Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

Way The Wind Blows

Chapter Twenty

ELEVEN YEARS LATER

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat on her floral quilted bed, and looked at a rumpled and creased note that had been handled so much over the past decade that the corners were frayed. She then put the note down and picked up her once beloved silver heart locket. She opened it carefully, and tears welled in her eyes at the images inside. In the left heart, there was a black and white picture of herself smiling back at her, adorned with a Victorian style hairdo and a sapphire pendant around her neck. In the right heart was an image of Chakotay with a mustache and chin-high starched collar. She could vividly remember searching the cabin's transporter room for the photograph taken of them at the Victorian restaurant, after he had gone, and she could remember carefully cutting the picture up to place in her locket after it had arrived on Christmas Day.

A thin layer of glass protected the images, and Kathryn tenderly touched Chakotay's face. She had never forgotten him, and she had never stopped loving him. For so long she had waited for him to come back into her life, but he had never come. Even though she had not seen him since that terrible night in Raylar's Bar, she had checked his Starfleet profile from time to time to see what he was doing, what he had accomplished. She had hoped to find some hint, some clue, about when they would meet again, but the closest she had ever come to seeing "her" Chakotay in "this" Chakotay was a single sentence at the bottom of his profile which said he was now an instructor at the Academy. His picture was updated fairly regularly, but his image never resembled the image of Chakotay captured forever in her locket and in her heart. This Chakotay didn't have a mustache and he didn't have sleek bouncy hair.

Then, three years ago, she read that he had left Starfleet to join the Maquis after his family had been killed by a Cardassian take over of his home-planet. This news had shaken her. Her Chakotay of so long ago had told of her a great tragedy that would happen to his family that could not be prevented. She had imagined a disease or a fire, nothing like this... And while this event seemed to connect this Chakotay and her Chakotay, his response to it did not. Rather than fight politically for the freedom of his homeworld, he had joined the Maquis. The Maquis was made up of criminals and terrorists and other trouble-makers who were just looking for a fight. Her Chakotay could never be one of them. He had been so kind, so gentle, and was a Starfleet Officer. After being in the Maquis, he would never be permitted to rejoin Starfleet.

This occurrence seemed to confirm what she had been suspecting for a while, but had not wanted to accept, that the future her Chakotay came from no longer existed. As painful as it was, she had learnt to let go, and had allowed herself to love again. She and Mark had been dating now for two years, and were planning to get married in the summer. The locket and note she had cherished for almost a decade, she had placed in a large box in the back of her wardrobe, left to gather dust with other souvenirs and mementos from her past.

But now, Chakotay had been thrown back into her life in the most unexpected way. She had been asked by Admiral Paris to lead a mission to capture him and his crew in the Badlands. When he had given the name of the Maquis captain she was asked to capture, her heart had almost stopped. Was this how he was to come into her life? No, she could not believe it. Admiral Paris had shown her a picture of this Maquis Captain Chakotay, and he looked even less like her Chakotay than all the other pictures she had seen over the years. His cropped black hair was streaked with silver, and there was a large tattoo on his forehead. This was not her Chakotay. This Chakotay was nothing like him. Her being asked to capture him had to be just a terrible coincidence.

But, as sure as she was that this was not her Chakotay, she didn't know if she had the strength to capture him. She had asked Admiral Paris for a couple of days to decide, and he had obliged. To refuse the mission could raise questions about her loyalty to Starfleet as so many people were leaving - either to join the Maquis, or in protest over the Federation's abandoning of colonies in the demilitarized zone - and it could adversely impact her career. But, the thought of accepting the mission and capturing him gave her shivers. Even if the future he came from no longer existed, meaning that "her Chakotay" no longer existed, for those few weeks over a decade ago he had existed, and the love they had shared had been so real. To capture him would seem like a betrayal.

"A replicator ration for them."

Kathryn looked up from her lunch of jacket potato with cheese and salad into the kind face of her friend, Penelope Brown. Penelope was a tall woman, very thin and wiry, and while she could never be described as beautiful, she had very pretty brown eyes and rich black hair that fell over her shoulders.

"You can have them for free," Kathryn replied.

Penelope sat opposite her, and put down a cup of coffee she was holding in her hands on the table. "What's wrong?"

"I've been asked to lead a mission into the Badlands," Kathryn began, "to capture a Maquis crew. I don't know if I can do it."

"Are you a sympathizer?"

