A/N: This took forever to write because a) I'm the slowest of writers b) I was in finals and c) I've been a social caterpillar. Anyway, this is probably super sappy and cheesy and OOC and repetitive, so yeah... I don't think this could ever be canon, because if this had happened their relationship would've been happy a lot sooner. Set post 2x5 (for a strange reason I still think they dated for a while after that) ANYWAY, un-beated and I didn't proof read because it was so fluffy I cringed.
Prompt: "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified" sent by Stine
Diane had buried herself in work more than usual; she had taken three cases that week and a pro bono. People merely thought she was enthusiastic and trying to move the firm forward since Stern had left. Diane would have liked that to be true, but the man that had her engrossed was a ballistics expert. They had been seeing each other —because their dynamic was that simple— for some weeks, maybe a few months. She hadn't been paying close attention, but she had noticed that today it would be eleven days since she had last seen him. She grabbed the first folder on the top of her desk and began reading it.
The case she was reading concerned the son of some popular director they represented. He had taken a gun to his college and accidentally shot one of his female classmates in the shoulder, that's what they had to argue anyway. They had hired some Chinese man that didn't know much about ballistics, but he knew how to put on a show and swing the jury in their favor. She didn't detest the man, but he wasn't him. Then again he would not have taken this case, because he valued science and honesty. She scribbled some quick notes and threw the pages back into the pile, this wasn't an immediate case, it could wait.
One of her assistants walked in and gave her more paperwork; she clung at her pen as she thanked her and dismissed her. Work hadn't been a bad idea, at first; but they suddenly had cases that revolved around guns, republicans and even a property suit that involved a barn. She shook her head and tried to inhale deeply, focusing on how her lungs expanded and opened her ribcage. Her breathing exercise was interrupted by her cellphone ringing. She reached for it and automatically picked up.
"Hey" The voice that reached her ear made her drop her pen. She should have taken the time to check who was calling.
"Hi" Her voice came pitched and rushed, she cursed at herself. He had promised to call after he arrived from New Orleans, he hadn't told her exactly how long he would be gone, but he hadn't expected him to call so soon.
"I'm back in Chicago testifying for the Morales case" Kurt had promised to call after he arrived from New Orleans. They had left things so open, she didn't really expect him to call, but he had. She smiled as she processed his strong voice.
"Tough case" She had heard of it in the news, it was a robbery-gone-wrong that had ended with a Mexican standoff between the cashier, the robber and a client. Of course anti-gun control Marlboro man will participate in such a polemic situation, especially since the second amendment was in the formula. He would find a way to justify that this wasn't a crusade, he was barely testifying under the given evidence. She rolled her eyes, she wasn't dwelling on that.
"Yeah, so… dinner?"
"What, tonight?" She glanced down at all the files she needed to revise. She could delay some of them, but she needed to have them in order by the end of the week and it was Thursday.
"I saw they opened this show, not my taste but thought you would like it" She contained her laughter, the man was unbelievable. They hadn't spoken in eleven days and he managed to pick up so casually where they left. She sighed; it bothered her that she was bothered by his absence.
"I can't tonight, I have court tomorrow" She dismissed, she wouldn't give in so easily.
"I can get tickets for tomorrow night too" He had been missing her, he had been close to calling her, but the ball had been left in her court. He had given her all the information on how to reach him in Louisiana and had told her to call if she needed anything. What if I don't need anything? She had asked. Then I'll call you when I get back. He had stared at her name on his phone's screen for minutes before he finally dialed.
"What is the show about?" She asked, if the show didn't peak her interest, she could come up with an excuse to avoid it.
"Apparently sequin dresses" She laughed openly. The man knew how to work his charm.
"Dinner is just fine" Diane knew musicals weren't exactly Kurt's favorite form of entertainment; she would not make him attend events he wouldn't normally.
"Yeah, but last time, we went to a horse exhibition. It's your turn" He had pitched the idea one Saturday night while at his farm. She had accepted because she liked animals. She raised an eyebrow, had he consider she had gone because of him? Were they taking turns on date ideas? Her soft smile disappeared as she pondered on.
"Listen, I could also just cook for you" He suggested after a minute of silence in the line. If he had learned something from all the years of hunting was that any sudden move could lead to losing your prey. He threaded carefully.
"No, the theater sounds perfect" He let out a small satisfied sigh.
"Ok, I'll call you with the details. 'Night"
"Goodnight" He hung up and she placed her phone into her purse carefully. She stared at all the paperwork on her desk. She could make it through one more day.
