Author's Note:
Hi, everyone! First of all: I AM SORRY FOR THE LONG UPDATE TIME! My writer's block is one vicious thing this time. I don't get to write, or even if I get something done, I change everything about it. It's one vicious cycle.
I hope you'll still keep reading, though!
Thanks for all the encouraging, wonderful, oh so wonderful reviews and comments. I melted a little more each time... which means I am pretty much a puddle now.
Anyways... I hope you'll like it.
And I hope I'll be able to upload more regularly from now on.
Really, sorry another time.
Still, I hope you'll enjoy ;)
"Wow, you must be really bored out of your mind if you make water fly through the air," Tony huffs as he enters the kitchen, where Loki sits at the dinner table, absently letting water move around the air like little snakes.
"I'm doing the dishes," she shrugs, pointing at the second trail of water snakes that is actually… cleaning. Well, frankly speaking, if not for the work in the lab and the "girl days" Pepper persistently insists on, Loki is bored out of her mind most of the time. Obviously Thor's absence plays a great part in her rather depressed mood, but it is really that she feels like there isn't much that she can do. And if there was something Loki hated already as a child, then it was boredom.
That is one more reason to hate Aesir traditions and ways of spending leisure time, by the way – except for riding horses through wilderness or going on an adventure somewhere else, Loki always hated the arenas, spending days and days jesting and fighting with what was in truth no more than thick broomsticks. Most of the time, Loki simply felt bored out of his little childish mind, and that is when he started to develop the thrill for mischief and mean magic. If only to have said broomstick right in his brother's face for once.
But now… Loki cares about those people, so playing pranks is not really an option anymore. Except for Stark and Fury. Even though Fury less often because the trickster sees that this man really took a huge risk by granting her a space in this world they call their own, in the team he built up… and because that man, regardless of his status as a mortal, has an aura she can't really put her finger on, which is why she believes it's better to treat him with due respect. At least she sees it like that now.
So yes, Loki is bored out of her mind. Boredom seems to dance upon her head.
"That is cool… but still old-fashioned. For that you have all my fancy dishwashing equipment," Tony grins smugly.
"I think it is always advisable not to lose touch to… real work," Loki shrugs, making Tony frown, "Now what?"
"Well, look at the royals, especially of the early days, even from your cultures. They don't have to do anything by themselves. They get the spoon stuffed in their mouths, the bed is made for them, they are dressed, bathed, their life is stipulated, conveniently, I admit, but… I never understood that fancy," Loki grimaces.
"You are a royal yourself, you remember that, right?" Tony frowns, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I was. I am now a criminal, let's not forget that," Loki scolds. "And I don't mean to say that it doesn't have its upsides that I, too, made use of. It's nice, it's really… nice. It's just that once I grew older, I felt rather irritated by it as I gave it more and more thought. You know me, I want to do things on my own. So why would I want someone to feed, clothe, and bathe me when I am perfectly capable of doing that myself? To me, it is only a way of slowing down the processes of… development. Of growth."
And the Gods know that she hates it when people mean to tell her that she can't grow, can't change. She did. Loki changed her old ways, too, if only partially. Thor changed his course and back to her.
"You think that makes you stupid?" Tony grimaces.
"Not stupid, just… complacent," Loki shrugs. "I actually tried to take it to heart, you see? On my lonely voyages, I was not always a royal, even when I still was one to the Aesir race by the time. I worked in the fields like any other, earned my money for my food, cleaned the rugs, washed the dishes, folded linen. I found that not only refreshing, but in a strange sense… liberating. For someone who didn't know these things because of the world he was born into… I mean… brought into, in a bundle… I didn't know how to do these things. And you know how much I hate it not to know."
"Yeah, you are a wanna-know-it-all, even more than me," Tony chuckles.
"Besides… I think that water, in that state, has something very beautiful," Loki sighs, her eyes falling back on the stream of water moving up and down through the air. She likes the way light is reflected in it, showing the true colors of light, which are the entire color spectrum. And once it's set into motion, water can tell entire tales as the colored dots of light dance over the walls.
Tony tilts his head at the play of elements, "Yeah, I get what you mean."