"In some ways. I feel sorry for what some of them have suffered, and I wish the Federation had not abandoned those colonies, but my feelings on the treaty isn't what is bothering me."

"Then what is?"

Kathryn hesitated with her reply. "There is someone in the crew that I was once very close too."

"I see."

"I don't think I can capture him. I don't think I can do it."

"I understand," Penelope said sympathetically. "Tough call."

"But at the same time, I know it will be bad for my career if I don't accept this mission. They'll think it's because I'm a Maquis sympathizer. I can't tell anyone I was involved with this man because we weren't exactly "supposed" to be involved. But while we do have a history, I also know that he's not the man I fell in love with. He's very different...has become a very different man. I can't help think that, as difficult as it would be, if I do this, if I can face him and capture him, then I can truly let go of the past."

"Perhaps that's why this is happening," Penelope reasoned. "Perhaps you're being tested. Not only as a woman, but as a Starfleet Officer. There comes a time when the personal and the professional clash for all of us, but the good Starfleet Officer will be able to separate the two."

Kathryn nodded. "I know. I'm not the first person to face such a dilemma, and I won't be the last. A lot of officers are having to chase Maquis ships which have their friends or former lovers or even relatives onboard. I think I have to do this. I think I have to do it as both a woman and a captain."

"And if anyone can, it's you, Kathryn. You're the best Starfleet officer I've ever known. And I'm not just saying that because you're my friend."

Kathryn smiled softly. "Thank you."

Penelope took a sip of her coffee. "I take it Mark doesn't know about this."

"No."

"How are things between you?"

"Good...we're fine."

Penelope didn't seem convinced. "Really?"

Kathryn made no reply, just averted her eyes.

"Are you having second thoughts about marrying him?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "I..." She paused. "Sometimes. I love him, I really do, but..."

Penelope finished the sentence. "You're not sure you're in love with him?"

Kathryn nodded. "I don't feel for him what I felt..."

Again Penelope helped her out. "For this man you've been asked to capture."

Kathryn nodded again.

Penelope took her hand. "Oh, Kathryn."

Kathryn looked up at her. "What should I do?"

"Only you can answer that. But if I was you, I would accept this mission and face up to your past. Perhaps you've built up your past relationship with this man into something it really wasn't. We've all done that sometimes. Memory can be deceiving. Sometimes we remember things how we want to remember them, not how they were. If you accept this mission and come face to face with this man, then perhaps you'll be able to see him for what he really is. Then you'll be able to let go and focus on the present... on the relationship you have with Mark that is real. He's a good man, Kathryn, and he loves you. That's what matters, that's what's real."

"You're right," Kathryn replied. "What Mark and I have is real. We have years of friendship, we have mutual trust and respect, and we love each other." She looked up at Penelope and made the decision that, unknown to her, would send her and her crew into the heart of the Delta Quadrant. "I've made my decision. I'll accept the mission."

Four Months Later

Alone in her quarters on Voyager, Kathryn sat before a window of stars and gazed at an old photograph on her computer of her and Petunia. It had been taken by her mother during the fall she and Chakotay had spent together in Alberta, and she and Petunia were sitting on the porch of her childhood home in Indiana. There was so much happiness on that young woman's face that it brought a lump to Kathryn's throat. Those weeks she had spent with Chakotay had truly been the happiest of her life and for so long the only reason she had felt for living was the hope that he would come back into her life.

And now he was. Now they were both stranded on a single starship thousands of light years from the Federation.

"We're colleagues and we're friends," she heard her 'Jack' say. "That's all you need to know."

When she had first seen a picture of Maquis Chakotay she had felt so sure that he could never be her Chakotay, but now...now she wasn't so sure. There was no doubt that this Maquis Chakotay was a little younger than her Chakotay, which could mean that the future her 'Jack' was from could still be waiting to happen. Perhaps this whole situation, them being stranded on a ship together, was the situation her Chakotay meant when he said their future relationship was complicated. Certainly things were very complicated now. There was no way they were going to get home any time soon, which meant it was out of the question to keep the Maquis in custody, but it also seemed out of the question to offer them a position on Voyager. How could Maquis criminals work alongside Starfleet Officers? And yet it seemed the only practical solution. To keep them confined would be a waste of their skills and a drain on Voyager's already limited resources. If any one onboard wanted to see home again, Maquis or Starfleet, working together to survive in this unknown, unchartered, region of the galaxy seemed essential. But could she trust the Maquis? If she offered to integrate them into her crew, could she trust them not to try to take over the ship? Could she trust Chakotay?

