*A/N: Since both songs of this chapter are by the group, The Used, I've just decided to call it just that-"The Used." I'm sure most of you will agree that that is exactly how Jacob has been feeling.

Thank you all for continuing to at least give my first fan-fic a shot. Now let's get on with the story! :-)

Chapter Summary: Bella comes to grip with the harsh reality of Jacob's pain and with everything else that has happened. She regrets many of her actions and leaves Harry Clearwater's funeral to make amends and to be with the one she loves, but is it already too late?

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but it's the actions we do on the pages that make our stories different. Jacob made me break my rule with this chapter.

Chapter XXXV Title: 'Blue & Yellow,' by the Used (for Bella) / 'Buried Myself Alive,' by the Used (for Jacob)

(BPOV)

Jacob lay broken in front of me in his wolf form, his breathing slow and haggard. It sounded as if he were wheezing with each breath he drew in, and every second that passed broke my heart as I clutched patches of his red fur.

I convulsed next to him and felt sick; the searing heat of the vomit clinging to the sides of the inside of my throat was threatening to release onto the grass. I would have been powerless to stop it, just like I had been powerless to save Jacob. The only way to have saved him was to leave him, but I couldn't...I wouldn't. Not anymore.

My wolf's eyes were closed and I cried tears into his silhouette. I couldn't see any blood but I was praying that I didn't have to. The sight of blood still made me squeamish but this wasn't the time to be scared. Both of my families had fought a battle for me and won, and though it had caused some hurt and agony on our side, we had still won. Jacob still hadn't died. No one had. He had to be alright. Jacob had to be fine. I gazed at the narrowed slits of his eyes once more and shook with more tears. Even broken, he was still beautiful.

Even now, he was still my Jacob.

Edward spoke suddenly, "They are still cleaning. Sam is coming though and Carlisle should be along once he finishes patching up Paul, Embry, and Brady."

My eyes enlarged with alarm.

"They're fine," Edward declared, stopping me before I could assume any more. "Paul is the worse. He suffered a bite from the vargulf, but it didn't seem to have done anything to his personality," he said with lightheartedness that was unlike him.

I watched Edward a little as he tried to stifle a humorless chuckle and I grabbed Jacob's coat a little bit harder than I meant to. Jacob's wolf form groaned and I frantically tried to smooth out his fur with my hands.

I didn't hear the rapidly approaching footsteps of Jared, Sam, and Leah when they came. Leah's bright gray, wolf head hung down and Jared looked remorseful, his brown eyes flurried with ache. Sam looked upset, but phased back with a forced, tight smile on his face. I shook some more as I uttered my next words, "Is he going to…?" I grew too scared to continue with the rest of my sentence. It seemed unfair to me if Jacob would die. Not after all we had been through or all he had done for me. For us, I realized with a horrible short cry stuck in my throat, for Edward and I. He saved our lives and now he was lying by the forest line, broken and subdued in my arms.

"No." Sam continued to shake his head at my unfinished question. "But we need him to phase back so he can heal correctly. We'll know more when Dr. Fan—Dr. Carlisle gets here." Edward nodded curtly just as Carlisle, Edward's father for all appearances sake, arrived. Edward and Sam both moved toward me, but I wouldn't move. My grip actually tightened, knowing ahead of time what they were asking me to do. "Bella, he needs to phase back," Sam began to plead. "You need to let him go."

I held-fast, sealing the oncoming tears with a series of blinks. "No, I can't. Let me stay with him," I begged. "I can hold him as he heals—"

"No, honey," Carlisle interrupted. "I need to examine him and make sure his bones heal correctly." Carlisle's voice was soothing, but it didn't help my nerves. "Shall I get Jasper to calm you down?" He asked politely.

"NO!" My grip worsened as I squeezed, adrenaline pumping in my ears so fast that it almost drowned out Jacob's protesting groan. "He wouldn't care if I stayed with him," I continued. "Just ask him. Read his mind, Edward. Tell them that he wouldn't mind." By the end of my last few sentences, I was heaving words out in large breaths, incapable of properly controlling my breathing.

"Bella, his thoughts are incoherent. He's in too much pain," Edward replied. "Let him go just for a little bit. Let Carlisle take a look—"

"He saved my life. More than once," I spat venomously. "He saved yours too."

