*A/N: Screw the note-let's get to the story. Thanks to my wonderful beta, Carrie36 & all the alerters and reviewers, new & old. For those reviewers I could not respond back to, thank you for reviewing me too.

Chapter Summary: Bella is fighting a losing battle and Jacob is losing his mind. Jacob's need for Bella only escalates when he gives Bella a surprise and Bella's feelings only deepen, reaffirming things she already knew; the one person she can count on is here and he's not going anywhere. Jacob's second display of affection might be more than Bella can handle right now, but it might be the start of something worth saving later.

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight & Jacob chained me to the bed and wrote this chapter himself. Eh, it's not like I didn't enjoy it anyway.

Chapter XIV Title: 'Down in a Hole,' by Alice & Chains

(BPOV)

My eyes were held half shut from the amount of crying I had done all night and part of the previous afternoon. I felt déjà vu all over again, only this time I had asked for it. My legs moved sluggishly as I walked over to my closet to blindly pick clothes. My fingers settled on a large, loose-fitting top. I pulled it over my head, shouldered my bag, and straightened my collar as best I could. This shirt is too big, I thought, but I was in too much of a hurry to go back into my closet to change it. I needed to feel the air on my face this morning, even if it was the air of Forks.

I carefully avoided my desk which I had stuffed the contents of my forgotten memories of my vampire family in the top drawer. I knew today would be a long day. I was sure of it. I knew today would continue to be horrible, a continuance from yesterday and every day since I had told Jacob to stay away from me. I wished now furiously that he would fight for me. I wished that he would have found a way to be with me regardless.

I guess even werewolves had limits.

(JPOV)

Light shone in my face from the sun. Of all the days, today the sun decided to show itself. I still didn't have Bella. I still didn't have any hope.

Since I wasn't patrolling, Sam had told me to start attending school again. I hadn't gone yesterday and no one had said anything. I didn't think another day would make a difference. As I pulled my legs to my arms I suddenly felt a little different. My heart unexpectedly felt a little less torn.

Maybe I hadn't shown Bella enough. Maybe that's why she couldn't see what I was willing to do for her. What I could do for her if she'd let me.

I had it, I had an idea. I knew what I needed to do.

My feet hit the ground and I was almost a mile away from my house before I realized that I needed shoes. I glanced at the clock when I returned to my room and saw that school had already started and that I would have been late even if I had decided to go. I didn't hear my father anywhere in the house and I picked through the cleanest clothes I could find and ran back outside. I wanted to phase to get to my destination quicker, but I couldn't run the risk of Sam or the others knowing what I planned to do. That and I hadn't phased in almost a week. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to phase just yet.

I was quick enough on my feet, it would have to do. I had to wait for Bella anyway. I had to reach her as soon as I possibly could; I had to get to Bella. I had to see her at school.

That way she couldn't walk away from me. She couldn't hide behind a door. I would be able to finally see those beautiful eyes as she had to look up at me and tell me why she wouldn't let me make her happy. She had to answer me. She had to tell me.

I felt as if I were on my bike or in my car already as I reached Forks High School in seventeen minutes flat, running at top speed. Now I just had to wait until I could slip in unnoticed. During a time where there was no class for her to run into. I would wait until some traffic died down. I would have patience.

(BPOV)

"I am serious, Bella. Would you seriously consider a face lift at forty? I mean isn't life pretty much over at forty?"

Jessica played with her gum in her fingers as she balanced her tray on the other hand. I didn't even notice when she popped her gum anymore. She had been doing it since my first day of school. She smiled and I smiled back somewhat warmly, trying to encourage her to keep the conversation going so that I wouldn't have to talk. I had a lot on my mind.

I had been struggling with the idea of finally just giving in and calling my former best friend. I felt that it might have been time. I felt as though I owed him. I had heard Charlie and Billy on the phone last night and Charlie sounded concerned when his best friend relayed that Jacob was acting somewhat catatonic lately. There had been no friends for him. No talking. He hadn't even gone out to the garage to work on his car or bike.

That didn't sound like Jacob. Not my Jacob, anyway.

I wasn't even sure if he could be considered mine anymore. I had figured that I had deprived myself of that choice when I had decided to be rid of him.

I moved with the line in the cafeteria. I wasn't too hungry so I picked up just a wheat sandwich, a juice, and an apple. This should get me through the day.

"Uh, Bella? Someone's here for you."