-oOoOoOo-
Friday came and Diane had been anxious all day. Will had called her giddy, but she wasn't in high school. Anxiety meant fear for the future and she was scared. She knew that her meeting with Kurt would go effortlessly. They would meet for dinner before the play, have a few drinks, enjoy the show and go to his hotel room. The events didn't alarm her, the inner turmoil she had been carrying since he had left did. She kept telling herself that the excitement she experienced was anticipation for sex, but she couldn't explain why she had spent two hours that morning choosing the right dress for the occasion.
She had picked a red lace Dolce & Gabanna dress that reached her just above the knee and that had a wonderful square neckline. She had changed at work and as she walked out she confirmed she had made the right choice, she had heard some of the lawyers murmur and David Lee making a snarky comment. Kurt had been waiting for her in a cab outside the building. She had risked the chance of catching a cold by not putting her coat on so he could see her garment. He didn't have to give her any compliment, his ajar mouth expressing his appreciation.
He had decided on wearing a grey suit, with a white shirt, he hadn't bothered with a tie, but this was the first time she had seen him in something that didn't involve plaid. They had had dinner in a nice East-Asian-cuisine bistro. He revealed they were watching The King and I, Diane had been so absorbed in her job she hadn't paid attention that the Broadway touring company was in town. She had enjoyed it, and even though he had yawned a couple of times, he had managed to stay awake.
He had used an application to call a cab, except they weren't official cabs, he had explained to her how it worked but she had been studying how his fingers moved across the screen. She almost reached for his hand, but she stopped herself. She crossed her arms and looked up to the sky as they waited in the sidewalk.
"Did you get to wear the cowboy boots and hat?" She teased, referring to his trip to the south.
"And the cow vest." He continued her game, putting his phone back in his pocket. He contemplated the sky too before turning to her. He noticed that Diane was stroking her arms even though she had her coat on. He put his arm over her shoulder and moved his hand smoothly over her arm. "I did ride a bull"
"No, you didn't." She nudged him playfully in his ribcage, she stared at him smirking.
"I did. I could show you" He slid his hand to her waist.
"You want to teach me how to ride a horned beast?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her grin disappearing as she noticed that he was staring at her lips.
"I have no doubts on your skills" He pulled her waist closer and placed his other hand on her cheek. Diane closed her eyes as he lowered his lips to hers. She uncrossed her arms to place them on his chest. She wanted him to kiss her passionately, but he was being gentle, taking time to appreciate their embrace. A warm sensation took over her chest, she need to stop him, stop this.
Kurt separated from her when he heard a car pulling over. He checked his phone to verify that the model and plates where the same the application indicated. He led Diane to the car and opened the door for her.
"You made a good choice on the play"
"I don't know, needed more sequins" He chuckled. She glanced at his hair and smiled. He lingered looking at her, he didn't understand this woman, neither his actions around her. He detested musicals, but attending one with her had been a nice experience. She sat down and Kurt closed the door, walked around the cab and entered it.
He contemplated Diane, she was examining the gold bracelet she was wearing and adjusting it. Her guard was down, she too was analyzing the events of the evening. She should have rejected the theater invite. She had enjoyed the evening, but it felt intimate. He had considered her taste and he had wanted her to enjoy herself in a way that wasn't sexual. She shifted her hands.
"You should've picked up when I called you" She stopped her hands, but didn't meet his eyes. He had called her two or three times and she had let it go to voicemail.
"I was busy" She had told herself that too. He couldn't just call in the middle of the day, he should know. She turned her head, her expression more apologetic than what she intended. He had broken the deal by calling.
"I missed you" The reason simplified. He grabbed her hand and delicately placed a peck in the center of it. Diane's mouth hung open for a second, the warmth returned. She leaned in and kissed him firmly. She disliked that he had said those worlds. They were casual, they couldn't miss each other and she would prove him later that what he had missed were their carnal interactions.
-oOoOoOo-
Kurt woke up lazily, yawning and keeping his eyes closed. He extended his hand to reach for Diane, he found her spot empty. He rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling. He massaged his temple, he hadn't expect her to sneak out. He glanced at the clock in the nightstand, it was 6 am. He grunted and shifted his position, pulling the sheets over him. He buried his head in the pillow and breathed deeply. Her scent reached his nostrils, his heart beat faster. He would have to wake up, at least to move out from the bed.
He sat on the edge of the bed and skimmed through the floor to find his clothes, his shirt was missing; he had probably taken it off elsewhere. He picked up his underpants and put them on. He walked to his suitcase and grabbed a white undershirt. He crossed his hotel room to where kitchenette was, he stopped. Diane was filling a glass with water in the small sink with his shirt on.
