"She's not answering her phone..." I muttered to myself worriedly, my voice echoing in my room where I've been for the past days, except for work.
My hands gripped the phone firmly, almost breaking it. Where was she? Why couldn't she understand that I was sickly worried whenever she would leave my side ?
I got up, feeling numb ever since I learnt about her. Now that I think about it, it wasn't even that surprising knowing her...
With my screen luminosity at its lowest, I'm reading for like the tenth time the article just below her angry teenage face.
Helga Geraldine Pataki, daughter of Robert ''Bob'' Pataki and Miriam Jane Pataki, 12 years old, ran away from home a few weeks after she has been released from Brick's Juvenile Center in Phoenix, Arizona, after she got caught for possession of drugs at the young age of 9. Helga Pataki's disappearance has been noticed on July 4, at 10:32 by her mother, the morning after her daughter ran away. She was wearing a white t-shirt underneath a pink dress and had a pink bow in her hair (see the picture above). If you have any information, please contact...
I closed my eyes. So Helga ran away from home... After she has been caught with possession of drugs... at only 9?
I suddenly felt dizzy, so I laid back on my couch, looking dreamily at the ceiling. I could hear my neighbor's dog barking angrily at whatever it was, but somehow, I didn't mind this annoying noise, everything to keep me from that strong silence.
I didn't feel like going to school the past days, and my parents noticed that. I was barely speaking to them through the phone, I wasn't as welcoming as I used to be when they came to visit me, I wasn't the sweet little guy anymore.
My phone buzzed tiredlessly, but I didn't flinch. My friends called me a lot recently. they must be worried, since they haven't heard of me for a while now. They even came over, but I faked being absent. I closed my eyes, this whole Helga thing was really getting on me...
"Hi, It's Arnold Shortman, I'm not there, but you can leave a message!"
Beep.
"Hey, Arnold man, what's up with you ? You don't even come to school anymore... Please, call me back, I'm really worried, we all are. Is this about that fucking girl again? She is ruining your life! Why don't you see it ? Answer me, I know you're here!''
After a brief silence, Gerald's voice became more faulty.
''Okay, you know what, Shortman? Forget it. Smoke all the shit you want, you're drawning troubles and you know that. Don't wanna come to school anymore? Fine! Then ruin your life! I have, no, we have enough of your shit. We try to help you, but you don't even want to be helped. This Pataki is a bad influence, and if I ever see you with her on the street, I promise you, Arnold, I promise, I will punch her so hard she won't even dare to get up again. She stole my best friend, and I hate her for that! Bye, Arnold! Give me a call when you get some sense into that big head of yours!''
When he hang up, I felt something stang in my heart. That was it - I just lost my best friend. My breath became pants, and I rolled over, trying to calm myself. Despite the pain, and the tears I was desperately holding on, I tried to shove it away, and my thoughts went back to Helga.
I closed my eyes, I was fed up. I've been waiting for a call, a text, something from her for days now. Of course, I went to her place, but her apartment has vandalized. At first I panicked, but then I headed to her room and I have been relieved when I didn't find her black diary, her guitar and her... gun. That meant she ran before the outlaw could have found her.
At that thought, I bit my lip.
"Damn Helga... Please, call me..." I muttered, hoping she would hear me from wherever she was.
I was full of stress right now. Helga was somewhere, maybe in danger, Gerald didn't want to hear from me anymore, and my parents wanted to call the police.
"She's a criminal, you shouldn't be with her!" Stella had said with a worried voice.
Yeah right.
To be honest, the conversation between me and them lasted longer. I argued, telling them that she was a good person, that maybe she had it hard. I told them she was strong and misunderstood. But they didn't want to listen.
And finally... I burst out in fury. I told them, no, I yelled that they should leave if they weren't happy.
And they did.
All of this took less than three hours. I deceived them... For what?
Just for her.
The girl that never told me she loved me.
I let out a big, deep sigh of sadness. What was I doing, seriously...?
Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. I kept silent. I was annoyed. I didn't want to see anyone right now.
"Hey, geekbait, I know you're here, so open this damn freaking door !"
My eyes jolted open at that familiar voice. Without a second thought I threw myself at the door and cracked it open. Helga stood still, looking at me with this cold glare I learnt to love. She was wearing the same thing she wore at our last date, she was holding a big black bag, her guitar case, and I could almost feel the gun hidden under her shirt, just in case.
''Helga...'' I sighed, more than relieved.
''Yeah, yeah, that's me, now let me in.''
She shoved me and put her stuff on the floor, immediately making herself at home. I gazed at her carefully, and knew something was wrong. She looked like she hasn't got a good sleep in days. She had some bruises here and there, her clothes were torn and dirty and she smelled bad. I frowned.
"Helga, where were you ? I tried to call you but..."
"I know, I threw my phone away." She replied, closing the curtains.
"Is something wrong?"
She looked all around the house, as if she was there for the very first time before looking at me sternly.
"The guy, the dealer I told you about earlier... He shot Pinky and stole all of our shit..." She admitted with evident hate in her voice.
My eyes opened wide, as well as my mouth. Okay, now it was serious.
"Oh my god!" I managed to say. "Is she going to be alright? Did you take her to the hospital?"
"Are you nuts?!" She shouted, throwing her hands in the air. "We're wanted! It could be jail for most of us, and Juvie center for me, and there's no way in Hell I'm going back in there! Right now, the cops are after me."
"YOU DIDN'T ? Then how do you expect her to survive?" At this point I was worried sick and overtaken by their stupidity.
"Hey, I got a knife in the eye, and I'm still alive, so she'll deal with it. We can do stitches and stuff."
I was about to argue, but she threw her hoodie at me, and laid on the couch, suddenly looking weak. That's when I really looked at her. Under her hoodie she was now wearing a white tank top, dirty and torn as well as the rest of her clothes. She had many cuts and bruises on her arms, cheeks and jawlines. I bit my lips, sitting next to her.
"Where have you been hiding? I went to your house, and it was hijacked..." I tried to forget the whole Pinky idea, but it still worried me to no end.
"I've been hiding here and there for the past days..." She muttered, closing her eyes, shoving away her bangs.
I focused on the scar - light pink line across a lifeless white eye. What a shame to scar such a splendiferous, gorgeous face.
"You could have come here earlier."
"I wanted to be sure I wasn't followed... I wouldn't want to risk your life."
She sounded weak, but that made me smile softly. I ran my hand across her cheek and caressed it.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes... Tired is all." She murmured, eyes still closed.
When I made sure she was sleeping, I went to grab some torn rags, water and alcohol. Outside, the rain began to pour, the water drops splashing against the windows producing a relaxing music to my ears as I gently patted the rag covered in alcohol on Helga's wounds. My eyes were locked on her beaten up lips. My thumb tenderly rubbed them. She was beautiful, there was no denying it. I leaned, and kissed her lips as gentle as I could, my hand resting on her cheek. She didn't flinch, she was fast asleep. I smiled, and continued healing her the best I could.
And then I went to the kitchen to make a good supper for both of us. I couldn't help but think of Helga's situation. She had no more home to go back now. Maybe would she agree to stay with me ? That idea made me smile wider, but then the seriousness of the situation made me lost it quickly. She was in deep shit. I sighed, trying to tell myself she knew what she was doing. I mean, this couldn't be the first time she was in trouble like that.
But I'm gonna help her, there was no way I'm going to let her go through this alone.
I made some pasta, and I went to wake her up. It's only been three hours since she arrived. She groaned, shoving away my hand. I tried again.
"Criminy, Football Head, let me sleep..."
"You need to eat, you're so pale. Please, get up." I said softly, crouching near her.
"Damn it..."
She got up against her will, and rubbed her eyes. Her torn tank top was falling on her shoulder, and I lovingly kissed it before taking her hand, which was so small compared to mine.
"I hope you like pasta..."
"I'm so hungry I could even eat dog's shit." She smirked.
I grinned too, and we took place on the table. We went silent for a whole minute before I began to speak. I could hear the television (a new, tiny one, actually) playing weakly in the background.
"Helga, about my parents..."
"They knew, right?" She guessed, not even looking at me, eating.
I blinked like an idiot. "Uh?"
"They knew about me... And now you know, too."
It took me a few seconds to figure out what she was getting at, and I lowered my head.
"Yeah..."
"So what now? Are they going to call the police?" She mumbled, her voice lower than before, taking a slip of her glass of water.
I shook my head.
"I had a fight with them about it... They left."
Her head jolted up, and she looked at me with her big eyes.
"But you don't get too see them often."
"But they insulted you. They said you couldn't be trusted. That you were a criminal, dangerous, and just a rebellious brat."
She frowned.
"But it's true."
"No, it isn't !" My voice became louder, my grip on my fork tightened. "That isn't true. You are the most amaizing person I've ever met. You are brave, you're a fighter, you're strong, and have many talents. You are beautiful, and you sing very well. I admire your creative and sensitive side. You are smart, you would die for one of your friends. They couldn't understand that..."
I haven't looked at her during my speech, but when I did, I barely had the time to turn my head, because her soft lips crashed into mine with force and passion, her hand holding my chin. I closed my eyes, and answered to the kiss. I felt good in that weak embrace, and I didn't want her to let go. When we pulled apart, she pulled back her golden bang behing her ear and glared at her food.
"No one ever did that for me..." Helga said with emotion in her voice.
"That's what boyfriends are for." I smiled.
I saw her blush and look away. But I wanted to make sure of something.. .that was bugging me for a while now.
"Helga, can I ask you something?"
She swallowed, but still wasn't looking at me.
"Do you... Do you love me, too?"
Here, I did it. I asked. I was nervous about it, but again, who wouldn't be when the girl you love is Helga G. Pataki. I stared at her. One second ago she was playing with her ear piercings, but now she was looking back at me, ashamed.
"Wh-what did you say?"
"Do you love me, too?" I repeated bravely.
I wanted to make sure... That I wasn't doing all of those sacrifices for nothing. She winced, and suddenly found the wall very interesting.
"Criminy, Arnold, why such a question..." She mumbled to herself, a furious red blush on her cheek.
"I want to know. Please, tell me. I want to be fixed."
''The hell...''
She punched the table, not very hard, just enough to show that she was embarassed, and angry because of that. But she quickly calmed down and crossed her arms, now staring at her feet. She was playing cute.
"I g-guess I don't h-h-ate you. In fact, I sorta like you... I mean, I actually, I sort of, MORE than like you, I... I REALLY like you... I REALLY REALLY like you, and well, hell, I... I like you so much, that, you might say that I actually... LOVE... that I actually... LOVE... Ah Damn it!'' She screamed. "I... Might love you... But don't get all mushy on me. Is that clear?"
She quickly shoved a part of pasta in her mouth to prevent herself from saying something she would regret. I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders.
"It's okay, Helga. I'm sorry, I know you don't like that kind of things. I just... I was just making sure of something."
She peeked on me before returning on her food.
"So Helga, why did you bring your guitar? I mean, it's a huge thing to bring when we're on the run..." I asked once the supper was done.
She blinked, and looked back at her instrument.
"It's a gift from my mom... The only one she never gave me..." She added.
"From your mom?" I repeated, hoping she would tell more.
After a long moment, Helga sighed, and ran her delicate hand through her blond, golden hair. She crouched next to her guitar and rubbed it softly with her thumb.
"My mom was an alcoholic, my father a jerk workalcoholic, and my sister was perfect. She gave it to me when I was eight, seeing that I had some talent in music too, as well as my sister who was very well known as a pianist. But..."
She never finished her sentence, and I simply nodded. Once the supper done, I decided to ask the second thing that has been bugging me.
"Is it true what the article said? Is it true that... You were caught at 9 with... With drugs on you?"
At that, Helga sat on the floor, looking exhausted. She pulled back her hair, and gently touched her blind eye, lost in her thoughts. I sat next to her, and put my hand on her shoulder.
"Helga..."
"Yeah, that's true." She muttered, almost in my ears. "I... I had some... bad friends. They were coming from a bad family too. I started smoking at a young age, too... Actually, there are lot of things that I regret in my life..."
I nodded, not answering. It was... It was the first time Helga was having an honest talk with me about her past. Helga wrapped her arms around her legs, her chin resting on her knees, her fiery eyes still glaring at the guitar.
"I did bad things, I hurt people. I broke up couples, and ruined shops. But that was not what I wanted to do with my life when I was a child."
''What have you been wanting?" My voice was soft and tender. Almost relaxing as I saw her muscles ease off.
"I wanted to be writer." She recalled. "Or a painter. I was not sure. And look at me now - a weak hooker, trying to survive day by day, the cops and a dangerous dealer on her heels. No wonder why my parents sent me in that juvie center, they saw it comin', thought it only got worse once I went there..."
I gulped.
"Worse?"
"Yeah... Things are horrible in that kind of place. You must learn to shut up if you want to survive. I've been beaten a lot of times, but that's when I learnt how to take a hit. You sorta get used to it. So, what about you, Arnold? Tell me about yourself."
I lifted my sigh to the ceilling, not too surprised that she would ask me that, too.
"I lived with my grandparents; my parents were in San Lorenzo, missing. I had a happy childhood... I had friends, siblings, a good school and teachers. When I was 11 I won a trip to San Lorenzo with my class. To make it short, I found my parents there, along with the green eyed people..."
"The green eyed people?" She asked, raising her eyebrow.
I smiled."Yeah - long story."
She smiled back. "Never mind."
"So Helga... Would you... Would you do a favor for me?"
She leaned back, crossing her arms behind her head.
"Sure, what is it?"
I looked at my fingers, suddenly feeling hot and nervous.
"Would you play and sing something for me?"
"Uh, why?"
"I just want to hear your voice."
And that was true. I just wanted to see her play and sing, because it was the only moment I could see her being free from her hell. Being completely herself and serene. She sighed, not wanting to.
"Okay, okay, damn it, hair-boy, I'm tired..."
"I promise, I will let you sleep after that." I said.
She threw her hands in the air and got up.
"Fine, fine, you win! Where's my book... Ah, here it is."
She pulled from her bag a dark diary, probably the same I saw back then in her room. So it wasn't a diary, but a book filled with songs she wrote herself.
"So, what am I going to... Oh yeah, this one. I don't feel like singing rock or stuff tonight..."
She grabbed her sand colored guitar, and began playing. I got immediately hypnotized by her song. It was calm, nostalgic, almost sad. I smiled and closed my eyes, listening to her soft singing voice:
I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore 'cause
Dreams last for so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Yeah... You were meant for me
and I was meant for you.
When she sang the last sentence, I opened my eyes again, still smiling widely. That was definitely the voice I've fallen for.
"It was amazing, Helga. I love you, too."
She blushed really hard.
"Hey watch out, it's not because I chose a random love song that..."
"Whatever you say, Helga, whatever you say..." I found myself telling her that before being pulled into a tight embrace.
"I hate you..." She muttered, crashing her lips into mine.
I kissed her back with love.
I didn't regret anything.
Song used: Meant for me - Jewel.
I hope you liked it !