"Huh?" I turned to where Jessica was looking.

I recognized the rigid, tense stance of a huge figure by the cafeteria doorway and clutched what little lucid thoughts I had left. Do not look at him, Bella. Do not look at him. Jacob was here, in the cafeteria. Why was he—oh no!

My eyes blinked and the tray started to shake from the failing strength in my hands. I would have dropped it had Jacob not decided to move suddenly to be next to me and grabbed my tray, carefully balancing it between us without touching my hands.

I still felt the heat from his body as I avoided his gaze. That smell. He still has that smell, I cried inwardly. His musky, wood scent claimed the air in my nose and tore all sense and reason from my mind, replacing it with a demand only for him. I need him to breathe. Jacob could have commanded my very body to be still and it might have listened, with no help from me. I stared at his bottom jaw from the corner of my eye. His white collared shirt should have ripped from him moving so quickly, but it somehow held, outlining his pectorals and corrupting my mind with images from that night. Good God, get this boy away from me! I shook.

"We need to talk, now," he whispered harshly, bringing me back to reality.

There was no pleading with him. He sounded determined and the bottom half that I could see looked almost angry. I had never seen him angry really, except with Paul. I was sure he had a defiant look on his face and yet I still managed to shake my head, despite my abrupt breathing problem. His skin looked paler, but I knew he was still gorgeous. His hair was still short, but it was in complete disarray. A severe case of the "bed-head" look that Calvin Klein models would have killed for, but that wasn't how Jacob was meant to look. This look was not on purpose. Jacob was obviously suffering. It made me hurt even more.

"I—I'm sorry. Not right now. I'm at school." I started to turn away, but this time he did touch me, by grabbing the cuff of my purple shirt. I wished suddenly, that I had worn a turtleneck. My shirt fell off one shoulder slightly. It was in fact too big. It came off like an off-the-shoulder tee and I felt too much exposed in front of him. I scolded myself for not changing the darn shirt when I had had the chance. I started gasping for air in the abruptly spinning cafeteria. Please, this can't be happening. Don't let this happen, I pleaded with myself. Everyone in the cafeteria seemed to have quieted down to watch us.

His voice panicked, yet he sounded sure enough. "Bells, please. I can't take it anymore. You're—"

"Not now!" I hissed loudly. I frantically looked around and I was correct; most people were watching. I blushed and turned away a second time. What was he doing out of school? Did he play hooky just so that he could talk to me? I felt annoyed by his disregard toward his school work, but then I was almost touched that he had risked truancy just to talk with me. I asked myself to be strong enough to just send him away, even if it was the last thing I wanted him to do. I can't be feeling this way about him. I just can't be. He's a friend. He's my safe harbor. Keep him away from me until I could make sense of all this again.

My heart seized soon as I felt a hand. Jacob slid his arm around my waist quickly, pressing my back against his stomach, lowered his head, and kissed my exposed shoulder intimately. His teeth clicked gently and my heart fluttered soundlessly on contact.

My skin felt the kiss right before it even happened. It was warm, it had completely and successfully made my inner walls tighten from the touch. My nipples hardened instantly and my mind replayed the second where he and I had almost made it possible for him to taste me. More of me.

I gasped and dropped my tray. My mind was confused and then I reddened in embarrassment. Jacob must have wanted to humiliate me. He must have. Who would kiss a friend so intimately in front of a whole cafeteria full of students? As if the line between two friends hadn't been crossed. Jacob did all of this and it made me irate.

I spun out of his arm, running away from him and the eyes of the cafeteria. I was unable to say anything, unable to stop the blood from rising to my cheeks and my entire face, unable to stop the flow of tears as I reached outside and struggled not to yell. I was sure I would have phased if I had been a werewolf.

I fumbled in my pocket for my keys to the Chevy. My fingers were shaking, causing me to continuously drop them. Hearing them cling and clank each time brought another fresh tear to my face. I was able to achieve getting into the truck, but my hand trembled so much that I couldn't start it. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I hated being feeble. I hated that Jacob had been able to do this much to me. I hated feeling the tangible bond that existed between us that everyone seemed to be able to see but me. I hated it all and I needed to get away from it.

I reached for my cell phone and got Charlie right away. He said he'd be awhile and didn't ask why I was suddenly begging for him to pick me up. I hung up the phone and made sure my doors were locked. Jacob had been staring at me the whole time. My eyes bounced off the bottom of his tense jaw, but I would allow my eyes to look no further. Even the glow of his red skin made me feel as if my vital organs were being punished under the binds of my skin.

"Bella, just talk to me please. You have to talk to me."

I shook my head at him.

"Look at me. Bella, look at me!" He shouted into the window.

People were starting to come out. I could swear that the whole school knew about what had gone on in the cafeteria and that was all Jacob's fault. Why did he kiss me like that? What had made him do it? Why had it felt so good? I glanced at his fingers against the car frame. I continued to shake my head and saw his fingers ball into fists and then his arms jerk, like someone that I couldn't see was pushing pine needles into his body.

I was scared. I wasn't sure if I was scared of him phasing in front of everyone or if I was more afraid to look at him and admit to being wrong. "Jake, please."

His shaking stopped and he opened his fists again to place his palms on the window. "Bella, talk to me. I just want to explain. I just need to explain."

My shrill voice echoed in the cab. "Explain what? What, Jacob? What is it exactly that needs to be explained?"

"How much you mean to me. What I could do for you. How I can make you happy."

"I can't be around you like this." My voice shook. I placed my hand on the passenger door and crawled across my seat to get further away from him. "Charlie is on his way. You should go."

"I can't. I'm afraid that I might—that I'll never be able to see you again."

"I told you that we weren't friends anymore. I told you that things were done. That we couldn't be friends anymore—"

"And I'm here anyway. You didn't mean it. Something must have changed."

I scoffed. "What? You can read minds like Edward could?" I hadn't even winced when I said his name out loud. It seemed so ordinary now. My vampire ex abandoned me and now my werewolf best friend was begging me to date him. Great choices, Bella.

"I just—I just know you. You have to look at me, Bells. Just once. Just look at me and tell me why we can't be—"

"Why did you kiss me like that, Jacob?" I asked suddenly. "In front of everyone?"

"I—I never thought—"

"That's right!" My hand covered my cheeks. They felt warm even in the cold. "You never thought! You weren't thinking!" My tone dropped. "You only think of yourself and now you are by yourself."

I reached for the door handle and exited my truck. I hated being scrutinized and looked at by the high school bystanders. We were drawing another crowd. I started for the wooded area behind the school. I didn't like all the green, but I hadn't liked the conversation I had been having with Jacob either.

"Bella, just wait—"

I shrugged his advances off. It would never change. I would never stop hurting those around me or stop putting myself in harm's way. I was so insignificant. I was so ordinary. This supernatural boy would leave me too, just as my other Godly boyfriend did. It couldn't be helped and I was powerless to stop it. There was nothing that tied us together and I was determined not to allow it, if I could. My heart tore with each step I took away from Jacob and the public eye.

(JPOV)

I felt my whole body tremble. I knew I was overreacting. I knew that I could calm my body down if I could just think clearly about what had just happened. Then I wondered why it was happening this way.

Why, Bella? Why couldn't we be friends?

I hoped that showing up at her school would make her realize that she had missed me as much as I missed her. That it was impossible for us to stay away from each other. That it hadn't been a mistake to let me explore her and feel for her the way that I had, the way that I did.

The way I still do.

I still wanted her. I had heard her. I heard her loud and clear. I didn't know why she was pushing me away. I had kissed her like that plenty of times before, albeit, I was thinking different things this time, but I was still only kissing her. Only kissing the part that I could reach at the time without ripping at her clothes, regardless of how many people were staring at us.

I felt the crowd's eyes. I could feel the tension in the air right before Bella's reaction. I felt like the crowd was egging me on with their minds. They wanted to know: what would he do? What would I do?

I hadn't acted on the attention. I had acted on her. I knew she would enjoy it and she did. I heard her wavered breaths. I saw her skin immediately glow right under my lips. She looked radiant. She had looked happy. Her fingers had clenched around the tray as if we were back to that night where I had tasted her sweet essence. Had felt it on my lips, on my tongue, and swallowed down into my throat. Her skin had tasted just like it.

That's why my kiss had lingered. That's why I had tried to keep my lips pressed to her as long as I possibly could. I wanted to taste her again. I wanted to stay in her scent again.

And then she dropped her tray.

The realization had hit me when she looked at me with a sudden furious expression. I wanted to say that I was sorry; I had only wanted to make it right between us. Was it so wrong to want her the way I did? I thought she would have been thrilled. If she would only stop holding back from me, I could make her feel all the things she needed to feel. What I knew she wanted to feel.

I would wait. I had to be patient again. I didn't care how long it took, but I would make her see me. I could make her realize that what she needed was me. Even if it was only as a friend, even if she did finally let me touch her in that way again and I only got to have her just once. Just once, that would make the difference. That would make her see what I had been trying to tell her all along.

She wouldn't have to give in to me. Not at first. Not right away. Even if I didn't get to have her physically, I would have her in some way. She was more than that to me. She was more than that now, even as she walked away from me. She would come back to me and I would make myself be there for her when she did. I would make myself better for her.

But for now, I had to be something different than that leech. We were nothing alike. I had to be what was right for her. She didn't need someone who wanted her sexually. She needed a friend right now. And I knew that at all costs, I had to be what she needed.

It was easy once I thought about it. Discomfort and burning anguish journeyed at lightning speed through my body. I tried to keep quiet as my hands and feet collapsed to grip the soil.

(BPOV)

I heard an abrupt whelp and my feet stopped mid-step, despite the warning I gave myself to be strong. To just breathe and let go regardless how much it felt against nature. It just couldn't be so easy to want and need someone like I did. I actually cursed for what Jacob was about to make me do. "Darn it, Jacob. I said—" I turned around and stared, unable to look away or finish my sentence coherently.

Jacob had phased and turned into the russet colored wolf that had saved my life in the forest. I hadn't been this close to him since that day, though I had seen him phase. My pulse throbbed against my skin, feeling contained and obstructed by the external barrier once more. My eyes watered in relief and my hands shook as I stretched all ten fingers out to touch him, to feel his fur, to blanket myself within the very embodiment of him. Not even inhaling him would have been close enough.

"Jake." My middle fingers reached him first. I slid my palms against his nose, the sides of his mouth and face, and then buried my tears into his neck after sinking to the ground. He still smelled the same. The light pine sage wood, his citrus shampoo, and the light aroma of rain symbolized everything that I needed at that precise moment.

My body shook against his as he buried his muzzle back into my neck. His paws stood a foot apart, allowing me room to put my legs under his while his hindquarters sat motionless and patiently on the floor. He allowed me to brush his coat with just my hands, breath, and face. I struggled to hold onto him tighter, afraid that he wasn't real anymore. I couldn't stand it if something else this wonderful had suddenly left me. That may have been what I was afraid of all along.

My sobs quieted as Jacob whined lowly into my ear. I knew that it was really a person trying to comfort me, but I could not stop pressing my body to every surface of his. His heartbeat thumped against my chest. His breath blew lightly against my teary face. His paws stayed still against my throbbing legs. I was amazed at what he could do.

And I was amazed that I had been about to let him go again.

"Bella! You there, honey?" A voice called not too far away from where I was sitting with my wolf.

Charlie! I couldn't let him see Jacob like this—wait—he wouldn't even know. Charlie might have hurt Jake and asked questions later. I couldn't have lived with that.

I called back, "Yeah! I'm here Char—Dad! I'm coming out. Don't come out any more. You shouldn't get lost in here."

"Bella, for Christ's sake…"

I ceased to hear the rest of what he said. I backed away slowly from my wolf, still on the forest floor. More tears escaped me as I looked into his warm eyes. His ears laid flat against the side of his head and his tail wagged slightly.

A nervous chuckle started my next sentence, "Will you be allowed to come visit me tonight like this?" I felt silly for asking. I wouldn't speak to him human, but I was willing to see him as a wolf. I could barely contain the resentment I had for myself.

But my russet wolf merely nodded, looking at me with complete acceptance of my request.

A smile shone through my tears. My jaw hurt from the entire trauma I had put it through the past few days. It felt longer than a couple weeks, when I added it all together. "Please come see me tonight, Jake?"

Again, he nodded.

I pressed my nose to his as a type of silent and joint kiss and got up to walk toward Charlie. Stepping closer and closer back to civilization, I saw that Charlie had indeed gotten back in the car. I had almost looked back at Jacob, but hadn't had the heart to accomplish the task just yet. I was too afraid that Jacob had already phased back and I would be forced to admit that I didn't want to do without him. Or I couldn't. I wasn't sure which.

I couldn't even be sure if Jacob was being this way for himself or more for me. I had a feeling it was somewhere in-between.

*A/N: Tell me what you think. Read, review, recommend, as always. Never stop. :-)