"Thought you had left" The sound of his voice making her jump. He approached her and imitated her action, reaching for a glass and filling it. His hair was ruffled and his mustache a bit misaligned which made Diane smile openly. He looked adorable.
"I couldn't sleep" She finished her water and placed the glass down in the faucet. He examined her, his shirt looked great on her and it barely covered her legs. He pulled at her hand and turned her to him, grabbing her by the waist. She suppressed her surprise and placed her hands in his arms. She focused on how his biceps flexed because he was eyeing her, he knew she was overthinking.
"At least I was right about you stealing my shirt" He fixed the collar. His shirt had been irresistible to take, it had a very pleasant smell.
"I couldn't risk getting my dress crumpled" Her dress had been placed neatly over a chair.
"It looks good in you, too bad I'm going to have to take it off" He captured her lips and pressed her against the counter. His hand reached for the first button and undid it. Diane was breathless and she didn't know if it was precisely for how intensely he was kissing her.
"Kurt" Her voice a soft whisper. He unclasped another button and brushed her neck with his lips. Her heart sank, he was making her feel. She had to stop, she had to regain her ground. He was getting to the third button when she pushed him away.
"Kurt, can we please get breakfast?"
-oOoOoOo-
After breakfast, he had managed to take gain his shirt back and then he had put it back on her. That had been lust, that had made her feel comfortable again. She had moved to the couch to rest and he had followed. He had turned the TV on and she ended up snuggling next to him. She had her head in his shoulder and his arm was around her drawing small circles. Every time she inhaled she found his scent mixed with the air and she inhaled deeper because it wasn't enough, her brain dizzy with the over-oxygenation. She had to stand up, move away from him, take her things and leave; but she couldn't escape his fingertips tracing soft loops in her arm, and then on her waist and hip.
She tried rationalizing her body behavior: pheromones, instincts, chemistry productions in her brain; but that didn't stop her from liking the way her body felt pressed next to his, so casually. She reminded herself of her past romantic failures, all the men that had hurt her and had made her so careful about romantic involvement. She studied him, he could turn out to be another bastard, but he had shown nothing but consideration. Her heart pounded and she gave in, raised her head and met his lips. The kiss lasted a few seconds, before she pulled back. Diane starred at a strand of hair in the middle of his forehead, gently fixing it. His hand moved to her waist and gripped her closer, his mouth placed soft pecks along her cheek. She closed her eyes as she imagined all the outlines of how this could go. He put his hand under her chin to lift her face, forcing her to meet his eyes.
"You're good to me." His voice a faint whisper.
"I'm not" She eyed him incredulously. She was frustrated that she couldn't figure him out, she couldn't figure her feelings out. She wanted to slap the man, but when she held her hand up in the air, she involuntarily grasped his t-shirt and smacked their lips together. She would prove to herself that she felt nothing but sexual attraction for him.
-oOoOoOo-
It was 5 pm and Diane Lockhart was back. She had taken a shower while Kurt slept, she had put her clothes back on and had gathered her personal belongings. She examined the man lying on the bed, he was snoring softly; she smiled. The almost 24 hours she had spent with him had been refreshing and definitely a nice break from all the work, but she had to go back. She damned him for indirectly making her take on all the workload. She walked to his nightstand noticing her earrings had been set there.
"Going somewhere?" He said scruffily, moving his head to sluggishly see her.
"Uh, yes, I need to prepare for work tomorrow" She took the earrings and put them in her coat pocket and looked around to see if there be any item she could leave behind.
"Diane, it will be Sunday" Work had always been her excuse to hide away from him, he would like for her to open her schedule for him, but it seemed impossible. It was a battle he would lose, but he kept fighting it.
"Yes, and you kept me away from the office on Saturday" There was nothing left in the room that was hers. She unconsciously lowered herself and gave him a goodbye kiss. He took the opportunity to wrap his hand around her wrist and pulled softly, making her sit down on the bed.
"Couple hours ago you weren't complaining if I remember correctly" He smirked and ran his fingers through her hair.
"I really have to go." She kissed him again and stood up, accommodating herself and shaking the anguish it provoked her to say those words. The Ice Queen façade reappeared.
"Lunch… tomorrow?" He asked before she left the room.
"I'll call you" She said, not looking back at him. This was his Waterloo.
