Steady as the Beating Drum
Epilogue: The mad man alone in the Tardis
And it's just the old man in his big blue box that's smaller on the outside, bigger on the in and so so full and yet still mostly empty. It always comes down to this, long after all the others have gone. Once, he'd told his friends "It's the best thing there is" and it was half a lie. The best thing there is, is friendship.
And the Tardis is his oldest, dearest friend. A thief in twin sunshine who'd stolen a silly young boy from a life he'd never lead. Now, the Tardis hugged him in that way of hers, the telepathic tickle of warmth and love was familiar, but he'd spent a long time fending it off.
They hadn't spoken properly in years, he'd shout and rant, she'd whir her irritation, but he didn't stroke the console the way he used to, hadn't call her darling, sweet, or sexy.
It was like depression, only Time Lords are supposed to be above all that, petty human feelings like pain, suffering and tragedy, numbness. Apparently not so much.
It wasn't that he hadn't been happy, in the intervening years, but the sickness had been lurking long before he dropped Clara off for the last time, long before the Ponds were taken, before Donna and Martha, Jack and Rose, perhaps before the fall of Gallifrey.
Darkness is easy to run from, if you know to hide in the light.
And for the first time, he felt a little sick of all the running.
They were parked aboard the rift, recharging. Self-piloting to pick them up took a lot out of her. He'd given Martha and Mickey a quick perfunctory explanation before retreating into the solitude of his ship to escape their pitying looks.
The Tardis whistled indignantly at him.
"What am I supposed to do? Ignore her choices again? That is exactly what she's angry about. I'd have to be sneakier than that."
A puff of air blew in his face from a nearby vent.
"No, I suppose it doesn't hurt to ask again…" He shook his head, "I'm fine. I don't need her, I don't need anyone."
The Tardis decided to remind him of a very important thing that he was overlooking. She conjured up, not the image but the sense of Clara. No one had been more reluctant to accept the young schoolteacher than the Tardis, and she'd come around very slowly. But one thing was certain: the Tardis loved anyone who could make her thief happy the way Clara had.
Clara, am I a good man?
And he was. A changed one.
"Darling," he said aloud as the swell of something big expanded in his chest. A chime of happiness that he'd never heard before tinkled in his mind. "We should chat more, this has been nice."
My Doctor, he could almost hear her say, in the only voice she'd ever spoken with, I'll always be here.
The Tardis wheezed, the breaks grinded, and when he opened the door, he found himself on Sylvia Noble's front lawn.
Maybe running's overrated-
-Unless there's someone to drag along.
After all, the Tardis always knows best.
Donna looked up from her stoop. It was still early in the morning but she'd been sitting in the same position for over an hour, unable to decide if she should stay or go.
Out of the Tardis stepped the Doctor, looking very determined and serious. He strode right up to her. "Stand up," he commanded. And Donna did.
"I'm a different man now," he swore. The significance of the oath was lost on Donna but it felt important.
"I can see that."
He rolled his eyes. "There is a place for you in this universe," he promised.
"What makes you think that place isn't here?"
"You're the one who still hasn't gone inside."
They held each other's stare for a long moment before Donna sighed in a gust of relinquished tension. "Fine. But we need to make a pit stop. None of my clothes are going to fit anymore. You're takin' me shoppin'."
Donna strode past him, bumping her shoulder into his arm hard. "I might not stay."
"I might not let you, you're always in a strop."
The Doctor, Donna and the Tardis will return in 'The Sinner and the Cynical'
And now some final thank yous:
To all of you that have stuck with me through this whole crazy story, even when I wasn't entirely sure where it was going, thank you so much. I appreciate all of your kind words and support.
Snickermoon814: You were my first reviewer! I hope this lived up to your initial impression and that it took you on a few turns that you weren't expecting. Maybe not the shippiest fic, but the doctordonna is there if you squint!
Serena527: I hope it was!
Cupcaki: Thanks for letting me know about all my little glitches, and I hope the suspense didn't kill you!
Lilac Summer: You have no idea how excited I was to get your review as I really enjoyed your work and it's some of my favorite in our tiny fandom. Hope you enjoyed the rest! Thanks so much for your feedback :)
Margie-me: Thank you so much for reviewing almost every chapter and sticking with me all the way through! I know you're not the biggest fan of Missy, but I hope you liked Maisie and Josh a little better.
RainGirl9: You reviewed almost every chapter and I appreciate it so so much. You were an amazing sounding board while I was working on this thing, you really made me think about the way the story was going and if it was the right direction.
BurgundyHope: Your reviews every chapter were delightful to read and I always looked forward to them. I hope the heart-hurts I gave you were the good kind and that you like the way I chose to end this chapter :)
Dm1: You're definitely my most dedicated reader. You go so in depth with your analysis and I always look forward to reading it! Thank you so much for your feedback, appreciation and insights!
XSilval: Thank you so much for reading! Donna is indeed stupendous and though the flow of fics about her is kind of slow lately, I was happy to contribute.
Ithyl: Donna 4 lyfe XD Seriously though. I hope I did your favorite companion justice!
Anarra: I hope my update schedule was speedy enough! I'm so glad you liked it.
M1991: I'm so happy I could make you laugh. Thanks for reading.
And to all my anonymous readers: I appreciate you too, I only wish I could have replied to your lovely words individually over the course of writing.
Thank you all for sticking with me to the end.
As I said, I'll be back along with the Doctor, Donna and the Tardis in the sequel, coming soon.