A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I hope that last chapter really came as a bit of a surprise... and for those who I know were surprised (thank you for the review btw ^^), I hope it wasn't too much of a shocker.
Anyways, hereby the next chapter.
Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)
Thor is on his way back to the Great Hall, his steps heavy, like a million soldiers stomping their feet. His body is at war with the world, his mind holds up the flag, his hands play the drums. Thor flings the doors open forcefully, almost bringing them out of their hinges. The warriors retrieve in fright.
"They are dead," Thor declares upon coming inside. Frigga's eyes wander between him and Odin, shock wrecking her body, "What?! Odin!"
Her fear was that Odin succeeded in exiling Loki and the child to Jotunheimr, but now they are… they are dead?
"The warriors had orders not to lay hands on the trickster, but have her moved to Jotunheimr," Odin argues calmly.
"They threatened to take her to execution," Thor retorts angrily. "What exactly did you believe would Loki do? Of course she fought back! Like any of us would have!"
"Please no," Frigga mutters, a hand over her mouth, her entire body shaking.
"When they put those chains on her, she tried to break them off with her magic, only moments after she had given birth. But because she was too weak… or so… the attack backfired… and killed her and our child," Thor snarls, baring his teeth. Does his father sincerely believe that the fact that he did not order for the soldiers to kill them right away makes it any better? He wanted Loki dead, now in Jotunheimr or Midgard, it makes no difference.
Loki's death was Odin's plan.
And that his son died along with her seemingly played into his hands the very same way.
"No, no, no, that can't be. That can't be. That's… no," Frigga stutters, tears now freely streaming down her face. How many times is she forced to bury her family? Since when is her family tree… a graveyard?
"I did not mean for it to happen in that way," Odin tells him, seemingly not in the least touched by the news. "Of course that brings… some problems. I promised the Jotuns to bring them the trickster. Now that means I will have to refund them – to ensure Asgard's safety."
"What?!" Frigga shrieks. She grasps him by the arm forcefully. "How dare you say that? How dare you think that after hearing these horrific news?! Thanks to you one of my children is dead, and my grandchild!"
"The trickster is not your child," Odin argues. Frigga's wrist grasps him even tighter.
"Loki is my child! I held him as a babe, rocked him to his sleep, sang to him, read out to him, taught him magic, held his hand through a fever mare," Frigga brings out. "It was you who gave that small bundle into my arms all those years ago and said to me that I shall treat it as my own. And that is what I did. And it was that very night that you proved to me your very greatness. But what happened to that greatness? That gentleness? That love? How could you, after holding that child in your arms for only just a night, stop loving it? Breaking the promise you made me commit myself to? How could you? How?"
"It had to be done," Odin tells her.
"You helped kill our child, and our grandchild. No, that didn't have to be done. It mustn't happen, Odin!" Frigga argues with fury burning in her eyes. "I shall never forgive you this."
"I told you that it was a failure to..." Odin tries again, but Thor is fed up with all of it. He listened to it for too long, "I will not hear a word from you! You killed my child, your grandchild! Your own grandson!"
Frigga cries out again. It is all too much. A baby boy, her grandson – and her husband helped kill him, along with her beloved child, Loki. It rips her heart to shreds, tiny, tiny shreds, which pierce through her flesh like shards of glass.
"Regardless of the fact that I did not plan for this to happen… both their demise was a... necessary evil," Odin insists in a flat voice Thor would usually read as… annoyed? He is annoyed, even though he just had to learn that his adoptive child and grandchild died because of his foolish politics!?
"Don't you dare say that! There is no way to justify your actions!" Thor growls.
"Thor Odinson, remember whom you are talking to," the Allfather retorts.
"To a bastard!" Thor snarls, unimpressed. "Loki was right about you! All along! She said that your heart was too much of ice to show mercy and love! I wonder if you are not her real father after all, for so much ice is running in you, truly befitting a Jotun."
"You don't know what you are saying," Odin shrieks.
"I know what I am saying! You don't know what you are doing! I should have known better! I should have known that you are simply incapable of mercy and… light… You imprisoned her children before, you even killed them! How could I ever be so foolish to believe that this could change?!" Thor yells, dread filling his voice. If only he hadn't told him.
If only… if only…
"That was something entirely different," Odin argues.
"How?" Thor asks. How is that any different? Lives were taken, ripped away. How does that old vicious merciless game ever change if the result remains the same?
"This was your child as well," Odin says. "That's the difference."
"Yes, he was mine! So how dare you kill him? Or find it justified that my son died along with his mother?!" Thor demands.
"Because you stained the throne by laying with a criminal from Jotunheimr. You dared to bed with a traitor to the throne! This is a bastard child, a disgrace, a shame," Odin tells him.
"You...," Thor growls, his chest vibrating with anger.
"That child was never meant to live, Thor," Odin says, his voice dark. "Like his mother."
"This child did you no wrong! If at all, it was us two, Loki and I, but not this child!" Thor cries out.
"It was cursed," the Allfather insists.
"You don't mean that, do you?" Thor looks at him.
"This child never should have been breathed into existence. It was not meant to be. It is tainted," Odin argues, "and would have posed a threat to entire Asgard."
"Why?!" Thor looks at him.
"Do you know what this relationship, this child, would have been to Asgard?!" Odin curses.
"It would have done nothing to this realm!" Thor argues. "Neither did our relationship for all the time it took place already! You didn't even know about it until I told you!"
"You kept away, didn't do your duties…," Odin argues, but Thor cuts him off with a hiss, "Whenever you called, I came. For what do we have the Bifröst for if not the travelling across?! I paid my duties to the crown, to this bloody throne you sit on!"
"If there had been something wrong in Asgard, or with the Bifröst, it would have taken you considerable time to come by, if you would have even managed," Odin shrugs. "And that was because you rather spent your time laying with a criminal."
"I wouldn't have been forced to stay on Midgard if you hadn't banished her to there!" Thor growls in a low voice.
"Now don't be ridiculous!" Odin cries out. "Was I supposed to just let the trickster walk after the havoc caused?"
"Well, did you not do the same with me? You banished me in the intention to have me redeem myself, but Loki never got a chance to. You left her stranded there, regardless of the fact that we did just the same thing in a way, just that I attacked Jotunheimr while she chose Midgard as her target," Thor argues.
"That is because you are of my blood. That protects you, Thor. Don't you see it?" Odin sighs.
"I do see it, but I don't understand! You brought Loki to Asgard, you tried to move beyond the ties of blood, you wanted to change things…," Thor argues, but Odin interrupts him. "And that was one of the greatest mistakes in my life."
"Odin!" Frigga yells, but he dismisses her completely, "For as long as Loki lived like one of us, it was no problem, but then… the secret of his heritage was uncovered. And that made the trickster something other, something not part of the old laws, something that could not seek shelter under these pillars of old laws that protect you, Thor."
"I can't believe this," Frigga grasps her forehead, feeling dizzy. She waits for Odin to turn to mist to reveal some vicious illusion, but her fingertips still on his arm deem this here as reality.
"So fine, you had Loki exiled for those reasons! Fine! Yet, that doesn't change anything about the fact that our relationship, our love, did Asgard no harm!" Thor curses.
"Your mind was elsewhere. With her in bed, to my understanding," Odin huffs.
"I helped protect Midgard alongside her after it was so greatly destroyed thanks to our actions, our politics! We both helped these people!" Thor retorts. "That was our main goal! That was what was on our minds foremost!"
"And who brought about that chaos, you remind me?" Odin snorts.
"Not just Loki, if that is what you are asking. We were the cause for Loki's outbreak, our dishonesty! The lies! The secrets! Or the children already ripped away from her! That you tried to keep us two apart to bypass a scandal among Asgard's royals!" Thor yells.
"You openly showed that you didn't wish to be here. You even wanted to deny the throne in a while," Odin argues.
"And you think that was because of Loki?" Thor shakes his head. "It was not, believe me that. She encouraged me to pay my duties to the throne, even when I was shaken by my growing hatred for you. She told me to protect Asgard, regardless of her 'mixed' feelings towards this realm that eventually became a hostile place for her! She wanted Asgard to prosper! Be at peace! She saved me from death, I told you. She protected Asgard, all this time! That I stayed on Midgard was my wish, not hers! It was me! Not her! Why do you punish her for something I committed?! Why don't you just deny me the throne? Why don't you just cast me out?"
"Because you are the next King, Thor. You have duties. You are the King this realm deserves and needs," Odin retorts.
"And Loki would have been its righteous Queen if you had granted us just one meager chance of proving ourselves!" Thor shrieks.
"Nonsense!" Odin huffs. "Loki meant to corrupt and destroy Asgard the last time the trickster was seated upon this very throne."
"But in what kind of a situation? Right after she had learned about the lies, her true heritage! She was not herself when this took place," Thor argues.
"Oh, I believe that this was her real self after all. The throne exposes people's true core," Odin nods slowly.
"Indeed," Thor agrees. "As it exposes you as what I took you for before, an old fool, too set in his ways, too narrow-minded, too dark to see the greater good when it is right before him, within his arm's reach!"
"And you have your heads in the clouds if you believe only for a split second that what you did was the right thing, for it was not. You broke the laws, laws in place for good reasons," Odin retorts. Thor just shakes his head.
"Look," Odin then says, now almost in a soothing tone, making Thor grimace at him. "I did not plan your child's death, obviously. You only told me just now about this child, but its demise, however sad and personal this loss may be to you… served a greater purpose in the end. This is to protect Asgard."
"How does this protect Asgard, by the Gods?!" Thor demands. He doesn't get it. He really doesn't. How are these two deaths the price for Asgard's safety? How do they establish the peace Odin thinks to find in little wars and shutting the gates for all times?!
"Do I really have to spell it out to you?" Odin snorts.
"For all it's worth: YES!" Thor yells. Yes! Yes! Why? Why?! Say it! Say it already!
"What do you think does it mean to produce an offspring with one's rivaling race? Huh? With a Jotun. A Jotun of all possibilities. Do you sincerely believe that you can give the throne to a son whose blood runs together in Jotun ice and snow? They would have had political say in Asgard, by blood, or would at least demand it. Would try to influence that child. This would have corrupted Asgard, entire! To the core!" Odin snarls, forcing Thor's eyes wide open. So that is the reason? That is all he gets for a 'why'?
"Then so be it! We could have done so many things to prevent that, if that is so much against your very wishes! Why not just declare him a bastard, so that he cannot climb the throne! But for that he didn't have to die!" Thor argues, still not believing this. Where is the man who told him not to interrupt the peace with the Jotuns after the coronation's interruption? Where is the man who took Loki's and his hand after showing them the Casket when still children? Where is the man he loved? The man who loved him – and Loki? The man he believed in? They man he trusted? The man he looked up to? The man he wanted to come closer to, to become a great leader like him? Where did he go? To where did he disappear?
"Again, I did not order the execution. From your description, Loki happened to have your son in her arms when it happened. How was I to foresee this?" Odin argues.
"So you mean to say that you would have let my son live if Loki had not acted the way she did?" Thor huffs. Because he knows. He knows now. And Odin's silence only confirms him.
"I didn't mean for a violent death to take him," the King says eventually. "But believe me: In the end, this will help protect your home, Thor. It is for your best as well, even if you don't see it now."
"This is to protect yourself, no more than that!" Thor snarls. "Because you feel ashamed! That's why you chased them, to death. With the same rattling chains with which you meant to imprison Fenrir. Truly, how cruel can you be to use this chain of all chains? You say you do that for political reasons, I say you do it out of personal feelings of resent. You try to hide your personal agenda behind orders and this very throne. You wanted to chase Loki, to death and beyond. And so you did."
