Chapter 22: The Flight of Ghirahim
Shadow and Ezlo did the cowardly thing.
Ganondorf's body was strung up in a tree by his britches and left hanging there, the great mass pendulously swinging in the slight wind.
Ezlo was now so fed up that he barely had the willpower to talk. Whenever the slightly panicking Shadow asked him for guidance or directions (seeing as he had once been a great Minish sage an' all that), he would reply in a highly monosyllabic fashion.
"Meh."
"Dunno."
"Who cares?"
"Shuddup."
"Yup."
"Nope."
"Oh [CENSORED] off!"
"You [CENSORED] off too then!" Shadow exploded. "It's not like you've been any [CENSORED] help!"
"You shot the fat guy!"
"Oh no!" Shadow gasped dramatically. "I didn't even realise that! I KILLED GANNY!"
"...Was that meant to be a parody of South Park's 'You killed Kenny'?"
"Yeah."
"Well, wouldn't it be better if I had said it?"
"You effectively did, you just called him the 'fat guy'."
"True, but..."
The conversation continued in this vein as the two wandered aimlessly through the forest.
"This wandering aimlessly through the forest description is getting a little old, isn't it Ezzers?"
"You're right, Shaddy."
"Honestly, I think the author should-"
"HANG ON. DID YOU. JUST. CALL. ME. EZZERS!?"
While Shadow was being lambasted by the talking hat (rather humiliating), Vaati had completely fallen asleep inside the glitching tree. Not that it was a very comfortable sleep, as he was still standing up, and was drooling in a disgusting fashion down his tunic.
"That's not very interesting, author. How do you progress the story from here?" Dark Link enquired, sipping wine from a goblet held to his lips by a long- suffering Hinox.
"I don't think she's talking to you, Dark..." Tingle whimpered. His arms were trembling from the sheer exertion of holding both Dark and Ghirahim up- they were both sitting back to back very comfortably on him. Neither of them were particularly heavy, but Tingle still believed he was a dainty fairy- to- be and shouldn't have to hold this kind of weight. It might damage his wings- to- be! (Like the author when she was little, he believed his shoulder blades were merely developing wings. The author can be forgiven for this, Tingle cannot as he is a 30- odd year old man- child).
"You did a good job of protecting this temple, didn't you Tingle?" smirked Ghirahim, taunting his makeshift chair. Tingle whimpered.
"I only let you invade it to get attention!" he wailed. "I've had nearly no part in this story at all! Why can't I be a main character like everyone else?"
"Because you're too goddamn disturbing to write." the author muttered.
Tingle fell to mumbling furious accusations about "favouritism" under his breath as Ghirahim and Dark continued to be the image of suave sophistication. While Dark was able to control his alcohol intake responsibly, Ghira revelled in this opportunity to cut loose (his master usually allowed him free rein over whatever structure they were able to capture). He ordered another drink.
He ordered five more drinks.
He ordered a barrel.
He ordered a TANKARD.
Dark watched, but merely raised an eyebrow and said nothing.
FIVE HOURS LATER
"Knees up Mother Brown, knees up Mother Brown, swinging from the *hic* chandelier, knees up Mother Brown!"
Dark covered his face with his hands in mild embarrassement (he never showed much emotion) as Ghira bought an entire light fitting crashing to the ground attempting to carry out the lyrics of that tune. The Hinoxes surrounded him around the crushed glass, applauding him enthusiastically and attempting to sing along with him as he rolled around and laughed cheerfully.
Ghira was absolutely ecstatic. Due to the effects of the alcohol on his system, of course, he felt totally invincible and ecstatic. He looked around the scene. Why should he stay here!? Why was his stupid master looking at him so disdainfully!? Where was the good- looking purple guy that his master had so heartlessly glitched into the tree? Why should he STAND FOR IT!?
Without a thought for what might become of him as a result of his actions, he jumped to his feet and, with a final holler, hurled himself out of the window.
There was the sound of a needle scratch.
"Author, you forgot to mention our circumstances." Dark spoke through the shocked silence.
Oh, yes. Thank you O Holy Dark Link, the one which everyone shall bow down to throughout all of time. And no, that wasn't sarcasm.
Ghirahim had jumped out of the top- floor window.
"I don't think he was aware of that..." Tingle said quietly, carrying Dark over to the window and peering out. Whatever had become of Ghira down there was obscured by darkness and fog. Like many evil HQs, the Fire Temple was surrounded by almost permanent darkness and inclement weather. "I wonder how many other characters will be killed off...?"
Only a couple of miles away, Shadow and Ezlo had settled down to make camp for the night.
"How do we make camp?" Shadow asked, fingering the hookshot without knowing. Ezlo watched him out of the corner of his eye nervously.
"Well, we just need to make a simple imitation of a house... Or an igloo! Goodness knows how I know about igloos when this is set in medieval times, when communication and knowledge is hindered to say the least, and Hyrule's climate is quite temperate... but there you go."
Shadow, following Ezlo's impatient instructions (even though hats have no nervous system for thermoregulation, but Ezlo just liked nagging) started dragging clumps of snow together to create a large, shiny- white hill. He had never seen so much snow in one place before, and stopped to look at it.
"That's a fine HILL you've made there, ya chump. You need to hollow it out as well. How else are we gonna get inside!?" Ezlo's voice grated in Shadow's ears. The boy's patience had been tested many times throughout the story and this was the last straw. He grabbed Ezlo and held him inches from the snow.
"GET PECKING, BEAKY!" he yelled. Ezlo turned his head away.
"If you mean to use me to drill through the snow like a common woodpecker, then I refuse that indignity!"
Those were his last words before he was forcibly shoved into the snow and left there.
Shadow, being the sadistic git he was, built himself another snow pile a couple of metres away so he could hear Ezlo squawking and struggling. He didn't know whether this would qualify for animal cruelty or not, but gave himself the benefit of the doubt. He hollowed out the inside and managed to curl up quite comfortably inside there.
Vaati had woken up now, after his long nap, and was absolutely FURIOUS. As his sleep- deprived mind reluctantly woke up and recounted the events leading up to this situation, his anger grew. How could he possibly be treated like this!? How!?
"Heeellllpppp... hellllpppppppp..."
The mage twisted his head round. Who had said that? Through the slight flurries of snow beginning to fall (for atmospheric effect, natch), he saw a white figure advancing towards him through the snow. Arms outstretched like a zombie, it seemed to be having trouble finding its' way and was staggering drunkenly into anything solid. To his amusement, it fell on its' face and didn't even realise, continuing to make walking movements.
"Hey!" he called. Maybe it was one of the goddesses, come to help him in his hour of need? It was certainly an ethereal figure. Maybe she was just disorientated after a long fall to earth.
"HEY!" Was it the Ghost of Vaati Past, Present, or Future, come to bring ominous tidings and warn him of his actions? Well, screw them.
"HEY YOU LITTLE [CENSORED] GET OVER HERE!" Was it... Ghirahim!?
"Helloooooooo sailor!" Ghira stumbled into a nearby tree. "You're looking veeeeeeeeeery sexy today~ you wanna come back to my HQ, baby? Oh yeah...*hic* I DON'T HAVE A HQ ANYMORE!"
Vaati's ears pricked up. "Ghi! What do you mean, no HQ!?" he called over.
The flamboyant villain noticed him at last. "Vaati, my old bean... I've decided the Dark side wasn't for me... haha, d'ya like my little joke? Do ya? DO YA? Why is nobody laughing? LAUGH, YOU [CENSORED]!" This was addressed to a rock sitting innocently in the snow.
"Get to the point."
"So...what point? I don't have any spears! WAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!"
"Oh for the sweet love of..."
"So sorry, so sorry. Anyways... I've decided to COME JOIN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Vaati recoiled with horror- or, at least he would have done had he not been stuck in a tree. Looking at his predicament, he decided that although Ghira was the last villain he would ever want to accompany him, he could at least be of some use right now.
For the first time ever...
he kind of missed Shadow and Ganny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nope... we still don't know if Ganondorf is dead or not! ;D I wonder when all shall be revealed... probably never because I'm a chump and I'll forget. Tadaaaaa!
(note for Ganny lovers: I won't forget. Promise). ;3
Wraith's Heart: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? How could you possibly call me a sadist!? I'M LOVELY *cute face* Although... that does sound intriguing. Maybe I had better turn EVIL! Vaati: You'd need to be evil to force- feed your reviewers a story as bad as this. Shut up Vaati. *slaps him*
Now, Gaara, WAKE UP! *hits him with whip* If I'm becoming evil, then you're gonna help me. You seem to be the perfect evil henchman :D And if you're not, then I just kill you. *shrugs* Not being imaginative today. I wonder if I should miss an update just to see if me and Gaara can hold off the Furies...?
And you blame anything on Sasuke and I'll possess the lawyers. *sprouts several arms and holds every single laywer by the throat*
DemonSorceressRinato808: Ooooh... care to tell me abouut this incident? ;3 You don't have to if you don't want to of course... but anything to do with Vaati and his villainous group always intrigues me. You are making me very nosy! xD What relationship? Aww... is it romantic? I promise I'll treat Dark extra nice in this story if it is ;P And don't worry, I don't think you're anywhere NEAR the level of idiocy that Shadow is at yet. You're still the much more sensible one IMO! And I believe you with the dating- Vaati thing... I wonder if he's single... *eyes turn to love hearts*