Edward's face flinched, but he held out his hand. I felt his calmness, almost as if he were Jasper. My eyes closed as more tears streamed down my face, but I heard the truth of Edward's next words as my fingers slowly began to feel numb from holding onto Jacob's now unconscious form.

"I am not trying to keep you away from him, but he needs to heal. I promise you," Edward said softly, "this is just for now."

I swallowed hard and was ashamed of my behavior. I nodded and Edward helped me get up as I carefully removed my hands from Jacob's body. I glanced down and Jacob looked smaller already as a wolf. Carlisle rushed next to him and Sam began talking into Jacob's ear in a language I didn't understand. "He's telling him to calm himself and heal in their native tongue," Edward translated.

I felt Edward's arms holding me against him, yet I struggled to keep my hands from ripping out my hair. My enormous guilt weighed heavy as I watched them work on Jacob for the next few minutes. He still had not been able to phase back. His breathing slowed down even more and became sporadic. I cried out, "Oh God—what's happening? Why won't he phase back? Get him to phase back!"

"Edward, get her out of here. She shouldn't see this," Carlisle spoke.

"NO! No—let me stay! Let me stay—!" My voice was cut off by Edward pulling me slightly. "Let me stay! You have to let me stay!" I repeated. Edward continued to hold and half pull me as my knees hit the ground. He looked pained as he picked me up against my will and I beat my fists against his stony arms and shoulders. "Edward, let me go! Let me go!"

Carlisle looked more worried over my state of mind than Jacob's body. "Go get Jasper—"

Jacob grunted loudly and then his stomach rumbled. He had changed back into his human form in the middle of my rant and was visibly sweating across his brow, covered in deep purple bruises, while his side looked twisted at an odd angle from his shoulder down.

I gave a relieved laugh as the noise from his abdomen grew steady and nosier, signaling his hunger.

Some time later...

Charlie sat with his fingers together at our small kitchen table and I stared out the window blankly. I knew he was waiting to find the right time on how he wanted to approach the subject of what had happened within the last few days, but our conversation was kept brief and calm over the news of Harry Clearwater's death. Charlie was visibly upset and had looked as if he were doing the best to hold himself together. Despite knowing, or suspecting different theories, about what had been going on down at La Push, that still hadn't kept him away from helping Sue, helping the people on the reservation as police chief, or stopped him from going to see Jacob and Billy.

Billy had lied at first and told Charlie that he had gotten into an accident on his bike not knowing that Charlie had seen and caught his son phase in my bedroom. Charlie had given him a shocked look at his blatant lie and Sam had nodded as Billy glanced at him. Billy chuckled, seeing that his long-time friend now knew at least part of the tribe's long kept secret. "Well, how much do you—"

"Forget it," Charlie interjected. "Whatever I don't have to know, the better. Besides, I'll have him explain to me eventually."

"Fair enough."

I hadn't been allowed to see Jacob yet, but Sam and/or Seth had given me updates in between trying to clean up what chaos was left on the reservation and preparing for Harry's funeral. I was afraid to ask Seth how he was doing in regards to his father's passing, but I felt horrible for not asking right away. I finally just clenched my teeth and asked, expecting him to be as standoffish as Leah was when I asked her, but Seth was very different from his sister.

He had given me a genuinely warm but tired smile, muttering "Thanks Bella, but we're fine. It helps that…that the pack and your Dad are around." He had rubbed my arm affectionately, but the smile I gave him was less than my normal level of relief that I would have had. I was feeling downright miserable with the increasing absence of Jacob.

I continued to feel guilty for not seeing Jacob, but if I wasn't allowed then I wasn't allowed. I couldn't push past half a dozen or so werewolves no matter how determined I was and my energy was spent just trying to hold myself together long enough to continue looking for colleges and balancing Edward back in my life.

Edward.

Alice had shown her face at my house and Charlie had been warm to the idea of having her around while he visited La Push. It gave him an excuse to go and leave me behind. Charlie has already gone to see Jacob and I was livid that all but myself and a few members of the Cullens had seen my wolf, but everyone continued to assure me that it was for the best. No one had wanted me to get upset as I did when Jacob had had a hard time phasing back. Carlisle had had to re-break almost all of Jacob's bones to set them correctly and his screams and cursing could be heard for half a mile. Even Charlie had chuckled at Jacob's colorful uses for 'fuck.'