Odin made Thor's loved one so desperate that she saw no other way but fight one last time, with all she had. And that backfired on Loki. She is Odin's victim, along with the child. Odin always made her run, but this time… she stumbled and fell. And Thor came too late to prevent it, and didn't get a chance to pick her back up.
"Do you even have the slightest clue how many rules you broke with this? How much of a fortune it is for you that you did not suffer the same destiny?!" Odin argues. "It is my goodwill that you are not in shackles yet."
"Fortune?! Fortune! You killed my family! How is that a fortune?! How dare you say that out loud and mean it?! You would have done right killing me alongside them! This is not the life I am willing to live!" Thor yells atop of his voice.
"You are future King of Asgard, you have responsibilities," Odin argues.
"And so have you! So have you! Towards Loki, towards this child, towards me!" Thor cries out.
"You will have to learn that a King has to put the good of the people in front of his own," Odin retorts.
"I refuse to learn that I have to make others the sacrifice for the madness of an old man who cannot realize his own wrongs!" Thor growls. "I will never forgive you this."
"It had to be done," Odin sighs. This time, Thor runs up to him, their faces only inches from each other, "The only reason why I don't smash your head with Mjölnir just now is because I will not do that in front of Mother, but believe me... I would in a heartbeat. So don't test me. I might change my mind quicker than you think."
"Loki's death is tragic, but in the end… the trickster's removal will ensure stability among the realms," Odin says, not wavered, not scared… just not… anything. Nothing. Only a shadow.
"Loki neither was the one to cause the rift, nor will her absence close that rift. All you did was to… to kill both my loved ones," Thor shakes his head.
"It was a political decision," Odin replies. Thor narrows his eyes at him.
"It is personal to me," he says. "Very personal."
"Believe me, I didn't want for this to happen," Odin tries to assure him, but Thor doesn't buy it, "Yes, I know, you wanted it to happen behind closed curtains and doors, if to the same result! But I saw it! I saw your heartlessness! I saw all of it. I can't believe I ever had faith in you. Or that Loki did, for she did. Believe it or not. She had faith in you. She believed in you and your politics – but those of the former days. When madness and evil didn't have you devoured already."
"I am sorry for you, but it had to be," Odin replies, unimpressed.
"You are not sorry. And it didn't have to be, no," Thor says, turning around.
"Where do you think you are going?" Odin demands.
"Back to Midgard. The Avengers need my assistance after the havoc you caused. And I wish to bury the bodies of both my loved ones, for you won't even grant them Aesir burials, will you?" Thor huffs.
"No," Odin declares. Frigga lets out one shuddered cry.
"Then I'm gone," Thor shakes his head.
"You will stay," Odin yells.
"I will not," Thor retorts. "If you have any intention to keep me as your successor, you will let me go now. Or do you want to kill me, too? Have me in shackles, too? In chains? Leyding perhaps? Since Dormi is no longer available?"
He extends his hands in Odin's direction, as though ready to be put in cuffs, "Will you imprison me, too? Bind me to the throne by using Leyding or some other shackle you had prepared? Huh? I dare you do it."
"Odin," Frigga breathes hard, hoping that her husband doesn't consider this also, because she can't tell what he is up to. At this point, this man is a shadow to her, a shadow meaning to consume the world entire.
"You want me on the throne. For some reason, you need me. So? Will you throw me into the dungeons, too? Expel me? Hm? What shall it be, my King?" Thor growls, his eyes hard as stone, and his voice venom.
"Put your hands down, by the Gods. I will not put you in chains – unless you give me a reason to by attacking me," Odin exhales. Thor drops his arms to the side, "So will you let me go?"
"I did not say that," Odin hisses.
"Well, then you will have to chain me indeed, because I tell you, Allfather – I might just as well give you reason to have me in them indeed," Thor says, his voice shaking in sheer anger. "And now ask yourself: What would that do to the realm? What a scandal would that be, huh?"
Odin looks to the side.
"As you said, you cannot complete the Exclusion yet, for you have to talk to the Jotuns… to settle the price for the love of my life… and my child, seemingly, too, which you seem to trade as good, however," Thor says, screwing his eyes shut for a moment as pain overtakes his senses. "So you can either fight me now. Or you let me go to settle my business – and treat the love of my life the way she deserves. Your plan has succeeded, you won, Allfather. You lost one of your children and your grandchild. So in fact there is no reason to keep me here for now. It's all done. It's all over."
"Let him go," Frigga implores him. She would go with him, but Frigga's legs wouldn't move anyways. Though the time will come, that is sure.
"How do I know that you will come back?" Odin insists nevertheless.
"I make it that easy for you: You either let me go right now to bury my loved ones or I shall deny the crown for all eons that are to come. That is up to you to say," Thor shrugs with a sad kind of victory. He did not pose this threat before because of Loki, because of her words, because of his child, but now that they are dead? What does it matter?
Exactly.
It doesn't.
At all.
It's over.
"Thor Odinson, you...," Odin means to say, but Thor says the words that silence even the Allfather in his madness, "I'm no longer your son."
With that he leaves. Frigga keeps weeping, the loss overtaking her senses. She no longer has the power to argue, no longer the power to kill her husband, she is simply suffering through the loss of all her children, and her grandchild.
The Avengers have gathered around Loki and her child, who look strangely peaceful amid all the chaos and darkness.
Like broken dolls.
"I can't believe it," Steve shakes his head, running a shaky hand over his scalp. Just yesterday they teased Loki about a baby shower. She made her discontent over such festivity no secret. All had laughed at her pouting, and by the end, she cracked up laughing the same way. It seems all so far away now.
"What was she thinking, running up to them like that?" Clint grimaces. Loki is perhaps the most gifted tactician of them all – and then she does this?
"I have no clue. She said she didn't have the energy to fight," Natasha replies solemnly.
"A mother's instinct, seemingly. She simply tried anything to protect her child," Bruce sighs.
