Although the pills were no bigger than peas, the weight of them felt tremendously heavy in the center of Elena's palm. There were approximately thirteen of them; she had just counted them for the umpteenth time five minutes ago.
One wouldn't hurt anybody... A part of her mind whispered to her. Elena wanted nothing more than to give in, to place the blue pill on her tongue and wash it down with water from the tap from where she had been sitting in the bathroom for the last hour, staring at the pills. But every time she went to do it, Damon's eyes flashed before her and she knew she couldn't face the disappointment that would surely come when he found out she was getting high again. Which he would. Elena realized awhile ago that there was really no such thing as keeping secrets from Damon Salvatore.
At the thought of his name, Elena sighed and closed her fist over the pills, rattling them around in her hand as if they were a pair of dice. Again, intrusive thoughts filled her head; thoughts of arctic blue eyes that she had fallen in love with and once thought loved her back, but now she wasn't sure. It's funny, now that she thinks about it. Years ago, his love for her had been unrequited. Or at least she thinks it had been. Had she loved him then, too? Was she just so caught up in her feelings for Stefan that she simply pushed aside the ones she had for his brother? Or had it really been unrequited, like her's was now?
Unrequited. Elena hated that word. She hated the way it bounced too sharply off the tongue and how nothing good could ever come from such a definition. But most of all, she hated that as of lately, her love for a certain somebody fell under that department.
Opening her hand again, she stared helplessly at the pills as if they could heal her of everything that was currently wrong with her. Which, well, yeah, they kind of could. At least temporarily. That was the only problem.
A knock on the door startled her so much that she jumped up, sending the pills flying. "Elena?" A voice squeaked on the other side, fist pounding softly on the wood.
"J-Just a minute." She called, cursing softly and picking up the minuscule pills one by one. Once they were all safely back in the small plastic bag and tucked away in an old Tampax box (Which Jeremy would never lay a finger on), Elena stood up, stretching her cramped legs and straightening her clothes. She unlocked and opened the door, only to see Caroline, arms tucked bashfully behind her back and not a blond curl out of place.
Immediately, Elena's went to slam the door in her face, but Caroline's hand shot out supernaturally fast and stopped it. Realizing it was useless to avoid her friend until she's said what she wanted to say, Elena let her eyes narrow into a glare as she leaned against the doorway. "Fine. What do you want?"
Caroline straightened up, even though her posture was already immaculate and opened her mouth to speak. "Look, I know I was wrong to tell Stefan about... well, about what you told me, but don't you think he had a right to know?" She pleaded.
Elena shouldered around her and walked into her messy room, starting to pick up dirty laundry and strewn socks that dotted the floor. "Yes, Caroline, he did have a right to know. You just didn't have that right to tell him."
The blond deflated, and picked at her fingernail. "I know that, okay?" She sighed. "It's just that, I have a problem keeping my mouth shut sometimes. Out of everybody, you should know that. Not that that gives me an excuse, because it totally doesn't, but I just, I felt bad for him. I mean, you kind of broke up with him out of nowhere and I wanted him to at least have some reason why-"
"For the last time, Caroline, I didn't break up with him out of nowhere. If you had actually been paying attention instead of seeing what you wanted to see, then you'd have realized that." Elena said, exasperated. "Me and Stefan? We stopped working a long time ago. And if you love him so much, then why don't you date him?" She asked sarcastically.
Caroline noticeably paled, and Elena thought she saw her cheeks turn red before she shook it off and stood up taller. "Maybe you're right, maybe I did see what I wanted to see. But can you really blame me, Elena? You put up this front for everybody, this act that you wanted everybody to believe, exactly like the one you put up after your parents died." When Elena flinched, Caroline softened and went to sit next to her on the bed. "Look, I shouldn't have told Stefan. I'm sorry, okay? Think you can forgive me?"
Elena looked over at her friend, from her golden hair to her designer shoes and sighed, always a sucker for heartfelt apologies. "Of course, Care."
Caroline lit up and rested her head against Elena's shoulder. They sat there quietly for a moment before Caroline got the nerve to say the other thing on her mind. "So... if I can ask, what kind of drugs were you taking...? I swear it'll stay between me and you." She promised, and held out her pinky finger for confirmation.
Sighing, Elena twined her finger with her's before answering. "Don't worry, it wasn't crack." She answered, causing the blond to smile. "Just painkillers. Nothing too horrible."
Caroline nodded silently, "...And you got help...?"
"Damon helped me." Elena swallowed his named, feeling that familiar ache again.
Caroline must have noticed, because she sat up. "So, you and Damon..."
"Me and Damon nothing." Elena frowned, shaking her head and looking away. When her friend looked at her for more details, Elena sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. "He... he doesn't love me anymore, Caroline. He-"
Elena was interrupted when Caroline let out a loud guffaw. "Please, Elena. 'He doesn't love me anymore', seriously? That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard all year."
"You didn't hear him, Caroline." Elena replied indignantly. "After we kissed, he freaked out and-"
"Wait, wait!" Caroline interrupted again, her voice getting louder. "You guys kissed? When?!"
