Chapter 11: Day 8, Evening

Linka tries to explain to me what's about to happen. Something called the Trisagion. It kinda sounds like it might be similar to our vigils, or wakes. Except they're doing it in a home, whereas I've only ever been to a wake in a funeral home. This is definitely going to be interesting, seeing the differences, and possibly some similarities. She says that they pray to Jesus to take the soul of the deceased. We kinda do that too. During the wake, people come up and pray before the casket, comfort the deceased's loved ones, and pray the Rosary, except we say the Eternal Rest prayer at the end of every decade instead of the Fatima Prayer. Usually, it's just the immediate family that stays for the whole vigil. Friends and those that wish to express sympathy usually just come long enough to show their support for the family. This looks like just close friends and family have come. I remember James' wake. People were lined up out the door to come pay their respects. Some people waited in line for two hours.

I sort of feel out of place, not knowing what to do or how to react, but I'm just gonna go with the flow. Everything's gonna be in Russian anyways. It's not like anyone is going to expect me to know what to say.

Everyone is taking their place in front of the casket. They're all lighting a candle from the one that Dmitri is holding. Kinda similar I guess. We have a candle set up on each side of the casket, one of them being the deceased's Baptismal candle, if possible. Some of the vigils I've been to have been candle light vigils. The mourners kneel before the casket while the priest leads them in prayer.

Linka and I get in line, making our way towards Dmitri. I really hope he doesn't make a scene. This is not the time or the place, but God help me, if he does something to upset Linka, I will cause a scene that they'll be talking about for years!

Linka's holding my hand pretty tightly…okay, REALLY tightly. I know she's just as concerned as I am, if not more, about what Dmitri will do. It doesn't hurt. I'm more worried about her hand. Her muscles ought to be pretty sore from the continuous tight grip. I rub my thumb over her hand. She loosens her grip slightly, as I was hoping that she would, so that I can lace our fingers together. This has always seemed like a more…intimate way of holding hands…a more then friends sort of way. I hope this is ok…if it weren't I'm sure Linka would let me know.

Surprisingly, Dmitri is civil. He thanks us…how 'bout that! I understood something! One of the few Russian words that I know is "thank you." He could have at least looked at us when he said it though. He's probably too ashamed from his earlier behavior. Good. He should be. I can tell that his lack of eye contact is bothering Linka. I get the impression that she's always been close to her uncle and cousin. Judging by how excited she was to go visit them. And when her dad died, her uncle probably became like a surrogate father. I hate it for her that there is a distance between them. He probably needs her to help him through this just as much as she needs him. Why can't he see that?

I'm keeping a close eye on her, partly so I know what to do, but mostly to make sure she's okay. She catches me watching her as we take our places and gives me a small smile. She's okay…for now.

The priest takes his place next to the casket. He's performing some sort of ritual with incense, waving it over the body and the casket. We do this too, but not at the funeral home…we do this during the service at the church…before leaving for the cemetery. He's also saying stuff, in Russian of course, so I have no idea what's being said.

Everyone has their heads bowed, so I do as well. Now they are joining the priest. I add my own silent prayers, I'm assuming that if it's similar to the Catholic services that I'm used to, now would be a good time to silently recite the Eternal Prayer, so I do.

"Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord; and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen."

I feel a little guilty for not really meaning what I say. I'm still so angry with Boris, it's very hard for me not to say "May he rot in hell for what he did to Linka."

I glance out of the corner of my eye to check on her and I just missed catching her gaze as she was looking over at me. Looks like we're both checking on each other. I wonder how she's really feeling. If she's handling this as well as she thought she could. The lack of blood flow to my fingers tells me that she's not. If she were okay, she wouldn't have a death grip on my hand. If she's scared I'll let go, she doesn't have to worry. I'll hold her hand from now until the time we leave if that's what she wants…what she needs.

It appears as though the ceremony is coming to a close. Something is seriously buggin' Linka. Is it something that the priest is saying? Or is it something that she's thinking? Now her grip is starting to get uncomfortable…nothing unbearable…I guess I should be a little thankful that she's not up to 100 percent health. Just imagine if she had all her strength! My bones would be crushed to dust!

The service has concluded and Linka is looking very pale. I give her a thorough once over and I don't like what I see. Between the long flight over here, the stress brought on by her uncle and having to be strong in front of all the other mourners, she has to be physically and emotionally spent. I know I am and I'm not the one going through withdrawal. I'm also hungry. She has to be too, although I'm sure her stomach is in knots and she doesn't feel like eating.

I lead her to the kitchen and begin rummaging around for stuff to make bread and jelly. I'm sure she's getting sick of this particular food…but it's simple, easy on the stomach, and something that I can make. Julia Child would be so proud!

I give her the snack and she thanks me. I move to stand behind her as she eats it, rubbing her shoulders and lower neck, trying to ease the tension. God forbid Dmitri should walk in and see this. He'd jump to conclusions again. But to hell with him! She needs this…plus it gives me a chance to stretch out my hand which has just spent the last hour in her vice-like grip!

"Is she all right?" I look up to see one of the mourners who has come to help clean up. I briefly stopped my ministrations, but this lady seemed harmless enough; she wasn't judging, she seemed genuinely concerned. Before I have a chance to answer though, Linka speaks up, rather coldly I might add, and snaps,

"I am fine."

The look on this woman's face is NOT GOOD. Obviously, Linka has offended her. I wanna say something…explain to the woman that Linka is not herself, that she's not feeling well, but I don't get a chance. This woman is REAMING Linka. And I have no idea what she's saying because she's stopped being polite by speaking English, and now she's just spewing a string of Russian…angry Russian. Although for some reason, all Russian manages to sound mean! I didn't think it was possible, but Linka is getting even more pale than she was before.

"Uh, excuse me…sorry. Uh…if you'd just…can I…Ma'am? Please…stop. Linka's not…well, you see…she's not herself right now…this is a very difficult time for her…she didn't mean to…"

Linka's just sitting there eating her bread like an obedient child who knows she can't leave the table until her meal is done. Once she finishes, however, she stands up and heads for the door, the woman still ripping her a new one and ignoring me. Linka is unable to walk a straight line. I need to get to her. As she makes her way to the hallway, she's met by her priest in the doorway. He's speaking softly to her…I can only assume that he's asking how she is, trying to console her, offering to help her. The woman is still going off behind Linka, and now she's getting it from all over. A crowd has started to gather, hearing the commotion from the loud neighbor.

I see Linka reaching out for the door frame, looking for something to steady herself, her head lulling back and forth. I need to get to her, but all these people…it's a small space and many of them are older. I don't want to hurt anyone so I try to make my way through the crowd.

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, JUST SHUT UP!" she yells.

Her grandmother is now making her way towards the front of the crowd. By now, I'm using more force to get to her, not bothering to excuse myself or apologize when I jostle someone. Linka is holding her head, looking around…for me?

NO!

I get to her just as her knees buckle and she beings to crumple to the ground. I'm able to catch her just in time.

"LINKA? BABY?"

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 11 of LouiseX's Codependence.