"But if she would have let us fight them…," Tony means to argue, but Natasha replies, "Loki rightly pointed out before that this wouldn't have helped."
"It would have bought us time," Steve says, joining Tony.
"But not enough. They could locate her right after the birth, because Loki had to let her barriers fall. Odin wouldn't have stopped. He knew by then that Loki was about to have this child. And judging by his level of madness, he wouldn't have let them walk away, ever. Those chains were meant to catch her – there was no escape for her, and even if we had found a temporary escape for the child… I think Odin still would have found a way. He did with this, too," Natasha argues. She heard Loki going through the options. Running along that fence, but in the end… running into emptiness.
"So what? She though doing the suicide squad would help her cause?" Tony can't help but huff.
"I don't know. One moment she was holding the child close… the next she just lunged forward and disappeared into her magical green light. I had no time to react. Really, if only she couldn't transport short distances. Then I maybe could've…," Natasha shakes her head, biting her lower lip. Clint holds her by the shoulder, "It's not your fault, Natasha."
"It damn well feels like it though," the female agent mutters.
"It's not," he insists. It's no one's fault… other than Odin's.
"… Should we… bring them inside, maybe?" Steve asks tentatively.
"It might be for the best," Bruce agrees.
"The left wing of the mansion is alright. We won't run any trouble there," Tony confirms, after checking the building for damage. They can't have the building raining down on them now that the world already rained down on them.
"SHIELD sends people to… settle the rest," Clint adds. Steve nods, leaning down to pick up Loki's body. Bruce takes the babe and they start to walk over to the house in a sad procession. They make their way inside. Gladly, the left wing is really mostly unharmed. The Avengers lay down the bodies on the couch in the lounge area.
"What do we do now?" Steve asks, arms crossed over his chest.
"Hope that Thor rips Odin's head off?" Natasha hisses.
"Well, obviously. But other than that?" Steve snorts.
"I don't know. I guess we have to see… as to what Thor… wants to do… you know… for the… burial… I still can't believe that this is… really an issue now…," Bruce shakes his head. One day they were installing beds for the kid everywhere, child safety locks, play pens, and now… they are supposed to dig two graves?
"We'll have to wait for his return, and then…," Clint means to reply, but that is when suddenly Loki's body bolts up, letting out a loud gasp, the color returning to her ashen face. The child, as if on cue, starts to weep, a rosy pink settling as its complexion.
"Zombies!" Tony exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "They are real!"
"What the hell?!" Steve shrieks as well.
"Loki…," Natasha breathes, still not believing it.
"I'm fine... I...," the raven mutters, looking around dazed.
"Let me be judge of that," Bruce mutters, overcoming his shock by focusing on something he can do on autopilot as well – check her and the child's status. Loki's eyes follow him lazily.
"What the bloody hell?! I just peed in my suit! Do we now have two zombies on the team now, yes or no!? Oh my friggin' God in Heaven, Jesus! Buddha! ALF!" Tony yells, both hands against his head, walking circles.
"… I… used my party trick?" Loki mutters, her voice no more than a whisper.
"Come again?" Clint frowns.
"I faked my… our… demise… well, obviously… otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you…," Loki says, blinking repeatedly. Her head feels as though it was wrapped in cotton.
"But the attack…," Steve mutters, but Loki corrects him in a soft voice, "An attack I fired. I made it look like it recoiled, but it didn't do anything other than looking… threateningly. In fact I used the time to cast another spell… to… well… do this."
"How is that possible?! You had no heartbeat," Natasha questions.
"Neither did the child," Clint adds.
"We both were dead for a few minutes. That was the only way to bring off the chains and nullify the binding spell. The warrior confirmed that only death could break the bond. So… I killed us both, but brought us back. It's a magic chant I used couple of times when on my voyages… as I said, it's my… party trick?" Loki offers weakly.
"Well, Chriss Angel will eat your heart out for that one...," Tony grunts.
"It's actually thanks to my daughter that I am here," Loki explains.
"Hela," Tony nods, starting to understand.
"Yes, coupled with the magic spell I… invented, I can… go to her realm of the dead, but then return," Loki says mutely. "That is the one travel Odin couldn't ever take from me, for the soul has to travel to this place once we go. The old bastard never thought of that option."
Because he seemingly never understood just how desperate Loki could get in her measurements. Though at some point she can't believe it herself.
"That means you are immortal, for real?" Steve grimaces. She as well as Thor always pondered on it that they are indeed not immortal, but now it sounds like Loki… overcame this? Because that would have been convenient to know beforehand!
"No, it only works if I 'fake' my death. If I receive a lethal injury, then I am dead like any other. That is why I attacked myself, to be on the safe side," Loki explains.
"So… you were dead as in dead…," Tony makes a face. He gets the facts, he does, but his mind still tries to catch up to the circumstance that someone actually chose death… to escape death.
"I was dead, yes, as was the child. We were in Hel, but… we came back," Loki whispers. She closes her eyes for a moment, remembering her daughter's face, the warm smile that looks like snow. A place that is ghostly pale, but nevertheless beautiful. Peaceful. Tranquil.
"Ah, Mother, it's good to see you," her daughter smiles as the light clears and reveals the features of Hela's face, which is not marked by old age, but still as smooth and clean as that of a babe, though she bears the form of a beautiful young woman.
"It's been a long time, I know, my daughter," Loki agrees.
"So will you stay here with me now?" Hela asks curiously.
"I fear it's not my time yet, my dear," Loki shrugs.
"I missed you," Hela tells her in a soft voice, and with an even softer smile.
"I miss you, too, every day," Loki assures her.
"What happened that you are here, though? Did the mischief get you into trouble once again that you had to escape to here?" Hela smiles almost teasingly.
"Very unfortunate events, my child… My life is very troublesome lately… or well, it never stopped being troublesome. I live up to my name," Loki tries to smile, but it shatters, breaks. She knows what she did. What pain she caused. What was done. She died. Her child died. By the Gods…
"You feel pain," Hela tilts her head.
