Hello everyone! I apologise for the lack of update for two weeks, I was on holiday :D I hope everybody got the PM explaning this~ I had a great time ;w; It was kind of hard to get straight back into writing though ;P Nevertheless, here you are, your long- awaited chapter! ;D
Chapter 19: Separated
"This is not good."
"This is really not good."
"This is absolutely not good at all."
"This is-"
"YES, SHADOW, I KNOW!" roared Vaati in exasperation. "THIS IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION!"
"But what do we do?" Shadow asked miserably. He had good reason to be so unhappy. The snow was falling thick and fast, and it was soaking through his boots and flimsy leggings and causing them to stick to his clammy legs. He whimpered as a flurry blasted into his face, and envied Vaati for his thick flowing cloak which he could simply wrap around himself.
"We keep walking." Vaati replied. "We have to find Ganondorf."
"How can we do that!? He could have gone in any one of the eight compass points! And everything in between!"
"Oh wow, you're such a genius, I hadn't realised that." Vaati hissed with extreme sarcasm. "Can YOU suggest a more suitable method to find Ganondorf?"
"Yeah, I have a GPS." Shadow replied, whipping out a tablet. It was whipped out of his hands again by a stray and coincidental gust of wind and shattered against a tree. The boy stared in horror- he had bought that tablet himself, having acquired the money by going around Hyrule and smashing every single piece of pottery he could find. After all, the Hero was able to do it without being confronted, and wasn't he merely an alternate version of the Hero? It was only logical to think that he would be offered the same treatment.
He hadn't found this to be the case. The second he had raised a pot above his head several Hylian guards had jumped at him and tackled him to the floor. It turned out that they were desperate to salvage the pottery still left in Hyrule, especially as the Hero had destroyed it all. The only reason he wasn't confronted was because he had a very long and very threatening Master Sword. Shadow had nothing except steel- toecapped boots and a bad attitude, which hadn't won him many fans among the guards in the first place. Anyway, he had been able to continue his pot- smashing due to the Picori, Vaati's former race, taking pity on Shadow (they had all heard of the mage's evil exploits in Hyrule) and supplying him with an almost endless stash of Rupees.
"Hang on a second, where were we?" Vaati snapped. "If an event occurs which causes suspense, it is best not to keep the reader hanging too long by interrupting the sequence with long- winded and unneeded paragraphs!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry." the author's voice sounded sarcastically. "Because this isn't MY story, is it?"
"Not anymore." the mage muttered. "Now give Shadow his tablet back, we need it!"
"In keeping with the true medieval context of the story, any kind of modern technology is forbidden! So there! I would have thought you'd known that, seeing as you're the literary expert."
Vaati's eye twitched, but he wisely accepted his fate. "Could you at least give us a clue?"
"Fine." The author typed a couple of lines into her computer.
There was a deafening, rending, cracking noise from behind Vaati and Shadow. Before Shadow could move out of the way, one of the tallest trees in the forest swayed and crashed down directly on top of him. He was flattened into the snow like a hedgehog on the Formula 1 raceway.
Vaati looked at the direction the tip of the tree was facing.
"We go southwest!" he cried triumphantly. In his relief that he was finally getting somewhere, he straddled an invisible horse and galloped off through the snow.
Shadow crawled out from under the tree a couple of minutes later. He looked up and down the length of the tree and supposed that this must have been the author's clue. He looked at the direction the root of the tree was facing.
"We go northeast!" he cried equally as triumphantly. He straddled an invisible horse and galloped off through the snow.
Thus, the three villians were truly seperated.
Some unspecified spot in the forest...
Ganondorf had been wandering for quite a while now. He was still seething over the "insults" directed at him in the last chapter. Of course everybody liked him! How could they not like him? He was Ganondorf the Super Awesome, one- time ruler of the kingdom of Hyrule, enemy of the Sacred Realm! He could FORCE THEM to like him! He should have men begging him for mercy, women falling at his feet and begging him for his hand in marriage!
Not that he was a marrying type, of course. He looked into a pool of melted snow (the sheer force of his smell was causing havoc with the environment, especially as he hadn't washed since he and his minions left Hyrule) and admired his own reflection.
"Ganondorf..." he whimpered, in sheer awe, "will you marry me?" He fell to his knees and began kissing the puddle.
A couple of birds watched in a nearby tree.
"Now THAT'S a guy who really needs a wife." one bird whispered to the other.
"That's true." his companion agreed. They both exchanged glances and flew off, deciding never to talk of what they had witnessed again.
While Ganondorf was busy admiring himself...
Vaati, now somewhat bored of pretending to ride a horse through the forest, was tramping wearily through the snow. The novelty of imaginative animals had worn off very quickly and now he was concentrating more on survival. The weather was only going to get colder as the day progressed towards night, and he still hadn't found his runaway master. To make matters worse, Shadow was gone. Stupid boy.
He probably got crushed by the tree. Vaati allowed himself a smile at this. A thought came to him and he stopped.
He had lost both of his companions. Should he, maybe, just concentrate on finding his way out the forest, and forge a new life for himself? Become an independent villain, as surely Ganny and Shaddy had only hindered his progress. Why should he have to shoulder all the responsibility for them? Let them find their own ways out of the dilemmas they always got themselves into!
Unbidden, the image of Old Guy popped into his mind. He frowned.
He decided to make sure Shadow was safe from him first.
While Vaati was busy having a dilemma...
Shadow came across a small cave, almost hidden from the world due to a large blanket of snow covering it and its entrance. At first it looked like a large snowdrift, but there was a voice coming from inside it.
"Hello? Helllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?"
*Someone in trouble!* Shadow thought urgently. He sprang into action.
*Oh yeah! The author smashed my tablet... damn, I could've taken pictures.*
He decided to see if there was anyone in the cave that he could laugh at anyway.
He strode in with confidence, brushing aside any stray snowflakes and peering into the darkness. The cave extended out of his limited line of vision, longer than he thought. There were no torches lining the walls, as there usually would be in darkened explorable areas of an RPG world.
Then again, Hyrule is an RPG world... what kind of world is this? Is it still BASED on Zelda?
A couple of bats flew past displaying heart- based health meters. Shadow shot out an arm and punched one of them, and it exploded in a kid- friendly shower of fairy dust.
Yup. Close enough.
"Hellooooooooooooooo! Don't you know, young man, that it's dangerous to go alone?"
Shadow recognised the voice immediately.
There was a flash of white heat as a torch was lit in the deepest recesses of the cave. Shadow couldn't help but wonder whether this was a perfect location for the smutty old man to live.
"How the hell d'ya keep following me around?" he asked, sauntering forward. "And have you got any more of those [CENSORED] items to bother me with?"
"Shadow Link, I know EVERYTHING about you. And yes, I've got plenty more!" Old Man held up a bulging sack full of items, obviously inviting him to take a look. The boy backed away slowly.
"No thank you."
"Oh come oooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"
Shadow's slightly malicious nature got the better of him as he considered the havoc Old Guy's items have caused throughout this story. He crept forward. "Oh go on then... just this once."
The author shut her computer lid.
"NO WAIT!" Vaati shrieked. "This chapter isn't really long enough... and one of the reviewers DID suggest a lengthier chapter when this was last updated. GET THOSE FINGERS TYPING, LADY!"
Vaati removed all his clothes and danced a rubbish jig in the snow. He then caught hypothermia and died.
"...Naah." she muttered, and deleted the sentence.
While the author was messing around with Vaati's life...
Ganondorf had grown bored of kissing his reflection in the pool. In fact, he hadn't really grown bored, but the temperature was so low that his lips had frozen to a rock just below the surface of the water. So since he wasn't able to do anything, he was bored.
He heard a rustling in the forest to his left, and his eyes darted in that direction. The hair stood up on the back of his neck.
A slightly bedraggled Ezlo wriggled his way out of the bushes. "Conveniently forgot about me, did you?" he snapped. "Don't tell me, I know I'm just a plot device! I know the truth! And now I suppose I have to get the stupidest main character ever to darken fanfiction out of his predicament."
Ganondorf was violently shaking his head, which the author and the plot device ignored. Ezlo hopped over to the evil villain and began to painstakingly peck away at the layer of ice joining his lips to the rock. This was a painful and uncomfortable process for both characters, and Ezlo suffered several punches from Ganny during his valiant rescue effort.
"I'm trying to help you!" he snapped.
"Murgh murgh murgh!" Ganondorf snapped back.
"Where are your companions? At least they had a LITTLE sense."
Ganny shrugged.
It was then that Ezlo realised how bad things had got, and were going to get.
Okay, this chapter does seem a little longer! It might be just me though :/
SkyKly: Oh thank you so much! ;w; Your words mean sooooooooooo much to me! :D I can't believe you described my story as flawless omg omg omg that is such a HUGE compliment I think I'm gonna EXPLODE *explodes*
And aaahh it's you! :D Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! You're welcome, you're a brilliant artist! ;D
Wraith's Heart: Oh dear... O.O I didn't want to see that. *soothing words* I know you've had it with the living dead, yes it must get very annoying having all those reanimated corpses stalking you everywhere... *skeleton army creeps up behind you wielding nunchuks* HEY GUYS! GIVE US A MOMENT HERE! *army creeps away*
... but that's a little extreme *puts eyes back in*
But then again I suppose Dark did deserve it-
*crushed by a raging stampede of fangirls* I WOULD SUGGEST YOU RUN AND WE DEAL WITH THIS LATER!
*sees naked Uchiha-san*
Mmmrguuuh... personal Garra...? Guuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...
Hang on...
NO. NOT HIM. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DemonSorceressRinato808: Hmm, interesting that Shadow would apparently be protective of Ezlo. Then again, I suppose the two would get on better than Ezlo and Vaati... But it's good that you still have SOME affection for them! :D I'm not sure they'd acknowledge it though ;P The two are idiots. They wouldn't know love if it hit them on the head in the form of a ten ton brick x3 But still, maybe you could make some gestures to them... such as leaving pretty flowers on their pillows or something? Just something small to show you do love them... no? Then again they'd probably just eat the flowers or something. THEY CAN BOTH BE VERY DERPY. xD