*A/N: Thanks for the wonderful reviews and comments. It was seriously my first time writing a 'lime' so I appreciate the feedback. I'm actually more of an action-writer (like battles & gory stuff) so to hear from people that my first attempt at a lime was pretty decent, thank you, again. Thrilled, as always.

Thanks also to my wonderful betas (Carrie36 & Wolfskill). It'll just be Carrie36 and I for awhile until Wolfskill gets off hiatus. Bummer-I'm missing her already. :-( Let's review in her memory so that she and I will have things to smile about later.

Chapter Summary: A terrible mistake has ruined the once blossoming friendship of Bella Swan and her best friend, a werewolf named Jacob Black. Bella is not sure what she wants and Jacob is too ashamed of his behavior to demand anything more than a few moments of her time. All he needs from her is one look to make things right with her once more. Will it be enough to change Bella's mind? Pushing Jacob away is one of the hardest things that Bella has ever had to do, and she fears that it may be hurting her worse her worse than Edward's abrupt departure. Is she wrong?

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I am sorry I don't have legal rights to Taylor and Jacob.

Chapter XIII Title: 'I'm Sorry,' by Theory of a Deadman

"Bella, Jacob's on the phone for you!" Charlie called up to me from the stairs. I scowled in the direction of my bedroom door. He knew that I didn't want to talk to Jacob on the phone, or see him when he came to the door. I had told Charlie (countless times in the past week) that he was to tell Jacob that I was not there, or take the message and then throw it away.

And then for the last two days, Charlie had gotten sick of it and had started trying to get Jacob and I to talk.

"He knows you're here already Bella. He hears me yelling over the phone." Charlie raised his voice even higher when I didn't answer him.

"No, Dad!" I screamed back as I buried my nose back in a new library book I was reading. I couldn't read many of the old books in my room anymore. I had read most of them with Jacob.

"Hold on, I'll let her know." I heard him murmur. "Bella, Jacob said he's going to be over here in about 20 minutes and asked if you would please answer the door," Charlie yelled.

I threw the book down and shouted at Charlie from the banister, "For the last time...NO!" My eyes met his.

"I already said he could come over, Bella. I'm letting him into the house."

"Fine, but he can't come into my room. So, that's where I'll be."

Charlie's tone was sympathetic. "Bella, the boy has had me apologize so many times that I want to say 'I'm sorry' and I didn't even do anything. Will you put this kid out of his misery?" He indicated to the phone in his hand.

Some kid. My body shivered again with the thought of what happened a little over a week ago. Eight days to be exact. You know it has to be bad when you actually count the number of days it's been since your best friend actually pleasured you with—Ugh! God, Bella! Get a grip!

"She'll be right here, Jake." Charlie hung up the phone.

"I am not talking to him," I argued.

"Bella, honey—"

"Don't call me that!" I cried. It was what Jacob had called me that night and other nights; but especially that night.

"Isabella."

Jeez, I hated when Charlie called me by my full name.

"Bella," Charlie started after he noticed me wince, "What's wrong? What did Jacob do? Did he hurt you or something?"

I held back a tearful moan. "No, he didn't do anything."

"So why aren't you speaking to him? He sounds pretty upset. I think you should just explain that whatever he did or didn't do to hurt you has you upset—"

"I am not speaking to him. And I am not having this discussion," I added a little more quietly. I stormed back into my room, slamming the door, and pressed my face into the book with unnecessary force.

The doorbell rang almost half an hour later and heard hushed voices soon after. Then the sound of someone on the stairs. I knew it wasn't Charlie. There was a game scheduled to be on and even if there wasn't, it was way too early for Charlie to come upstairs.

A terse knock echoed off my locked bedroom door. "Bella? Bella, this is ridiculous. Will you please let me in?" Jacob's voice sounded a bit miffed.

The last thing I needed to do was to let Jacob in. I quickly swore to myself that I would never allow myself to be in another room with him that had a bed in it. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would go away as long as I stayed quiet.

"Jeez, Bella! Can't you just…alright; is this about what happened last week?" He lowered his voice. I almost hadn't heard him. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you…I made you feel uncomfortable. I am. I swear. Just talk to me, Bells."

I kept silent. I couldn't believe he was apologizing. He hadn't actually done anything. If I hadn't allowed him to go so far with me, then we might have been fine. If I was the one who hadn't wanted him, if I hadn't needed him. God, the way I had needed him last night, the way I needed him now.

I crossed my legs as new thoughts came into my head. I felt disgusted with myself. There was a former best friend of mine, hurt and angry over something that I had allowed him to do. I grew angry with myself even more over the fact that I could be thinking of what he could be doing to me right now, if I would only let him in. Even with Charlie downstairs. I could have asked him to cover my mouth as he made me moan and cry out at the numerous releases that he was sure to give me.