"It's hard," Loki shrugs.
"I can see that… and feel it," her daughter nods, her voice full of empathy.
"I am sorry," Loki shakes her head. She knows that her daughter can sense such things, feels the emotions as her own, but right now Loki can't keep the hurt out of her heart, the fear still making her fingers tremble, regardless of the tranquility all around her. She is still at war inside her heart, and no peace will be achieved any time soon.
"No, don't be. I am just… irritated. You usually change the course once it gets too hurtful, but I feel so much pain from you now, Mother," Hela argues.
"Well, again, it's a complicated matter," Loki exhales.
"But you still want to live? You know… you don't have to. I already told you before that my arms always open for you to come to me. You can stay, stay here with me, with us, come to peace, stop wandering around so aimlessly, for we both know that you did for an awfully long time," Hela whispers. And before Loki got to know the Avengers, she did not just consider to take the offer. She wanted to, more than desperately.
"I am no longer. I found my place. I found… many things, people… friends…," Loki mutters.
"So you suffer for them," Hela tilts her head.
"I do not suffer," Loki argues, looking at Hela, who frowns, "But the pain…"
"I take this pain because I feel so much goodness as a reward. I don't feel as lonely as I did for the many times you saw me with head hanging low. I found this place I want to stay at, with people I like and who like me for who I am and what I am," Loki assures her.
"But it is not just companionship you found, is it?" Hela smiles.
"Indeed…," Loki hums.
"Oh, so you and… the man I don't really like," Hela makes a face. She never made her disappointment in Thor particularly a secret.
"Yes," Loki chuckles softly.
"And you are sure?" Hela narrows her eyes slightly, though her voice is still as soft as silk.
"Yes," Loki tells her with determination. Nothing has changed about that. Since ever. That is the one thing she is sure of in all that chaos. That if she had the chance between not going that one step or taking it nevertheless, she would always leap into the reality in which he is by her side. Because with him she can't be. Ever again.
"Even though he caused you pain?" Hela asks silently.
"I caused him pain, too. That's not the matter, my child. Perhaps it is something you have yet to learn. Pain is something we have to undergo to find pleasures in the smaller things. Love reaches beyond all pain, I know that now. And hopefully, you will one day, too."
"But he of all companions?" Hela can't help but ask, making Loki laugh, but then she goes on more seriously, "He has changed, my child. And believe me when I say so in his name, but he is very sorry for not having intercepted in Odin's actions to have us parted."
"He said so," Hela means to make sure.
"You know it already, my child, deep inside you do," Loki smiles softly.
"I still don't like him," Hela huffs.
"Trust me, most of the time I don't like him either. But I do love him very dearly," Loki chuckles. She is so much like her in these ways.
"Well… He made an excellent choice, then," Hela says at last, smiling at her with glistening eyes.
"And so did I. I am happy," Loki replies.
"That is good. Happiness is a rare good that should be cherished," Hela agrees.
"I know," Loki nods.
"Of course you do. You taught me that," Hela grins.
"Right," the trickster agrees. Hela tilts her head again, looking at the bundle of red in Loki's arms, "And is that…?"
"Yes, your new half-brother," Loki smiles at her. Hela motions closer to peek inside the bundle to capture a glance of the infant.
"He's wonderful," she smiles.
"He looks a lot like you did when I first had you," Loki tells her.
"Really?" Hela looks at her almost excitedly.
"The same nose, I know for sure," Loki chuckles.
"He is big for a babe," Hela frowns.
"Well, Aesir are rather tough creatures after all. But he is by no means as heavy as your other brother Jörmungandr was, believe me that," Loki huffs. However, that is when the child starts to weep in her arms.
"Oh, he seems upset," Hela frowns.
"He is. The way here was very troublesome. You know how it goes. That is actually something I didn't want to put him through so early on… or ever. The barrier of death is something children should not be forced to climb across," Loki shakes her head sadly, rocking the child, but now it is crying and she feels like crying also.
"Indeed," Hela agrees solemnly.
"And I believe he misses his father already," Loki sighs. Again, as does she. Her children are truly her mirrors also. And at some point she wished they weren't. To protect them.
"Or he feels your feelings as his," Hela shrugs.
"For which I am already very sorry," Loki mutters, but then feels Hela's wrist on her forearm, though her hand feels like a feather against her skin. "Don't be. For neither am I. It means that we are connected in a way that no one can part."
Loki smiles at her, "You are right, my dear daughter, thank you."
"May I?" Hela asks, her eyes glistening as she gestures at the child.
"Of course," Loki nods. The trickster cautiously hands the precious bundle over to her daughter, who takes the newborn with feathery touches into her arms. Hela smoothes her hand over the baby's scalp with a soft smile. The baby stops crying instantly, but instead falls into deep slumber.
"I know that I am the person who takes life, or rather… takes in those souls that are no longer, but… I cannot stop marveling at the miracle of life," Hela whispers.
"Indeed. It never ceases to mesmerize," Loki can't help but agree.
"You are still in danger, aren't you?" Hela asks in a soft voice, rocking the child expertly, though her eyes are now serious and fixed on Loki for an honest reply.
"I hope that this little scheme will ensure our safety, if only for a little while… until I have a new plan," Loki explains.
"Well, I'm glad for my brother that he has such a witty mother to protect him," Hela smiles, looking at the child again.
"I hope my wit will be enough to offer the protection needed," Loki exhales.
"I will pray for you," Hela tells her.
"Thank you," her mother nods.
"You have to go back, don't you?" Hela asks.
"Yes," Loki whispers.
"Will you come see me again sometime?" Hela questions.
"I will, most definitely. I promise you," Loki assures her. She takes Hela's free hand into hers, pulling her closer, "And never forget – for once I cease from this existence, I shall be here with you for the rest of times."