"We're colleagues and we're friends."

If the future her Chakotay came from was still waiting to happen, then she could. And even if it wasn't waiting to happen, if her 'Jack' had come from an alternate reality, then she still knew his character. She knew he was a man of principle, a man of loyalty, a man of kindness, and a man of skill. Every part of her being told her that she could trust him. She could trust him as a man and she could trust him as an Officer. For over twenty years he had served in Starfleet and had served well. He had an impressive record and had even been on the brink of captaincy before he left. There was no doubt that he would be a tremendous help in trying to get Voyager home, and no doubt in her mind that the only subordinate position on Voyager fit for a man of his experience was First Officer.

And if she made him her First Officer, perhaps that would make serving on a Starfleet ship easier for the Maquis. Given they were all stranded on this ship, possibly for the rest of their lives, she felt sure they would accept integration. Working together was the only practical thing to do, the only logical...

"Janeway to Tuvok," she said, hitting her combadge as she made her final decision. "Report to my quarters."

In seconds, Tuvok responded. "On my way, Captain."

The connection then terminated and Kathryn turned again to the picture on her computer. For a long moment she looked at it, then she closed the picture and switched off her monitor. It was ironic. She had come on this mission to lay old ghosts to rest, but far from doing that she had stirred them up and now they were haunting her more than ever.

Suddenly, the door chime sounded. Kathryn cast aside her computer and called out. "Come in"

The doors opened and Tuvok entered.

"Tuvok," Kathryn said, gesturing to a chair. "Have a seat."

Tuvok dutifully sat opposite her.

"I've had to do a lot of thinking," she said to her old friend,"about the Maquis. After giving the matter considerable thought, I've come to a conclusion." She paused. "I intend to make a proposition to Commander Chakotay. If he and the other Maquis are willing to submit to my command on this ship, then I'll integrate them into our crew and make Chakotay our First Officer."

Tuvok was silent for a moment, then he spoke. "Your words surprise me, Captain. Given our long working relationship and my seniority on this ship, I would have expected you to make me your First Officer. That would be the logical decision. Chakotay is a Maquis criminal responsible for a number of acts of violence. The only reason we are in this unfortunate situation now is because we were on a mission to capture him. And in that we have succeeded. The Commander and his crew are in our custody. That you suddenly believe him worthy of being First Officer defies my understanding."

"We're 75,000 light years from the Federation," Kathryn replied. "Even at maximum speeds it's going to take us 75 years to get home. We can't keep the Maquis confined to the cargo bay for years."

"Agreed. But neither can we ignore the fact that they are criminals, criminals we were given the responsibility of capturing. I suggest we punish them individually according to their crimes and Federation law. The length of time they are then confined will depend on the extent of their crime."

"I'm not willing to play judge and jury, Tuvok. Besides, it would only breed a lot of resentment and anger and make our lives more difficult. Being out here alone, our lives are going to be difficult enough. And let's not forget that Chakotay sacrificed his ship to help us and supported my decision to destroy the array. I believe he will make a fine First Officer."

"But it is a position of immense responsibility. A captain must be able to trust his or her First Officer completely. What makes you believe the Commander is worthy of such trust?"

"A gut-feeling," Kathryn replied. "If the Federation had abandoned our homeworlds to the Cardassians and they had slaughtered our families, wouldn't you be angry? I would be. I'd be as angry as hell."

"But you would not have joined the Maquis," he injected.

"No? Can you be sure of that? I'm not. Prior to his involvement with the Maquis, Chakotay had an exemplary Starfleet record. Admiral Turner even wanted to promote him to Captain. Not only has he taught at the Academy, but he has served on many ships and has years of command experience."

"Be that as it may, it does not follow that he is worthy of your trust. And to be frank, I doubt any other Captain in your position would even consider this. How can you be sure he won't use his position to take over the ship? The Maquis are not small in number. I believe we must proceed with caution. Given their history, giving the Maquis a menial position on this ship would be generous enough. And even that, in my opinion, is risky."

"You're right," Kathryn replied. "There is an element of risk. But if the Maquis see that we are prepared to trust them, they might be all the more willing to trust us. We're going to need to pool together all of our resources to survive out here. Keeping the Maquis confined would be a waste of manpower and a huge drain on our resources. We need everyone to pull their weight."

"Then they can be put to work during the day, full guarded, and confined at night."

"No," Kathryn said firmly. "I want to integrate them into our crew."

"They may not wish to join us."