I had unknowingly reached inside my shirt to touch my breast. A tear left my eye from what I had become. And my anger at myself came out as anger toward Jacob.

"Leave Jacob! I don't want you here!" I screamed as I readjusted my shirt.

"Bella, don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

"What did you do?"

"I lost my best friend."

I got up with more tears in my eyes and placed my hand on the bedroom door. I couldn't open it. I had to get him to go away. I had to get him to leave me alone.

"Jake, you need to leave." I could barely raise my voice above a whisper. I was trying to keep the tears out of it, but I was sure Jacob could hear me. "Please leave, Jacob."

"Bella, what do I have to do? What do you want me to do? I'll do whatever you want, just don't ask me to leave yet. Not until you hear me out. Please open the door. Just talk to me just this once, face to face, and I'll leave right after. I promise—I swear. Just talk to me."

I could hear his head hit the door as he struggled to say his last words in the closest thing to a whisper as he could get so that Charlie wouldn't hear them.

"I don't want you in my room, Jake."

"Then come out here. Come outside. I'll meet you outside. We'll just talk."

I shook my head for a few seconds before realizing that he wouldn't be able to see it. My fingers started to walk the hardwood floors as I sank in my bedroom, when I noticed a loose board that my stuffed Cerberus had fallen next to. I childishly kicked my carnival prize that Jacob had given me a short month ago, across the room and my eyes concentrated on the board instead of Jacob's hefty, but rhythmic breathing on the other side of my door. My heart tensed as I pulled it back a little and saw a small box with a few assortments of a past life. A life Jacob had almost succeeded in allowing me to forget.

New sobs left me as my fingers danced over the pictures during my last birthday with my other family, my vampire family. I couldn't even stomach looking at a picture of Edward and I. Things had been so perfect. Edward had looked perfect. I was nothing and now Jacob was being torn down to nothing.

"Bells, I can't leave you. Please don't do this," Jacob's voice continued to break through my locked door. "Bella!" His voice rose.

My eyes carefully looked over Esme and Carlisle's birthday gift to me—two tickets to Florida. I knew I would never go. I didn't even have anyone to go with.

"Leave." My tone turned cold, "You need to leave."

"No." His voice was obstinate. "Let me explain—"

"There is nothing to explain, Jacob." I closed my eyes. "We're not friends anymore. A line was crossed and—"

"Bella, I will break this door."

Was he getting ready to phase in Charlie's house? "Jacob, get away from the door. Leave this house and go back home. Run back to Sam," I cried nastily.

"Bel—"

"Stop saying my name and leave. You will leave, now."

"You're not my god-damn alpha." I could feel his anger flick from behind his tongue. That amazing tongue—Bella!

I stuttered my next sentence. "It's over Jacob! Just let me go." I felt hollow. I remembered repeating those words to Charlie almost a year ago. That was when I was trying to save Charlie from coming after me when a tracker, James, wanted to hunt me for sport. Now I was repeating them again to someone else I cared about. Jacob had to listen. He had to listen to me now. I had meant every word. I meant it though I whispered it, but I knew his wolf ears could hear me.

His breath turned shallow. "I…if you change your…" The doorknob was suddenly very hot to the touch. I looked up from the floor thinking that I could see him through the door. Feeling as if I could see him clutching the knob, wanting to break it, but not wanting to hurt me since I was just on the other side. "Please change your mind, Bella. Please, I miss you so much and I just…" His tired sigh vibrated through my core. I heard him walk away from my door slowly and I had never felt lonelier.

(JPOV)

"Jacob? Jacob? Son, are you all right?"

I looked across the table. My Dad was looking at me. His lips pursed together and his arms were tense, as if he were ready to catch me if my weight suddenly decided to give out on me. I felt a knot in my throat. My eyes felt as if they had been in a horrible fight though I hadn't seen Paul for almost two days now. I hadn't seen any of my friends or brothers in almost two days now.

I still hadn't even seen Bella.

That was the friend who mattered most to me at this point.

My chest suddenly felt compressed. Was someone sitting on me? They couldn't be—I was sitting up. Or I think I am sitting up. I looked around my surroundings. I was in the small kitchen with my Dad. He was eating a small TV dinner. What was I eating? I looked down and saw that I was eating a small TV dinner myself. Where did this come from? What was it? Why couldn't I taste it?

"Son? Son! All right, that's it! I'm calling Sam!"

Sam? What could he do? He couldn't make me stop thinking about Bella. The way she made me feel. Forget the look of wonder, then horror on her beautiful face. She wouldn't even let me see her. She wouldn't even open her bedroom door. She wouldn't even come to the phone when I called.

"I'm fine." I sounded mechanical even to my own ears. I couldn't put any more feeling behind it. I didn't want to. I was a wreck.

