I don't own Frozen.
"We should really try to get some sleep," Jane said, and kissed A again.
"Whassa russssh?" A mumbled, syllables half-complete against Jane's mouth.
"Dawn is breaking. It's my bedtime," Jane said, pulling back. Her hands were wrapped up in butterscotch and ginger locks, her legs drooping off the couch in the Edinburgh hotel.
"I stayed up for you," A said. "You could do the same."
"This won't be nearly as much fun if we're delirious from exhaustion. I can see it now. You'll fall asleep trying to get your tongue in my mouth, and we both know you have a drooling issue—"
"I do NOT have a drooling issue."
"My night shirt disagrees," Jane retorted.
"Fine. But you have a tossing and turning issue. You'd think with all that muscle exertion you'd be worn out at the end of the day."
"I've not been climbing as much with you. It hasn't been required. And I've neglected my yoga. I'm going to be so stiff, my flexibility will suffer."
"We can't have that now, can we?" A returned, eyebrows spasming.
Jane nudged the other girl back out of her personal bubble. She felt lightheaded and disoriented, and unbelievably happy.
"We should probably call the front desk about that light bulb," Jane said. "Or else they'll bill us."
"I'm not at all worried about a bill, at the present moment. As if we'd pay it anyway," A said, rubbing her fingers under the hem of Jane's jumper. "Maybe stepping on glass, but that won't happen unless we try this standing up."
"We already did that for an hour when we first got back to the room."
"Umhmm," A murmured. "I'm just thrilled to know you have such stamina."
"How is it that you turn everything I say into something lewd?"
"Because you are every positive adjective I can think of and I want you to know up front that if this continues, and god, do I hope it will…" she said, drawing closer to Jane. "…I think we should go ahead and address the sex issue. 'Cause I'm going to want it, with you, whenever you're ready. No pressure."
"WHAT?!"
"I said 'no pressure'!"
"A!" Jane screeched, detangling from the girl's embrace.
"Is something you'll be saying repeatedly when the time comes. More like screaming…"
"We just kissed!"
"Technically, you kissed me first."
"When did I do that?"
"On St. John. You kissed my cheek."
"You told me to!"
"I did nothing of the sort," A said, batting lashes and cheeky grin relaxing Jane immensely. Until A's fingers migrated to the inside of her thigh, which provided the equivalent headrush of balancing over the Grand Canyon on a tight rope. "But I guess our first real kiss took much too long, in my opinion. I fell for you before I really kissed you, Jane."
"I'm sorry, but that's too fast," Jane said, more seriously.
"I don't expect it to happen any time soon," A sobered instantly, taking Jane's gloved hands in her own, blessed relief on Jane's abandoned thigh. "But I needed to state it explicitly, that sex is something that I look forward to, with you, should this continue. I just… I needed that out in the open. Because you are very, very hard to read, Jane. You weren't always, but I was… I was flirting mercilessly, with no real reciprocation, and I just… I would have been your friend forever. Even if this—" at that, she kissed Jane chastely. "—didn't happen. Subtly is not your strong suit. I didn't even know you were leaning that way, until you said we should kiss. So I'm being obvious, stating my intentions and all that Austenesque drivel. I don't want just sex, of course. I want all of it. And I know that it's early, and I know it's a lot, but I feel like I'll burst if I don't get some of this out. I… hope that doesn't frighten you."
"It… terrifies me," Jane said, and A dropped their hands.
"I'm sor—"
"But it's not… not because of you. To have 'all of it', as you say. It just sounds… too good to be true. I think I could come to, uhm, appreciate physical interaction with you. I love kissing you."
"Step one, complete," A said, and rewarded her with another lip-lock.
"How many steps are there?"
"As many as you need there to be," A returned. "This isn't… this isn't how it normally works, you know? All of the steps, there's no chronology, apparently. We're jumbled and out of order. You don't fall for someone before you kiss. You don't live together before you fall. And you don't typically break the law together until at least five years into the relationship," A winked.
Jane shrugged. And when she did, the side of her head fell against the back of the couch, and her fingers went to play with A's hand. They had been kissing, well… making out for hours. They had stumbled back into the hotel room just after midnight, mouths denying a disconnect, preferring instead to fuse with the other like links in a chain. Rigid gums, curling tongues, lips of molten steel. The copper-haired girl lost significant restraint once they were in private, for upon crossing the threshold of their room, she kicked the door shut with one foot and shoved Jane against it, painting the taller's neck with saliva while her hands found the blonde's fleshy rump and squeezed. That was when the light bulb on the far side of the room had exploded, and also when the pair realized that kissing and touching might require a more pragmatic approach, what with Jane's abilities running haywire under A's ministrations.
When A had finally pulled her out of that ivy, wet leaves were plastered along the back of her neck, as were the reddish beginnings of one particularly large hickey. Jane had seen it in the mirror in the hotel bathroom and, having never received a hickey before, rushed out to inform A that she was developing some sort of rash (probably from that ivy), and that they should put a halt on their more amorous activities for the time being.
Jane had been so heartbroken, so disappointed, for she had finally figured out just what that damn feeling was roiling about in her gut, and now she'd have to abstain from her only means of sating it.
A, for her part, had only grinned wickedly for a few seconds. After standing slack-jawed and then chortling, she kindly explained to Jane what a 'love-bite' entailed, and had then dubbed Jane an upright, wholesome creature, who was cute when she blushed. And though she had never been the recipient of a hickey prior to this excursion, there were other physical activities that Jane was indeed acquainted with.
But it had never felt like this, never so simultaneously freeing yet grounding, so uninhibited but contained, both easy and hard, for she cared so deeply for A. The previous time, she had tried to force it; she thought that her intimate relations were the 'supposed-tos' and 'meant-to-bes' of adolescence.
Not so. It took me so long to realize it because this is what it's really supposed to be like. Like sickness and touches and glee and theft. And I trust her. So I have to tell her.
Jane rose from the sofa and walked toward the other side of the bed.
"You're really not going to sleep, are you?" A whined.
Jane returned with the leather wallet from her duffel.
"You don't know everything about me," Jane said. When A opened her mouth to protest, Jane raised a hand. "Let me finish. Before this goes an hour, a minute more, you need to know everything. The reason that I didn't respond, why I couldn't figure out, even for myself, what I felt for you. In Louisiana, there was affection. In New York, I wanted to give you something. I've never wanted to give anyone a present before. But I knew it would make you happy, so I wanted to do that."
"Our happiness seems to be mutually reciprocal," A said warmly.
"And then Amsterdam…" Jane breathed deeply and met A's concerned gaze. "The physicality just ran me over. I sort of… I accidentally—"
"I heard you."
"Wha— what?"
"That night, after Utopia. I heard you, uhm, through the ear piece… and you said my name. A lot."
Jane felt flames lick her face, overwhelming heat like lightening surges in the fierce color on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry—"
"No, don't you dare," A said. "I didn't want to embarrass you, and I didn't want to ruin anything between us then, so I tried not to think about it… how you might… want me, as much as I wanted you. It doesn't matter now, anyway," A said. "It was just, uhm, really hot."
Jane ducked her head into her hands, and allowed the awkwardness to settle. The beat passed, and A didn't prolong the discussion about the blonde's Amsterdam transgression. Jane let out a steadying breath, and pushed forward.
"That… was just another instance of your thrall, A. And all of that together, all those components, piece by piece, building into something… It's convoluted and twisted and I hope that you can be patient with me, and let me take you up on your request."
"What request?"
"You told me, back in Louisiana, that you wanted to be my friend, to know my story. And as a friend, I am comfortable with sharing what I have thus far. I told you 'my story', as you put it. But as… more, you deserve to know everything, and then make your decision accordingly. I…"
Love? Too much, too soon.
Trust? Been there, done that.
"… I care about you too much to keep you in the dark about this."
"Alright, I'll try not to interrupt," A said, crossing her legs Indian-style on the sofa. She rubbed her eyes and slumped against the back of the couch on her left side, as Jane had done earlier. She was undoubtedly tired, but if Jane didn't tell A now her courage would desert her and she'd be back to a stoic mess of stewing repression.
"I don't quite know where to start," Jane said, looking down at the wallet. "I guess I…" The lights flickered minutely, but A did not press. Jane released a heavy, somber breath.
"You remember how you told me you were still a virgin?" Jane said, waiting for A's reaction. The other girl nodded.
"I was… a little surprised at that. Because of your occupation and your, uhm, beauty."
A gasped, and water began pooling at the bottoms of her eyes. Jane waved a hand for her to dismiss the comment, and barreled on through.
"But the thing is… you're a vir— a virgin, and I'm, uh… I'm… not."
A opened her mouth so suddenly it looked as if she intended to swallow Jane whole. Then she clapped it shut, teeth clicking, eyebrows bunched so closely together in confusion they looked like a caramel caterpillar. She opened it again, and Jane registered the expression this time: of someone just a little bit broken. Shut again, and open. Bobbing repeatedly, a bewildered fish-mouth.
"That's… surprising," was all A could manage.
Jane nodded.
"Please… continue. There's no judgment from me," A said, both cautious and encouraging.
"My second international trip, I went to Saudi Arabia. In summer. June, maybe. It was… six, sevens years ago now? That entire period is a blur, and you'll come to understand why. It was before I stole diamonds. I had an inclination toward them, though, I don't know why, and I had researched the jewels of the royal family in Riyadh. Specifically, the blue diamond rumored to have been stolen by a Thai servant in the early 90s."
"You can skip that part," A said impatiently.
"Oh, oh… okay. Well, one morning I was scaling a building to grab some food from one of the open market stalls. I crawled onto the overhang of one of these tents, and, much to my surprise, I see two other people on top of the opposing stall, looking down at a display of fruits and nuts and stuff. And they looked younger, well, not as young as me. And then they look up, and they see me, and I think they're going to say something to the man below, because it's obvious what I'm doing with my rope and dark clothes and beanie and make-shift hijab. But… they don't. They just smile, and point down at the man. And then the boy throws something off the top of the stall, sends the vendor scrambling, and the girl he's with ducks down and takes a bunch of food. And then they… they wave me over to them."
"So you met some other thieves," A said.
"I thought I had. I talked to them, a little, and they were fascinated with me because I was American. But the girl spoke perfect English, like, with an English accent, for fuck's sake. And the boy, he could speak fair English as well. Said he'd gotten this awesome computer program to teach him. Called it a wizard, or a jinn software. And then, halfway, through our talk, we're spotted by the vendor, and then the boy's rambling on like you do, making up a story that 'we didn't know better', and that his sister has to go see a doctor, and then there's a camel, and it's quite—"
"Jane, focus, please. I'm trying really hard to be patient here, but many of these details seem irrelevant."
"Al," Jane said. "His name was Aladdin. But he told me to call him Al, said it sounded more 'western', and that he was going to be a big business man someday. He therefore needed to know English, and have a westernized name. And Jasmine, she was… kind to me. They both were. I had… I had never known such kindness."
Jane paused. Exhaled. Let herself remember, if only for the sake of coherently relaying the events.
"They wouldn't tell me much about their personal lives. I was fine with that. I didn't say much, either, because of… you know. But I thought, maybe things are getting better? Maybe, I can control the sparks. If I can keep it together with these two, then maybe I don't have to be so… alone, you know? They were… I thought they were my friends.
"Al and Jasmine showed me around the city. There's still several open markets, like where I was, but it's also very modern. It's not all sandstone and tented stalls and livestock like so many think. And I once mentioned the jewels, just as a passing interest, and then, under cover of night, they got me into see the damn things, which should have tipped me off then and there. But in my inexperience, I was too trusting. I didn't suspect, so I got played.
"Jasmine left two weeks after I met her. Al said she had to go to another part of the city, because they'd be caught if they operated together as often as they did. That was a lie. But we kept meeting; he insisted he needed a partner. We would scale buildings together. He was very good at that, but he didn't even use rigging equipment! It was as if he learned from a monkey, or something. And he was clever, too. So clever. He asked about my gloves, and I'd clam up. He wouldn't mention it again. He'd ask about computers, so I expressed an interest. He was just nice to me, and it felt good.
"And when he told me he was an orphan, I pitied him. Because I pitied myself. And that's awful, the real awful, pitying yourself. I just… I wanted to be able to have a friend, A. I wanted it so badly, to know just one other person. And I was so young, though I don't know how young, precisely. I didn't really… I couldn't make sense of his advances, couldn't identify them, because I thought it was what friends did, you know? I wasn't raped," Jane said, as A's eyes grew tearful.
"Thank god," A managed.
"I… in the back of my mind, I wanted to want it. I didn't want him, but I wanted the connection, and it seemed to follow that trajectory. He told me he could take care of me, and that I wouldn't have to be alone any more. What great fortune we had for two thieves to meet each other in such a big city!" Jane laughed sardonically.
"It was the end of July at that point, I had spent six weeks with him, and I thought, 'this is the longest relationship I've ever had! This is apparently, how it goes'. I had no point of reference, no authority figure to tell me how cruelly he was fooling me, how he only wanted me for my thieving skills. Anyway, one night he takes me to a nice restaurant, actually pays for the food, changes out of his ratty clothes (again, should have been another hint), and then takes me to a hotel. He gives me some wine and tells me he's so glad he met me, and that he loves me, and it's taken a while for him to build up the courage to say it."
Jane's eyes were stinging. It might have been the sandpaper fatigue scratching her eyelids, or maybe warm tears. She could not be certain, and she could not dwell.
"And all the while I'm thinking: 'Love? Is that what this is?'" Her voice was weaker now, choking. "He's a nice guy, I could stay with him. And Jasmine is a nice girl, she could be my friend. And he's attractive, I suppose, but am I attracted to him? Looking back now, I found Jasmine more…" Jane blinked back a few tears. Her inhale was a rattle. "I fell for what he could offer me, not for him. And so I slept with him that night, and it was… I can't even recall. Uninspiring, obviously. But I wanted it to be right. I wanted it to be my second chance, with no electricity in my way."
A wasn't looking at Jane. The shorter girl's focus had drifted to her own hands, and she was picking rose polish off of her ring finger. It fell in little flecks on the green cushion of the sofa, violent shards of color.
"But did you… I mean, did something… happen?" A asked tentatively. "With your… powers."
"When he was… when I was with him, I was so nervous. I knew how sex worked, but I didn't understand what my body would do. I didn't hurt him, but the lights in the room started blinking. The lamp beside us exploded, the television screen cracked, and I accidentally shut the power down on the whole floor, trying not to… I don't know, siphon it into him. He was… very into it, at the time, so he didn't quite realize until he—" Jane gulped, "— finished. I shocked him, but not enough to hurt him. Enough for him to realize it was me, and then he looked at me like I was a freak. An abomination."
"Jane, no—"
"It's alright, A. Even if he hadn't found out, I discovered that he never wanted me. Not for me, you know."
"I don't understand."
"Al, he was engaged that summer. To Jasmine. She wasn't his sister."
A brought her hand over her mouth and rubbed the sides of her cheeks if only to keep herself from throwing a table across the room.
"When she left, she was going back to England to finish her studies," Jane continued. "She's actually in the royal Saub family, the cousin of the current sultan. That's how we even got into the palace to see the jewels. Her father was king, but never had a son, so the title passed to his next male heir, a nephew. Al, meanwhile… was a conartist. I found out he was almost twenty by the end of the summer."
"Jane, you couldn't have been more than... fourteen? Fifteen?"
Jane shook it off. "He got in with the royal family, and was set. He had me for the stealing, and Jasmine for his future, and another girl that summer, for—"
"Jane, please—"
"So you can understand my hesitancy—"
"You know I would never— Jane, why didn't you—"
"I'm not finished, A. He knew about me, so I ran. That's what I did best. I ran back to America and ran from the cops and tried to run from my powers but hey, lightening somehow struck the same place twice. Thrice, four times, and five. Constant companion, this thing." Jane pulled off her glove and snapped, sparky showers looping over her fingers in hot waves. "And I was young, and I was depressed. Again, I don't think I was sad about Al, just about what he represented for me."
"He was your chance," A offered. "To change your world, you were so lonely—"
"He said he could show me a new one," Jane laughed humorlessly. "Just maybe. But, after it all, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't ever, ever be around people. I had thought, maybe before, I could learn to control it. Then, I knew I couldn't, so what was the point of trying?
"I started drinking then. At first, just some wine because it reminded me of him. That night, though definitely not the most pleasant, it was worth remembering because I remembered the delusion of having a friend. And then I wanted to forget it entirely, so I drank more heavily. By then I couldn't stop, and it kept going, and my tolerance was building, and so I consumed more, and… it snowballed. I never intentionally hurt myself, but I was accident prone, so frequently inebriated. Broke my clavicle on one climb, got this little scar here."
Jane tugged her jumper over her head, and then pulled the neckline of her shirt off of her right shoulder, exposing her pale collarbone. A's hickey was fading into magenta against the tiny eggshell scar northwest of her sternum.
"I wondered what that was from," A said.
"When did you—"
"When you were trying on clothes, down on St. John? That pretty blue summer dress with the straps that fell off your shoulder and I…" A took the fabric from Jane's fingers, and smoothed it back into place. "Just wanted to fix you."
"You did," Jane said, turning the wallet over in her hands. She then handed it to A, who seemed unsure of what to do with it. "One night, I was back on a street in Chicago. I was wasted, semi-coherent, probably wasn't even walking properly. It wasn't really late, but I remember the street lights were on. Everything was fuzzy. Smog or alcohol, take your pick. A man came up behind me, touched my shoulder, and I shocked him. There was so much power, the electrocution… I… I killed him, A."
A opened the wallet in her hands. She flicked through the cash, the business cards, read a name off the credit card. Jane knew the moment she found the pictures. A's face mirrored her own from all those years ago: realization, processing, and then devastation. She brushed a finger over the little boy's hair, shed a tear for the widow. Her mouth was hanging open only just, and Jane felt that lodging ball of pressure against her own windpipe, that burning, rock-hard feeling that made breathing so difficult.
"I detest the smell of burning rubber," Jane whispered. "Because I burnt out the soles of his loafers."
This is the part where she runs away. Where she knows what I really am, and how I'm a danger to her. And to everyone.
But, wonder of wonders, A set aside the wallet and crawled back toward Jane, tear tracks glimmering in a fog-rising sun, goosebumps settling in over her arms because the girls had neglected the radiator. She waved her hand experimentally, and Jane watched, astounded, petrified, as A enveloped her torso with her right arm and drew her close, the other hand leading her blonde head onto a damp shoulder. Jane didn't move, but let A guide her.
And when A spoke, soft as love, Jane cried silently into the smaller girl's sleeve.
"Listen to me," A instructed. "Your circumstances were never caused by maliciousness. There was never intent in your actions, do you hear me? There is nothing wrong with something that is innate to yourself, Jane. You harbor that guilt, I see it in your face. And knowing you, you think about that family every day of your life. You will spend your existence repaying a misdeed you could have never controlled."
"I was reckless," Jane protested.
"You were hurt, and had no advisement. You train yourself, and you trick yourself. You try to conceal it, you don't want to feel the burden that your powers have placed on you. Everything's starting to make sense now," A said, a wounded, sad chuckle expelled against the shell Jane's ear.
Tears fell, relentless tracks over heated cheeks. Jane tasted tangy salt. It overpowered A's Scotch-breath, overpowered the mint on her own. Her face contracted against the liquid sting, against the literal taste of regret. Appropriate that sadness isn't sweet. That depression is bitter, sour, and spiteful.
A continued: "But here is my confession. I didn't fall for an electric girl. I fell for the first person that never abandoned me. You hardly knew me, but you didn't leave me on that beach to die. I fell for a girl who looks after the downtrodden, one who tutors the runt of the family. I fell for a girl who's desperate for others not to turn out like herself, so she gifts millions and billions to orphans all over the world. I fell for a girl who is more tender-hearted than she even realizes. How else could you have created that dopey little digital assistant? Jane…" A said, and tugged at a blonde braid, meshing their foreheads together. Jane felt bashful fingers playing at the base of her neck, but didn't dare open her eyes.
"Look at me," A pleaded. "Look at me when I tell you this."
Jane obliged.
"I fell in love with the single-most selfless human being on the planet. You do not steal for luxuries. You steal to get by, to keep yourself away from others. You loot to provide for other people. Don't you deny it, it's my job to interpret actions, Jane. That unacknowledged provision is your one and only connection to the world at large. You sacrificed socializing and interaction to protect the world, at the risk of your own sanity and emotional well-being."
"Not you," Jane said regretfully. "Try as I might I couldn't… I couldn't keep away from you. I had to make sure you were okay."
A's grin was concentrated sunbeam.
"And that, my dearest and best, is how I know you might just love me, too," A mumbled.
Jane felt the edges of her lips curve up in a semi circle, flesh drawing back over her teeth to reveal an affectionate, unbelieving smile. She gripped A tighter, and hugged her, and relished her touch so freely given.
Seven years, I've lived without this. Longer still, if you discount those confusing weeks in Riyadh. And never did I think I would feel so much relief, so much comfort, such relentless love.
"I'll never deserve you," Jane said.
"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing," A said, yawning into the back of her hand. She tried to cover it up by leaning in for a kiss, but Jane turned her head and let the invading lips bounce against her cheek.
"This has been quite an… emotional evening," Jane said.
"Mornin', too," A corrected.
"Sleep seems best. To combat fatigue, to… process, everything."
"I already know everything I need to know. Unless you have anything else you're ready to tell me?"
"You know all of me, now. Maybe not all the details, but all of the biggest components. I told you I trusted you, and I meant that. You're the only person I could ever trust with all of this."
"I'm happy to share your load. I'm grateful for your trust, and spoiled by your attention," A said, head dipping back in again.
"You are a glutton for kisses," Jane teased her, standing from the couch. She pulled A's hand and yawned as she led her to the bed.
"Like I said, making up for lost time."
"More like making out."
"I knew you knew how to flirt!" A said, yanking off her hoodie. The girls ditched their shoes and A removed her skirt and tights, placed her hands on her hips for a moment, and then wrestled on a pair of sweats. Jane did the same, trying not to think how they had both slept in the same bed pantsless on previous occasions.
Things are… different now.
Jane pulled the curtains shut, and the room sank back into cozy darkness, save for the red lights on the digital clock resting on the bedside table. 6:58, it read.
A was already under the covers, and Jane slid in beside her. She didn't know quite how to arrange herself, close, but not too close, beside A, or away from her? Does she need physical space to digest everything? Before she could spiral too deeply into a pit of over-analysis, A reached out and took her hand, scooting so their biceps and elbows rested against each other. A smiled at Jane, and Jane smiled at A.
The hotel phone broke their infatuated spell.
A rolled over.
"Hello?"
Jane could barely make out A's features in the dimness.
"Okay, hold on," A said, and placed the mouth of the receiver against her shoulder. "They have another room available now," A said. "With separate beds."
Confidence bubbled up within Jane's chest like a wellspring, and she brought A's hand up to her lips.
"I don't think we need it anymore," Jane said, and pressed a kiss to the ridge of knuckles.
A beamed, and returned her attention to the phone. "No thanks," she said. "We're happy where we are."
Understatement of the century.
Jane fell asleep in A's arms and when she woke, she wasn't even concerned with the dribble of spit on her shirt.
Another long, explainy chapter that hopefully shed some light on our blonde character. Sorry if Aladdin is your favorite, guys. But think about it... he's a thief, and he lied A LOT in that movie. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. Opinions? Concerns? Critique? Lemme know! Thanks for all the favs and follows guys. We broke 400 reviews on the last chapter, which is 400 more than I expected. All my gratitude!