For someone who is rather analytic most of her time, Loki is a romantic just as well, or so all had to learn. She enjoys flowers and art, watching stars or sunrise, or making objects fly through the air in wild patterns, as she does right now. And in terms of flirting, Loki is as old-school as Thor. Obviously, it stands to reason… and that's why they two really deserve each other in Tony's opinion.
"So… what brings you here, other than hunger perhaps?" Loki asks, turning her attention back to the mechanic, who rewards her with his typical grin, "I was actually looking for you. And by the way, you really have to stop disguising yourself from the system. Jarvis complains all the time."
It gets really bothersome to search for the trickster all the time. She is the only one who can just take off from the system for some reason – which means that you always have to go looking for her. The way Tony figures, she does it not only to get attention, but because the little Empress really likes to play hide and seek for some reason.
"I do not like it that a computer is supposed to know about my whereabouts, just as I don't fancy being watched. I try to stay under anyone's radar, even yours," Loki shrugs.
It's enough that she is under Odin's watchful eyes at all times. Loki would rather reserve that bit of mystery to herself for as long as she can help it. And as much as she enjoys the technological advantages that come with such machinery, Loki learned to enjoy… human interaction. Instead of being called over some device, she rather has people to talk to face-to-face. And to her, it's still a nice little comfort that people constantly come looking for her, if only to take her to the lab or make her watch a TV show with the rest. It's nice for a change to have people looking not only for you, but after you. She is far too used to simply being watched.
"Though I mean that by no means as an offense against your system," she adds. "Jarvis is perhaps one of your greatest achievements. He has way better manners, for instance."
"Thank you, ma'am," Jarvis' voice rings out.
"That's what I'm talking about," Loki shrugs with a soft smirk tugging at her lips.
"He just has a total crush on you since you updated his system," Tony grunts dismissively.
"A crush?" she furrows her eyebrows at the mechanic.
"I think Jarvis is finally in puberty and tries to make his dad mad at him by searching for new role models," Tony says extra-loudly.
"I wouldn't ever, Sir," Jarvis tells him.
"Right," Tony snorts.
"So… what did you want with me before we discussed Jarvis having a crush on me?" Loki makes a face, bringing Tony's focus back to the trickster, "You are supposed to come with me. I got a little surprise for you."
"If it is about that movie you insist on that I watch, I will not. I told you time and time again. Zombies are hideous. Just as I won't pose as a Yeti to scare the people in New York, for the record," Loki grunts.
"That would be totally hilarious, but no, it's something else, so now, c'mon, Empress," Tony replies, gesturing at her to come along.
"Fine, fine," Loki sighs as she gets up. They start to walk down the corridors.
"So, what is the oh so grand surprise?" Loki asks nonchalantly.
"It wouldn't be a surprise anymore if I told you just now, now would it?" Tony argues.
"Perhaps not," she shrugs.
"So? Is mini-Thor doing fine?" Tony questions casually.
"Seriously? Mini-Thor?" the trickster looks at him sternly, so Tony replies, "Since you insist that the kid won't be named after me… yeah."
"Once that child is in the world, you call him so once and I shall chop off your hand," Loki warns him. "Mini-Thor. By the Gods…"
"Why do you always have to be so violent?! I'm just an adorable mechanic…," Tony means to say, but the God of Mischief cuts him off before he can finish, "Who is bothering me out of my mind most of his time."
"You know that you love me. I friggin' saved your life," Tony replies smugly.
"You won't ever let that go, will you?" Loki grunts.
"Not in a lifetime," Tony smiles at her dumbly.
"I thought so," she exhales.
"So you should get used to it," Tony snickers. Loki puckers her lips, choosing not to comment further. She runs her left hand over her pregnant stomach absently. As much as she'd like to deny it, Stark saved her that day, along with everyone else… and that child growing within her everyday a bit more, a bit stronger, a bit more filled with light, or so she hopes.
"So, here we are," Tony declares as they reach a particular door… actually close to her room.
"Oh, yes, beware of that magical door," she huffs.
"Oh, it's a magical door for sure," Tony grins self-consciously.
"Is this a prank?" Loki questions, her mimic blank. "Because if yes, you know that I have no trouble telling Lady Potts. And she will do bad things to you if you play pranks on a pregnant woman."
