Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

Way The Wind Blows

Chapter Twenty Eight

Beneath a golden afternoon sun, Kathryn and Chakotay walked through the village's cobbled streets. The village had grown over the years, especially since the restoration of the castle, and now had a lot more shops and attractions. One such attraction was a magnificent fountain with marble statues of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, and next to the fountain was a quaint cafe. Unable to resist the aroma of fresh coffee, Kathryn and Chakotay stopped at the cafe for a drink. They sat outside, just a few feet away from the fountain, and enjoyed a coffee and a cake beneath its gushing water.

As they sat, talking and eating, a horse and carriage pulled up across the street. It was a grand black and brass carriage and was drawn by two white horses. A family of five stepped out of the carriage, and then the driver made his way over to the cafe. He was a small man with red hair and blue eyes and he smiled warmly at Kathryn and Chakotay.

"Good afternoon, Admiral and Commander," he said.

For a moment it unsettled both of them that he recognized them, but as they were famous all over the Federation, celebrity was just something they were going to have to get used to.

"Good afternoon," they both said.

The man sat at a table close by and waved through the window at a waitress inside. He then looked again at Kathryn and Chakotay.

"I'm guessing that you don't want to be bothered by folks," he said, "but I'd like to say welcome home."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you."

"We might seem to be behind the times up here, but most of it is for show, know what I mean? At home we like our modern luxuries as much as anyone. I think you and your crew showed tremendous courage and determination and I'm glad that was rewarded."

"Thank you," Kathryn said again. "And, if I may, I'd like to say what a fine carriage you have. Is it antique?"

"No," he replied. "It's old, about fifty years, but not genuine Victorian. It is a mighty fine carriage, though. Regal and sturdy. If you like, I can give you a ride."

Kathryn smiled. "That would be fabulous. Thank you."

After they'd enjoyed a wonderful ride in the carriage, a ride that took them right around the village, Kathryn and Chakotay made their way to Victoriana. The restaurant was almost exactly as they remembered and they were welcomed by a friendly female receptionist. The young girl had a bun of blonde hair and she was wearing a black Victorian dress.

"Oh, we would be absolutely thrilled to host your wedding," she said after Kathryn told her the purpose of their visit. "When are you thinking of?"

"As soon as possible," Kathryn answered. "When is your first vacancy?"

"I'll just check for you, Ma'am," she said. The girl then pulled out an old-fashioned black book and looked through it. "I'm afraid our next available slot is March. We only do two weddings on Saturdays, you see, and we're booked up until then."

Kathryn's disappointed was visible. March was six months away and she really didn't want to wait that long.

"I see," she said quietly.

Disappointed too, but mostly for Kathryn, Chakotay spoke. "Is there any way we could have the wedding on another weekday? We don't mind which."

"I'm sorry," the girl answered, "but we only have a license for Saturdays. We always get cancellations, so I could put your names down for one, but as we already have several couples waiting its unlikely you'd get a slot before February."

Chakotay turned to Kathryn and gently put his hand on her shoulder. "What would you like to do? Look for another venue or wait until March?"

"I suppose wait," she said. "I've set my heart on this place and...I guess March will come soon enough."

Chakotay smiled and squeezed her shoulder. "Then wait we will."

The receptionist spoke. "I think you are making the right decision. Our weddings are worth waiting for. Not only do we throw a lavish Victorian banquet for guests followed by a ball, but we provide all brides with a suite for the night before, and offer exclusive wedding dress designs inspired by real Victorian gowns. If you love the era and want a period style wedding than we are definitely the place for you."

Kathryn smiled, the thought of such a wonderful wedding easing her disappointment. "You most certainly are. We'll book March."

The girl smiled back. "Excellent. All I need now is your details and we have ourselves a wedding!"

"I can't believe how different the castle looks," Chakotay said, looking at it from a distance as he and Kathryn walked by the lake later that day. "It's magnificent."

"It certainly is. Restoring it was a mammoth task, though. It took over ten years, even with all our technology."

"Have you been inside?"

"No. It isn't open to the public. You have to be a guest. Unfortunately, though, it's booked up for the next five years so there's no chance of staying there any time soon."

"That's too bad. But I can understand the demand. Places like this are rare. We'll just have to book and bide our time."

"Sadly, we will. Maybe we can stay there for our fifth wedding anniversary."

Chakotay teased. "I like your confidence that we'll have one."

At that, Kathryn smacked his arm. "Careful, Sir, or we won't have any!"

Chakotay laughed.

"Or maybe we could stay there in 2385," Kathryn went on, "the twenty-fifth anniversary of our first ceremony. Because it really meant a lot to me, Chakotay. I really felt like I was your wife."

Chakotay stopped walking and turned to her. "It meant a lot to me too. And you were my wife...in my heart and in the eyes of my god. In a way you have been all these years and yet...not my wife either as I hadn't made the vows yet."

"I know. Another paradox. But the wheel has come full circle now and we truly are each others." Tears filled her eyes. "You brought so much joy into my life, Chakotay. It was the darkest time of my life and you lit it up like a super nova."

Chakotay tenderly put his hand to her cheek. "I can same the same about you. When I lost my family I...I never thought I'd find joy in anything ever again. The pain and the anger they...they were killing me. But then we got stranded in the Delta Quadrant and this amazing, courageous, beautiful woman came into my life. You gave me a reason to live again and filled my days with joy."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "I'm glad, Chakotay. I'm glad I was of some comfort. I wish I could have been more."

"So do I...to you. Because I know you were hurting, Kathryn. I know you were lonely and torturing yourself over destroying the array. I saw your pain but didn't know how to take it away."

"I was," Kathryn confessed, "torturing myself over destroying the array. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time...the only thing...but as the years went by and we were still a lifetime from home I questioned my decision. And you're right, I was lonely. Everyone expected me to be strong, to always be the captain, but I didn't always feel strong. Sometimes I... Well, it doesn't really matter anymore. But the array wasn't the only thing torturing me." She paused. "It's my fault Daddy and Justin died. I had a chance to save them but I failed."

"How do you mean?"

"They didn't die on impact, Chakotay, like I thought. The nightmares...they were trying to tell me something. It wasn't until Voyager that I knew what. Because when the nightmares stopped I was plagued by another dream. A less disturbing one but still unsettling. It was about rooms and doors. I was always trying to get to a certain room to clean it but couldn't. A locked door always prevented me. For a long time after you left I had that dream...never the nightmare again...but then that dream stopped too. It wasn't until Voyager it started again. Whether that was because of losing Mark, or being with you again, I don't know. And then, finally, it happened. I was able to open the door and step into the room. But not in a dream. I wasn't even asleep. I was on the bridge...when we were battling the Tokath...and all of a sudden I was reliving the accident." She paused, the memory hurting. "They were alive, Chakotay. When we crashed, and the ship broke up, they weren't killed. I saw them move in the cabin. It was jutting out of the sea and...and they were alive. I tried to transport them to safety...did everything I could to get a console to work...but there was only enough power to save one of them. How could I do it? How could I choose? I couldn't. So I tried to save both of them. And I almost did...I almost saved them...but then the cabin sank and they were gone."

Gently, Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I suspected there was something buried deep in your subconscious but nothing like that. I wish you'd told me. You shouldn't have kept all this to yourself."

"I thought it was for the best. Voyager wasn't the place to dwell on it, not with so many people depending on me. Besides, I was numb to it for a long time. I didn't feel anything. Not the horror, not the guilt, nothing. But then one night I just broke down and my heart finally felt the pain. It has ever since."

"I'm sorry. But, if it's any comfort, I don't think things happened quite the way you remember. I don't think it's possible. In such a situation...the trauma, the cold...you would have been hallucinating. You may have tried to save your father and fiance, and thought you were succeeding, but I suspect it was a trick of the mind."

"But the console was working, Chakotay. I got it to work."

"Maybe, but I don't think it's likely. There may have been some redundant power after the crash but no where near enough to transport a person. You may have just convinced yourself there was in some kind of mirage experience. It may not even have been a console you were working on. It could have been just a piece of broken ship. When a horror is too great the mind can blind itself to what is happening and see something else. You may not even have been moving at all. You may just have been dreaming."

For a long time Kathryn was silent, and then she began to cry.

"I think you're right," she said. "I think it was all in my head. I've gone over and over what happened and I still don't understand why the transport didn't work. It should have. But when I turned around to greet them they weren't there."

Chakotay drew her close and held her against him.

"An illusion, Kathryn. A typical nightmare scenario. I think you saw them alive, saw the cabin sink, and the trauma of that, combined with severe hypothermia, made you imagine the rest as you drifted in and out of consciousness."

Kathryn wept again, years of guilt and grief leaving her with every sob. "Then it wasn't my fault," she whispered. "It wasn't my fault they died."

"No," he answered. "But even if you had tried to same them, and failed, it wouldn't have been your fault. So don't torture yourself, Kathryn. Your father and Justin wouldn't want that."

"No," she said, drawing away. "They'd want me to find peace. And I have. Finally, I think I have." Tearfully, she brushed her fingers against his cheek. "The question is, has my angry warrior?"

Chakotay kissed her hand. "A peace greater than he ever thought possible."

Another tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and then they held each other again.

That night, back at the cabin, Kathryn and Chakotay sat outside roasting a supper of potatoes on a fire.

"When I close my eyes," Kathryn said, "the years fade away and I'm a young woman again. I can see you by the fire, just as you are now, can feel Petunia beside me, and can hear the rhythm of a drum calling me to dance."

"When I close my eyes," Chakotay said, "I can see you too...can see you dancing. You look...breathtaking."

"I've danced that dance a million times in my dreams," she went on. "Sometimes I thought it was only in a dream that I ever had."

Chakotay reached for her hand and took it in his. "I'd like to see you dance again."

Kathryn smiled. "Then maybe later I will."

They gazed into each other's eyes, kissed softly, and then turned again to the fire. The potatoes were roasting nicely and would soon be ready.

"Now that you've had the operation," Kathryn said, "and our wedding date has been set, I suppose you'll be wanting to leave for Trebus."

"Yes," he answered. "But not for a few weeks. This is...our time."

Kathryn smiled. "I'm glad. I'd hate for you to leave so soon. In fact, I'd hate for you to leave ever." A sadness filled her eyes. "Admiral Jenson tells me you're going to be offered promotion to captain. Will you...take it?"

Chakotay's kind eyes held hers. "I think you know the answer to that, Kathryn."

"But it's a great opportunity, Chakotay, and you'd make a fine captain. I don't want to stand in the way of your career."

Chakotay reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. "That's exactly how I felt all those years ago when you talked about giving up a life in space to be with me. But you made me see that pips on a collar mean nothing if life has no meaning. I love you and I want to be with you. For so many years I feared there would never be a time for us, that we would never have a chance of happiness. We have that chance now and the last thing I want is to fly off into space. If I can't get a post teaching at The Academy then I will at a university. All that matters to me is that we are together."

Kathryn lay her hand over his and squeezed it. "Ditto. And you will...get a post at The Academy. Don't doubt that."

Chakotay smiled. "If you say so, I believe it."

The potatoes were ready now and Chakotay carefully moved them to plates, speaking as he did.

"When I go to Trebus, why don't you come with me?"

"I'd love to," Kathryn answered, "but not this time. You and your sister have a lot catching up to do. There'll be plenty of time for me to visit in the future."

Chakotay handed her a plate, on which delicious red potatoes steamed into the air. "I look forward to it. I want to show you all the places I roamed as a boy."

"And I want to see them...especially the lagoon where you'd swim. It sounds divine."

"It is. I think you'll enjoy swimming there."

"I know I'll enjoy swimming there." Her eyes twinkled. "But are you up to the quarries of Mars? Because I want to show you all my old haunts too and that's a favorite."

Chakotay laughed softly. "Trust you for that. My Kathryn, always the daredevil! But yes, I'm up to the quarries of Mars. In fact, I might even out swim you."

"Oh, that's impossible," she teased.

Chakotay laughed again and then they began to eat.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT