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Way The Wind Blows

Chapter Twenty Three

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Wearing a long elegant evening dress of slate-blue brocade, and holding a crystal glass of champagne in her hand, Kathryn watched as her beloved crew talked and laughed together as they celebrated their return to Earth. It had all happened so unexpectedly that Kathryn was still trying to absorb the day's events. One moment they were retreating from a Borg infested nebula, and the next they were being boarded by an older version of herself saying she had come to bring Voyager home. It had all been rather surreal and several times Kathryn had had to pinch herself to make sure she was awake and not dreaming. Time-travel. She had spent most of her career trying to avoid temporal paradoxes but they always seemed to find her. It was not the way she had ever imagined getting home and, if she was honest, not the way she would have chosen. By accepting the Admiral's help, she had broken almost every rule in the book. She knew there would be a lot of explaining to do when they got home, and, sure enough, within an hour of landing the ship she had been summoned before a board of Admirals at Starfleet Headquarters. She was asked to explain her reasons for collaborating with her future-self and it had been a grueling interrogation.

Amongst other things, her superiors had wanted to know why the Admiral had chosen that moment of time to return to if she hadn't, initially, wanted to destroy the Borg transwarp hub. If the Admiral was prepared to erase sixteen years of pioneering space travel in the Delta Quadrant, and all the good they had done in that time, then why not the past seven years? Why not return to the incident that had stranded them in the Delta Quadrant in the first place and destroy the array after it had been used to send Voyager home? All Kathryn could tell them was that she didn't know why the Admiral had chosen that point in time to return to.

Kathryn suspected that the temporal transporter incident was one reason the Admiral had chosen that point in their journey, but she couldn't tell them that. By returning to the past to change the future, it was inevitable that a temporal paradox would be created, but at least by returning to that point in time, it was only the future beyond that point that would be changed. The same could not be said if she returned to the incident that had stranded them. If they had all got home at that point, then Chakotay would never have been transported to the past. At best, another temporal paradox would have been created - her Chakotay of so long ago would have been from a future that no longer existed. At worst, because of the changed future, Chakotay would not appear in her past, and that could change the history of all their lives. There would be no way of knowing for sure which outcome would happen, and knowing herself as well as she did, it was too big a gamble to risk. Returning to the first possible way of getting the ship home after the transporter incident was the only sure way of preserving the past.

The Admirals had also been very interested in the temporal transporter, which had been seized by Starfleet Command as soon as they were aware of its existence. They had asked why Admiral Janeway hadn't simply sent them the necessary technology by an unauthorized transport from the temporal transporter. It would have been a lot easier than trying to travel through time herself. All Kathryn could tell them was what the Admiral had told her when she'd asked about the transporter...that it had received irreparable damage during an aggressive and unprovoked attack on Voyager by a species called the Vurlanah in 2380.

But, whatever misgivings some of her superiors harbored about the way they had got home, it didn't change the heroes welcome she and her crew were receiving. Hundreds of people had gathered to welcome them at Voyager's landing site, and their return was headline news throughout the Federation. Kathryn would never forget the joy on the faces of her crew as they were reunited with their loved ones, and that joy had vanquished any doubts lingering in her own mind about the way they had got home. Kathryn had thought her heart was going to burst with happiness when she saw her mother, her sister and her dear Aunt Martha waiting for her amongst the crowd of expectant relatives. Her mother, usually a very reserved woman, had scooped her daughter in her arms and held her so tight that Kathryn had thought she was going to suffocate. It had all been very emotional and there had been a lot of tears shed.

After an emotional reunion with family and friends, a glorious banquet had been put on for the crew and their loved ones in a grand hall at Starfleet Headquarters. During the banquet, Admiral Paris had announced on behalf of Starfleet Command and the Federation that no charges were going to be brought against the Maquis and that they were all welcome to rejoin Starfleet. This declaration had met with deafening applause. And, if this wasn't enough, there was further cause for celebration when several crew members, including herself and Tuvok, were given a promotion for outstanding achievement over the past seven years. She was Captain Kathryn Janeway no longer, but Admiral Kathryn Janeway. The promotion had come as a surprise, especially after the grueling interrogation she had been given by Starfleet Command, but it was not unwelcome. After seven years of captaining a ship in uncharted and mostly hostile space, she welcomed the opportunity to work in a less demanding and more relaxed environment. She also could not deny that if she were to captain a ship again, it would always be there, looming like a black monster in the back of her mind, that they could get stranded again.