"That's really low," Tony makes a face. Pepper turned out to be extremely protective of Loki ever since it was revealed that she is pregnant. Whenever she manages to come by, after all, that woman is always busy, Pepper always asks Loki if Tony was mean to her in some way. The God of Mischief was very irritated at first, but then… Obviously, the trickster had no better to do than answer 'yes' the first time, so that Tony got the Earth Mother of lectures from Pepper.
Loki shrugs at him with a mischievous grin, "What? I can't help it that you misbehave."
"I don't misbehave. You just constantly tell Pepper that I do stuff to you," Tony pouts. "And anyways, 'misbehave' sounds weird when you say it."
"So is it a prank, yes or no?" she sighs. "My feet hurt from standing, so let's just get over with it."
"No prank, Scout's honor," Tony says, gesticulating.
"I know that you never were a scout. I looked that up," Loki huffs. "But fine."
"So now. Close your eyes," Tony smirks.
"You are sincere?" Loki looks at him sternly.
"Hey, if you stumble, be sure I'll catch you," Tony assures her.
"Right, if you let me fall down by any chance, I will make it my personal obligation to make your life living Hel," Loki snarls.
"Noted, so now, close your eyes and forward you go," Tony gestures at the trickster, who lets out another sigh, "And if you let me walk against the closed door, my punishment will be even worse, for the record."
"Again, noted," Tony rolls his eyes. Loki exhales as she closes her eyes and allows Tony to lead her inside.
"Alright, so now… open your eyes, coz it's a surprise," Tony declares dramatically.
"Bad rhyming at its finest," Loki snorts as she pries her eyes open, to see a room she cannot remember ever setting a foot inside.
"A, a nursery?" she gapes.
"Not just a nursery, the nursery of all nurseries ever built. We got the finest baby equipment money can buy, interior design that is totally up-to-date, so many toys that the kid will drown in them, even though everything is so childproof and safe that even I had some figuring out to do how that actually works. You'll have fun with the toilet seats, trust me," Tony huffs. Loki stares at the room with wide eyes, "You had the idea?"
"Well, I had the idea, but Pepper did most of the picking out and putting together. She has a better sense for this, but the idea, as awesome as it is, comes from the house-own genius who also happens to be the Iron Man," Tony grins smugly. "Oh, and we were really amazing at distracting you so that you wouldn't realize the craftsmen in here."
"Everyone else knew?" she looks around.
"Yeah, we are that amazing," Tony chuckles.
The trickster looks around, her emerald eyes shining. The room is spacious. The walls are painted mint green, probably in reminiscence of her favorite colors. There are cupboards full of toys, stuffed animals and children's books. In the center of the room is a crib made out of wood, which is colored white, a crib mobile turning slowly, the figures actually resembling the Avengers, Coulson, Fury, and Pepper.
"So now… go ahead," Tony says in a calm voice, hugging his chest.
"With, with what?" Loki looks at him, confused.
"You ranting about everything that is wrong here. I meant to show you this ahead of time so that we can do the last fixes before Mini-Thor decides to crawl out of you," Tony shrugs. "So? What is there to complain about?"
"Nothing," she blurts out.
"What?!" Tony can't help but shriek. Loki always argues, about anything. She even argues about what seat to take if she feels like it. The heck, she even insisted to have Fury's seat a while back, taking full advantage of her pregnancy-bonus to get her will. And God knows that Fury normally gives a damn – but the trickster convinces even the badass-agent Nick Fury. But now… nothing?!
"Nothing," Loki breathes. "Nothing should be changed about it. It's… perfect."
"Wow, that I witness the day that little Empress is simply satisfied with something without criticizing it… I am speechless," Tony grimaces, still wide-eyed.
"I am," Loki insists. "I… thank you."
Tony looks at her, a little irritated. He expected something entirely else for a reaction, to be honest.
"You are very welcome," he smiles at her.
"I never had this," Loki says, still looking around.
"A nursery?" Tony asks quietly. Loki nods faintly, walking around cautiously, as though she was afraid of bursting that bubble in front of her eyes. "Well, I had one when I was a child, obviously, stuffed with all of Asgard's gold and glory, but I never had one for my own children… There was no point."
They were taken away before there ever would have been a chance to put them in a nursery, let alone have one arranged for them. They had to grow up too fast.
Tony looks at her sadly, "I actually meant it to cheer you up, not bring about… bad memories."
"Oh, you didn't, you really didn't. It's… I am glad," Loki assures him quickly.
Perhaps a wink of fate.
A good omen for once.
A room for that child.
A room where it can be.
Grow up.
Play.
Laugh.
"And you're not just saying that to make me feel better?" Tony narrows his eyes at her.
"No," she insists honestly, allowing her soft side to show. This is a gesture no one has ever done for her. Ever.
"So, success?" Tony asks cautiously.
"Most definitely yes," she replies.
Loki turns back around to take her stance in front of the mechanic. Tony frowns at her, but that when she presses a kiss to his cheek, "I thank you, my friend."
Tony's grin extends slowly, but… widely, "I got a kiss by the Empress, ha!"
Loki then motions past him without another word.
"Hey, where are you going?!" Tony cries out.
"Searching for Lady Potts. I owe her my gratitude the same way, don't I?" Loki calls over her shoulder. "And of course the others, let's not forget."
"We were just having a moment. You don't just destroy a moment, Empress!" Tony pouts, gesticulating wildly.
"You can either come along or find some kid's toys to play with. That is up to you to decide," Loki shrugs.
"Ugh, how can you go from overly sweet to annoying in three seconds?!" Tony rants.
"I don't know. You tell me, how do you do it?" she retorts playfully. The mechanic trots along then anyways, "But it was my idea."
"Noted," she grins.
Thor walks around the hallways of Asgard's palace, finding his mind drifting back to emerald eyes shimmering through curtains of thick black and the touch of a growing womb containing life. Odin did not say much to him upon his return, other than a sincere wish to have Thor here for now – in preparations for him taking the throne. Though Thor approaches now every so such statement with more caution than he maybe would have a few years back, he has honestly no clue yet how to treat this issue. The God of Thunder doesn't understand why his father would mean to give him the throne when he knows that his son is seeking different politics, opening instead of closing the gates.
Thor looks around as he catches sight of something familiar, something that makes him smile regardless of all the troubles pressing down on his scalp. He strides over to the door and opens it slowly, frowning upon the realization that the door is already opened ajar and candlelight illuminates the room in a warm shade of yellow and gold. However, his attention is soon drawn to something even more familiar than the portal. He walks over to the shelves, smiling at the objects neatly lined up upon them. Thor picks up one of his former favorite toys, a thick wooden sword, but no longer than his forearm's length – his weapon of choice when still too small for real jesting. The God of Thunder smiles as he puts it back in place to pick up another thing that catches his interest – a small transparent globe. Because of Loki's apparent talent for magic, which started to bloom already at an early age, he could change the inside color and even create small images within this orb. Created tiny worlds. Tiny cosmoses with a million little things in it, or even more. Thor smiles, twisting the globe in his palm.
It seemed so easy back then.
Creating a space of their own.
Sitting on the bed, Thor tossing it up and down as Loki created everything from volcano lands to snow fields in that small globe, as both invented stories about those places, how they had come into existence, what people lived in it, what rites they had, what songs they sung.
In all that childish foolishness, they created places, if only inside their heads. And by the Gods, was that simplicity a miracle of its own.
How much Thor wished they could return to that state, of traveling, if only to imaginary worlds reflected in a glass globe that doesn't break.
"Thor?"
The thunderer turns around abruptly, almost letting the globe of glass fall to the ground to see Frigga coming from the wardrobe right next to the main room of the nursery.
"Mother, you gave me a scare," he exclaims, a soft smile flashing over his lips.
"I gave you a scare? You roamed around wordlessly," she scolds him playfully.
"True again," Thor smirks. "What brings you here, though?"
"Melancholy and the need for some nostalgia," Frigga sighs. Thor realizes only now that she holds one of Loki's coats in hand, one that he favored for a long while, so he knows.
"And you? What brings you to a nursery of all places?" she asks with a soft smile tugging at her lips.
"Perhaps the same. I don't know. I haven't been here in felt eternities," Thor lies swiftly enough for his mother not to poke further now. To tell the truth, it's the prospect of his child that made him eye that door curiously over the last few days he is now back in Asgard.
Both a portal into the past – and the future.
Hopefully.
