Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

Way The Wind Blows

Chapter Twenty Seven

"Everything is just as I remember," Chakotay said, looking around the cabin's cozy living room. He was wearing a blue shirt over smart black pants, and it would have been impossible to tell by looking at him that he had undergone a serious operation only days before. Black hair streaked with silver covered his head, and his tattoo had been restored.

"That was my intention," Kathryn smiled. "I wanted it all to look the same."

Chakotay turned to her and gazed at her in the morning's soft light. Even though she had aged by almost two decades, she looked as beautiful to him now as she had done the last time they were together in this cabin. She was wearing a long flowing green skirt and a pretty white top that shimmered silver when it caught the light. For seven years he had seen her in the same uniform, virtually day in and day out, and it was so good now to see Kathryn, not the captain. Around her neck was the silver heart locket he had given her, and Chakotay gently reached for it.

"All these years I've loved you," he said quietly, "but I could never really be sure of your feelings for me. I wanted you to love me, and sometimes I thought that you did love me, but I could never be sure." He let the locket fall back onto her chest and looked up at her. "Yet all the time you did love me...or had loved me...in the most intimate of ways. It's...I'm still trying to get my head around it."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "Me too. It's been so hard all these years. I had no way of knowing if you were my Chakotay, my Jack. For so long I waited for you to come back into my life, but our paths never seemed to cross. From time to time, I checked out your Starfleet profile to see what you were up to and to look for a clue for when we would meet again, but I never found one. Then I read that you had become a Maquis and I felt sure then that you couldn't be him...my Chakotay." She paused. "After everything we'd shared, it was so hard to let go of the dream that one day we would be together again. But when you became a Maquis, I knew then that I had to try."

Chakotay gently put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. It worried me, after the first transport attempt, what was happening between us. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you, but after all we'd shared, there was no going back." Tears filled his eyes. "I only wanted to do what was right by you."

"And you did, Chakotay. It was hell when you were gone, but I could never be sorry that you came. I'll forever cherish every moment."

"Is this...what happened between us...the real reason you kept a distance between us on Voyager? I know you said it was because of the command structure but..."

Kathryn finished his sentence. "It's a kind of hollow reason when you're a lifetime away from home."

He nodded.

"All I can say is that it was part of the reason. Even if protocol wasn't really an issue in our circumstance, and I blew hot and cold on that, I couldn't let something happen between us because you had told me that in your future we weren't involved." She paused. " I wanted you to be him, my Jack, and yet...and yet at the same time I didn't want you to be. If you weren't, then history was safe. The Chakotay I had known and loved was another Chakotay from another timeline or reality, and there was nothing I could do or say that would endanger that time we spent together. But if you were him, just not him yet, then I could easily do or say something that would rewrite the history of our lives. So many times on Voyager I wanted to tell you that I loved you, so many times I wanted to show you with a kiss, but if I kissed you, then...then not only would we be compromising the command structure but I could kiss away the happiest time of our lives. I couldn't risk that. I couldn't let my Jack go. Not again. Letting you go the first time, accepting that you were never going to come back into my life, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. All these years... I would never have guessed what we'd shared. You never gave any indication, nothing. You once even said that you hadn't known my name three years before but now couldn't imagine a day without me. I remember that because it meant so much."

"I was afraid, Chakotay. If you were my Jack, I didn't know when it would happen, how it would happen...even if it had already. I was afraid what it would mean. But I wasn't always scared, sometimes I longed for it to have happened. I even once thought that it had happened, but that you didn't think I remembered. So, I tried to drop a hint by asking you to join me for a moonlight sail." She paused. "I couldn't forget the image I'd seen of you cradling my dead body in your arms. I thought then maybe you were him, my Chakotay, because that's how much he would have loved me. Other times I didn't want you to think I remembered, so that's why I said what I did. I'd read that line in a novel once and I really liked it." She lowered her eyes. "But I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it."

"It's alright, Kathryn. I can't imagine what it was like for you. And now I understand why you questioned me so much after the deflector dish incident. You thought it might have happened then, didn't you?"