When the banquet was over, the celebrations had moved to this luxury hotel in the bay of San Francisco. Starfleet Command had arranged accommodation here for all Voyager crew members who needed a temporary place to stay, and the hotel staff, honored to be host to the famous Voyager crew, had thrown a welcoming home party for the entire crew and their loved ones. Most crew members were going to stay with friends and family, but for those crew members who were from faraway planets or were former Maquis members who had no family or friends left to stay with, the hotel accommodation was a blessing. Even though Kathryn longed to be with her family and to see her hometown again, she was going to stay until the last crew member left, just to make sure she was on hand to answer any questions any one of them had, and to make sure all her crew members had a place to go. She didn't feel that her responsibility to her crew was over just because Voyager was home.

Kathryn took a sip of her champagne and moved her eyes away from the chattering crowd to look at a small dance floor at the rear end of the hall. The Doctor, who said he was going to give serious consideration to a name now they were home, was dancing with a tall red-haired woman that Kathryn didn't recognize, and Samantha Wildman was dancing with her husband. Kathryn's eyes then fell on Chakotay and Seven. They were swaying slowly to soft music and their bodies were linked in what looked more like an embrace than a dance. The sight of them holding each other so close, and gazing so starry eyed into each other's eyes, hurt profoundly. But, as torturing as the sight was, Kathryn could not look away. For four years, she had felt nothing but a motherly desire to protect and nurture Seven, but the feelings she was having towards her prodigy were rather different now. She couldn't help notice with some degree of envy how stunning Seven looked with her long blonde hair flowing over a sumptuous gown of red satin, and she couldn't help feel resentful towards the beautiful young woman who had taken her place in Chakotay's heart. Chakotay was wearing a black suit with a waistcoat of red satin that matched Seven's dress, and there was no denying that they made a very handsome couple.

When the Admiral had told her that Seven would marry Chakotay in the future, an agonizing pain had sliced through her heart, and she could feel it still. The only comfort she had taken was from the possibility, as selfish as it was, that the Admiral's future would no longer happen and Chakotay would remember what he had once felt for her. But, at the celebratory banquet, Chakotay and Seven had announced they were dating, and the last tentative sinews holding Kathryn's heart together had broken.

"It isn't real, you know."

Kathryn turned to her right and found B'Elanna standing beside her. The half-Klingon was wearing a pretty short dress of cream velvet, and no one would have been able to tell from her slim figure that she had given birth only hours before.

"This 'thing' he has with Seven, it's only because he hasn't had all his memories back yet. It's you he loves, not her."

Kathryn gazed into her glass of sparkling champagne. "He may never get all his memories back, B'Elanna. What he has with her is real to him, and it's real to her." She paused. "Most people think he's made a miraculous recovery since the transporter incident, but you and I both know that he isn't exactly the same man as he was before. But he's happy...happier than he's ever been all these years...and their relationship is no doubt why Seven has really blossomed over the past couple of weeks."

"They don't have a 'relationship'," B'Elanna replied. "They've only been on a few dates. And he's totally deceiving himself if he thinks he loves her."

"Chakotay wouldn't toy with her heart. He remembers enough to know that she's very fragile. He would never have a relationship with her if he wasn't sure of his feelings." She paused painfully. "We've lost the Chakotay we knew and loved, but that's our burden to bear. He's happy, and I'm so grateful for that."

"You've lost more than me," B'Elanna said sadly. "He's still the same with me...more or less. But you've lost everything. I was sure that one day you and he would, you know? And now we're home...it's just not fair."

"It is fair. I'm the one to blame for what happened to him. It's only right that I'm the one who suffers most."

"You're no more to blame than I am. But, if it's any consolation, I really don't think this infatuation will last. I can't think of a worst matched couple."

Kathryn made no reply. If Chakotay and Seven had married in the Admiral's future, then there was every possibility that they would marry in this one.

Tom approached, dressed smartly in a brown suit with a cream shirt, and slipped his arm around his wife. "I hate to be a party pooper," he said, "but the Doctor said you need to take things easy for the next couple of days. I think it's time we left."

Kathryn smiled. "Be honest, Tom. You just can't wait to get home and cuddle that new baby of yours."

"That too," Tom smiled in return.

"Just five more minutes," B'Elanna beseeched.

"You've been saying that for the past hour," Tom argued. "And we promised my mother we wouldn't be too late, remember? I've only just got back in my parents good books. I don't want to be back in their bad books as an uncaring father who abandons his new born daughter in favor of a party."

"But this is hardly a regular party," B'Elanna reasoned. "It's the party we've waited seven years for." She grabbed his shirt. "And I've just spent half the day giving birth, so the least you can do is indulge me." She kissed his mouth. "Five more minutes."

