Stupid Ice Queen.

Stupid Gumwad.

That stupid ice crown must have given Simone an extra dose of crazy cruelty today. She's never stooped that low before. I mean, seriously! She knows Fionna has a thing for Gumball, so impersonating him and messing with her heart guts like that? Not cool.

Then there's Gumball. The guy doesn't know a good thing when he's got it. He's basically got Fionna wrapped around his manicured pink finger. And after all Fionna's done for him, after all the times she's saved his prissy pink butt, all he says is he's glad he's got a great friend he can count on. You don't just friendzone a girl like that.

So now, here I am, chasing down a distraught adventuress. I finally found her sitting on a low branch of an old tree. I floated above her, turning myself upside-down so my face dangled in front of hers.

"What's up, Fi? You totally just blew out of there."

Truth be told, I had seen the whole thing. As well as I know Gumball, I noticed he was acting weird right away. So, I had been keeping an eye on him (invisibility has its advantages). But Fionna didn't know that.

"Oh. Hey Marsh. Yeah I just didn't wanna be there anymore," She said quietly. I righted myself and floated steadily in front of her.

"Come on, Fi, I know you're lying. What's up?"

She shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Fionna sighed. "It's PG."

"Gumbutt? What about him?" I almost felt bad, asking questions I already knew the answers to. Almost. I wanted to hear her answers. Hear it from her perspective.

"Well, I- He just- ugh. He's just so...so lumping dense sometimes!"

I chuckled. "Yeah he is. Especially when it comes to girls." Oh I am evil I was so baiting her.

"Heh heh, yeah," Fionna choked. Oh glob was she crying?

"Whoa, hey, Fi, none of that," I said, trying to stop her from crying.

"You don't get it, Marshall. You don't get what it's like when the dude your brain goes mush over doesn't like you back!" Fionna exclaimed through her tears.

Now, I may be the Vampire King, but crying, upset girls were not something I handled well. Not at all. It's a fact that's probably pretty obvious, given the way I responded.

"Listen, Fionna," I said probably too harshly, "Don't you say I don't understand. I haven't lived for a thousand years just twiddling my thumbs in a cave. I know junk. I know what it's like to be in your situation. And, I know that the only thing worse than the person your brain goes mush for not liking you back is watching that person go brain mush over another dude."

Yeah, I definitely said that too harshly, because Fionna started crying harder. I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face.

"Look, Fi, I didn't mean to snap like that, ok? I just . . . I mean . . ." I sighed. "You're not alone, ok? Just know that."

The corners of her mouth just barely turned up in a small smile. "Thanks."

I just floated there next to her for a while. I really didn't know what else to do other than be there. She finally started to calm down. She looked at me.

"I should just give up on him, shouldn't I?" she asked sadly.

I pursed my lips. I knew Gumball only saw her as a friend, and that was never going to change, but I didn't want to actually tell her that. Not when I knew how she felt about him. Besides, how was I supposed to tell her to give up on Gumball when I refused to give up on-

I shook my head. "I don't know Fi...sometimes, it's hard to tell when to keep trying and when to quit."

"Come on Marsh, I know you and PG are bros. Give it to me straight."

I sighed. "It's not that he doesn't care about you, Fi. He does. A lot. But..."

"But not the way I do about him," She said quietly.

"Yeah..."

Fionna sighed. "Can you take me home, Marshall?"

"Sure Fi."