"I will welcome you with open arms, and so I will all the loved ones you bring with you," Hela tells her with a soft smile as she hands the baby back over to the mother. Loki kisses her on the forehead, "My wonderful daughter. Thank you."
"So now, go and live, live for the both of us. Because, once you come, I want to hear all those stories about the other places you told me about, the other worlds you visited, yes?" Hela asks her excitedly.
"I will share every single one with you," Loki assures her.
"I'm looking forward to it," Hela smiles.
"Goodbye," Loki whispers.
"I will see you soon again, but make sure that you keep smiling like that. You didn't smile so for such a long time. And I love your smile, Mother. Never forget to smile – because that means that you live happily," Hela reminds her as white light starts to cloud Loki's vision as she is pulled away from this realm. "And it is happy stories I want to hear, foremost."
"And why didn't you tell us?!" Tony shrieks, bringing Loki back to the here and now.
"I had to act in the blink of an eye. My powers were fading fast after I birthed the child. That I brought it out by magic only helped reduce my powers. After birth, I lose my abilities for a certain time. So I had to… I had to act before I would have been unable to cast the spell. I didn't have the time. I would have. I didn't want to… leave you under the impression that I… I didn't want to put you through that… I wanted to… warn you and… but… I had no time. There was no time. I just had to act," Loki replies frantically. She cradles the babe close to her chest, kissing the young boy's forehead, a lone tear running down her cheeks. Back when she performed her "party trick" for the first times, Loki believed it didn't matter. Because the trickster didn't deem himself as someone who'd be severely missed. But that is different now. She can see it in her friends' eyes right now. She didn't want to hurt them. And still she did, but… but there was no way. The moment the idea came to her mind, she just… moved forward, away from the window, to spit right in the monster's face.
The others watch Loki cradling her child, tears staining their eyes, and that is when all anger or haste leaves the others. Loki moved as far as to kill her child and herself so that they may live. This is not about plots or being mischievous, it is about the love of a mother for her child. She didn't leave them out because she wanted to trick them, too… there simply was no time.
"But why all this? I still don't get it," Clint frowns.
"Now they believe that I am dead. That means… they will leave me at peace," Loki replies.
By drawing all attention to herself and her "demise", Loki hopes all those eyes formerly on her will avert their gaze now – and leave her alone.
"But won't they know that you are alive again? I mean… if they follow your energy?" Clint argues. "That's what they did this time, too. And they got to you."
"Well, gladly, you brought me inside by now. Even though I have no magical aura for now, and won't for a while, they wouldn't have seen me in that way even if I had awoken in the streets… But the house is safe. I have protective seals everywhere. That is also why they didn't know where to find me inside the building. This would have changed if they had entered, but for as long as they stay out of the house, they will not know me inside," Loki explains.
"Is that why Jarvis couldn't detect you?" Tony asks, narrowing his eyes. He always wondered how she managed that – because Loki, persistently, didn't want to give it away, no matter how much he bugged her about it.
"Indeed," she agrees.
"Smart," Tony puckers his lips, looking impressed.
"Where is Thor?" she asks the one pressing question burning on her lips. By the Gods, she brought about the pain she doesn't wish upon her worst enemy, inside the loved one whom she wants to protect and hold on tight. It's bad enough Loki did that to her friends, but Thor? Thor of all people! She just hopes inside her heart that he will forgive her this one day.
"He went with the soldiers back to Asgard, to kick Odin's ass. I hope he kills him, slowly," Natasha hisses, making her anger over Odin no secret.
"I think that greater powers are at play here," Loki then says, gaining the others' attention. "So I think that Odin's death is actually… still not a favorable option."
"What?" all break out. She must be in delirium, right?! That guy just helped kill her! And the child!
"Those political decisions are pointless. The exclusion itself may have been… acceptable in some way, but it's nonsense to have me sent to Jotunheimr to 'calm' the Jotuns. Even if they surely have interest in getting revenge on me for what I did to their realm, my life would by no means be enough to make them declare peace to Asgard. If anything at all, they now tasted the blood again, and are craving for more… if they don't get upset, for some odd reason, that Odin has a Jotun and a half-Jotun killed for political reasons… To risk to lose Thor as a successor to the throne was actually very stupid and much more risky than would have been to keep me here on earth and force Thor to stay in Asgard," Loki explains. "Killing me was… no smart political choice."
"So what?" Bruce grimaces.
"Odin is not stupid, however. That was and will always be part of the problem. He is a witty man. Why would he do that if he was not under some spell or… whatever else?" Loki argues.
"So what? Have him killed, find the Khan Worm later. I don't care. I want that guy's head, on a stick," Tony grumbles.
"Me, too," all the others add in unison.
"Believe me, nothing more would I dare to crave for, but… whatever has a hold of Odin, it aims at destabilizing all realms… possibly leading to war. There are powers at work that are beyond our reach. And they mean harm. So we would do better finding the source and removing it… and then have Odin's head on a stick," Loki explains.
"… So you are seriously voting for not having him killed?" Tony asks again. Because he doesn't want to believe it. At this point, Tony, and probably everyone else, would rather have Loki back in her former vengeful mode again, where she takes revenge for taking her glass away without asking permission first. That guy killed them. That is a boundary no one crosses without facing punishment at her hands.
"For all it's worth, yes," Loki nods.
"Well, then I guess I should make a quick call to Thor to come back and not… kill Odin. That is even tougher to believe than you dead," Tony mutters, already on the pager again.
"Maybe you shouldn't mention Loki's… secret yet. We don't know if they took the device from him or so," Clint argues.
"Yeah, we won't take any more chances," Tony agrees. "And again, I can't believe it. If Big Guy is really in trouble because of that bastard, then sure as hell Odin will have to go. Period."
"Killing Odin at this point might have disastrous consequences for all of us, as much as we hate it," Loki insists. Even if in her opinion, she wants him dead, wants him suffering, she sees the necessity of his life, of his existence. Even though the flames are burning inside of her cold and hot at the same time, all that anger leaves her. Is washed away. Floods out of her. She has her baby in her arms, healthy and alive. Shall Odin go to Hel, she has her child now. Loki managed to beat him, beat him with life and love. That is nothing he can take from her again, she was victorious, for once.
She won.
"My Prince," Heimdall bows his head as Thor approaches the inside of the dome. He just hopes that his friends are alright. Tony wrote in the message that he has to return urgently – and truly, he does. And the mere thought makes his heart clench painfully again.
"If you have orders from my Father not to let me pass…," Thor sighs, but the warrior interrupts him, "Just go ahead."
"Thank you," Thor nods solemnly.
"I am sorry for your loss, Milord," Heimdall says.
"I am sorry, too. But I thank you for trying. You were one among few," Thor offers feebly.
"I never made it a secret that the God of Mischief and I are not the best of friends, but this was a destiny even… she… did not deserve, neither did the child," Heimdall replies.
"Thank you," Thor mutters.
"Will you be back?" the soldier in golden armor asks.
"I fear so," Thor grimaces. That Odin lets him walk now is probably because of the argument, but that man won't change his course. He learned it the very painful way today.
"I will welcome you back either way," Heimdall assures him. Thor nods solemnly before disappearing into the flux of light, his mind drifting away along with it.
He opens his eyes to a still destroyed street, thunder rolling in the distance, a strange circumstance, really, that the outside world seems to reflect his inner turmoil, chaos, and raging anger. Thor makes his way to the mansion, his footsteps heavy, his chest still aching, though rather dully. He finds his friends in the left wing of the building.
"Where are they?" he asks, his voice gruff from unshed tears. He has to see them again. He has to trace the outlines of their faces. To remember them. Because that is seemingly all he has left, tatters of a past that was not granted the chance of becoming a future.
"Thor, uhm...," Natasha says, turning to him.
"Where are they?" he demands more forcefully.
And that is when he suddenly hears the gurgling sounds of a child.
What?
Is this a dream?
Or did he lose his mind already?
Thor blinks a few times. No, this sound is real. It is. Isn't it? But that is when suddenly Loki stands in front of him, their baby against her chest. Alive. Moving. Breathing. There.
Thor looks at them in shock, "Wh... I thought you were..."
Loki hurries up to him, green fading into blue, but then she bows her head so that her emeralds are covered by a curtain of black, her voice coming out raw with emotion, "I'm sorry. I faked it. I'm so sorry for putting you through this, but… I had no time to explain. I had to act. That was the only way I saw to free our son and I of the shackles, for only death could part me from them. I am so sorry, so sorry, I… I didn't mean to… I am so sorry. I…"
Loki doesn't know how he will react. She just hopes, hopes, prays that he will forgive her the scheme, the pain she caused him. The worst of all pains. If only she had had the idea sooner, could have told them, but her mind only cleared in the eyes of sure death. And out of that death came possibility. Yet… Loki did to Thor something she didn't dare was possible. To cause within him such a pain, such a loss, and that till last. She can feel his pain in her chest, if only the fainter echo of a shared soul, but it still tears her apart.
The trickster just keeps her head lowered in shame, but that is when she feels herself being pulled forward. Thor just holds on to her as tight as he can, tears freely running down his face. He breathes in her scent, her wonderful scent, stained with dust and ashes, feels her soft hair, her skin, the warmth creeping through his fingertips, the rise and fall of her chest against his, hears the gurgling of their child, the life. The gaping hole in his chest starts to heal, close up again. He feels warmth again. Less broken. More complete.
They are here.
After a while, they let go to look each other in the eye once more, "This is not just a dream, is it?"
Loki just shakes her head into his chest, "No dream."
Reality.
This is real.
Their sorrow and their pain.
Their happiness and bliss.
It's all real, it's all here.
Thor leans even closer to her, not wanting any distance between them. Loki dares to look up to him to ask the question burning cold on her lips, "Can you forgive me?"
She searches his eyes, searches for a sign of anger, resent…
"You did it to protect you and our child. If at all, I have to thank you." Thor tells her in a soft voice, his eyes speaking the same message. "You managed what I couldn't. You are here, that's all that matters. There's nothing to forgive."
He cradles her head into his chest, his chin on her scalp.
"I just had to act," Loki whispers.
"I know. It's alright. It's alright," Thor sighs, kissing her on the scalp.
Loki then turns to the rest of the Avengers. She has to say it. Has to clarify it.
"I thank you all for protecting our child and me. If not for you, we would have been destined to death," she says. "I am sorry that I shocked you as I did, but… but… thank you. Just thank you."
"I forgive you right away if I get to hold the baby," Tony declares with his typical smile.
"You will be the one to drop it," Clint snorts.
"I have cat-like reflexes," Tony insists.
"Those of a dead cat, maybe," Natasha huffs.
"And just maybe," Clint adds.
"Hey, we didn't get killed, the Asgardian folks are back to Asgard, and we finally got our Avengers Mascot. Can't I celebrate that a little bit?" Tony pouts.
"Not that again...," Loki sighs, rolling her eyes.
"What?" Bruce frowns.
"He intends to put our child in a tiny suit of iron to create a tiny version of himself. As an extension of his own ego, or so I figure," the trickster explains.
"It looks totally amazing," Tony insists.
"We will not do that," Bruce exhales wearily.
"And you won't make a child your mascot," Steve adds.
"You guys just don't see how awesome this idea is," Tony argues vehemently.
"God beware that you ever have children, Stark. They are scarred for life even before they are a year old," Natasha rolls her eyes.
"My children are going to be...," Tony says, raising his index finger, but Clint interrupts him before he gets to say it, "Don't wanna hear it."
After that the friends start to argue… the way they do almost every day.
As if nothing ever happened, even when the building is partially in ruins, even though Odin is still a threat, even if nothing is resolved yet… They are here, just the way they used to.