Elena blinked. "After the pageant-"
"Okay, so, let me get this straight. He helps you get over your drug addiction, you guys freaking kiss, and now you think he doesn't love you anymore?! Have you gone crazy?" She asks incredulously. "This guy has been head over heels for you for, like, ever, Elena. People don't just fall out of love like that." She snapped her fingers to emphasize her point.
As crazy as Caroline's words sounded, Elena couldn't help the warm glow of reassurance that flooded through her. Maybe he did still love her, after all, and was just scared of a Denver repeat. Really, Elena couldn't blame him for that. That whole trip had been one big disaster and Elena hadn't exactly been careful of handling Damon's heart back then.
She felt her lips tip up into a smile. "You think so?"
Caroline grinned. "I know so, Elena. Damon's a bastard and a first rate jack ass but one good thing I can say about him is that he'll always love you... unconditionally." She said the last word slowly, like she was just realizing it herself.
Her friend jumped up and dove over to Elena's closet. "Now you're going to get dressed and go find him and pronounce your undying love for him and it's going to be a really cheesy moment worthy of a Nicholas Sparks' book and then you guys are going to have really hot sex because it is Damon we're talking about and-"
"Caroline!" Elena interrupted, laughing and blushing simultaneously. She got up and joined her friend in a hunt for an outfit, those small blue pills not crossing her mind once.
Elena and Caroline purposely walked through the doors of the Grill, Caroline's eyes searching around the crowded restaurant while Elena self consciously straightened her deep plum V neck and looked down at the high-waisted jeans that the blond had insisted she wear. Just as she was fluffing her stick straight hair out for the thousandth time, Caroline grabbed her wrist.
"Would you relax?" Caroline sighed, exasperated. "You look awesome, and if he doesn't drool over you than I will. If you're too scared, we can always just be lesbians together!" She grinned, flashing her eyes at Elena.
She rolled her eyes and pushed her friend jokingly before looking around furtively. "Is he here?" Elena whispered.
Caroline nodded and gestured to the bar, where Elena could just make out Damon's mess of hair over the throngs of people. Elena gulped noticeably.
"Just march right up to him and tell him how you feel!" Caroline whispered. "Tell him you've been pining after him for years and was just too scared to admit and then just... kiss him!"
"You make it sound so easy." She muttered in response, fiddling with her necklace and feeling the nerves just about ready to consume her.
"Look, just don't over think it. Do that and you'll be fine. Now go!" Caroline encouraged, then pushed Elena into the room without another word. When Elena turned around, Caroline was gone.
Cursing under her breath, Elena took a deep breath and tried to do as Caroline told her. As she started towards the bar, pushing past people, she forced her walk to become more confident and graceful. She was just about to start practicing her lines in her head when a break in the crowd formed and she finally spotted Damon. He was sitting on a bar stool, hair hanging around his face as he stared down into his drink, muscles tensed beneath his jacket but his eyes thoughtful. That was something she had always loved about him. That there was always a thin veil of vulnerability hiding just behind his eyes, but at the same time he was strong. Always so, so strong.
Elena realized that she had stopped walking in the middle of the room, and she shook her thoughts away. Right when she was about to march right up to him, a woman slid into the stool next to Damon. Elena froze again.
Damon smiled up at the woman and murmured something to her, causing her to throw her head back and laugh. His arm slipped around her waist. She clutched at his shoulder.
They went back to talking animatedly and when Elena realized who the woman was, a chasm of pain and jealousy opened up inside of her so deep she couldn't even think about it.
It was Meredith Fell.
Fighting back tears, Elena spun on her heel and violently pushed through people, ignoring their shouts and protests until she was safely outside. Only then did she let herself break down, tears of jealousy slicing down her cheeks.
Meredith, really? Out of everyone in town, he had to choose the doctor who was the one that supplied Elena with the drugs in the first place, who was too blind and ignorant to realize that she just wanted them to get high. Weren't doctors supposed to be aware of that kind of thing, anyways? Didn't they get trained to spot people who were just jonesing for a fix?
Elena sucked in greedy breaths of the chilled night air, her mind spinning. God, how she hated it when her mind spun like this. When thoughts flew so rapidly around her head that she couldn't even think straight. She needed to calm down. To just forget for awhile.
Suddenly, Elena straightened up. She looked around for Caroline's car, but it was gone. Her friend had probably assumed that her and Damon would have had an epic night and end up back at the boarding house, but there was no way that was happening anytime soon, if at all.
She stood up and shrugged her shoulders, setting out to walk the few blocks back to her house. Because she knew exactly how to forget for awhile, and the source for that was hiding in an empty Tampax box.
A/U: Hi... Please don't hate me. I know it's been past forever since I've last updated, but I've had so much on my mind lately that writing the next chapter wasn't exactly my first priority. I hope you guys haven't abandoned all hope yet and are still sticking with this story, and if you are, then I thank you. If not, well, I completely understand.
All credit for this chapter goes to Eva, for checking in on me and reminding me that this fic still existed. This story would not be where it is now if not for you. You're awesome! :)
Please tell me what you think, criticism always welcome.