*A/N: Good Lord-finally! Pass the popcorn ;-)

Chapter Summary: Bella has seen Jacob before; hanging out on the beach, watching him eat during dinner, lightly scolding him when he should have been paying closer attention to his homework assignment during afternoons when they studied together. Bella has even seen Jacob in some compromising positions, but she never dreamed that she would want to see more. Just one word would make all of Bella's denied dreams possible and Jacob's own internal conflict and insecurity is pushed back to make way for Bella's sudden need to be his, completely his.

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight nor Taylor, Jacob, or the copyright to AAF's song.

Chapter XXII Title: 'Glow,' by Alien Ant Farm

CRASH!

A loud sound woke me up and I reached blindly for the clock. It was only 2:12. Only 2:12! God, what the hell? I sighed angrily, tossing the bed sheets still laced with my arousal from a few hours before. I briefly wondered if it was my mom eating a late night snack half asleep. I got up, not bothering to put on a robe or pants and opened my door. The kitchen was a bit under the stairwell and I half ran and half tripped down the oak-stained stairs. I rounded the corner and stopped. Jacob was leaned over the back of the couch, his eyes clouded in black, and his lips pulled into a sneering growl. He looked in my direction, but didn't see me. I knew he didn't. He's sleepwalking! I realized quickly. His nose sniffed in several directions searching for something as he crawled over the couch and across the floor.

I freaked out.

"Jake!" I whispered harshly. "Sweetie, wake up! Jake, you're scaring me."

He jumped back at the mention of his name shaking the nearby table. I was glad that Renee and Phil's room was toward the back on the second floor where I had just left. I knew that Renee could be a heavy sleeper and from experience I was sure that Phil would have been beat from his practice earlier that previous night. I was still worried for Jacob. The way his fingers scratched at the floorboards and the darkness that filmed his once beautiful eyes reminded me of a predator hunting. It reminded me of that thing in Seattle though I had never actually succeeded in looking it in the eye. It reminded me of the ferociousness of Edward as he had attacked James in my defense. It even reminded me of Jasper when it had been my blood he had so desperately craved.

Jacob growled and I grabbed his arm. He turned quickly and swiped at me, making contact with my left arm and scratching my right upper thigh with two long scratches. It began to bleed lightly almost immediately. It felt like my arm had been slammed against a boulder. Forget that not-feeling-like-granite comment from earlier. My arm and thigh stung as I reached for him again, determined not to let him hurt himself. Sweat plastered his hair down and he looked like he had been in the rain for hours. His pants clung to him, complimenting his build from his legs to the outline of his butt. His back and chest was mostly covered, but his shirt had been torn and ripped. Shards of white cloth were in his hands.

I hissed at him once more. "Jake! Honey, wake up! Wake up!" I threw myself at him, risking the possibility of him throwing me off of him. I pressed my body into him with my nipples enlivened and my panties still drenched from earlier. I felt him shake and start to pull back, but I wrapped my arms tighter around him as we fell a little back into the couch. His arms swallowed my upper torso and I heard his heartbeat become less aberrant, his breathing slowing down as he inhaled my scent again. Every scent. My blood mixed with sweat, fear, strawberry scented shampoo…and stimulation. I felt sick when I realized I was excited by him, even being in the state that he currently just came out of.

"Huh? Bella? Wha—?"

"Sshh. It's okay. It's fine."

Jacob looked at my thigh and was speechless for several moments. "Oh God—what have I done to you? Bells, I am so sorry. Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. Was I—what was I? I thought that animal had come back for you. I didn't see you—I couldn't see you—"

"He's not here. Nothing is here. It's just us." I pulled him closer into my lap and rubbed his back. His skin was still too hot, but I was afraid to let him go. I began to sweat more as my fingers moved from his back, to his neck, and then to his hair. I licked my lips, closing my eyes. My stomach felt itself tie in knots and my breathing stayed irregular.

I would have thought I had gotten lost. I would have thought I had stumbled back into my dream I had those few short hours ago. Face first into a warm, sweet bath that was made only for me. I would have had to think that way because that was what my senses were telling me. That was how my mind was protecting me. It didn't matter though. I knew it was still Jacob that I was holding against me. Whose arms were burning into my skin; but it was a fire that I could deal with. I had learned to expect it. The fire even became something to love.