"I tried to bypass these chambers for a while, to speak to you in all earnest. It is painful a reminder at times," Frigga sighs.
"You miss Loki dearly," Thor nods solemnly.
"Of course. That is nothing new to either one of us, or is it?" Frigga snorts.
"Not really," Thor shakes his head.
"Am I right to believe that I am not the only one, at this very moment?" his mother questions in a soft voice.
"What do you mean to say?" Thor grimaces.
"Well, besides your obvious displeasure about being called back to Asgard when you seek to pay your duties to Midgard as its keeper, I see when my son is in a foul mood," Frigga scolds.
"I'm not in a foul mood," Thor insists with a chuckle. Frigga looks at him, so he adds, "Well not foul, just… not in a good mood, then."
"… perhaps," Thor admits with a shrug.
"So you miss him?" she asks. Thor takes a moment before he answers truthfully, "… Yes, of course."
He misses her more than words can say, more than the words he would even like to say, if he only could. Thor would like to tell his mother about the great news to have her smile again for once, but the God of Thunder knows that this is something he cannot, must not.
They have to contain their future, very carefully.
He has to guard it.
Frigga starts to wander about the room, eventually taking her stance in front of the rocking chair where she used to sit in to tell them stories or watched on as the two played around.
"I always hoped that the day would come that your and his children would play together in the same halls, you know?" she sighs, not looking at Thor, though. "Chasing a ball, screaming, jesting… laughing."
"Really?" he frowns.
"It was not my wish that your Father did to my grandchildren what was done to them eventually," Frigga hisses, making her discontent no secret.
"I know that," he agrees solemnly. Even when all of Asgard was sure about how to treat Loki's 'beast-children', Frigga was the only one who spoke in the trickster's name, in the name of the children, and told Odin not to do it, but… well, the Allfather had spoken by that time, and there was nothing she could do anymore, other than, all in secret, give those children their blessing and an unspoken but honest apology.
"My hope was and is that your Father will come to his senses about the blood and how little importance it actually has. Perhaps it was too wishful thinking or too much thinking and wishing over actual acting upon my behalf, should I rather say, but I always bore the wish that your father, once you were seated upon the throne, would see fortune within the realm of the family, without it being tied to blood. I hoped that he'd bring the children back, and to yours," Frigga admits.
"Well, frankly, those children are long since too old to be put in a nursery," Thor exhales.
"Truly, a wasted chance, but I still have hope that you will give me a grandchild to read stories to and put into those tiny clothes," she then says in a lighter mood.
"Why is it that parents first of all don't want to hear about such activity at all and then demand an heir a while later?" Thor can't help but ask.
"At first it is to protect one's own child from stupidity. Later on, one sees how empty the house becomes and misses childish laughter, small footsteps… You will be just the same once you have children, believe me. We are not the only ones. It seems to be something quite natural to all parents that I know," Frigga tells him.
"I shall remember that," he agrees with a smile.
"You should, perhaps that makes it easier for you to act less like a fool once it's time," his mother smiles.
"I will most certainly try," Thor grins.
"Will you tell me now in earnest what makes your heart sink so low that your voice goes with it?" Frigga asks in a casual tone, though her eyes are poking right through the God of Thunder. Even though she and Loki are not related by blood, Thor can't help but wonder at those moments how it can seem that Loki inherited their Mother's eyes.
"Mother, I told you already, I am fine, I am simply in not so much a good mood after Father practically dragged me back to Asgard at an instant," Thor assures her quickly.
"You should not lie to your Mother," she hisses.
"I would never," he insists.
"I love you, my son, but of the two, Loki always was the better liar," Frigga chuckles, but then turns serious again. "What is the matter with you?"
"Mother," Thor sighs.
"You don't see your friends, other than for what is required, you wander about the hallways, the nursery and the libraries. You barely speak to anyone at all, and if you do, the best you manage is a crooked smile. And when I look into your eyes, I see that they are focused on something entirely else. Something is clearly bothering you," she insists.
"Mother, that is nothing we should discuss… openly. It is not the time either," he tells her.
"Your Father will hardly overhear our conversation just now," Frigga huffs.
"But he might," he warns her.
"You are paranoid, Thor, this is still your father," Frigga insists.
