Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

Way The Wind Blows

Chapter Twenty Six

A MONTH LATER

Sitting alone in a quiet hospital corridor, Kathryn looked at the images of herself and Chakotay in her locket. No matter what the occasion, no matter what the time or the weather, the faces looking back at her were always smiling. There was so much happiness contained in her locket, so much love.

When silver doors opposite her opened, Kathryn slipped the locket under a pretty lemon dress she was wearing and looked up, hoping to see B'Elanna step through the doors. Chakotay had been prepared for surgery and any time now he would be taken to theater. While he was waiting, only one person at a time was allowed to see him, and Kathryn had insisted on B'Elanna going in first.

Sure enough, B'Elanna appeared, casually dressed in black pants and a blue t-shirt. Her eyes were moist and for a moment she said nothing. Kathryn knew that she was very worried about Chakotay. It was a serious operation he was about to have, and anything could happen.

At last B'Elanna spoke. "You may go in now."

Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder as a small gesture of comfort, and then went inside.

When Kathryn entered the pre-operative room, she found Chakotay alone there, lying on a trolley with a white gown over him. His hair had been shaved off, his tattoo had been removed, and there were markings on his head where incisions were to be made. The sight brought a lump to Kathryn's throat, but she swallowed it. Chakotay needed her to be strong. Steeling herself, she walked over to him and smiled.

"Love the new look."

Chakotay smiled in return. "Apparently all the rage on Vorlarik Prime."

Kathryn sat on a green hardback chair beside the trolley and took his hand in hers. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't too late to change his mind, but she had promised him that she would support him, and she wouldn't break that promise.

"How are you feeling?"

"Drowsy. They've given me some pre-op medication and it's making me sleepy."

But, as tired as he felt, he couldn't help but notice how pale Kathryn looked, how drawn, and how dark the shadows were around her eyes. The events of the past few months had taken there toll, and he remembered enough of their life together over the past seven years to know that if he didn't survive the operation, she would blame herself.

"Any moment now I'll be taken in," he said softly, "but there's something I want to say first." He squeezed her hand. "If, for whatever reason, I don't make it through, I don't want you to blame yourself. It's my decision to have this operation, I know the risks. And I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened to me...the transporter incident. Whatever happened between us in the past, I'm glad that it did. Just because I can't remember what we shared, doesn't mean it wasn't real. I'm glad I knew, if only for a short while, what it is to love and be loved in return."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "You're not going to die, Chakotay. You're going to make it through and you're going to remember."

"But if I don't, Kathryn, promise me that you won't blame yourself, that you won't think of me with pain and regret, but only with love."

Kathryn hesitated a moment, but then spoke. "I promise."

Large bronze doors to her left opened, and Dr Briluk appeared, followed by two male porters in brown uniforms. She was a tall, attractive, woman with long black hair and pale blue eyes, and had a sweet smile. "We're ready for you, Chakotay."

Chakotay turned away from her and looked up at Kathryn. "Looks like this is it."

Kathryn nodded.

"I have to do this, Kathryn. I have to remember."

"I know," she said quietly. "And you will make it through, Chakotay. I just know that you will."

The two male porters approached the trolley and took hold of one end each. As they did so, Kathryn squeezed Chakotay's hand before letting it go . "I'll be right here when you wake up."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm counting on it."

The Porters released the trolley's wheels, and Kathryn reluctantly stepped away from Chakotay. Before she knew it, he was on his way through the doors, and then he was gone. A stubborn tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and she clumsily wiped it away. She felt a kind hand on her shoulder and turned to her right to find Dr Briluk standing beside her.

"We always have to inform patients of the risks," she said softly, "but I'm confident this operation will be a success." She then withdrew her hand, reached into the pocket of her long white coat, and pulled out a small round bronze badge. "The operation will take about three hours. There's no point in you hanging around the hospital. Take this communication device. I'll contact you when the operation is over and I'm about to wake Chakotay."

Kathryn took the device gratefully. "Thank you."

Dr Briluk smiled warmly and then made her way back into the theater.

When Kathryn left the pre-operative room, B'Elanna got up from the chair she was sitting in. "Have they taken him in?"

Kathryn nodded. She then showed B'Elanna the communication device Dr Briluk had given her. "Dr Briluk gave me this. She's going to contact us when the operation is over so that we don't have to wait out here." She pinned the device to her dress and then looked up at her former chief engineer. "How about we go to my cabin?"

B'Elanna gave a nod. "Alright."

Sun streamed through the cabin's small living room windows, and B'Elanna looked around the room as she entered the very welcoming log-home with Kathryn. There was a very comfortable looking brown sofa with two matching chairs, a pine table, and a brown faux-fur rug before a very handsome stone fireplace. The floor was made of pinewood and there were a couple of landscape pictures on the walls.

"This is such a quaint cabin you have here," B'Elanna said, impressed. "It's so cozy and homely."

Kathryn smiled. "Not what you'd have said if you'd seen it a few weeks ago. The windows were broken, the doors were hanging off, and the roof had decided it would rather be a floor. I've had to have a lot of work done on it, but I'm glad to say it's now back to its former glory."

"You've done a great job."

"Thank you. I did very little myself, of course. I just got in a repair team and told them what I wanted doing." She paused. "It's not exactly an ideal place for a baby, but if you and Tom ever want some time to yourselves, you're welcome to stay here."

"That would be great. Thanks."

"You're most welcome." Kathryn then made her way into the kitchenette area. "I'm having a coffee. Would you like one?"

"Please."

As Kathryn manually replicated the coffees, B'Elanna followed her into the kitchenette area.

"Unless your family have a chain of cabins in this part of the world, I'm guessing this is the cabin we sent Chakotay too."

"Yes," Kathryn replied.

"Quite fitting, then, for him to recuperate here."

"I guess."

B'Elanna hesitated, but couldn't resist the curiosity. "I know you can't give me details, but you can't blame me for being curious. This mission we sent Chakotay on. Were you involved? Because if you weren't, how would you know where and when to send him?"

Kathryn bit her lip, not liking the way this conversation was going. "Let's just say our paths crossed."

"That's kind of weird," B'Elanna said as Kathryn handed her a coffee. "To think that you knew him before you knew him."

"Been trying to get my head around it all myself."

"I bet." B'Elanna took a sip of her coffee. "Was that why you made him First Officer? I mean, one moment you're a woman on a mission to capture us, and the next your prime convict is your First Officer. That was a hell of a lot of responsibility to give someone you had every reason to mistrust. Most captains would have made us prove ourselves before giving us the slightest responsibility on the ship."

"There were a lot of reasons why I made Chakotay my First Officer, but yes, having met him in the past influenced my decision. I knew, or believed, that I could trust him."

B'Elanna sat down by a large pine table. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"What was me?"

"You treated Chakotay for Post Transportation Trauma."

Kathryn was a moment in answering. "Yes," she said. "But you can't tell anyone any of this."

"I wouldn't dream of it. You and Chakotay are the closest thing I have to family...excepting Tom and Miral, of course. You can trust me."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "And there are few people I trust, believe me." She then joined B'Elanna at the table, and the half-Klingon watched as her former Captain gazed absently into the cup in her hands.

"He will remember," B'Elanna said kindly. "When he wakes us, he'll remember that he loves you."

Kathryn said nothing. As much as she longed for that with all her heart, right now she just wanted him to make it through the operation.

"You do love him, don't you?"

"I...I don't want to talk about this, B'Elanna," Kathryn said. "And I don't want to think about what may or may not happen. It's better to just wait and see."

"But even if he doesn't get all his memories back," B'Elanna persisted, "he's bound to get some. That will surely be enough to remind him that he loves you. Then you and he can be together and it will be like this amnesia thing never happened."

"That's just one possibility. And, as I said, I don't want to..."

"Why are you being so negative?" B'Elanna interrupted, her tone agitated.

"Because I don't believe in fairytales," Kathryn retorted. "There isn't always a fix-it button in life, B'Elanna. We have to live with the consequences of our actions."

"I know that as well as anyone, but the odds that Chakotay will wake up with his memory restored are in our favor. The same couldn't be said about our odds of getting home from the Delta Quadrant. But we beat the odds. Doesn't that give you faith?"

" I just...I just can't allow myself to build up expectation on this," Kathryn said uncomfortably. "You're a young woman with a husband and a child. Your dream for both has come true. I'm a middle-aged woman who can no longer have a child. Every man I've ever loved, I've lost, and I've lived most of my life alone. I've long had to let go of the dream I had as a young woman of having a family of my own. Our perspectives on this are very different."

"I'm sorry," B'Elanna replied. "When you put it like that...I just didn't think." She paused. "And I'm sorry about children. For what it's worth, I think you would have been a wonderful mother."

Kathryn softened at that. "Thank you." She paused. "And I'm sorry too. I know you meant well."

B'Elanna looked at her sadly. "Are you sure you can't have a child, though? Lots of women have children in their mid-forties."

"My great grandmother for one," Kathryn answered. "She didn't start her family until she was 45 and went on to have four children. Two boys and two girls. "

"Wow. She had a busy few years."

"She certainly did. Although two of them were twins...identical too. Martha and Mary Strathon. My aunt was named Martha Mary after them."

"Well, if she could have four, twins to boot, I'm sure you could have one."

"It's not impossible. I just...it's unlikely. I've accepted that and made my peace with it. Sometimes, as hard as it is, we have to let go of our dreams."

B'Elanna put down her coffee. "I know it's no where near the same, but if you like, you can look after Miral sometimes."

Kathryn smiled wanly. "Thank you, B'Elanna. I'd like that."

Time passed too slowly, every moment feeling like an eternity. Kathryn replicated what was her fourth cup of coffee and returned to the living room where B'Elanna was sitting.

"It won't be long now," B'Elanna said as Kathryn sat down. "It's been two and a half hours."

"I hope not," Kathryn replied. "I'm not sure how much more of this I can take."

"The worst of it must be over. If something had..."

The communication device on Kathryn's dress bleeped, interrupting B'Elanna. Then Dr Briluk's voice filled the air.

"Dr Briluk to Admiral Janeway."

It was a long moment before Kathryn answered. As much as she wanted this hell to be over, if Dr Briluk bore bad news, she would rather still be waiting. "Janeway here."

"I'm happy to say the operation was a complete success."

At these words, infinite relief consumed Kathryn and she saw the same relief on B'Elanna's face.

"That's...that's wonderful news," she smiled.

"I'm about to wake him up."

"Then we'll be right there. Thank you for telling us."

"You're welcome. See you shortly. Dr Briluk out."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn and B'Elanna got to their feet and hugged joyfully.

When Kathryn and B'Elanna arrived at the hospital, Dr Briluk was waiting for them outside the post-operative room.

"The operation didn't take as long a I thought it would," she said after greeting them. "Chakotay's brain responded to the treatment better than most. I was able to restore ninety-seven percent of his damaged neural pathways, so he should now have access to almost all the memories he lost."

"I knew it would work," B'Elanna smiled. "I just knew it."

Kathryn questioned. "Will he also remember what has happened over the past few months?"

"Yes." She hesitated with the next words. "Amnesia doesn't generally change someone's personality, but it can have an effect if the person has changed lifestyle or religion but can't remember the weeks, months, or years leading up to that decision. This can result in a reversion to a former lifestyle. When they regain their memory, this can cause some distress." She paused again. "Have you noticed any changes in his attitudes or behavior?"

"I have," B'Elanna replied. "Subtle ones, but changes nonetheless. For example, he got involved with someone who I don't think he would have got involved with if he hadn't lost his memory."

"That's the kind of thing that can cause some distress. Some patients have forgotten they are married, or even forgotten that they love or know their spouse. This has resulted in separation or divorce and getting involved with someone else. When they've regained their memory, this has left them feeling guilty and regretful. It's important to remind them that their condition was responsible for their behavior." She paused. "Chakotay's going to be very drowsy when he wakes up because of the sedatory effect of the painkillers I've given him. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to take it in turns to see him."

B'Elanna turned to Kathryn. "You go in first. I was first last time, and it's you'll he want to see more than anyone."

Kathryn wasn't going to argue. Instead, she put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder and smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

Dr Briluk opened the doors by pressing a flashing blue button, and then turned to Kathryn. "Let's go inside."

Kathryn stepped into the room and Dr Briluk followed. Chakotay was lying unconscious in a bed, covered in a white blanket, and his head was bandaged. Several machines were monitoring him and there was a flashing device on his neck. Dr Briluk went over to him, pulled off the device, and put a hypospray to his neck.

"It will take about a minute for him to fully regain consciousness," she said, drawing away from him. "I'll be in the next room if you need me."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied.

With that, Dr Briluk left, leaving Kathryn alone with Chakotay. Slowly, she walked over to the bed and gazed down at him. Her heart was racing and her whole body was trembling. It was hard to believe that the moment she had dreamt of for so many years was about to happen... She was going to be reunited with "her" Chakotay.

As Chakotay stirred, Kathryn sat down and pulled out her locket from under her dress. She wanted him to see it, wanted him to see just how much it still meant to her. Gently, she reached for his hand and held it in hers. Moments later, his eyes fluttered open.

Kathryn smiled and squeezed his hand. "Welcome back."

Slowly, Chakotay's eyes found hers and he looked into them. As he did, tears welled in his own. "I remember...Oh Kathryn..."

Tearful herself, Kathryn raised his hand to her cheek with a kiss. "I dared not hope. I wanted you too...needed you too...but I dared not hope."

"What we shared...I can hardly..."

"I know," she said. "But it was real, Chakotay. And he was you. That's all that matters."

A tear escaped his eye. "I love you so much, Kathryn."

"I love you too. I always have."

"I...I'm so sorry I forgot."

Kathryn kissed his hand. "It wasn't your fault."

"But Seven...I'm so sorry..."

"None of that matters. All that matters is what happens now. We're home. No more parameters, no more barriers. We can be together. After all these years, we can finally be together."

Chakotay nodded. "Together...that's all I've ever wanted. You're everything to me."

Kathryn smiled. "And you to me. I always hoped we'd find each other again and we have. We have."

The locket around her neck caught the light and, with a trembling hand, Chakotay reached out and touched it.

"You kept it...all these years..."

"And I always will."

Carefully, Chakotay opened the locket and gazed hazily at the picture. "Where did you get it...the picture?"

"A man took it while we were dancing. He gave it to me when I was waiting to be transported back to the cabin. I forgot about it until you'd gone."

Chakotay let go of the locket and looked up at Kathryn. "I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay...wanted to stay forever."

"I know you did. And I wanted you to stay. It was so hard after you'd gone."

Another tear ran down his cheek. "Raylar's Bar. You came looking for me."

Kathryn flinched. Given how brief their meeting was, she never thought he would recollect it.

"I...I didn't think you would remember that."

"I didn't...not until a few weeks ago. I saw you in my mind...heard you say your name." Tears flooded his eyes. "And I ignored you. We could have...but I ignored you. I'm so sorry."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "That's how it was meant to be, Chakotay. We weren't meant to be together then."

"No," he whispered. "Not then...but now...together now...always..." His head then drooped to the side and his breathing deepened.

Kathryn swallowed. "Chakotay?"

No response.

Bronze doors behind her opened, and Dr Briluk appeared. Kathryn looked up at her anxiously. "What's happening?"

"He's sleeping," Dr Briluk replied calmly. "It's a common reaction to the medication. He'll probably sleep for a few hours. There's no cause for alarm. I've monitored his brain activity and everything is fine."

At this, relief consumed Kathryn. "Thank you, doctor. For a moment there I thought..." She paused. "You said that if all went well with the operation, Chakotay could be discharged in a couple of days."

"That's right. Providing there are no complications, and we're satisfied he'll have adequate care, he can leave on Wednesday morning."

"He'll have all the care he needs," Kathryn smiled. "I promise you"

Dr Briluk smiled in return. "I'm sure he will."

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY SIX