"Then we'll have no choice but to confine them. But I have every confidence that they will co-operate. It's the most sensible thing to do."

Tuvok saw that he was not going to succeed in persuading her out of this. "I see you are fully resolved on this matter."

"I am," Kathryn replied. "The only question is, do I have your support?"

"Of course," he said sincerely. "It is my place to counsel you, not to countermand you."

Kathryn smiled warmly. "Then have Commander Chakotay brought to my Ready Room. I'll speak to him there."

Sipping a coffee for courage, Kathryn stood at a window in her ready room and waited for Chakotay to arrive. Any moment now he would and somehow she had to steel herself for another encounter. It was so hard being in his presence, so very hard. She could only hope it would get easier.

At last, the door chime sounded.

Mustering all her strength, Kathryn turned around, put down her coffee, and faced the door.

"Come in."

The doors opened and Chakotay came in, escorted by two security officers. He said nothing, just stared at her with visible contempt.

"Thank you, Dobson and Rintak," she said, addressing the security officers. "You may leave."

The two men glanced at each other uncomfortably, afraid of leaving their captain alone in the presence of this Maquis warrior, and didn't stir.

"Dismissed," Kathryn said, reading and appreciating their concern. "That's an order."

Reluctantly the two men left and the doors closed fast behind them.

Summoning all her strength, Kathryn narrowed the gap between her and Chakotay, cleared her throat, and spoke.

"As you are aware," she said, trying to sound as firm as she could. "This is quite a situation we're in. As far as I know it's..."

"I'm well aware of the situation we're in," Chakotay interrupted. "All I want to know is what happens now."

Kathryn swallowed. This Chakotay was so angry, so hostile, nothing like the Chakotay she had once known and loved.

"Your security officer," he went on, "my traitor, is convinced that we're going to try and take over your ship. And believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. But with so much against us in this space, a mutiny wouldn't do anyone any good."

"My thoughts exactly," Kathryn said.

"But we will," he continued. "If you don't give my people a fair deal, we'll either take your ship or die trying." He stepped closer, looming over her. "So what's it to be? What can you offer?"

"A proposition," Kathryn replied. "If you and the other Maquis are willing to recognize my authority, then I'll integrate them into my crew and make you my First Officer."

Chakotay flinched at those words, then his lips curled and he began to laugh. "First Officer? You expect me to believe you'd make me your First Officer?"

"You're more qualified than any one else on this ship," she said calmly. "And you being First Officer might help make integration easier for the other Maquis."

"Yes," he replied. "It might. But why would you trust me? Don't play games, Captain. We're willing to be reasonable. Don't provoke us."

"I don't play games," Kathryn answered. "And even if I did, I'm in no mood to right now. I haven't slept in days and I'm almost dead on my feet. The only one playing games here is you. The offer is yours for the taking. Be my First Officer and integrate your crew into mine or spend the next 75 years in confinement."

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes, scrutinizing her soul. "If I accept, how can you be so sure I won't betray you and take over this ship?"

"I can't be sure," she said, struggling not to buckle under his gaze. "That's a chance I have to take. And I'm willing to take it. For over twenty years you've been an exemplary Starfleet Officer. I don't believe the Maquis has beaten that officer out of you yet."

"Is that why they sent you after me? To try and redeem me before its too late?"

"I can't answer that," Kathryn replied. "All I can say is that right now neither of us are in a position to make demands. To survive out here, we're going to need each other. I am confident that your crew members can make a valuable addition to this crew, and I am confident that you will make a fine First Officer." She paused. "Besides, if you wanted to take over this ship, you could make a start right now. It wouldn't be too difficult for a man of your strength and skill to kill me or take me hostage."

At those words, Chakotay averted his eyes.

"So do it," she said. "Take me hostage or kill me." She reached for her phaser and handed it to him. "I'll even give you the weapon."

Chakotay glanced at the phaser, but made no move to take it.

"I thought not," she said. "Because you're not a killer. You're a gentle man who would never take the life of another unnecessarily." She put the phaser back into her belt. "So, what do you say? Do I have myself a new First Officer?"

Chakotay hesitated, searched her eyes again, but then smiled warmly when he saw sincerity there. "Yes," he said. "You have yourself a new First Officer."

When he smiled Jack's beautiful smile, he took Kathryn's breath away. Trembling slightly, but not from fear, she held out her hand to him.

"Then I look forward to working with you."

Chakotay took her hand in his and they consummated their agreement with a shake.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY