Chapter 21: The Death of Ganny?
"You know, Vaati, since the fourth wall is broken..." Dark Link began.
"That's not the appropriate way to start a chapter! It's not a good way to introduce readers to the story as they may be unaware of the development."
"So it's a good way to make them aware of it, isn't it?"
"Uh...well... Hey, it's my story! So shut up!" Vaati hissed. Dark pretended not to hear him. How on earth could a lower life form like Vaati ever hope to write such a brilliant, sophisticated story as this?
The author leaned back against the wall (yes, she does not have a computer chair or desk anymore, just sits against the wall next to the nearest plug. She suffers for her art) and revelled in the compliment. To be complimented by the great Dark Link himself... how could life get any better?
"But I digress. Since the fourth wall is broken, and this is essentially based on and within a computer game, I suppose I should have a little fun with that." Dark spoke. He and Vaati were still being carried by the long- suffering Ghirahim over the mountains, however his base was now in sight and he allowed himself to relax a little.
The three ploughed into a tree.
"GHIRAHIM!" Dark howled, disentangling himself from several spiny branches. "You. Are. USELESS! You don't deserve to serve me!"
"Yes, Master." Ghirahim muttered sullenly. He quietly wondered to himself, though, how he had gone from being the proud leader of a ragtag troop of villains with the aim of... damn... he couldn't remember... to being a submissive henchman to this overly arrogant, smug villain! Then again, he had started Ghirahim's Raw Deal as a submissive henchman and he was pretty sure he had ended the same way.
"And the motto of that is; once a shmuck, always a shmuck." Dark snapped, having listened in to Ghira's internal monologue of despair.
"Yes, Master."
Vaati quietly wondered how much use Ghirahim would be if he managed to free him from his plight. His quick mind began to get to work.
"I suppose I should conduct your punishment here!" The Hero's Shade stopped to let rip with a booming evil laugh that echoed around the trees. He stopped and listened to the fading sound. "Hmm. Needs work."
"Would you stop concentrating on yourself for once and-" Vaati's rant was cut short as Dark produced some duct tape. His words faltered on his lips as some horrible thoughts filtered through his mind. Yaoi fic once again, he thought inadvertently. Please no, author. You don't need to stoop to that level. You're a brilliant author. You're a beautiful author. You are PERFECT in every way. Come on now.
Dark put away the duct tape and reverted to carrying out the original punishment he had considered.
He produced a mobile phone and, as Vaati and Ghirahim watched with interest, sat down and swiped the screen intently.
Vaati glanced sideways at Ghirahim.
Ghirahim glanced sideways at Vaati.
"Is that your punishment? Showing us all your ugly selfies?" Vaati chided. Ghirahim's eyes grew wide and then squeezed shut as he waited for the explosion.
None came.
"No." Dark said smoothly. "But the position you're going to be in, Vaati, you may well wish that had been your punishment... you could have burst with envy at how beautiful I am." He smirked, running a hand through his thick black hair.
"P-position!?" Vaati whimpered. He started backing away slowly.
While Vaati was REALLY regretting taking part in this story...
"Thank GOODNESS!" Old Guy snapped, glaring at the author. "We've been delayed long enough!"
"Yeah yeah yeah you pervy old man, make with the items." Shadow snapped, holding his hand out impatiently.
Old Guy sighed and rummaged in the bag that sat before him. "You can take this..." he held out an innocent- looking hookshot. Shadow eyed it suspiciously, knowing that there wasn't something quite right with it. Much like Old Guy himself as well as his items. "And this..." A pair of iron boots were produced. "And finally, this."
He leaned over and gave Shadow a bristly peck on the cheek.
"UMUMUMUMUMUMUMTHANKYOUVERYMUCHMUSTBEGOINGNOW!" Shadow squealed, and legged it rapidly out of the cave. Unfortunately it was very dark, and he smashed his nose on several areas of the cave before finally stumbling out into cold sunlight and the blinding snow. He stood there shivering.
Okay. Screw being an independent villain if you gotta deal with [CENSORED]s like that. I'll just go find my masters.
While the author was getting sick of doing scene breaks like this...
"GHIRAHIM! MY FRIEND AND COMRADE! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!"
Ghirahim watched in shock. "Aaah, Vaats, if I could I would, but... it looks as if my master's enjoying himself. My master's happiness is my first priority."
"I hope you catch some horrible disease and die!"
"I probably will in this cold, Vaati, I probably will."
Dark snickered. "Stay still, mage. Struggling will only make it worse."
"Well then GET ME OUT OF THE TREE!"
"Nope!"
Vaati pulled relentlessly against the tree, even though he knew any sort of action now was futile. His body was half- in, half- out of the trunk and he was stuck fast, as if he had simply melted into it. It seemed that Dark could indeed break the fourth wall to a severe extent and had manipulated the programming of their environment, thus causing that really annoying glitch where your character just gets stuck in a wall and refuses to move. Now you know the pain they would be going through.
He realised with a jerk of cold horror that Dark was preparing to leave. Ghirahim squatted down obediently as the villain climbed onto him, standing on his shoulderblades and causing him to pull the most horrible face.
"Dark, for HYLIA'S SAKE! What kind of punishment do you intend this to be!?" Vaati howled, feeling the whole left side of his body go numb.
"You opposed me and humiliated me. I don't forgive that. Ever." Dark paused. "Well, I suppose you COULD get out of it..."
"How?"
"With a magic word."
"Please?"
"Nope. Repeat after me- ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah ding- dang- wallawallabingbang."
"Ooh... ee ..ooh ah ah... ding.. dang... HANG ON! That's a SONG!"
"Away, Ghirahim!"
Dark and Ghira (after a significant run- up from the latter) took off into the sky and swept away into the clouds, Dark's belly laughs echoing far and wide. Ghirahim, pleased that his master was so entertained, serenaded the lands below.
"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you, dum dum dum dum, I told the witch doctor and he told me what to do..."
Despite the dubious accuracy of the lyrics, Dark joined in with vigour and the two soared above the hillsides, propelled by the sound of their beautiful voices (or so they liked to think). Vaati, still stuck in the tree below, sunk to his knees in despair. Then he realised he couldn't because he was trapped in the tree.
He opened his mouth to protest against the author's cringeworthy writing, then realised he didn't even have the energy to anymore.
"Author. Scene break." he sighed.
Shadow wandered-
"HEY! Focus on US for once!" Ezlo squawked into the clear skies. "We're the ones who've been suffering most here!"
"Yeah!" Ganny grumbled, for the sake of agreement. "We're the ones who've-"
"What did I say, Ganondorf!? Stop copying me!"
"Stop copying me!" Ganny repeated in a childish voice.
"GANONDORF!"
"Hey, that's my na-"
Ezlo stopped and stared in horror as a the end of a hookshot burst out through the trees and pierced Ganondorf's armour. The King of Evil fell to the ground and glared around.
"Who did that? What a big bully."
To his alarm, Shadow Link came pounding out of the trees, looking flustered and utterly confused. He had simply fired the hookshot at random, expecting it to attatch to the nearest tree branch and swing him up to a higher level so he could observe his surroundings. Instead, it had done a U- turn and shot straight through his master.
"M- master, I'm so sorry!" he howled, dropping to his knees and bowing his head. "I don't know what the [CENSORED] just happened!" He held up the hookshot and glared at it. "Except THIS THING is seriously malfunctioning! Shoulda known."
"You're very stupid, Shadow." Ganondorf muttered. "I hope it kills you until you're dead." With that, he fell forward onto the snow and did not get up.
Shadow and Ezlo looked at eachother in horror (although they couldn't stop their lips twitching up into slight smiles of glee). Was the King of Evil dead at last?
GASP! Cliffhanger! And a serious one this time! I wonder... should I genuinely kill off Ganny... ;P And of course, what is the purpose of the hookshot? It's slightly- SLIGHTLY- more deep than just "kill every living thing".
Swamp Dragon Princess: Whoohoo! :D I achieved my goal! Thank goodness you're happy again :P Aaaah your reviews flatter me so much ;w; *revels in your words* Well, Vaati's considered becoming more of an independent villain (I mean, come on, he can't suffer the amount of indignity that comes from serving Ganny for that long...) but I think he'd feel pretty bad to leave Shaddy on his own with the guy. Alas, poor Vaati and his kind heart. And, yes, another reason is that he loves lording it over me!
And yup... Dark has EGO ISSUES. He's so brilliantly self- assured that he's almost irritating just to write xD I love the guy!
Yeah... I've had a bit of writer's block so I'm going to try and develop those items more!
Wraith's Heart: STOP- BATTERING- ME- WITH- THAT- GODDAMN- SAUCEPAN! That's extremely rude you know. Hey! Garra! *beckons* Come on buddy, you know where your loyalties lie... if you serve me, I'll let you beat up the naked Sasuke Uchiha I've now kidnapped!
*pulls Sasuke's chains*
Sasuke: *whimper*
Vaati: *bursts in* How the [CENSORED] am I any sort of affront!? I'm the reason that that society even exists! So you can take your paper and stuff it up your- Hey... hello ladies!
DemonSorceressRinato808: Awww, you won't die ;P If you do, I will avenge your death by causing all three of these villains EXTREME MISERY throughout the story! I'll be your cheerleader! And yeah.. seriously that Vaati dating creations with a severe age gap thing really gives me shivers O.O I'm not sure how old he is.. I'm pretty sure he was ageless after being sealed in the Four Sword. Which kind of makes it even worse! xD Of course, if you're looking for love, I can always suggest a green- hatted hero... haha! Of course, if you'd be ALLOWED to date him, seeing as you're a villain.