change in the future."
"I will do anything to build that future for us where we can be together, with this child, in the light," Thor says, his voice now almost failing him.
"Don't promise what you can't hold," she argues.
"I don't promise you that I will make it happen. I would love to, but... but I can't. I see that. Even if I wish to move past all circumstances... they are there. So I can't promise you that I will make that happen for sure, but what I can assure you of hereby is that I will fight for this our world till my last breath, and beyond. I shall not stop until you, the child and I have that world for us," Thor vows.
"I don't see it happening," Loki shakes her head sadly.
"Have faith in me," Thor says.
"I do, Thor. Believe it or not. I have faith in you, in your devotion... your love, but... but I don't have faith in the world to be on our side. I don't have faith in... Odin, that he will come to his senses, that he will not do harm to this child or me. I don't have faith in Asgard to ever accept us, accept this. I don't have faith in... our future, at least not in that way," Loki admits, bowing her head.
"Then rely on that faith you have in me," Thor says before leaving his free hand on her stomach. "And rely on the faith for this child."
Loki grasps his hand and squeezes it.
"It seems to be that we always have enough trouble for ten lives," she sighs.
"That makes success ever so sweet," Thor manages to chuckle softly.
"So it's worth the fight," she whispers.
"Worth any fight," Thor nods.
"I hope you're right in the end," Loki mutters.
"That I can be sure of," Thor smiles at her. "That I know for certain."
Loki is worth any fight.
Any fear.
And so is this child.
That is set into stone, those are the pillars no circumstance can shake, in Thor's eyes. All realms could be at war, and still he'd know those pillars steady within him.
It might be romantic wishful thinking, foolish hope, even, but the God of Thunder doesn't care. It was this spirit that brought him to the point that he is the with the person he loves, and now has the prospect of a future with them, however small that is now. It might be that the circumstances couldn't be any worse, but in essence, they are there. They are here. At this very moment.
And they are together.
Maybe they don't know what the future holds, but they know what the present holds.
And that is enough to fight for.
"We're having a child," Thor smiles at her at last.
"We're having a child," Loki sighs, the smallest of smiles creeping up her lips as he tightens his grip on her wrist.
They are having a child.
In what future?
No one knows.
But... maybe... maybe asking oneself about the big what-ifs is the wrong thing after all.
Maybe trusting a maybe is better, is good, is the right thing after all.
Maybe... just maybe.