"Yes. Something had evidently happened outside the normal space-time continuum, and you were about as old as I remembered my Chakotay being. If it had all happened, I didn't know what you would do...whether you would tell me or if you would just keep it to yourself because of our positions. I just didn't know."

"If I knew then what I know now, then I would have told you what had happened. But I didn't tell you because I thought I'd seen the future...at least a glimpse of it. And it wasn't a future you would have wanted to know about. You and I were dead and Voyager was still trying to make her way home twenty years later." He paused. "But it occurred to me after our dinner that it was probably some kind of alternate reality I experienced. The Kathryn Janeway I met in that reality said to me that Voyager was her first command. Your first command was The Bonestell. I thought for a moment that perhaps I was still in that reality, but I looked up your profile and it said that your first command was indeed The Bonestell." He paused. "I don't think that Kathryn had ever met me in the past. When we first met she was very hostile, and afterwards, when she trusted me, she didn't behave towards me like an engaged woman would have done."

Kathryn couldn't help but smile at that. "How did she behave, exactly?"

Chakotay smiled in return. "Let's just say she was a little flirtatious."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Can't say I blame her." She then fell serious. "But she must have met you in the past, I don't see how it could have been otherwise. Perhaps she was just putting on an act. I can be pretty convincing when I put my mind to it."

"I know you can," he smiled. "But I just don't think we had met in her past. And, given the future I'd seen, it would make sense. If we were both dead, then you would never have transported me, and it all wouldn't have happened."

Those words unexpectedly sent a cold shiver through Kathryn's body. "I've often wondered," she said quietly, "what would have happened to me if you hadn't come into my life at that point. Perhaps that answers it. If I hadn't of been waiting for you to come back into my life, perhaps I would have got involved with other men. There was no shortage of offers. And, if I'd got involved with someone else, perhaps I wouldn't have focused so much on my career, which would explain why I was later in becoming a captain."

"That might explain it," Chakotay replied. He then smiled. "It really puzzled me how you knew I hid my cider in the Cargo Bay. Now I know...I told you."

Kathryn laughed. "You certainly did. It was one of the things that made me wonder if you were my Chakotay. But it could have been just a coincidence so I couldn't be sure." She fidgeted uncomfortably. "And, talking of alcohol, there's something I have to tell you. I didn't keep my promise about the drink and pills. That night at Raylar's bar...seeing you with someone else...it broke my heart. I couldn't take the pain and...and when I got back to the cabin I overdosed on sleeping pills."

Blood drained out of Chakotay's face and infinite pain filled his eyes.

"Mark found me and got me to hospital." Tears welled in her eyes at the agony in his. "I wouldn't have told you, except that these things have a habit of coming out eventually."

Chakotay broke away from her and wondered over to the window.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "All I've ever wanted is to keep you safe. To think I..." He paused painfully. "I truly believed I was stuck in the past. If I'd doubted it, even for a second, I would never have got involved with you. I knew it would be too much for you, losing someone else you were close to after losing your father and fiance. But I messed up and I'm sorry."

Kathryn went over to him and put her hand on his arm. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Chakotay. You did nothing wrong. All you did was love me. Don't ever be sorry for that. I've never been as happy in my entire life as I was with you. I have no regrets."

Chakotay slowly turned to her. "I regret it had to end the way it did...me leaving, you doing that..."

"It didn't end that way, Chakotay. It ended on Christmas Day when I received this beautiful locket. I was so depressed, despondent, and then I got your gift and note. You'll never know how much they both meant to me. I'm so glad you came into my life, Chakotay, so thankful for what we shared."

Chakotay brushed his fingers against her cheek. "Me too."

"But there was one thing you were wrong about. You said I don't love you as much as she did. But I do. Every bit as much."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "Oh, Kathryn."

"And I want you by my side always."

Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it. "Then that's where I'll be."

They gazed into each others eyes and then, for the first time in the present, kissed softly. The kiss was just as Kathryn remembered, just as it was in her dreams. Then, for the longest time, they held each other. Words redundant.