The pack knew what I was going through already. They could read my mind. It was great when we had to coordinate for the hunt, but it sucked for everything else. At first Paul and Jared had teased me for letting Bella get away when she was so "close," telling me that I couldn't "close the deal" for her, but then they felt the anger and pain that came after Bella ordered me away. It now had them feeling almost as broken and lost as I was feeling, all the time. But I knew I couldn't force myself on Bella, if was what she needed, I couldn't refuse her. She was my imprint. My imprint had ordered me away and I was forced to listen. And possibly die from a lonely existence. Myth or not, humanity lost or left in tact, I was losing a bit of myself everyday by not having Bella around me. I wasn't sure if the wants outweighed the needs, but I knew I wanted to see her and I needed to feel her, but it wasn't my decision. It had to be hers, willingly.

"Jacob, you haven't phased since…" Billy looked even more worried. "Can you phase, son?"

Sam had told me not to phase anymore. He said it caused the pack too much pain to feel what I was going through, but nothing could be done about it. Bella had to accept me on her own. And I didn't have the strength right now to make myself see her. I didn't have the will to fight her one wish of me, though I had been willing to grant her one wish that night.

But it had felt so good.

I loved every minute of it. I loved the taste. The expressions that spread across her face as she scratched at my hands and tried to crawl across the bed in an attempt to get away from me. It had done her no good. I had her. I wouldn't let go.

My hands burned at the memory of them wrapped around her hips. Even I had trembled when her shivers came out in various waves at different times. I had lacked actual experience, but I knew Bella. Somehow, I knew what she liked. I knew I hadn't hurt her. I would never have hurt her. That Cullen guy had hurt her plenty, but I was the one who had loved her in that way. The way her body moved and responded for me made me sure that the Cullen had never made her feel that way. Together, we became unstoppable. The impending bliss of smelling and feeling her against me on the couch had been too agonizing for me to control myself any longer. I had to have more. Touching, inhaling, hearing, and seeing my sweat Bella was not enough; I had to finally taste her. I felt that nothing would stop me from giving her all the pleasures she deserved, until she pushed me away from her.

What had I done?

I hated feeling this way. Not being able to see her face didn't help me. I had to know what she was feeling. I had to know what she wanted from me. I could be her friend. I could go back to being her best friend. I knew that it was wrong and that we should have been more, but I would accept being her friend now.

In time, I could show her—I would show her-that I could be anything she needed. Everything she wanted. She just had to let me talk with her. She just had to look at me.

She couldn't think that I only wanted her for one thing. I would never, I hadn't even planned on doing what I did to her. I just couldn't help it. The scent of her excitement weighted with my anticipation, and smelling her in the air became the last crack to an already flimsy wall. I just couldn't hold back anymore. I didn't want to force myself onto her without giving her the satisfaction of every act, every desire, and every fantasy that I could perform on her. I knew her mind. I knew what she wanted. I knew her body now. I could feel what she wanted.

Or I thought I had.

My father waved his hand in front of my face to see if I could actually see him. "Son, will you please talk to me? Talk with someone? Do you need me to talk with Charlie so that he can talk with Bella?"

My gaze suddenly focused on his face. He had said the magic word. Bella.

"She won't talk to me. I tried. And Charlie tried. It's no use."

Billy looked defeated. "What happened?"

My face contorted in sudden anger. "Me, is what happened! This 'inheritance' happened! I found the one person I was destined to be with and she won't let me near her! All because I couldn't control my—I'm a fuckin' animal! I'M A DOG!"

"Son, you're not—"

I turned away and bolted out of my chair. I heard a few splinters. I might have broken the chair jumping out of it as I had. I'd fix it later. Right now, I had another pressing matter, another setback.

I felt sick suddenly. I raced to the bathroom and held onto the toilet. My body struggled to keep still, and lost, as I convulsed and threw up. It tasted liquidity. That was all I knew about the former contents of my stomach. I flushed the toilet before I opened my eyes.

I continued to sit there on the floor until I heard the slightly noisy wheels of my Dad's chair. He came to just outside the bathroom and paused there.

"Son, I don't know what is going on and I don't want to make you tell me, but you need to straighten this thing out soon. I don't like you sick like this. I—I can't take you sick like this." I even grimaced as Billy choked on the last part of his sentence.

I gripped the toilet even harder. I was a horrible son, a horrible friend, a horrible everything.

When I didn't say anything for awhile I heard my father sigh and turn his chair toward the other direction, heading for the door. I had hoped that he heard me when I called out, "I'm sorry!"

I was saying that a lot lately.

*A/N: Yes, I will try to get J&B back together as soon as possible, but the characters are being really stubborn. I even took the weekend off to find a way around Bella's self-denial. Who wouldn't want to be with Jacob? Hell, if I would know.

Anyway, read, review, recommend. That's my mantra.