Hello everybody~! How are you all? I'm in a good mood today ;D Especially since my final GCSE is on Monday, and after that then I can completely relax...riiiight? I should really make another journal on dA since I've been so hideously inactive on that site, and so much has happened... w Especially with my Biology GCSE, seriously there's been a country- wide backlash about that one and I'M GLAD! I just hope they don't cancel the paper since so many people have complained, it's looking that way and believe me I will be pretty depressed if that happens ;M;
Anyways! Enjoy the chapter! (I hope~!)
Omg note the totally uninspired chapter name xD xD xD I'm sorry ;w;
Chapter 14: The Return of Ezlo
"How long have we been running, Vaats?" panted Shadow.
"Since last Sunday!" hissed Vaati, as he looked behind himself to see that the tidal wave still had not subsided. "Jeez, what's wrong with those guys on the loudspeaker!? Why are they so intent on killing us!?"
"Probably because they hate our guts..."
"We don't even know the second guy!"
"What guy?"
"THE GUY THAT ISN'T GHIRAHIM, YOU STUPID-"
Both of them skidded to a halt at the same time. "Hang on... is this the only the way the author can think of to reference the complexity of the Water Temple?"
A maze lay before them, geometric shapes snapped together and spread off into the distance, in a seemingly endless room that glistened with the white sterility of a leisure centre swimming pool.
"Writer's block, author?" Vaati said dryly.
"Congratulations. You've just won a million pounds." came the sarcastic reply.
The maze split into two at the start, obviously implying that Vaati and Shadow should go their seperate ways. Shadow took the hint, reluctantly turning to the right and going down that pathway.
The walls closed in on him, making him feel trapped and claustrophobic. He tried not to focus on what may be behind him or to the sides of him, but just kept going forward slowly. He felt like a burglar on a mission... one that, of course, he had been forced into by whatever cruel mechanism of fate was responsible for controlling "luck".
After about ten minutes going in the same direction, down another neverending pathway flanked on either side by unclimbable walls, he was beginning to feel as if some horrible event was way overdue. He stopped, frozen in his tracks, deciding not to go any further and instead wait his misfortune out. The boy couldn't help gritting his teeth as he imagined his purple- skinned master, who had probably made it through the confusion of walls already and was triumphantly awaiting Shadow, preparing in his mind the gloats and brags the boy would be confronted with the moment he stepped out of the maze.
"[CENSORED] wind mage." he spat. "Why does he get all the fame? It's not like he was even that successful anyway..." Shadow began to pace as he worked up a slow fury. "He's an attention- craving loner who kidnaps girls just so he can have someone to talk to, he can't see the light of day for five minutes without being trapped in the Four Sword, he's a subservient little [CENSORED] hypocrite, and- and..."
"Master, if I may help you, I predict a 90% chance that his Tower of Winds is compensating for something." came a robotic female voice.
Shadow whirled round in delight. "Are you serious!? I've always wondered!"
His joy soon turned to confusion, however, when he realised that there was nobody around him that could have spoken.
"Hey...where are you?"
"Behind the door, Master."
"What door?" Fear crept back into Shadow's insides again. When there was no reply, the feeling of dread mounted until he felt as if he could take it no longer. He rested back against the wall, and to his utter shock a door began to form like a mirage on the brickwork opposite. A sign flew in from mid- air, sporting a pretty little pair of wings, and planted itself in the ground next to the door with a firm thwock. It read;
FEELING A LITTLE SCARED?
COULD YOU DO WITH SOME HELP?
COME AND PICK A COMPANION!
A RANGE OF SIDEKICKS FROM OVER 25 YEARS OF ZELDA HISTORY AT YOUR SERVICE
Shadow, deciding that maybe he could do with a little companionship- as well hoping to discover who had spoken- opened the door and stepped inside.
The room he entered into was large and airy, decked out in polished wooden decor with a large pool table in the middle of it. A ghost that was the spitting image of toon Zelda hovered over it, trying in desperation to hold a pool cue without it dropping out of her hands. (The author respectfully informs any fans of Ghirahim's Raw Deal that this is not "soul-of-Zelda" from that story). A slim woman with a blank face, with the warm colour scheme of the Master Sword, seemed to be hovering next to the table. She didn't appear to have any arms, or if she did they were covered by her cloak and she was not using them very effectively- she was holding her pool cue tightly between her feet. To complete the trio, a green hat was perched on the edge of the table holding a ridiculously long cue in his beak. He was obviously having trouble balancing, and to Shadow's great amusement an imp- like creature with bright orange eyes and a cheeky grin kept walking past the table and quickly stuffing him down one of the pockets.