"He is, but… I know when I am being watched, so I would rather not discuss such private matter when I haven't figured it out myself yet. But I assure you that I am fine," he tells her.
"That is a sentence I heard from both your and your brother way too often. I don't know how many times Loki said it even before it all went down by the Bifröst, 'I am fine, Mother,' 'There is nothing to worry about, Mother,' 'We will talk about it another time, I assure you, Mother,' 'It's nothing'," she grits her teeth. "Because it is something. It always was."
"I am just not yet ready to talk about it," Thor shrugs weakly.
"At some point I honestly start to understand why Loki meant to get away from all this. I never felt those walls so close to my heart as I do at this very instance," Frigga shakes her head.
"I am sorry that you feel that way," Thor mutters. He wished he could offer her the relief he knows would lie in the simple admission of the fortune currently back in Midgard, where his eyes drift most of the time.
"It is not your fault, and it is not even directed against you, my dear son. It is your father I should speak those words to… though I did already. He is the one who builds a cage within a cage," Frigga exhales.
"I know," Thor agrees.
"So you will not say?" she looks at him, suddenly looking very tired.
"The time will come," he assures her.
"Do you promise me that?" Frigga asks, looking him deep in the eye.
"Yes," Thor replies.
"Once it's time," she nods.
"Once it's time," he agrees.
"Children away, children keeping secrets, and husbands going insane… that is not how I pictured my last days as a Queen," Frigga huffs.
"What? You will be Queen for as long as you live, Mother," Thor argues.
"Now don't be foolish, Thor. You and I both know that the moment Odin gives the throne to you, I am no longer the Queen, but it will be whoever you choose to be your personal Queen," Frigga replies, making Thor grimaces, "Right."
Just that his Queen is back in Midgard, bearing his Prince.
There is a longer pause, but it is Frigga who speaks up first, "It's as though it was only yesterday that I sat in that chair and read stories to you."
"I remember that, too," Thor smiles, his voice soft.
"Oh, you should better. No less do I expect from you when it comes to your own children," Frigga grins. "Loki always insisted to sit in that one particular spot. To the day I ask myself what must have gone through his curious mind to ponder on it so persistently. Perhaps it was just a fit of stubbornness he well learned from your Father and you… and me, but I don't know."
"I know by now," Thor grins.
"What?" she turns to him.
"It's the perfect spot to glance out of the window and into the nightsky while also looking at you, sitting in that chair," Thor shrugs. Frigga turns her head, tilting a little down, and in fact one can see the stretch of sky from this spot that would not be visible from any other position. She smiles, "So that's it."
"That's it," the thunderer chuckles softly. Loki always had the head in the clouds, in the sky. And the sky is in her head, endless, deep, and for many parts unknown land.
"How did you know?" Frigga asks. "Did he tell you?"
"No," Thor shakes his head.
"Then how?" his mother asks curiously.
"I learned by now to… observe… see," Thor explains. It's something he learned from Loki, or rather, from interacting with her. Loki opened his eyes, made him open his eyes, so that he could see the whole of her. She is a mystery worth any exploration, but for that you have to open your eyes wide and take that bit of time to perceive the whole picture.
"It is a skill and fortune at the same time," Frigga agrees with a smile tugging at her lips.
"I hope that Father will regain that skill soon again," Thor exhales.
"So do I," Frigga sighs. There is a longer pause until she straightens up and makes her way to the door, "Well. I shall leave you to some time travel to the former days."
"I did not mean to disturb you," Thor argues quickly.
"You did not. You cheered me up. Now I am ready to go back to the now and here. So I shall leave you to your bit of lingering in the past. I shall see you at dinner," Frigga smiles at him.
"Of course," Thor nods.
"Enjoy your little stay in the past a bit longer," she says, winking at him as she crosses over to the door. "Memories are nice."
With that Frigga disappears, leaving Thor standing near the stool with a frown that soon morphs into a smile.
He would really like to tell his mother about Loki's and his fortune, about the fact that he came into that room not only to marvel over the former days, but actually to marvel for the days to come, for when he will have a child of his own to read to, to put in a nursery such as this.
He would love to share that bit of future with her.
However, he has to protect that future with all he has. It has to stay hidden until it's time.
For now… all he can do is linger in the past a while longer, hoping that it will morph into their future nevertheless.