And my fire felt the mood change. I felt my body deliberately press itself further against Jacob and my hands managed to reach under his disheveled and ripped shirt to feel across his chest once more. I knew his heart rate would increase to the same speed mine was currently going. My inner walls began to moisten on our continued contact and contracted involuntarily as Jacob brushed a finger across my cheek and pressed his lips against me. I was sick of fighting it. I was sick of wanting him. The months that had flown by during our friendship and strong bond, turning into lost time between us, only made us want each other more. He pulled me closer to him, holding me firmly but tenderly, as I straddled his lap. My shirt left it easy for him to feel my heat and it made it worse that he was emitting the same energy from his own body.

I pulled away from his lips and he looked nervous, as if he had done something wrong. I smiled at him for reassurance and lowered my head to kiss his neck and collarbone. I then pulled his shirt over his head and began to kiss his chest softly, letting my teeth graze the small and few spaces in between his pecs, abs, and trailed my tongue over to his biceps and forearms.

"Bella, wait. Wait."

I stopped, now afraid. Maybe I had overstepped my own boundaries. Maybe he didn't want me in that way anymore. Maybe he—

"What's wrong?" I interrupted my own thoughts for a change.

He bit his lower lip. "We can't do this. We shouldn't do this now."

I kissed him. More of a light sweat broke out on my forehead as I began to think of all the things I had been missing when I wasn't with him. I remembered all the wonderful feelings I had felt, sexual and non sexual, and it was driving me crazy inside that I could actually have what I wanted. And I wanted to be with him. I wanted to stop denying myself and hurting him at the same time.

"Jake, I want this. I want you." I wasn't ashamed any more. I pulled him closer and he put his hands around my wrists to stop me.

"Bella, I can't. I can't do this with you," he repeated.

I breathed into the nape of his neck. "You are not making me do anything that I don't want to do Jacob. Let me have you."

"Honey, you're a…and I'm—"

"We'll be just fine. Please?" I faced him to try and convey how serious this was becoming and quickly. My fingers swept the side of his face and I could already feel myself becoming even more enthused at the possibility of our bodies being together in that way for the first time. Feeling him at the same time he was feeling me. Even releasing our energies back into each other at the same time made my kisses feel rush and plentiful against his russet colored skin, which was now flushed with more than just his natural red shade.

"We shouldn't. Your Mom and Phil are upstairs. Charlie trusted me with you to keep you safe. The pack is counting on us—on me to bring you back whole."

"Being with you would make me whole, Jacob. I want this. I need this. And I need you." I buried my face in his neck and he started shaking. He was close to giving in. He was close to wanting it too. One more push, Bella. One more. "As a friend Jake. Just do this as my friend. We can be whatever you want later. Just be this way for me now."

His exasperated groan breathed into my mouth as our lips clashed and wrestled for supremacy in the one another's cavity. I could feel the tears on his face as he struggled to resist me. I knew he would have stopped and been grateful if had I said something, anything to make him stop. But I wouldn't. I had made the decision to be with him. I had known that the decision was right as soon as it was in my head and my resolve lifted the weight in my chest allowing me to breathe air into my lungs and take in his scent with it.

I fumbled with his sweats as his hands reached up my night shirt to pull down my panties. There was no looking to see what pretty animal was on them tonight. The couch was suddenly in the way of everything we wanted to do to each other. Still kissing him, I started to move across the couch in an attempt to get him to the floor. My shoulder grazed the small coffee table, but Jacob put his arm underneath my back, shielding me from the floor's impact. He balanced himself perfectly between my legs and I gathered my courage to reach in to his partially pulled-off pants. "It" met my hand.

A short gasp escaped my lips. He was ready. He was warm. Oh shit, he was huge!

Jesus, had he grown since that late morning when I had watched him emerge from the forest? Were we rushing into this? Should I wait until we have prepared ourselves better? No, Bella, I silently argued within myself. I had waited too long for him already. It was inevitable; I needed to be with him. I kissed him more urgently, clawing at his neck

I started to pull his pants down more when Jacob suddenly stopped kissing me and looked panicked. I almost matched his face. "What? What's the matter?"

"I don't have anything. Protection, I mean. Should I try and find an open store?"

I started to shrug it off since I was on the pill, but then remembered that Renee had almost thrown it in our face that afternoon. "Bathroom. There's some in the bathroom." I whispered.

"Bella, we can't. What if they count them and realize some are missing? What if they know—"

I pulled his mouth closed with my teeth lightly and his tongue flicked across the tiny nudge on my upper lip. "Get the condoms, Jacob," I silently mouthed back, knowing his wolf eyes and ears would pick up every word I had just uttered.

He looked out of the breath as he quietly understood, pulling his pants up. I saw him briefly and inhaled as quietly as I could. He was not going to be a simple first. Jacob knelt down to peck me, "Don't move." He left as I nodded, moving toward the kitchen to sit on the counter and grinned a little.