A small glowing ball of light sat in the middle of the pool table, obviously acting as the white ball. She was wailing loudly, something that the players were blissfully ignorant of. Hell, they even seemed to be enjoying prodding her into the other balls.
The author took time off from writing to remember her first date, when her boyfriend had gleefully suggested they go play pool together. She had spent four patient hours playing game after game with him, and after that pool is not something that she forgets easily. Without Vaati constantly on her case, she was free to reminsce about how drained of her zest for life she had felt after that day.
"Hey, look, we actually got a visitor!" The imp's sharp voice rang across the room, and all faces turned to look at Shadow. The boy stepped back, unaware of what to do with all the attention suddenly directed solely at him.
"Not gonna speak, huh?" the creature continued in a snarky- sounding voice. A bright orange hand suddenly extended from her headpiece and thrust itself towards Shadow. "Shake hands? The name's Midna."
Shadow declined the offer politely. "[CENSORED] off!"
There was a silence, quickly broken by the hat.
"Youth today!" it exclaimed, dropping the pool cue out of its mouth. "When I was but a Minish, knee-high to a blade of grass... or is a grasshopper smaller? Either way, I was very small and-"
"Oh, shut up, Ezlo, nobody's interested." muttered the ghost of Zelda (presumably from Spirit Tracks), aiming for the still- squealing Navi.
"I presume that the atmosphere is going to turn hostile very rapidly." spoke the armless girl. Shadow recognised the voice as the one that had effectively directed him to this mysterious room.
"So, I suppose I gotta pick one of you to help me through the maze?" he deduced, looking with interest at the strange crew that were now gathering around him.
Midna burped. "No [CENSORED], Sherlock."
"For Hylia's sake stop swearing!" snapped the hat. "You sound like a 12-year old with anger issues!"
Shadow couldn't help noticing how domineering the hat seemed to be. He seemed to have a large ego, perhaps too big for his own good. Even though he was physically the weakest and the most vulnerable, he was the most domineering and intelligent and it was obvious that people were submitting to him easily. Or seeing him as a source of amusement.
Vaati, he thought.
"I'll take him!" he pointed at Ezlo. This was a big mistake.
"HOW DARE YOU POINT AT ME, YOU FOOL!?" Ezlo roared. For a fifteen-inch hat he was surprisingly loud. "That's rude! And how DARE you say "I'll take him" like I'm a TOY!?"
"I-I'm sorry!" Shadow backed away quickly. "I'll take someone els-"
"Nope, you've made your choice!" There was a disturbing squishing noise as Ezlo jumped on his head. Shadow wheeled around, unsure of what to do with himself, before crashing into the pool table and almost tipping it upside down. Navi, unnoticed in the following crashing and screaming as the table did eventually topple over, was finally able to free herself from the shackles of being the white ball and flew into Ezlo's beak.
"I'm sorry... maybe I should go... haha..." Shadow gulped as the ghost of Zelda and Fi advanced upon him, wielding their pool cues.
"I calculate a 75% chance that I would have won that game had you not disturbed the positioning of the balls. Not to mention the table." Fi said. Maybe it was Shadow's imagination, but her voice had taken on a sinister air.
"No you wouldn't have, you stupid spirit." Ghost-of-toon-Zelda snapped. "You can't even hold the cue properly!"
"There is a 90% probability-"
"Would you cut it with the probability stuff!?" Ezlo roared. "Young people these days can't even do mathematics!"
"I calculate that-"
"You don't-"
"If I may conjecture-!"
"NO!"
Shadow beat a hasty exit.
They continued walking down the maze, the door fading quickly behind them. Navi popped out of Ezlo's mouth not soon after, prompting a scream from the hat.
"BY THE SOUL OF KING HARKINIAN!" shrieked the hat, causing Shadow to nearly fall into a pit of lava that was strategically placed in his way. "Where did you come from!?"
"I was hiding in your guts." Navi said matter- of- factly. "That was, until my hero left that blasted room. Then I knew it was safe to fly back up again!"
"I regurgitated... a fairy?" Ezlo sounded slightly nauseous.
"Hang on, who's your hero?" Shadow asked casually.
"YOOOOOOUUUUUUUU AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Navi wailed, flying into Shadow's face in a kind of affectionate headbutt. The boy felt a nosebleed beginning to trickle down to his lip. "Thank you SO MUCH for saving me! In fact, in return for your kindness, let me help you get across this lava!"
"But you're [CENSORED] tiny-!" Shadow had the breath knocked out of him as the miniscule fairy grabbed onto the growing bangs in his hair and lifted him up. It soon became obvious that she was struggling, even though Shadow had considered himself quite light. He could feel the heat from the boiling substance singeing his toes, and it didn't help that Ezlo was fidgeting frantically.