"I've been wondering," Chakotay said at last. "What became of our cottage?"

"I don't know," Kathryn replied, drawing away. "I gave it up after you left and haven't been back since. It would have been too painful...just like coming here."

"Then I think we should find out. If it's vacant, we could make it our home, just like we planned to."

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "We could. But let's not get our hopes up. I'm sure it's occupied."

"Well, there's one way to find out quickly and that's to visit."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Quickly as in right now?"

Chakotay nodded. "We'd be there in the blink of a transport. And, if I'm doing the math right, it should still be day."

Kathryn smiled. "You're doing the math right...unlike me when I ordered that damn giant bed."

Chakotay laughed. "Do you still have it?"

"Oh no, it went with the cottage. My drapes are history too. But I do still have your table. In fact, if you look at the one behind me closely, you'll see that's it."

Chakotay looked and, to his joy, saw the table he had spent hours working on. It was as shiny as the first day he had finished it and was adorned with a pretty white cloth.

"Until the locket it was all I had left of you and it came with me to every house. I feared it had been lost forever when Mom and Mark emptied my house after Voyager went missing, but luckily Phoebe took it."

"I'm really touched, Kathryn," he said sincerely. "You keeping it...and the locket...it means so much."

Kathryn smiled. "They're not the only things I kept. The bathtub you made me on New Earth, the headboard...I still have them."

"Really?" he asked in surprise. "I thought they were monkey toys by now!"

"No. I had them beamed to the cargo bay and kept in storage."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "So that's why you were so cagey about a certain container."

"Me, cagey?" she teased. "Never." She then put her hand on his arm. "Come on. We'll beam ourselves to Ireland. But only for a little while, ok? You're still recovering."

"Ok," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn smiled and then they made their way to the transporter room.

The evening sun was setting when Kathryn and Chakotay arrive in Ireland. They materalized on the beach, as they thought that a safe distance from the cottage, and found themselves knee high in sea.

"Looks like our transporter system needs tweaking," Kathryn laughed. "I definitely requested a dry landing!"

"Unless it's misbehaving like your replicator on Voyager," Chakotay teased.

"Oh, don't you dare say that!"

Chakotay laughed again and then, holding up skirt and pants respectively, they waded to the grass.

"But it's good to be back," Kathryn said, linking her arm with Chakotay's as they began to walk. "Nothing has changed and...Oh! Oh, look! It's our tree!"

Chakotay looked and, sure enough, saw the ancient stump he had carved their initials on all those years ago.

"Oh, I wonder if we're still on it," Kathryn went on. "Oh, let's go see!"

They went to see and, to their mutual delight, saw that their initials were still visible.

"I can hardly believe it," Kathryn said, kneeling to touch them. "All those years...all we've been through...but, like the pictures in my locket, time hasn't touched us here."

"No," Chakotay replied. "And it's..." Tears filled his eyes. "I guess a little overwhelming."

At this, Kathryn got up and put her hand on his arm. "If all this gets too much for you, just let me know. Your memory is still recovering and...well, you have a lot to come to terms with and adjust too."

"Yes," he confessed. "But it's all...it's all amazing."

Kathryn smiled. "Worth the headache of PTT?"

"A trillion times."

They kissed softly and then, after looking at the carving for a while, walked towards the cottage. It came into view quickly, as the trees around it were gone, and, to Kathryn and Chakotay's disappointment, was clearly lived in. In fact, there were people in the garden now, a handsome couple with two young children and a dog. The children, a girl of about five and a boy of three, had jet black hair and were laughing as they ran and played with their dog. The animal looked a lot like Petunia and, for a moment, Kathryn's heart filled with longing. Longing for her old four legged friend and longing for the life that she and Chakotay could have lived here. These children could have been theirs and, as she looked at Chakotay, she could see the same thought in his eyes.

"I guess we have our answer," she said.

"Yes," he replied.