"Alright," Tom smiled. "Five more minutes...but that's it."

Kathryn spoke. "Have you decided yet where you're going to live? I take it you don't plan on living with your parents in the long term."

"No way," Tom replied. "As soon as we can find a place of our own, we're out of there."

"We're thinking of Sydney, Australia," B'Elanna went on. "Tom's been offered a holo-studio and publishing deal for Captain Proton, which he really wants to do, and I can apply for a part-time position teaching Engineering at a Starfleet regional base there. The climate is also good for the Klingon half of me." She paused. "What about you? Have you made any plans yet?"

"Some," Kathryn replied, putting down her drink on a table beside her. "I'm staying here for a couple of days, and then I'm going to stay with my mother in Bloomington for a while."

"Is your mother still here?" B'Elanna asked. "I don't think I got to meet her."

"No. She and my Aunt Martha are getting on in years so they left after the banquet. My sister was here for a while, but she left about an hour ago."

Tom questioned. "Have you thought about where you will live yet?"

"Yes. I'm going to live here in San Francisco."

"Didn't you live in Bloomington before we got stranded?" B'Elanna asked.

"Yes. I moved back there when Mark and I got involved. But I'd rather live here in San Francisco. It's convenient for work and I like the city." It would also make things easier for Mark. He still lived in Bloomington with his wife and toddler son, and the last thing she wanted was to be a ghost from the past haunting their lives.

In the distance, Seven's aunt, Irene Hanson, approached the dancing lovebirds and they drew apart.

"Thank God for that," B'Elanna commented. "The sight of those two fawning over each other was starting to make me feel quite nauseous."

"They're in love," Tom said. "Give them a break."

"They're not in love," B'Elanna retorted. "How can they be? Seven doesn't really know who she is yet, and Chakotay doesn't remember who he is. What they have is just...it's just fake!"

Seven left the dance floor with her aunt, and Chakotay walked towards B'Elanna, Tom and Kathryn.

"Well," Tom replied, "you'd better hold that Klingon tongue of yours because I think Chakotay's coming over."

Sure enough, Chakotay joined them. "Seven's aunt has decided to call it a night," he said. "So Seven's escorting her to the transporter room. Her aunt gives everyone her best regards."

"Much appreciated, I'm sure," B'Elanna said, rather sarcastically. "Too bad she couldn't be bothered to give us them herself."

"I haven't had the chance to speak with Seven all night," Kathryn said, deliberately trying to peddle the conversation in a different direction. "How does she feel about being home?"

"Good. I think she was overwhelmed at first, but now that she's met her aunt and they get on really well, she's feeling a lot happier."

"She looked perfectly happy to me just now," B'Elanna remarked. "But then some women have no shame in stealing..."

"B'Elanna and I were just leaving," Tom said, interrupting his wife. "Weren't we, honey?"

"It hasn't been..."

"Tom's right," Kathryn said, again interrupting the half-Klingon. "You really need to rest."

"I'll third that," Chakotay smiled.

B'Elanna sighed. "Looks like I'm outnumbered."

"I'll be leaving for Trebus at the end of the week," Chakotay said. "I'm going to stay with my sister for a while. If I don't see you both before I leave, then I guess this is goodbye."

Tears welled in B'Elanna's eyes at that. "I'm going to miss you, Big Guy."

"I'm going to miss you too," he said sadly.

B'Elanna drew him close and held him a moment before turning to her former captain. "And I'm going to miss you too.." she emphasized the next word affectionately, "Admiral."

"As I will you," Kathryn said, a lump gathering in her throat. For so many years she had wanted to get her crew home, but it had never occurred to her how hard it was going to be to say goodbye. "You just make sure you stay in regular contact."

"You can count on it."

Tom extended his hand to Chakotay. "It's been an honor to serve with you, Chakotay. And, seeing as we're about to part ways, I think now is as good a time as any for me to give you back your life."

Chakotay laughed softly. "About time."

Tom then extended his hand to Kathryn. "I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me."

Kathryn took his hand but also drew him close. "You've done me proud, Tom. And you absolutely were the best pilot I could have had."

Tom laughed at that and then drew away, his eyes moist.

"Okay," B'Elanna said, "we'd better get going before this gets any harder."

"Good idea," Tom replied.

B'Elanna embraced Kathryn and Chakotay one more time, and then, after a last goodbye, she and Tom left.

When they were gone, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Are you going to be staying here at the hotel until you leave for Trebus?"

"No," he replied. "I'm going to stay with my cousin and his family in Mexico City for a few days and then I'm going to stay with Seven at her aunt's house so that she and I can spend some time together before I leave."

"I see," Kathryn replied, trying to hide her disappointment.

"I'm hoping I can get an appointment to see Dr Yvonne Briluk before I leave. Admiral Carter was telling me about her. She's a specialist in memory loss. By using a combination of medicine and innovative techniques, she's had a lot of success in helping patients recover their memory. She may be able to help me in some way."

"Let's hope so," Kathryn said sincerely. "And, if you have time, I'd like to see you again before you leave. You can tell me what she says. I'm going to stay with my mother in Bloomington as soon as I'm satisfied every crew member is settled, and you can drop by any time."

Chakotay smiled warmly. "I'll do that." He then held out his hand to her. "Care to dance?"

The offer took Kathryn by surprise. Ever since the Transporter incident, Chakotay had been rather distant. Not deliberately, but because of his lost memory. He had come to see her as no more than his captain and comrade.

"Sure," Kathryn said.

She took Chakotay's hand and he led her on to the dance floor.

When they reached the dance floor, Chakotay slipped one of his arms around her waist and drew her body against his. They danced slowly and Kathryn couldn't help but gaze at him. When he had first come into her life all those years ago, she had thought he was the most wonderful man she had ever met. And that feeling hadn't changed. If anything, her admiration and respect for him had only grown over the past seven years. It must have been incredibly difficult for him in the beginning to serve under the captain who had been sent to capture him, but he had never complained about the injustice or made life unnecessarily difficult. Quite the contrary, he had done everything he could to make life easier for her.

Over the course of her career, Kathryn had met many men who believed strength lay in dominating others in both a physical and mental sense, but Chakotay was different. To some, his capitulation to her leadership may have been seen as a sign of weakness, but she knew it had taken far more courage to capitulate than to retaliate. Chakotay's strength was a quiet strength, and that made it all the more powerful. She had often wondered how she would have got through the past seven years without him. Those times she had gone too far, he had been there to pull her back, and those rare times she had felt like giving up, he had been there to hold her up and give her strength to continue. She had fallen in love with him that fateful spring eighteen years ago, but over the past seven years, her love for him had deepened beyond measure. And now that she knew for sure that this Chakotay was her Chakotay, she loved him even more.

Chakotay's eyes found hers and he flinched at the warmth he saw in them.

The subtle action wasn't missed by Kathryn and pain pierced her heart. It had been so hard over the past few weeks seeing the change in Chakotay, but it had never been as hard as it was now they were home. For so many years she had waited for a time when they could be together again, but now that they finally could be, his loss of memory made it impossible. It was ironic that the incident that had brought him into her life was the incident that was now keeping them apart.

Averting her eyes, Kathryn missed her step and broke their flow.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I guess I'm not used to dancing." She disentangled herself from his grasp. "And I won't cramp your style. I'll...I'll go and see how Tuvok's doing." He wasn't leaving for Vulcan until the morning. "See you later."

Without waiting for a response, Kathryn walked away, and Chakotay watched as she made her way through the crowd. When she'd looked at him, he'd felt...he didn't know what he'd felt...but whatever it was, it had been overwhelming. And he'd seen an image in his mind of a younger Kathryn in a blue dress and fancy hairdo looking back at him, smiling happily. But the image had disappeared as soon as it had come. As he watched her leave, more memories returned to him. He remembered standing close to her on a place they called New Earth, and he could see pictures of her in his mind. She was wearing something blue and her hair was long over her shoulders. She was close...he was touching her...massaging her...

But that's where the memories stopped.

The feeling, however, the feeling lingered...a feeling he couldn't identify or understand...but something that was deep, warm, protective, and a desire that was strong yet tender...

"In need of a partner, Sir?"

The voice was Seven's and he turned towards her. She smiled warmly at him and Chakotay smiled in return.

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"Then may I have this dance?"

Chakotay held out his hand to her. "With my pleasure."

Seven took his hand and Chakotay gathered her against him.

As they moved slowly to the music, Chakotay couldn't help but look out at the crowd again. It had felt so right, being with Seven, but now...but now it didn't feel quite so right anymore. He couldn't understand it or explain it, but he could hear a voice inside him trying to tell him something, but he couldn't make out the words as there was too much interference. His eyes singled out Kathryn in the crowd and he watched as she joined Tuvok in a quiet corner of the room. She must have felt the weight of his stare as she looked in his direction. Then, a dancing couple clouded his view and he lost sight of her. When they moved away again, Kathryn was gone.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY THREE