Chapter 6: Day 6 Continued

I'll hold her for as long as she needs me to. She must be exhausted from putting up such a front all this time. I hold her as tightly, but as gently as I can. I don't want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable, but at the same time, I never want to let her go. I want her to feel safe in my arms, to know that I'm here for her…that I'll ALWAYS be here for her…so I tell her.

"It's ok Babe, nothing's gonna ever hurt you again. Let it out. You've been holding it in too long."

I can feel her tears falling from her cheeks and landing on my skin. For a brief second, I wish I'd taken the time to put on a shirt. This might be weird for her. I mean, I want to comfort her, not tempt her…wait, that didn't come out right. Wow, how conceited am I? I'm the LAST thing she's thinking about right now…and she's certainly not thinking of me like that. But I still wish I'd put on a shirt…it would be doing a much better job of absorbing her tears.

The major sobs have stopped. Now she's just down to sniffling. She's wiping her eyes with the back of her hand so I reach over and pull off a few sheets of toilet paper for her to use instead. I hand it to her and she looks up at me with a grateful smile before she dabs the rest of the tears away. She blows her nose and throws the tissue into the garbage can and it appears as though she's done crying…which is why her next actions surprise me. Even though she seems to have composed herself, even though she no longer needs to be comforted, she resumes her previous position in front of me, and wraps her arms around me, once again resting her cheek against my chest. She lets out a sigh and relaxes into me. I put my arms around her once again and without thinking, just a natural, comforting instinct, I press my lips to the side of her head.

"You're not in this alone anymore. I'll always be here for you. We're gonna get through this…together," I say as I rub her back and continue to place comforting kisses along her hairline.

When she pulls away, I'm afraid that maybe it was too much…maybe I'm smothering her, or maybe she's feeling pressured into responding, which is not what I wanted. I really am just trying to be a good friend, not take advantage of her vulnerability.

"I am sorry I pushed you away before. I realize now that I cannot do this by myself…I…I want you to help me through this."

I hadn't realized it, but I had also been crying. She reaches up with both hands and places them on my cheeks, using her thumbs to brush away my tears. I can't believe this. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to be supporting her, and here I am, crying. I can't look her in the eye, but when I look down, she moves her head down to catch my gaze and once our eyes meet, I can't look away.

"Thank you," she says. "Before, I thought I could do this alone...but now, I know I can do this, as long as you are with me."

I move my hands to hold her face, just as she is still holding mine.

"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

I lean in to kiss her cheek, but when I pull away, I still linger, closer than I should, I know, but I can't seem to bring myself away. The tips of our noses are practically touching, and I don't remember moving, but somehow, my lips have just barely touched hers.

"LINKA?! ARE YOU OK?!"

Once she hears Kwame's voice, she pulls away, completely out of my reach, and backs up into the corner. She looks at me as if I've betrayed her…like I knew he was out there…which I didn't. I thought I made it clear to everyone that I had this under control. That's kinda what I meant when I held up my hands to stop them from descending on Linka's cabin when she was having her nightmare. I need to get rid of him. I need Linka to know that he's not here because of me.

"Just stay here, I'll get rid of him," I promise her.

I exit the bathroom, shutting the door halfway behind me…it'll give her some privacy, but also allow her to hear what we are saying…so she doesn't think that we are plotting against her.

"Kwame, I thought I made it clear for you guys to back off, that I had this."

"We all heard her screaming…and you had been in here a long time. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok…and what happened to the door…and why are you bleeding?"

"I had to break it down. It was locked." Then I look down at my arm and shoulder, noticing the blood for the first time. I knew that I'd gotten a few scrapes and cuts when I broke down her door, but I was so focused on her, I didn't notice how much I was bleeding.

"She locked it? Why? What was she hiding from…or would the better question be, what is she hiding from us?"

Oh great. I really hope she didn't hear his accusations…but she probably did…which means I'm going to have to let her know that Kwame's feelings are his own…I don't think those things about her.