"Jesus," Charlie added as he shared his short visit to the Blacks' house, "who has that kid been hanging out with?" Charlie then looked at me. I shrugged to imply that he hadn't learned the language from me and Charlie looked as if he didn't buy it.

Alice usually was the one who spent the afternoons and nights with me during the few days it took to get ready for Harry's funeral, but Edward had come once while Charlie wasn't home. I admired him quietly and he was content enough to let me watch him. I was grateful that he and his family came back to save my life and the pack's but I didn't trust myself to talk yet. Not much anyway. Too much was going on and too many things had already changed. I was uncomfortable with the silence, but I would have been more mortified had I said something that I didn't mean to say and unable to take it back. For now, I continued to watch my Adonis-like vampire and bumped my knees absentmindedly against each other like Jacob used to do. I then groaned and stifled a cry when I realized I had thought of Jacob in the past tense. I shook my head and felt sick. Edward rushed over to me on the couch and placed a few fingers in my hair. I heard him inhale my scent and thought of how wonderful it would have been to have wanted him to change me, but it wasn't the time for that now either.

Harry's funeral fell on a bleak and late Wednesday afternoon. I tugged on my dress a little but didn't want to appear uncomfortable as I sat in the pew next to Seth and Leah. Charlie was helping Sue talk to some of the tribal elders and I continued to watch others come and go out of the small church front to pay their respects. Paul and Embry were still on crutches and Brady's face had very little yellow bruising left. Charlie had a stern look on his face as he kneeled down next to Billy and asked sarcastically, "Were they on that same bike ride too?" Billy didn't answer, but there was laughter in his black eyes at his friend.

Embry wobbled over to me and I gave him a light hug. "This is just for appearance. I'm actually feeling okay. Paul really needs his though."

"How's he doing?" I asked while stealing a look at an annoyed Paul. "He still seems to be making the world a better place with his presence."

"Yeah, he's a bit more agitating. He was gloating about saving his enemy's life but then Quil pointed out that almost everyone in the pack had saved his butt a few times. Now he's just…being Paul," Embry finished lamely.

"That's good." My head lowered and I continued to stare down at my shoes. My dress shoes were a little snug but I didn't see the point in buying dress shoes when I was a walking hazard. For both the living and the immortal. "How's Ja—"

"He's okay."

"Is he here?"

Embry looked uncomfortable and wouldn't answer for several seconds. "He's still pretty banged up. He was cursing and eating when I left him and Sam this morning—"

"You saw him this morning?" I asked incredulously. "So he's well enough to talk now?" I had actually believed that Jacob had been too sick to come to the phone which was why I hadn't called too many times, but to hear the reality of his wellness was beckoning toward my lucidity; I felt ashamed again that I hadn't tried harder to see Jacob. Regardless of how much he didn't want to speak with me. "Well, that's good. I was thinking I would see him now since I'm still completely in the dark about what he looks like now—"

"He asked everyone to stop you from seeing him," Embry blurted out. "He said you wouldn't care. I told him he was wrong, but he wouldn't listen—"

"He asked not to let me see him? That's why I haven't been allowed to…?" My throat closed and I stumbled back. Embry's hand shot out and struggled to hold the one remaining crutch he had with his other hand. "Why?" I practically screamed, the yells echoing in the small church on the rez. "Why didn't he want to see me?" My voice shook as a few heads turned. I glanced over at Sam and he looked ashamed as he held onto Emily. Emily started to walk over but Sam held out his hand and walked over to me slowly instead.

"Bella," he addressed me.

I looked at Embry's red face and tried to force my tears back as I turned my full attention to Sam. Embry swallowed hard before speaking to his Alpha. "I'm sorry, Sam, but she had a right to know. Jacob's getting worse and his refusal to see her is impacting all of us—"

"That's enough," Sam's voice was soft but bothered. His eyes strayed to mine. "Bella, he…he's just—"

"Bella, it's great to see you again." Emily had found her way to me anyway, my eyes falling to the dull floor and I smiled shyly. Her glow was almost a match to the warmth the werewolves emitted. But nothing like Jacob's. "Embry, I think maybe you should sit down," Emily interrupted my thoughts. "You look a little tired." Embry nodded gratefully in response to Emily's advice, picked up his other crutch, and sat over near Seth and Leah. Paul had finally wandered off from the rest of the pack and was talking to a pair of sad-looking brunettes close to the church's archway. "Sam, why don't you tell Bella what's going on?" Emily pressed.