I'd like to say that I took the time alone to reflect how incredibly stupid and impulsive we were being. How nuts all of this seemed. I was about to sleep with my best friend who just happened to have a father that was best friends with mine. This best friend was also only sixteen.

This best friend was also one of my few reasons for not being lost and alone as I sometimes felt. He was the beginning of my normal and comfortable existence. The kind of life I knew I should have. The kind of life I wanted to have. Jacob was so much and had given me so much. What I was giving to him hardly compared. His friendship was worth more than I had even saved in the hopes of finding half a guy that was his worth. He was that special.

I was still smiling and on counter when Jacob came back. I looked at him expectantly and he displayed about four condoms wrapped in silver foil and attached to each other. He looked back at me with a wary expression.

"Did you change your mind? We don't have to do this—"

I leaped off the counter and almost tripped as he caught me in his arms. I began to frantically rip at his pants again, attempting to make contact with his skin faster. I pushed his hands up my shirt and his fingers burned with such intensity that I shivered when one found itself inside of me.

He took a large breath."This ok?"

I nodded feverishly. He picked me up and placed me back on the counter.

"I am going to do this one at a time, okay? It helps. Tell me if it starts to hurt too much."

Again, I nodded.

He placed one hand on my hip and the other opened my willing legs. He pushed the shirt up a little bit more and then pushed his middle finger deeper inside of me. As he gently fingered me, he watched. He looked for any signs of pain or pleasure and then began moving his finger faster.

I clutched the counter as I whispered hoarsely, "More."

He nodded once and slowly put another finger in, kissing me lightly at the same time. I felt my wall give a little to the pressure of his added finger. I was wet. I was soaked. I was ready now.

I moaned, "Jake, please."

Jacob whispered, "Not yet. Not yet." He placed his other hand on my lower back to keep me still as I began fidgeting on the counter.

He was driving me crazy. He kissed my chin, my neck, and trailed down to the top of my breasts. With one hand he popped the back clasp of my sleeping bra and slowly pulled off the bra with his teeth, kissing my shoulders and upper arms along the way while still letting me keep my shirt on. I cringed a little as he passed over my sore arm, but his lips grazed it over just slightly before he kept going. He would not be deterred by my temporary physical limitations and I was even happier that he wouldn't. I was shivering uncontrollably now and my knuckles turned bleach white from holding onto the counter for so long.

Jacob didn't try putting any more fingers in. The two that were already there stayed and were like a constant vibration that I felt between the clicking and chattering of my teeth. With one stray finger, he gently massaged my clit as he leaned his head forward into my chest where he continued to kiss my already hardened nipples.

My breathing began to fluctuate, my thoughts slowly becoming irrational as moments passed. I began disappearing into that warm bath and imagined myself reemerging clean, free, and glowing.

Jacob's lips tensed against me as his fingers moved slightly faster and I couldn't say anything. I wanted to tell him I was ready for him. I wanted to shout it out. I wanted to tell him that I could take the pain of having him be inside of me if he would just fuck me. I was mentally begging him.

My mind saw him pleasing me and wanting me as much as I wanted him. I could see myself slipping into the calm soothing waves that would render me completely and totally whole. The desire that had previously felt for him seemed so long ago. It was nothing compared to this feeling now. That old feeling seemed hollow since I knew what would happen and what would become of me once the heat inside of my body died down after I had released it with my own fingers. This fire wasn't burning down. This fire was peaking. This fire was smothering me.

"Ja—Jake." It became difficult for me to swallow.

He used a reassuring tone, "It's okay. It's okay."

"Oh m—Oh!"

Jacob used one of his outside fingers to nudge over my main, mounded tissue of nerves just once before the smothering released itself all over my body. It leaped from my stomach and spread through my legs, toes, breasts, and even the tip of my nose. My eyes flickered shut as my personal tremors began to subside, but they weren't gone. Jacob had released them, but they weren't gone. I could feel his kisses on my lightly perspired neck and my lips gently curled back into a grin as an aftershock shook my body on the counter. I pulled him closer to kiss his neck and turned my head toward his ear, "Jake, I want you."

I barely waited for his response as I seized one of the condoms, ripped the foil, and grabbed his pants with much more force this time.

My eyes widened again in momentary surprise at his size, but I was past that stage with him. I kissed him fiercely as I reached in to begin stroking his length, not completely sure if I was hurting him by pulling so hard, but he moaned a little into my chest as if the speed were fine for him. The skin around his shaft was tight; there was no more room for him to grow (I prayed). He was big and ready enough. I kissed the top of his forehead and placed the condom on myself. His pants slipped down to the marble kitchen floor.