"Nothing. She's not hiding anything. She's scared. And we can't go around policing her every move…that's why she stays away from us…it's why she's shut us out. Would you want to come have dinner with us if you knew we were watching every bite? Making sure enough was eaten? Would you like it if everyone kept piling food on your plate saying 'here, eat this. You're too skinny. This will be good for you.' We have to trust her…it's the only way we can get her to trust us. She's not the enemy. She's still Linka. Don't treat her any differently than you did a few weeks ago. It's ok to be concerned for her, and sure, there are some things that she's not ready to do yet like go on missions, but she really wants to…her determination is gonna get her through this."

"Ma-Ti and I will be by later to fix this door," Kwame says.

"I'll do it."

"There is no need to be so…"

"I'll do it. I broke it, I'll fix it. Besides, she probably wouldn't be comfortable with all this commotion going on and…you."

"Me?!"

"Not, just you…you and Ma-Ti, and Gi would probably end up coming over and it would be too overwhelming. I've made huge progress with her today…in just a few short minutes. I don't want to risk going backwards when she's just taken the biggest step forward."

"I am glad you have so much faith in her. She needs that…and since she obviously does not want anyone else to…"

I interrupt him, I have to.

"Well can you blame her?! Listen to yourself man…You're talking about her like she doesn't want to get better. She does. She thought she could do it alone…you know Linka…she's strong, she's independent…she'd never ask for help…and yeah, it was frustrating watching her go through this and not being able to help, but we kinda have been treating her wrong. Being pushy is what made her push us away. So if I'm the only one that she's willing to talk to right now, let me be there for her."

"Wheeler, this is not the right time to try and get closer to Linka…you should not take advantage of the situation."

I'm so angry at the suggestion, I want to hit him. I pray that Linka did not hear that. The last thing I need is for her to think I'm doing what Kwame suggested.

"Is that what you think of me Kwame? That I'm that shallow that I would put my own feelings ahead of hers? I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you're wrong. My concern, my ONLY concern is for Linka's health and well being. I would never take advantage of the situation."

"Wheeler, I am sorry, I…"

"Just leave."

Kwame lowers his head in shame as he walks out the doorway. I head back towards the bathroom and push the door open. She's sitting on the edge of the tub, her hands folded in her lap and staring down at them.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," I say.

"I am not," she replies, still not making eye contact.

"Kwame was out of line…nothing he said was true. Not about you, and not about me. I'm not…I'd NEVER take advantage of you."

"I know," she whispers.

"I'm here ONLY for you."

"I know."

I want to go to her. I want to hold her again like I had been before, but I can't help but feel that what Kwame said has gotten to her.

"You broke my door?"

"Uh, yeah," I say, surprised at the change of subject.

She chuckles slightly.

"How did I miss that?!"

She looks up at me with a smile and then suddenly, horror.

"Bozhe moy Wheeler! You are bleeding! Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. I guess with the adrenaline rush, I didn't even notice that I got all cut up when I broke through the door."

As soon as I said it, I realized my mistake. Then I pictured it; Boris, hopped up on Bliss, crashing through the glass, his wounds bleeding.

"I'm sorry!"

I go to the sink and begin splashing water on my wounds, washing the blood from my skin. I grab a handful of tissues and apply pressure.

"STOP!" she yells as she turns away.

Oh damn, what was I thinking? I shouldn't be doing this here in her room!

"I'm sorry," I say again. "I should go."

I don't want to upset her, so I hurry out the door, to tend to my wounds alone, away from her, shielding her from the painful memories.

Now I'm in my own bathroom cleaning out my wounds. Linka scares the crap out of me when I hear her come up behind me and ask "What was that all about?" as she's going through the first aid kit that she brought. She makes a joke about not being that obsessed about keeping her room clean. I know what she's doing; I do it all the time…making a joke to hide the pain or awkwardness of a situation.

"You don't have to do this Babe," I say cautiously.

"Do not be silly Wheeler, I am not going to hurt you…Sit down."

I put the lid of the toilet down and do as she says. I still let her look at my arm, although reluctantly. "Honestly Babe, you don't have to do this."

She stops what she's doing and looks down into my eyes and I see…hurt? Of course she's hurt. She's remembering Boris.

"You told Kwame that I can be trusted, if you did not mean it, say so now and I will go."

Wha-? Where'd that come from?

"Of course I trust you! You're great at this stuff! I'd trust you to do it in your sleep... I just thought you shouldn't have to right now."

"Why not now?" She asks.

I shrug. Is she really gonna make me say it out loud? I don't want to be the one that says it.

"Wheeler, if you are serious about helping me you have to... It needs to work both ways! I cannot just sit by and let you hurt and then be okay with you looking after me... I am not like that!" She says, her voice rising. That's the Linka that I'm used to…always yelling at me for something!

"Okay... If you're sure you are okay with it?" I finally say.

She's working on cleaning out the scratches on my arm, being as gentle as possible. There's no need to, I'm fine…besides, I'm the one that's supposed to be taking care of her…but I will admit, I like the attention. I like being nurtured by her. I like that she cares enough to take care of me.

"Why would I not be okay with it?" She asks.

At my hesitation, her trademark temper flares.

"Wheeler!"

"Okay, okay." I sigh in resignation. "I didn't want to bring back bad memories that's all. Owww!"

She's removing the splinters from my arm. I didn't realize I had any.

"I am sorry Wheeler, I am being as gentle as I can."

"Yeah I know, but it still hurts!" I whine.

"Baby!" She teases me and all I can do is grin up at her beautiful face.

I have the perfect response to that dig though…as I always do!

"Well if I'm a baby, how about you play mom and kiss it better?"

She rolls her eyes and then I mentally kick myself. I can't be that Wheeler with her anymore…not yet. I need to be strong and put my feelings aside…or else I'll just be proving Kwame's point.

"I didn't mean to... that is, I was just joking you know?"

"It is okay," she says quietly, as she intently concentrates all of her attention on cleaning my cuts.

"No it's not." I reply firmly.

I let my mind wander. I wish it was ok. I wish I could go back to the way things used to be between us…but at the same time, I like where we're at now. We're closer, but farther apart…if that makes sense. She's let me in, but it's up to me to not cross the line. That same line that I've been trying to cross for the last year…the line that I kept tripping over and getting tangled up in…now it seems like her defenses are being lowered, but I can't do anything about it.

"What bad memories?"

"Huh?"

I'm confused.

She sighs in frustration.

"Treating your wounds?"

"Oh!" Duh. I guess this isn't gonna go away. I might as well be honest with her. As uncomfortable as it is, she deserves honesty. "…because your cousin cut his arms up trying to get into the vice president's office."

She stops what she's doing and her face pales. I can barely hear her whispered reply.

"I do not remember."

I can't keep the pained expression from my face…but I am able to find a so called "bright side." I put my hands on her hips, pulling her down to sit on my leg. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"Da, maybe," she sadly replies.

But I know how she thinks…and if it were me, I'd want to know all the details. And that's what she's struggling with right now. My mouth is dry and all I can say is,

"Sorry Babe."

"Stop saying that! You are not responsible for any of this."

She lays her head on my shoulder and I hold her tightly. It isn't long before she's trying to get up, but I won't let her go. She's forced to finish her nurse Linka duties from her present location.

"There, all done."

"Thanks Babe... Sorr... Er... I didn't mean to make things awkward between us," I say.

She surprises me by leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

"You did not."

I look at her and she looks at me. And for some strange reason, we both start laughing. All the tension of the last few days is gone. We're gonna be just fine.

To Be Continued...

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 6 of LouiseX's Codependence!