-oOoOoOo-
It was Wednesday, almost Thursday. Her desk crammed with files, the paralegals had been helping her revise some of the paperwork and she had been able to assign Cary the pro bono. Diane had handled work without complications since Sunday morning. She had been able to ignore Kurt since then too. He tried calling her a few times, she had been tempted to pick up but the time they had spent together had complicated everything. They had gotten personal and she wouldn't deal with that when she had so much work. The firm had always help her feel stability, which was what she needed in her life, not some man that came and went as he pleased. They could see each other later and if they didn't it was probably for the best.
She heard laughter down the corridor, she had made the paralegals stay for a couple more hours, she thought they would've left by now. She missed the days where she could pull all-nighters without filling exhausted the rest of the week. She envied those who were younger than her, their lives seemed less complicated. A knock on her door disturbed her train of thought, she looked up. Her jaw dropped, Kurt stood in front of her. His usual jeans and plaid shirt on.
"Kurt, what-"
"You didn't pick up your phone, thought I should check on you" He walked up to her and stopped behind the chairs.
"I'm… fine, just busy" She stuttered, signaling to the folders she had been examining. Her head panged, she had been having headaches all week, she wasn't prepared to be confronted. She pushed herself up and steadied herself with the edges of her desk.
"What did I do?" His expression neutral, he put his hands in his pockets.
"What did you do to what?" She tried the easy way out, but he is not playing.
"To whom. What did I do to you?" He pointed at her making her involuntarily take a step back
"I don't…"
"Why have you been avoiding me?" She lowered her gaze to her desk, she began looking for words, forming her excuse. "Don't say it was work. I've been busy too." He told her firmly. She had followed his case, the hearings had been extended, it must have been exhausting-
"Kurt, I don't know what to say" She couldn't come up with any reason that would satisfy him or her.
"The truth" His tone had gone back to being softer. He was determined to get an answer from her, but if he acted under control it would help her articulate her answers easily. She had a blank expression on her face. She had been surfing through a storm the past weeks and she had accomplished to let a tree fall in her. He looked down to his shoes.
"Listen, I'm sorry I couldn't attend the gala with you-"
"It's not that" Diane's knuckles turned white from how hard she was gripping her desk. She didn't want him to apologize for anything, what made him think his presence was so relevant?
"I haven't said anything to you since that time." He shocked her with his honesty. They had agreed not to talk about him expressing he had feelings for her. She didn't reciprocate and it only hurt him. The damage had been done. She hated that she regretted mocking him.
"You said you missed me" She let go of her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. He gave her an apologetic look. Guilt invaded her for a second, she had to stop this.
"That didn't imply any-"
"I didn't call you when you were in Louisiana because… I didn't want to miss you" She pronounced the words slowly, letting the sink in. She avoided looking at him, but when she didn't hear a reply she stole a quick pick. He was stunned. He closed the distance between them and kissed her as delicately as he could. Diane's heart raced and when a shiver traveled down her spine she knew she had to get away from him. She was not used to being so vulnerable. She separated from his lips but his eyes made her unable to move her feet. She rested her head against his forehead.
"I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified." Her voice trembled as the words were spoken. She cursed herself for even allowing them to escape her lips. She had admitted everything she felt, it was a gigantic step for her, she felt on the edge of a cliff. He placed his hand under her chin, his eyes provided enough reassurance.
"You don't have to be" He guided her lips to his. She allowed the kiss to deepen and her chest is burning. She pushed him gently.
"I'm sorry, I can't- I can't do this"
"Don't fight it so much" He caressed her arms. He could observe she was processing all the events that had occurred.
"Do you want me to leave?" He suggested and her eyes snapped at him. Why was his solution always leaving?
"Yes" She needed the space and time to think, then that could be counterproductive. He began to part from her, he understood. "But don't" He embraced her fully, her head resting on her chest. He kissed her forehead.
"It can fall apart" She said against his chest.
"We can try not to" He stroked her hair and she buried her face in his neck, indulging how good he smelled. It comforted her to know he was willing to adjust to her pace.
"Whatever excuse you come up with, it's just one of the possibilities. There are thousands of outcomes." She nodded her head, her semblance changing, a weight she could dispose from her shoulders. He was right. She didn't know where this would lead, but she wouldn't be alone on the way and she shouldn't worry about the future. She had him there, she had missed that, she longed for that.
"You never know until you try?" She teased.
"If you will" He smiled and squeezed her. She brought her head out of his neck and placed her hand on his cheek, grazing her fingertips against it.
"We will" She would try, she would put their different political views aside, she would ignore what people thought of them dating her, she would try to not let her fear reign. She gave him a peck and slipped her hand into his. She took a step back and glanced at her office. She decided that for that night work could wait, she didn't need to take her mind off him. Not anymore.