"You know too?" I asked. "You know about Jacob not wanting to see me then?"

"Yes, Bella. I told you, there are no secrets in the pack. And its time someone told you just—"

"Em, please." The tone of Sam's voice etched itself into my head as I heard him continue. "Jacob is being stubborn. He's trying to fight…"

"Fight what?"

Sam's lips folded as he whispered, "His feelings for you."

My laughter was a hollow, but automatic response to bullshit. "Tell him good luck," I said with bitter honesty. "I've tried that and it doesn't work. Nothing worked except when I was with him."

"We don't expect it to work either, but we can't tell him any differently right now. When given the opportunity, he can be more stubborn than Paul," Sam said back.

Paul's head jerked up at the mention of his name and he looked as if he wanted to come over and defend himself, but one of the pretty girls he was talking to cooed in his ear and he seemed to have forgotten. For the moment.

"The vargulf venom seems to have helped his listening," Sam attempted to joke.

Emily's hand touched my shoulder. "Jacob's at the house. The pack will be tied up here for awhile after the wake and beach ceremony. We'll keep Charlie and Billy busy."

My mind blurred over the next hour as I watched a few people talk briefly at the pewter podium. Leah stayed quiet and withdrawn while Seth squeezed my hand a few times. It was warm and felt so innocent wrapped in mine that I felt even more anxious to see Jacob. I heard the rain hit the roof as my feet tapped the linoleum floor. My heart was racing and my strength was quickly going by way of my tears. I made a silent resolution to stop crying so much, regardless of how endearing Jacob had once found it. I gasped a little as I inhaled a familiar scent. My body turned before my ears adjusted to a few low murmers in the church. The Cullens, all seven of them, had entered the church and were walking slowly toward Sam. Sam greeted them, said a few short words to them quietly, and ushered them toward a seat in the back. Edward stared at me and Charlie looked bewildered at the sight of seeing him suddenly. I had never bothered to tell Charlie that Edward was back. I grabbed the bottom of my seat to try and anchor myself down while others in the church were looking nervously back and forth between their loved ones, the tribal elders, and the Cullens themselves.

The funeral continued on and I disappeared into the beautiful flowers that were adorned over the closed casket of Harry Clearwater and the scent that was Edward. I tried to concentrate on remembering why I had been so foolish and how I could have been so selfish. I didn't know myself at all anymore. An innocent life had been lost and now two pack members were in mourning, as was the rest of the La Push reservation, and I was conflicted with how to feel about how I was to feel about my best friend still. A friend whom hadn't even wanted to see me, and a friend who had actually told his pack that I was not allowed to see him. I shook in anger until I felt another stare from Seth, who had been watching me curiously. I smiled apologetically and he nodded, sympathizing. We were sitting at his father's funeral and I was the one falling apart. That seemed even more horrible to me. I excused myself from Seth and Leah and hurried quickly toward the bathroom, to look as though I was actually going. I gave Emily a knowing nod and Edward watched me slip out the side door, not stopping me while Alice gave a sullen shake with her head. I didn't care what she had or hadn't seen.

I was going to see for myself. I was going to see him.

The short walk to the Blacks' house was much of a daze for me. Much of my life seemed like a daze for me. Jacob Black had become necessary for me to function, for me to feel right. And I couldn't let his stubbornness tear apart what we had together. He had promised me that he would never give up. Like Edward, he had given me hope that I was a little bit more ordinary, that I was worth being fought for and loved more. Two so very different men were in love with me and I kept finding a way to mess it up. First I had Edward and then I had lost him, then Jacob had come and I welcomed him into a friendship only to pull him into a sexual relationship that we truly hadn't been ready for.

Liar. I pulled on the sleeves of my dress. Jacob and I had been ready for it. Everyone had seen it and I chose to ignore it. My anxiety burned in my throat and I prayed desperately for that bond that we had shared to still be whole enough for us to enjoy and keep us together.

I would tell Jacob I was sorry. I would tell him that I had never meant to hurt him as I did. I would say he was the most selfless and brave boy (wolf—whatever he wanted to call himself) and that I didn't deserve him. I had never deserved him. He had done me a favor by loving me and whether he ever found his imprint or not, I would be there for him. I would be his friend no matter what.

The rain stopped, but the wind had become chilled and ominous. I knocked lightly on the door, figuring that Jacob would hear it and either tell me to come in or get up to let me in. I heard neither as I stood there for a few more minutes. "Jake?" I still didn't hear anything and thunder cracked the sky open for the rains to resume their attack on the Forks, WA earth.

I pushed the door open.

My feet made little noise-in my opinion-as I walked toward Jacob's room. The house looked the same as the other times I had been there, but my heart racing made it unclear of the time it took me to finally get back to Jacob. His bedroom door wasn't closed so I could see him without him seeing me at first. He layed bandaged, bruised, and uncomfortable-looking in his bed. Jacob's chest was almost completely covered with a white bandage brace, clearly the work of a skilled doctor. I immediately held back a grateful smile for Carlisle Cullen and I felt even more pride that Billy had actually let him into the house to take care of his son. Maybe this battle was not a complete tragedy, despite poor Harry being a fallen victim of a horrible circumstance. My mouth twisted in an angry, but silent sob as I thought what would have happened to me if Jacob had been taken away like that. I would have certainly been killed if he hadn't jumped in to save me or if he had let Edward make the sacrifice. Jacob was amazing and I was a fool.

The sweat on Jacob's temple plastered his beautiful hair down to his head and parts of his face. I ached to push it back so that I could see his face in its entirety. It was still so young, but it had already seen so much. I wanted to help him. I wanted, now more than ever, to protect him for once instead of the other way around. If he kept saving me, I would run out of ways to repay him. Or maybe he would get the hint and leave me to fate's plans, letting me die at the next inopportune time that destiny saw fit.

No, I screamed internally. Jacob would never leave me.

Jacob's hands suddenly moved as he grimaced in pain, grabbing a little at his sides. He didn't cry out though. The breath he sucked in through his teeth, with his eyes half closed, almost stole my breath along with it. How could he be so amazing and be such a man at the age of sixteen? Werewolf genes or not, Jacob was special. Jacob was stunning and beautiful to the eyes, soul, and heart. There were no other words to describe it. I didn't even bother to search for any other words to detail or document every feeling that swam in my chest as I watched him. "Oh, Jake…" I took one step closer and almost knocked something off of the corner table.

His eyes flew open, revealing a cold, hard, and staring glare. "Breaking and entering is a crime," he stated. "I thought the police chief's daughter would have known that." I gave a small laugh, even though it wasn't funny. I wanted to break the tension. I wanted him to get that look out of his eyes. I wanted my Jacob back. The one I had just been staring at, with my heart breaking and my fingers longing to push his hair from his eyes or wipe the evidence of his pain and fever away from his head and body. "What are you doing here?" Jacob asked crossly, when I didn't respond to his previous comment.

His hostility hadn't changed and I became unsure. I fought to keep my emotions in my check as I uttered out loud, "To talk. I think we should talk."

Jacob's russet skin was paler and almost ashen. His eyes looked away from me, but even I could see that the gesture was unwillingly. He wanted me to be here, but he wouldn't allow himself to feel anything more for me. "Come on, Jake, you were always the level headed one. Nothing has changed between us." I added another forced chuckle. "Okay, maybe a lot has changed between us, but I know you still. I do. I know you just like you know me. Just like—"

"I don't know you, Bella. And if this is your argument for cutting out early on Harry Clearwater's funeral, you are in big trouble." His voice was calm as if he had been practicing his lines, but he still sounded unnatural. This wasn't a character he was use to playing. It wasn't like him to be like this. He wanted me. I was sure of it.

"Jake, please," I began my apology. "I am sorry that I hurt you. And—and—I came over to see you. I had to see you. I owe you so much and you've always been a great friend—"

His face turned hopeless as he continued to stare out of his window and cut me off. "What is it you have to say, Bella? Let's get this over with."

I was taken aback. "What?"

"I'd rather get all the breaking done at once, if you don't mind." Jacob's voice sounded more faraway. "I hate being laid up. Say what you need to say and then leave."

My voice struggled, but my anger made it easier to deal with Jacob's callousness. "I won't be rushed, Jacob. This is not the kind of person you are."

"I'm sitting here in front of, aren't I?" he retorted. "You see me laying here. I don't think I'm possessed. I'm very calm. You're not even in danger of me phasing. I'd say I am very much the person you think I am. What do you think?" His tone was nasty.

I was sick of his attitude suddenly. I was sick of him pretending that he was the "big, bad wolf" and I was defenseless. Maybe he was. Maybe he was a big, bad wolf now. He had said I wasn't in danger of him phasing, but his eyes had clouded to a darker shade of brown and the veins of his fingers throbbed as he flexed against the window sill. I pushed back a wave of dread before I continued. "I think that you're upset that I hurt you and now you are trying to hurt me. I think that you're upset because Edward is back and you feel threatened by the relationship that we have now."

His head shook forward. "Bravo. Very good observations, Bella. I don't think you'd have to be a professor to come to those conclusions, but that's very nice. Great detective work there, Ms. Swan. Charlie might have some competition in the future."

Now his sarcasm sounded worse. "Don't talk like this, Jacob. I know you. I know that this is not who you are. I know you're upset with me, but I'm here. Remember? I'm here"

I saw his breath fog up a part of the window. The rain slapped against the exterior of the house. "For how long, Bella? Until you can run back to him, right? Until he comes for you? Its okay, you know. I know he's close. Sam must have let his family stay on our lands. I can smell him, Bella. And I can smell your excitement for him too." My eyes widened. Jacob continued to speak, not facing me. "You think I don't know what you smell like by now, Bella? What you feel like? What you taste like? You can do better than that. You can do much better than that."

I grew bold. "Look at me. Jacob, look at me," I demanded.

"I'd rather not. Leeches and their girlfriends don't quite do it for me."

Tears fell down my cheeks. "So that's it then? I'm a vampire girl to you now? That's all I am to you? That's all you care about? Where my allegiance lies? Am I a freakin' country that has to choose one side?"

"You don't have to do anything." His unchanged facial expression made it worse for me. I shook my head once and climbed onto his bed as quickly as I could. I hit his bandaged side by accident and his face barely grimaced as I grabbed his warm hands with my cool ones. His eyes averted mine and his body started to tremble, but I knew it wasn't from an involuntary phase. I ran a hand through his hair and his head felt even hotter than his hands. His hair was like a dream that I had missed having and holding close to me when the whole world had started to fall apart. I felt sobs buried deep within us both and my breaths grew shorter as I silently begged for Jacob not to push me so far that I could never come back. I quickly looked at the corners of his mouth and imagined them curling into a smile, a smile just for me. I wished that I could see him laugh just then. I wanted to make him smile and laugh every day, every time, and every moment that I thought humanely possible.

But his eyes showed me a mere dark, and empty shadow of the Jacob I had once known. And his face mimicked something less than that. My legs were over his lap as I firmly clutched each of his fingers, yearning to kiss each one of his fingertips again. Wishing I could kiss any part of his face again right now, if he would let me.

"Tell me what I have to do," I begged, using the last bit of my strength to fight off the tears. "What can I do? I don't care that you're trying to hurt me because you are still my best friend. You are still the one bit of piece that I have in my human life—"

"I'm not hurting you. You're the one abandoning me."

"I'm here!" I shouted in protest. "I'm right here in front of you and you're just being—"

"You won't be here for long," he replied snidely. "I get you for what—a few hours today as long as your bloodsucker is preoccupied? No thanks. I can do without being 2nd best."

"You aren't 2nd best."

"Don't tell me, I'm not even on the list." His laugh was bitter. "Classy, Bella. Real classy." His words had hurt behind them, but my vision began to blur. Just as the lines in our friendship would be defined and then blurred, my vision of this other walking perfection of Jacob had suddenly become out of my reach. He was fighting me too much. He was succeeding in pushing me away. My heart emptied out in a similar fashion from when Edward had left me all those months ago. A small gasp escaped me and while I wiped at my eyes for tears that had yet to fall, I saw a tear fall down Jacob's face. I reached for it and he pulled back, taking his hands with him from out my grasp. "Don't touch me," he said. "Go home, Bella. Don't come back here."

My legs shook and I almost fell on top of him. His arms shot up and pushed me back a little slightly, as if he were a small child who didn't want to play with me anymore on the playground. "Are…are you breaking up with me?"

"Hardly." He snorted. "I'd say 'let's be friends,' but that'd be a lie."

I hardly felt my fingers twirl the few strains of my loose hair. I felt like I was drowning. Jacob could not do this. He just couldn't do this. "Are you breaking up with me?" I repeated.

"That's kind of hard to do when you never really gave me a chance." Jacob was still evading my question.

"You know…you know what I mean." He still said nothing and his eyes were red. No longer were his eyes black, but they weren't warm, kind, or even his. His eyes did not belong to him. They belonged on a monster. My knees came to my chest on his bed and my fingers felt his soft sheets as I gathered my next words. "Look…I know that you want…I'm sorry I couldn't love you the same way before, but that it's in the past. That's all in the past. You can't—"

"How did you get that scar on your arm?" Jacob asked suddenly.

My fingers draped over my scar absentmindedly before I shook my head, unwilling to comply with a response. Jacob continued when I wouldn't answer. "I never asked since that wasn't in the forefront of my mind when I was with you, but now I have to wonder. I've seen other small scars on your body, but that one stuck out. The crescent shape, the lingering coolness of it—"

"Stop. Just stop." I folded my arms trying to hide it, but I knew he could still see it. He'd rather look at a hideous scar then look into my eyes. I suddenly felt very unpretty. Like he could see all my flaws and saw it fit to call them out to my attention. I was almost ready to hate him. I was almost ready to leave. "You've left scars on me too," I said maliciously, thinking of the first time we had been together. The way he had bruised and scratched me in various places. I even thought of him marking me on my neck, in the beginning of the summer, in the middle of our passion, in this very room.

A small laugh from his throat emerged. "I never left a mark on you like that one. And I would have fixed any scar I left on you, Bella. Better than that leech ever could…but we all know how that story ends."

"How does it end then Jacob? Tell me," I demanded. "You're so smart—you saw this scar, but never said anything. I'm sure you already know what it is!" I held my arm out angrily. "You and Sam run the pack, you go to school, you take care of Billy, you've been there for me…what else do you know how to do Jacob? What else?" I screeched.

His chest puffed out and the bandages looked as if they were squeezing his sides too tightly. If we had been on better terms at this precise moment, I would have moved forward to readjusting his bandages. I would have reapplied the bandages for him and held him close to me, even if I had no idea what I was doing and even if it was just to see his upper torso completely. I wanted that more than anything now, but the nagging feeling of that something bad was going to happen pounced on me, like a predator to it's prey and hell was engulfing me as I heard my wolf speak.

"I know how to say goodbye," Jacob declared.

I almost had forgotten what I had asked of him when it hit me. My legs were numb from being folded under me for so long, but it was second compared to the dead sensation erupting from my heart. His words were more than just empty, but sounded final. "What?"

"You asked me what else I knew how to do and I said 'goodbye.' Goodbye, Bella," he repeated. "I want you to leave. I want you to go back home to Charlie. To your life. To your…go home to your leech, Bella. It's what you've always wanted. And it's what's best."

"I'm not going to listen to this—"

"You don't have a choice." His eyes were on me now and fear gripped my body. His fingers fisted his sheets and his shoulders hunched forward as if he were ready to push me off the bed with his upper body. "Leave or you're going to get hurt." Jacob blinked as his mouth pulled back suddenly into a horrible, hard line. "Now."

I crawled backwards still facing him and almost slipped off the edge of his bed. I could still see him through my tears, but now I wished that I couldn't. His stare was malicious and he looked oddly satisfied as he continued to watch me back away from him and out of his room. A loud cry fell from me before I could catch it and my back hit his kitchen wall with a hard thud. My hair felt paper thin in my hands as I tried to feel for the door and turned the handle for my escape. It wasn't soon enough.

I heard the rain slack up a little, but everything on me was drenched as I slowly walked toward an unknown destination. I heard nothing and felt less than that. The pain no longer felt new, but old and familiar, but it still wasn't comforting. Even as Edward placed his arms around me minutes after my departure from the Black's house it continued to feel unsettling. This had to be what I wanted. Jacob had said that this would be what I wanted.

It felt the complete opposite.

Sorry for all the darn cliffies, but I do hope to have this story wrapped up soon. I am not trying to prolong the ending; I've just been really busy. If you've read my previous chapters, you'll understand why.