Loki leans with the back of her head against Thor's broad chest, rocking the child softly, watching their friends argue about children and tiny Iron Man suits. That is perhaps the best they can get. A life in the midst of ruins. A flower growing out of stone. Yet, here Loki is... and in a golden cage once more. Some things just never seem to change. She can travel all the realms in the world... she will always end up in some kind of prison again and again... with no more than a flower in its midst.
"You didn't kill him, did you?" she sighs.
"No. Do you think I should have?" he asks.
"I know you shouldn't have… Odin is… something is wrong with him. We have to figure out what powers are at work here," Loki replies. "And by that I mean the powers seemingly possessing your father to cause havoc among the realms."
"So you think he is under a spell?" Thor grimaces.
"I see no other way. He is acting upon impulses that are… having no reasonable ground whatsoever. Even though I know that he definitely wouldn't approve of our relationship even if he were just his usual self, the exclusion and me being 'sold-out' to the Jotuns taken together… are not making any sense. Something is very wrong with him. And we have to figure out what that is," Loki tells him.
"And if not for that? Would you want me to kill him? Because I would, I would now," Thor questions. If she told him right now to go ahead and slay him… he would. He really would.
"Right now I don't know, Thor. I know nothing, actually. I just know that... that we are here... and he is not... that we all live, but are not dead... For whatever the reason... we are all alive, that's all I know," Loki mutters, a tear cascades down her skin. "I just don't know anymore... this is... too much."
As much as she tries to see this analytically, all her rationale floods away as she concentrates on Thor or their child. Her head is a mess, jumbled, unclear, chaos.
"Yeah," Thor breathes. He kisses her on the scalp once again, pulling her a bit closer.
"For as long as the child and I stay in the house… we are safe. Odin cannot make us out in here. I took measurements far before that day," Loki goes on. A bit of safety at last.
"I'm sorry for putting you in a cage once more," Thor shakes his head. He promised her the opposite. He meant to promise her the universe… and now? Now their love is a cage for her again, as it was before. Thor doesn't want to imprison Loki, but he always ends up doing so, or being unable to stop that process from happening.
"You don't put me into that cage, Thor. I chose this. I chose you. This life. And it's worth it. Never doubt that," she tells him with certainty. "For I won't ever."
Thor holds her closer again.
"And anyways… this is supposed to be temporary, until we have a plan," she adds after a while with a half-smile. "And we can decide on Odin's punishment later on the same way. He won't run away, will he?"
"I will fix this," he mutters.
"Is that a threat?" she cocks an eyebrow.
"A promise," he replies.
"Your promises are very often threats... to humankind," she chuckles softly.
"Loki...," Thor sighs, but she claps him on the back of the hand affectionately, "I'm just making fun of you... I want to smile right now."
"You can't?" he frowns.
"At this moment, I don't know if I should cry or laugh. This is just all too overwhelming... I would rather laugh, though, because we should be happy for what we were granted even through all that chaos and pain," she sighs, but then narrows her eyes at him. "And don't you dare tickle me or I might drop our child… and you shall earn my rage."
"Hm, look at Master Stark. He always makes you laugh," Thor offers.
"Yeah... there are quite a few dull oafs in my periphery...," she huffs playfully.
"Are you talking about me?" he chuckles.
"When am I not, you tell me?" she replies. The baby gurgles. Loki quickly starts to rock in a different pattern, causing it to giggle, almost. She smiles fondly as she cradles the newborn.
"Ah, there, our son finally managed," Thor grins.
"He seemingly has your kind of humor," she smiles.
"I thought I don't have a good sense of humor," Thor chuckles.
"You have none at all. It's just that you are funny... for your person," she replies. Thor smirks as well, one hand snaked around her waist, glancing at the child, "His birth truly was a miracle."
"You already have tales to tell him, then, no? Once he is old enough?" she smiles at the child.
"Of course! I will tell him all the while about how gifted he is," Thor nods.
"Gifted?" she frowns. Their son just died. How is that gifted? 'Burdened' seems to be a far more appropriate term in Loki's opinion.
"He already came back from the dead. He survived, you see. He is gifted with that much strength. He is a miracle in himself," Thor explains. "He already overcame the depths of life and death."
"Aha," she tilts her head.
"And he is gifted with you as his mother," Thor adds.
"Is he really?" Loki snorts. "After all, I… killed him."
"To bring him back alive," Thor insists. "Now you shall never doubt that. For I won't either."
"Using my own words against me? You keep surprising me, my love," Loki chuckles.
"You carry enough a burden, so don't load that upon your shoulders, too. None of this was your fault," Thor tells her sternly. "I mean it. He is gifted to have you as his mother. I know it for sure."
"Well, he is also gifted with you as his father," she replies. "He has your eyes, I know it."
"And that is my gift to him? The color of my eyes?" Thor frowns.
"No, it's not about the color. But I know for certain that he will have your eyes, your way to look at the world. Brightness and light. Devotion. Strength. Hope," Loki says. "I know it, deep down. Believe me, that is a gift. I know that he is gifted because no one will love him more than you do."
"That is true," Thor agrees. This child is his. And the love for this small creature is already pushing the boundaries of all realms.
"I just hope... that maybe I can keep him this time," she sighs solemnly. Because she doesn't have Thor's eyes.
"I will tear down all worlds there are to ensure that," Thor assures her.
"You have to keep one for us to live on, you know?" she smiles. Perhaps he can see for her?
"Fine, each and everyone except for one… or I build a new one," he shrugs. "With bare hands if I have to."
"That sounds nice," Loki nods. "I'd like that."
A world of their own.
A world created by themselves.
A world where it's just them – and their friends.
"We have a son," Thor smiles, looking at the small face again.
"A son, yes," Loki nods.
"I can't even say how much I love you," Thor whispers.
"I love you, too," Loki mutters. She leans her head against his chest, getting lost in the steady throb of his heart.
They are home.
They are here.