"Hey! Hat guy! Would you stay still!? This really isn't the time to-"
"Yeah, you heard him!" an unmistakeable voice came from very close to the boy. "Stop messing up my plans for once, Master!"
"VAATI!?"
Vaati was clinging onto Shadow's tunic with all his might, strain obviously showing on his gaunt face. His legs were wrapped around Shadow's face in a rather disturbing position.
"Fairy, you'd better fly because I am NOT ending things like this!" he snapped. "I have a future to look forward to!"
"A future of being a lackey to that oaf?" Ezlo replied. Vaati developed a ferocious eye tic.
"I am NOT a lackey, my master Ganondorf is NOT an oaf-"
"That's not what you've been saying for, oooh, the past three years?" Shadow butted in.
"This is not your conversation!"
"Of course it's my [CENSORED] conversation, you're hanging on to my tunic!"
It was then that Navi's fragile wings gave out and the four of them dropped into the lava.
UNSPECIFIED LOCATION
Ganondorf strained against the bonds tying him to the tree, which was surprisingly strong despite looking frail. He was pretty sure that he had destroyed this tree in the first book.
"I planted it again." the man guarding him said. He was not facing the King of Evil, but rather turned away from him with his arms folded and looking towards the horizon, as if he was waiting for his victims to arrive.
Ghirahim was sat next to Ganondorf, looking grumpy. "It's not fair... I wanted to do the villainous monologue." he whinged.
His dark- clothed companian turned to glare at him. "We haven't even got to that part. Be patient, for Din's sake."
"I WANNA DO THE VILLAINOUS MONOLOGUE!" Ganondorf wailed.
"Fine." came the response. "Do it."
Ghirahim's ears drooped sadly.
Ganondorf was silent.
"What's the matter? Remlit got your tounge?" the dark man spat. He flinched. "God... any excuse to shoehorn in a Zelda reference..."
Ganny whimpered. "I don't know what "villainous monologue" means..."
The dark man snorted. "Don't attempt things you don't know how to do, then. That statement is advice for the author as well, as it INCLUDES writing good fanfiction."
There was a BANG as a laptop lid was slammed down.
-
Swamp Dragon Princess: Aaaah I thought I had sent you a PM w I'm such an idiot *derp* But I must thank you for being so encouraging, that review seriously made my day! I really enjoyed writing last chapter and I enjoyed writing this one as well, I find that I'm much quicker writing now~ I have just finished reading the whole of My Inner Life, never before has a fanfiction made me feel physically sick. It wasn't just that it was badly written (at least the author had the presence of mind to make her spelling and grammar "decent") but it was really disturbing as well 0.0 Still, I suppose every fandom has to have its own My Inner Life/My Immortal... if it doesn't, then it's not popular! :P
WraithHeart: Excuse meeeeeee? Yes I am a necromancer! Because I SAY SO! Is that right, my heavily- molested skeleton army?
Skeletons: ...
Me: Oh yeah. You guys don't have vocal chords anymore, do you? Jeez... you've really let yourselves go... I suppose I'd better try and get you guys back on your feet again! Therefore, KILL!
Skeletons: ... *remain stationary*
Me: Oh yeah. You don't have a muscular system either. This could be kind of difficult.
You would buy Ganondorf's corpse? xD Well, I suppose it would be a nice decoration, if you can actually fit it in through the door that is~ But they were going to sell his armour... but you are more than welcome to go searching for his body in the alternate dimension this is set in if you so wish! ;)
Vaati's new obsession... well, the guy loves science, what more can I say? xD Honestly it's a reference to a conversation I had with the lovely Swamp Dragon Princess, I kinda figured it would fit with Vaati's personality since he's the smart one who's the most likely to spout random science w I do that a lot, mostly about neuroscience because the brain is like my baby ;3; I wanna know everything about it~ and that sounds kind of strange xD *studies dark space under bed* Yup, I see it. I see it well. Never really dared to go under there before. I'm gonna check it every time I go to bed now ,
But I suppose I will be alright for now, because this update is most definitely on time! Omg I'm not gonna be maimed tonight! Yaaaaaaaay!
DemonSorceressRinato808: Do you know, I'm still on a high from your reviews xD First off, Rinato certainly sounds like an awesome character and hey, Shadow certainly needs a companion! I'm so glad you enjoy the AFD series so much :D And yeah, certainly keep Shadow away from those levers, the guy is totally reckless. Vaati thanks you for your advice... and I was amused by "take him down" before he gets to the lever! I just got a mental image of Vaati rugby- tackling Shadow to the floor! xD Hahaaaa! Thank you very very much and I hope you continue reviewing ;w;