"And I can't deny that I'm disappointed. But maybe it's for the best. We shouldn't keep looking back, shouldn't try to recreate what we had then. We need to look forward, need to make a new life for ourselves in the present."

"You're right. Still, it's a shame. I really love this place. But, like I told you then, my home is where you are."

"Ditto. I don't care where we live."

"Neither do I, but we'll have to decide."

"Then how about we make it easy for ourselves and choose San Francisco?"

"Works for me."

"Then San Francisco it is. But we don't have to move there right away. There's no rush to leave the cabin."

Chakotay smiled. "No rush at all."

That evening, after a leisurely afternoon relaxing and talking in their cabin, Kathryn and Chakotay enjoyed a commemorative dinner of vegetable casserole with rice, followed by coffee ice cream with fudge pieces and chocolate sauce. Then, after clearing everything away, Kathryn had a soak in the bath while Chakotay took a shower.

When she finally got out of the bath, and ventured into the bedroom wrapped in a silky blue robe, Kathryn gasped at what she saw. The room was bathed in soft, golden, candlelight; the bed was covered in white satin sheets; and on a silver tray resting on the bedside cabinet, there was a bottle of champagne, two crystal glasses, a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of cream. Chakotay was standing before the bed, wearing a gold Victorian style dressing gown, and was holding a single red rose in his hands. Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. It was like stepping into a memory.

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and held out the rose to her. "For you."

Kathryn took the rose and then looked up at him. "This is all so lovely, Chakotay, but you've just had..."

Chakotay put his fingers to her lips. "I've spoken to Dr Briluk and she says it's fine so long as I'm feeling up to it." He smiled warmly. "And I am. I'm feeling wonderful..."

Kathryn smiled at that. "Me too..."

"There's just one thing that would make this moment even more perfect," he added.

Kathryn put the rose down on a chest of drawers beside her. "And what would that be?"

Chakotay got down on one knee, pulled out a little black velvet box from the pocket of his dressing gown, and opened it wide. Nestled in white satin was a glittering diamond ring.

"Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?"

Kathryn smiled, delight and amusement in her eyes. "Aren't we married already?"

"I guess we are," Chakotay smiled, remembering their self-service that night so long ago. "But I'd like us to make it official. So, Kathryn Janeway, love of my life, will you marry me?"

"Yes," Kathryn exclaimed, not even having to think about it. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Chakotay laughed from joy and then slipped the ring onto her finger. When it was in place, he got to his feet and scooped her in his arms.

"I'm going to make you happy, Kathryn," he said, kissing her hair, "I promise I will."

"As I promise you," she smiled. "Over the past seven years you've seen the worst of the captain, but you haven't seen the best of Kathryn. From now on, that's what you'll get...the best of me." She drew away from him. "But I want a short engagement. A very short engagement." After losing Justin, then Mark, she wasn't taking any chances this time.

"As short as you like," Chakotay said. "I'd marry you this second."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Maybe not quite as short as that. My mother would never forgive me if I didn't invite her...or my sister either...or my Aunt Martha." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "How about next month? We could have it here... I mean in Victoriana, the restaurant that we went to. It still exists. They do all kinds of functions, including weddings, and it would be perfect in every way. Aswell as our families, we're going to have to invite the crew, and it's just about the right size to hold everyone. The guests could come in ordinary clothes, but we could get married in costume. It would all be so wonderful."

"It would indeed," Chakotay smiled. "But next month might be tricky. Historical venues often have to be booked well in advance."

"True. I guess I was just being hopeful. But the waiting list can't be as long as for the castle." It had recently been restored by an enthusiast and was now a hotel. "We shouldn't have to wait more than a couple of months. Three or four at the longest."

"Then how about we go there tomorrow and book it?"

Kathryn smiled. "First thing."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "Maybe not quite first thing."

Kathryn laughed. "We do have a lot of catching up to do, don't we?"

"Eighteen years," he teased.

"In which case, we'd better get started."

Chakotay smiled. "We'd better indeed."

With that, he lowered his lips to hers and they kissed softly.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN