Chapter 17: A Ridiculous Fight pt.II
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiitttttttttttttttt!" There was a cry from the tree. Dark whipped round, irritated.
"It's not fair!" Ganondorf howled. Everyone felt themselves developing eye ticks. Who else would it be to ruin such a crucial moment, but the stupidest villain ever to pop into existence? "Why haven't I got enough of a part in this story!? Why am I on the sidelines!?"
"Because you're an irritation." Dark snapped.
"How DARE you call me an irritation! I've got the Triforce of Power from the GODDESSES THEMSELVES!" came the whining reply.
"Uh-oh." Shadow said cheerfully.
Dark rushed at Ganondorf, swinging a sword around his head like a ninja. Vaati was left splayed in the water behind him, completely bemused and wondering where his imminent strangulation had gone.
Ganondorf shied up against the tree, kind of regretting speaking out now. There was nothing he could do at this point except wait for death at the hands of this person he hardly even knew... or to be honest, he still didn't even remember meeting him the first time. That was, what, a whole story ago? His minions are the ones doing the remembering for him! Why should he have to remember everything?
"Ganny, fart!" Vaati yelled, jumping to his feet and running over. "Fart! You killed the tree last time, remember?"
Well, Ganondorf tried. He strained until his eyes nearly slithered out of his head, he strained until his eardrums popped, but nothing happened.
"...Nothing? I don't believe that." Ghirahim said disdainfully, with the spear still sticking out of his back. (Or at least that's how the author remembers it. Did that change last chapter? My goodness, I need to start keeping track of this story). "I remember you from the last story AND Ghirahim's Raw Deal... I'm actually the character that's been mentioned most in the author's stories, even though her favourite character is allegedly Vaati!"
"This is no time for statistics, you idiot!" Dark yelled over his shoulder, and sunk the blade deep inside Ganondorf's chest.
The world seemed to freeze for a moment, as if a giant clock which controlled the mechanisms of time itself was shattered by Dark's blade in that very moment. There was a horrible silence, as it sunk in that it had happened, the tale was over, the saga had ended and now all that was left was to... what? Escape from the dimension when nobody had an idea what to do next...frozen in this moment?
Dark pulled the blade out with a flourish, holding it up to the sky and the billowing clouds.
Ganondorf opened his eyes. "Hey, put that back! That tickled!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT!?" Shadow and Vaati couldn't hide the disappointment in their voices. "How did YOU survive!?"
"I told you... the power granted to me by the Goddesses gives me immunity to any potential injuries I may sustain as a result of battle, curses, et cetera." Ganondorf recited in a matter- of- fact voice.
"This isn't fair!" Dark snapped. "How many times have I lost to that goddamn HERO because of the GODDESSE-"
He stopped as he caught Vaati making the "Loser" sign at him. The mage quickly tried to hide his broad grin, not exactly succeeding.
"Tell you what, Ganondorf..." Dark's voice took on a smooth tone again, and although everyone sensed the danger tones in it, Ganondorf didn't. He looked up at Dark with a smug, childish smile. "You have some lovely powers there. They're very nice, aren't they?"
It was exactly like talking to a little child. And it worked. Ganondorf was captivated by this mysterious, intelligent man, crouching next to him with a dangerous smile playing across his lips. Dark certainly reminded him of Vaati... but could he take Vaati as seriously? No, he couldn't. Vaati was just too much fun to push around, and bully... he was submissive, certainly. This smooth- talking man next to him was NOT to be bullied. He was NOT to be pushed around. He demanded your full attention at all times, he was powerful just through words and a glance from him could leave you withering.
"I like my Triforce." he muttered.
"How about you and your lovely Triforce come and work with me?" Dark usually wouldn't be this forthright, certainly not, but he realised that he could afford to take a couple of risks due to the kind of intelligence he was working with. "You'd be a lot better than him-" he gestured toward Ghirahim, who had been speared again by Vaati and Shadow and was now either writhing in pain or pole- dancing around it. One could never tell with that man. "-and you'd gain ultimate control over Dierule! How would you like that, hmm?"
"Where's Hyrule gone?" Ganondorf whimpered.
"Hyrule?" Dark looked confused, albeit briefly. "Hyrule... no, this isn't Hyrule. This is Dierule. Tell me about Hyrule, Ganondorf!"
Ganondorf proudly began to explain about how he was the ruler of the great kingdom, and how everything had been going absolutely swimmingly until his two idiotic minions had pulled a strange sword out of a pedestal and "messed everything up!" He worked himself up into a miserable rage, remembering his glory days as head of the dark side, and allowed Dark to untie him gently.
"Please, do continue!" Dark said cheerfully. "I'm quite enjoying this little tale! Shall we go for a walk while we discuss it?"
"Whatever." Ganny shrugged, and held out his arm limply. Dark took it and linked it with his, and took Ganny for a stroll across the water.
Vaati and Shadow didn't notice, of course. They were having far too much fun themselves, having realised just what a wuss Ghirahim was. They took it in turns to poke him in the eye and, when they had poked both his eyes out, made him start a ten- hour Caramelldansen marathon.
"Dark! DAAAAAAARKKKKKKKKKK!" Ghirahim howled. "Help me!"
"You're a grown man, Ghirahim." Dark snapped, not looking behind him. "You should be able to look after yourself."
"Shut up or we'll put Waka Waka on!" Shadow warned, brandishing his Ipod threateningly. Nobody stopped to consider the time- bending dilemma the presence of an Ipod in medieval times brought up.
Except one person.
"That is utterly PREPOSTEROUS!" Dark howled, whirling round and shooting out a beam of cliche dark energy from his fingertips. "YOU lot may put up with the fourth- wall breaking, but I do NOT! This is MY story from now on!"
"NO, it's mine!" Vaati yelled back.
"It's MINE because it's all about ME!" Ganondorf wailed.
"It's mine." the author mumbled. Nobody heard her.
"Okay then!" By this time, Vaati and Dark were squaring off. Dark, with all his arrogance, had decided to abandon Ganondorf for the time being just to finish off the man's two insolent companions first. The shota purple man, with his flowing purple hair and narrowed eyes, was his main target. The other two could be discarded like debris... they were not worth fighting. But this one...
Dark wondered if the goddesses felt the same way as him.
He raised his right hand, feeling as if he was gathering an immense accumulation of power in it. "Din's fire... COME TO ME!" With a convulsive move, he plunged the hand down into the ground.
A couple of tumbleweeds rolled past.
"Is that really the best you can do?" Vaati muttered. "Well, actually, that's pretty spectacular what you've done there."
"Yeah, good effort Dark!" Shadow exclaimed, craning his head to look.
Ghirahim applauded happily. "Nice work, Master!"
"I wasn't AIMING to break my fingers!" Dark gasped, trying not to let the amount of pain he was in show.
"Oh, weren't you?" Shadow replied. "Well, whatever else you were trying to do then, it was a pretty [CENSORED] effort."
"Shut up, you pathetic little wisp!"
"Shadow, Ghirahim, he was trying to do this." Vaati broke in. He raised his right fist and wordlessly called to the goddesses to share their power with him, before pounding the ground. A ring of flames erupted around him, incinerating the tumbleweed and the tree that Ganondorf had been tied to (Dark looked horror-struck) and causing the water around their feet to boil fiercely. Ghirahim caught fire.
"Author, that was a terrible sentence to finish the paragraph." Vaati said matter- of- factly, letting the furious flames surrounding him die down to peals of smoke.
"I just let you use Din's Fire. You better thank me!"
"If it was up to ME I would have used it around the middle of the chapter, thus creating a climatic event that would lead to-"
"Dark? DARK?" Ganondorf was shaking the man, who was lying flat on the ground and looked badly charred. "Dark, don't die! I want to overthrow you and rule your kingdom in a violent coup d'etat- I mean, I like youuuuuuuuuuuu! You're my best friend!"
Dark supported himself on his elbow, shielding his face from Ganondorf's horrible breath. "Of course I'm not dead." he whispered. "Do you really think that will kill me? I refuse to let myself be murdered by my rival's unfair advantage-"
Vaati whipped out Old Guy's scuba gear (the last time that damn thing will ever appear, I promise) and hurled it at a space just behind Dark. There was a brief moment where his face lit up, indicating that he had hit his target, before an enormous rumble could be heard. Ganondorf looked up, still holding Dark in his arms, and his pug- ugly face displayed nothing but utter shock.
"What's wrong!?" Dark snapped, trying to twist round. It was quite hard for him, however, because Ganondorf had decided that kneeling was not suitable for the self- proclaimed king of Hyrule so was now sitting on and squashing Dark's legs. "What has that idiot done?"
Then he saw it.
A giant wall, with the letter "4" painted in red across it, was slowly beginning to collapse. It was obvious from the many cracks in it that it had been under a lot of strain before, but it seemed that this was the final straw. Dark's eyes widened.
Before anyone could do anything, it crashed down on top of him.
-
*holds hand over heart as bell tolls in the distance* Alas, poor wall... how I loved it.
Swamp Dragon Princess: You got a PM! (Is there any point me telling you this? xD) And yes, it was probably cliched satire BIG TIME. xD
Wraith's Heart: Vaati will curse you for this! xD Actually, who am I kidding, he'll find it pretty hard to aim his curse at you without a face. And yeah, funnily enough just writing Ghirahim and Dark is enough to make me lose a little respect for them :/ Then again, that's because I make them idiots xD (or Ghirahim at least. But Dark's probably experiencing some neurodegenesis from being around this motley lot). And hey, that's a good point! Technically, though, Shadow was an embodiment of the darkness inside Ganondorf because Ganny was the one who initially used the Dark Mirror to create him. (Even though Vaati is cited as Shadow's creator in this story. Hey, it's what the majority of the Four Swords fandom believe...)
Me: Hey, hey, wait! Nursie! Get back here! HE'S the one you want!
*rips off arm of skeleton holding me and points it at you*
Skeleton holding me: Go over that sentence again, Cortex.
Me: Aaaaaahhhhhh. GUYS! GUYS, HOLD ME UP!
*entire tower collapses*
Will Dark Link be back? Will the three ever get home? Is this story even worth reading anymore?
...Aaah, that would be telling! ;D