He used his hand to place against one of the columns in the kitchen for support, pulling me closer, as if trying to pick me up though my butt was already off the counter, awaiting him.

I was confused. "Jake, sweetie, what are you doing?"

He looked embarrassed. "I just thought—I just thought we'd do this right. You know, in the bed."

I looked at him. He was so sweet. He wanted me to be as comfortable as possible. He really wasn't trying to take advantage of me. He wanted me to enjoy this as much as he knew I could.

The bed seemed too far away. I wanted him now.

"I want it here," I said vehemently.

"Bella—"

"Here. Here, Jake. Right where you made me come for the first time."

His last bit of fight left his eyes and lust replaced them instead. His fingers stroked my sides, lifting my shirt over my head. He stared at me, brazenly, and completely naked. He gripped onto my butt, thrusting me upward, kissing me, and placed himself directly outside of my waiting lips.

I knew he was trying to be gentle. I knew he wanted me to be sure. He must have been wondering if I would change my mind in the midst of it all and suddenly hate him for what he had done to me. He shouldn't have wondered; I wouldn't change my mind.

"Jake, I can't take it. Please." I was willing to keep pleading. He had to do this. He had to help me. I couldn't deal with possibly not having him now that I had made up my mind.

"Bells…" His eyes looked worried as he scanned my face once more to see if there was any hint of doubt. Any feeling that he or I couldn't trust. There wasn't.

And I lost my patience.

I was sitting up, facing him as I reached around my elevated leg and grabbed him, shoving him partially into me for the first time. Both of our mouths flew open at the sensation. I wrapped my legs around him as tight as they would allow so that he couldn't pull completely back out, and Jacob struggled to keep his face composed as he slowly pushed himself deeper into me, inch by inch. He hissed a little as he rubbed my nipples with the tips of his fingers and I felt myself open very little to receiving any more of him. I didn't dare look to see if he had actually succeeded in getting it all to fit yet.

My body formed itself around him, but God was it hurting! My lips pursed together in protest and my hands balled into fists against his chest. I attempted to crawl backwards a little before Jacob grabbed and held one of my legs to keep me in place. An agitated sigh escaped from my mouth and Jacob gritted his teeth as he sought to push through my resistance. He grabbed my wrists, opening my palms, and clasped our hands together. He moved even slower making the pain seem longer than it had to be.

"It hurts. God it hurts, Jake," I cried softly with a pained expression.

"Just a little more, Bells." His face that had previously held uncertainty now held determination. He pushed himself further in and my mouth struggled to form the perfect 'O' shape as I squeezed his hands with mine even tighter. Jacob locked his lips with my own at the same time as he gave a final upwards push, while my body tensed from my hymen "popping" and the immediate heat of his hips finally meeting mine. His lips inched away from mine, but stayed close. I could hear his breaths better than I could hear my own.

A smell of rust and salt hit my nostrils. God, am I bleeding? Am I supposed to bleed? What did that mean? Blood had no smell, Bella. Blood has no smell. Who had said that? Someone had told me that. Blood had a smell. Blood did indeed have a smell and I was bleeding. My lips started to quiver and I began to tear, afraid that maybe Jacob and I had done something we should not have. Panic gripped me for a moment; Jacob saw my face and slowed down, washing me with a comforting stare. My chest slowed in breathing and I tried desperately not to over-think; to just let my body feel what it needed to feel, to let myself just feel good, for once. My breasts moved slightly from the friction of his deliberate, methodic movements. Our movements.

I was still feeling pain, but it was quickly dulling away to the immense pleasure of feeling him; to have that horrible anguish and urge gone, to feel your fantasy lift you out of your nightmares and help you ascent into heaven felt unbelievable.

"Bells, are you okay?" Jacob slowed down his movement to almost a crawl and the sharp pain dissipated. "Is it still hurting?"

I pressed my forehead to his and tried to keep my face as composed as possible. "Keep going, Jake," I replied through my gnashed teeth. I felt one of my legs twitch suddenly.

His perfect lips moved further away from me as he lowered me to the counter, so that my back felt the cool stone counter as the sturdy surface it provided to us in our moment of passion. My head started to inch its way off of the counter as my eyes slowly lulled back. I couldn't believe how something that had hurt so much now could feel so good. My hands left his and I placed them open palm on his flexing biceps.

His hands held my waist closer to him, while a light sweat broke out across his perfectly featured face that no longer looked like the young boy I had once known even a year ago. Still, with my head half way off of the counter, I reached for his face, found it, and lightly caressed it. My fingers found his mouth and as I started to sketch out in my mind his beautiful, soft lips I felt his mouth around my finger tips. It sent shivers up my spine to feel the inside of his mouth again.

I hadn't been paying attention to the time and closed my eyes. I was now afraid to look at him. I was afraid that the moments we were sharing would not be real if I didn't keep my eyes closed. But I knew he was there. He was breathing with me, watching me. But all I could feel was an almost neverending wave of happiness that outshone any other wishes that I had had before Jacob was with me. He had done this to me. He had done this for me.

I murmured, "Oh God, Jake," and my mouth pressed back into a hard line.

The feeling came back, fast. I couldn't believe how it felt. How much stronger it was than before and then it was worse than before. This one felt angry and I was sure that if I didn't let out it would come back to haunt me. It would come back for vengeance. That it would never let me have another moment's peace with Jacob as long as I held it at bay. I wouldn't hold it. I couldn't hold it.

"Jake, you feel so…" I felt tears. I was almost ashamed of how emotional I was becoming with him, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to help it.

My eyes fluttered open and I saw him. His face wore a tight smile as he shifted me even closer to him. My hips looked slightly pink and my sun looked a little redder. I saw light rosy fingerprints imbedded into my lower stomach's skin from where Jacob had been holding, but I was certain no one would ever know. I had hidden marks on my skin before. My fingers left his mouth and I placed them back on the table to cling to it. I was beginning to feel a pleasurable numbness yet my eyes wouldn't allow me to close them again. I wanted to see him and I wanted to see me, through his eyes. He had allowed me to feel, but now I wanted to see.

Jacob's eyes turned ocher yellow and his facial expression was fierce as his head lurched backwards and his one hand flailed out to grip the kitchen column while the other hand scratched into the side of the granite counter. One of the counter's doors actually creaked quite audibly and sounded as if Jacob had succeeded in warping it a little. I saw a few cracks appear in the column's drywall and my eyes widened in honest surprise and light amusement.

"Bella, oh—I—" Jacob's face was remarkable, if not scary.

I cut him off as my legs tightened around him from the force of my own orgasm. I had clenched my teeth and had barely been able to get his name out in time before he too quickly succumbed to his own desires, answering his own prayers with a call to God of his own. His fingers pressed my skin and the muscles in my stomach tightened to an almost less than bearable sting. I felt his size curve inside me as he swelled a bit more and my hands held onto the back of the counter again. My eyes teared and I prayed for the slight pain to go away so that I could enjoy the moment even more with Jake. I knew that my first might hurt; I had read enough books when I had contemplated being with Edward. Edward? No, I shook my head. Edward wasn't here, but Jacob was. I forced the pain from my face as best I could to look at Jacob once more.

I clutched onto whatever I could grip my fingers around in pain as Jacob's onslaught manifested into a tingling, laboring sting in my hips. I briefly cried out, shaken again by the turn in events of Jacob's power, but I was also reawakened by a nameless force. My tired, but resolving sigh only served as proof that I wanted him again, as many times as I could stomach him. Whether I would be able to stomach him completely and repeatedly again would be a different story, but I knew I wanted more of Jacob.

His boyish charm and friendly manner had me hungering for him before I had even been able to be with him, before I had even been able to recognize that my dreams, urges, and well being had all started with him. No one was like him any where and no one ever would be. Edward was gone; I had to accept that.

I blinked back tears as Jacob's shoulders dropped and the perspiration across his handsome face began to lax. His eyes flickered back to their usual brown, but his breathing heightened a bit when he overlooked the somewhat minor damage he had done to the kitchen column and counter.

"Shit!" His voice was hushed whisper. "Bella, are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

"I think you hurt the furniture more than you hurt me," I answered while laughing softly.

"God! I'm sorry, honey."

"Relax." I lured him in for a kiss, focusing exceptionally hard on the feel of his gentle lips but became excited over his light exhaling back into my mouth. I wrapped my legs around him again, anxious for him to continue.

"I'll talk to Sam about controlling myself. I'll get better."

"We'll get the hang of it either way," I said, still smiling. "However long and however many times."

His relieved grin made my heart flutter despite being blessed enough to have been able to come with him as I had…and twice. And I was looking forward to more. I felt the sweat from our bodies on the counter and felt absolutely content that we had made this leap together.

Jacob leaned himself down and still managed to kiss me as he filled me, completely and wholly, for the first time.

A/N: (*Sigh) Happy Halloween! 1st lemon. Let me know.