*Disclaimer: I actually finished this awhile ago, but I lost the chapters on my attaché. Well, I found it.

I wanted to finish uploading the story anyway, mostly because it's my first fan-fic and it needed to be finished. Review if you like & thanks to those who have kept reading!

Chapter XXXVI Title: 'Pain,' by Three Days Grace

Beautiful whole notes interrupted by my echo-less crying flooded Edward's grand piano playing. He looked at me, heartbroken that he couldn't stop my crying but secretly relieved (I was sure) that he wasn't the cause of it. My sobs made his composing seem more wonderful for my ears, but I found it harder to concentrate as the time flew by on our one rainless afternoon together. It hadn't stopped raining since Harry Clearwater's funeral. It hadn't stopped raining since I left Jacob's room. It hadn't stopped hurting since I lost the one thing it hurt to lose since Edward. It felt worse since this was all on me.

Edward's fingers slowed down on his playing of my lullaby. He looked as though he wanted to comfort me. I shook my head against the wall, but refused to look at him. I didn't deserve to be gazed upon by him. He was too breathtaking. He was too gorgeous. And he was simply being himself. The way his fingers swept the keys, the way his honey brown eyes carefully picked over my flaws, but then disregarded them just as quickly. He made things seem so easy. Everything was so easy for him. It was just like him.

Just like Jacob.

My tears flowed more harshly. I began rocking myself and Edward's eyes widened even larger. "Please make it stop." I whispered to myself. "Just make this pain stop." The salt from my tears flooded my mouth, but I had grown so accustomed to them that I could no longer taste them. My tongue registered nothing. My heartbeat could not be heard by my ears. I literally felt dead. The vacant shell of my body when Edward left me those months ago felt all too familiar as I continued to keep my knees pressed in my chest on the other far side of the piano. The support of the wall was no longer enough. I felt myself (and gravity) start to pull me down to the Cullen's beautiful hardwood floors just as I heard the piano keys stop singing and Edwards hands were around me once more. I closed my eyes still not wanting to see him. Still not wanting to believe how my one dream and one nightmare could be occurring at the same time.

Edward was back, but losing Jacob has been like losing my guiding light. I felt lost.

The realization that Jacob could possibly mean just as much as Edward had hit me the moment Jacob had forced me out of his room. I stared into darkness as I squeezed my eye lids shut. My sun was gone. My life was void of all light and life.

"Bella, look at me honey." Edward's voice sounded hurt. He sounded in pain. And immortal was holding me. The love of my life was holding me and he was hurt from what a human girl was doing to him. How tragic. "Bella, please. Would you like for me to stop playing? Can I feed you?"

My hands shot out into the darkness and grabbed a hold of his shirt. My already numb fingers felt as if I was grabbing cold air and clinging to it. Nothing was there, but something had to be holding me. How else could I explain not being on the floor?

"No, Edward. I am fine."

I heard him hiss a little in argument, but he said nothing more. Memories of Edward flicked through my mind and I gasped a little when even my recollections of him were perfect images. I imagined Edward in our meadow, where Jacob had saved my life. I envisioned Edward in my room watching me sleep, where Jacob had spent many nights under my window trying to get me to talk to him after a fight. I could even see Edward driving me in my Chevy, where Jacob and I had recently been together. It felt so long ago that I had both of these men in my life and now I was clutching onto one while the other was ruined. I was indeed the monster. Not Edward and certainly not Jacob. They both had feared that because of what they were, they thought they were the mistakes that the universe had allowed, but I was the unholy creation that did not deserve either of them. Nothing I did was good enough for them. Nothing I could do would ever deserve enough of their love.

"Help me, Bella. What do I have to do? What can I do to help?" Edward's voice sounded distant, but I knew that he was still there. I knew he didn't move. Probably one of the worse things about dating an immortal was that they had a whole lot of patience. Time stood still for them. Patience was as good a skill as any to learn.

My fingers trailed up Edward's hard skin and stopped just below his cheek. He was cold. He would always be cold. There was no fire except the heat that was from my own body and I was feeling that slowly slip away as I spent more and more time away from Jacob. My hand shook as I started to reclaim my senses when I felt Edward's stony body press against me in an upright position. He had pulled me closer to him and had begun inhaling small numerous breaths of my hair. My fingers wrapped around his scalp as I felt his lips form into a small circle on my neck. His lips were cooling and I could barely feel them. The Cullen mansion was cold, though it let in a lot of light. There was still an emptiness that was there. Nothing was making sense for me as Edward's lips continued to travel my neck and made their way to my slightly agape mouth.

His tongue was passive. It did not command respect or fear, but it begged for me to take control of it. It was asking me to be by its side and give it utter devotion. It was a love that felt so unequal that I almost shuddered openly against Edward's body in protest, but my mind disappeared into the numbness that he was offering me so valiantly. My tongue scrapped a little against Edward's sharp fangs and I felt myself grow hungry for more. I couldn't feel Edward as much as I had felt Jacob. Jacob's warmth and blood was like an underground volcanic eruption. Nothing I did could ever keep up with him. Everything I had done with Jacob had to be all or nothing because Jacob would accept no in-between. My pulse raced as my eyes saw his ecstatic expression, his reverent, but warm brown eyes, and solid naked chest crash into mine over and over again. I breathed a sigh of relief into my imaginary Jacob and felt the world resume as it had been all those months the two of us were together.

When the two of us still loved each other.

I felt myself deepening the kiss as I struggled to hold onto Jacob. Sweat began to show itself on my bra and my arousal was more evident each passing second that I spent with his hands on me. I had to keep going. I had to keep feeling him. I felt a little pull from the back of my neck when my hairs stood up, but I pushed myself forward. My hands frantically grabbed whatever surface they could to keep Jacob's tongue in my mouth. It slacked a little and I poked at it, urging it to fight me. I wanted it to own me. It needed to define who I was. Tears welled up in my still closed eyes as Jacob's warm hands slowly dropped. "No! Don't leave!" Jacob shook his head as I still kissed him. He was fighting his urge to be with me. He was fighting the urge to take me as truly his.

He was giving up. My best friend was giving up on me. He was breaking his promise to always be there for me. He couldn't do that. He wasn't supposed to leave. We were bounded together. We had an unbreakable bond. My fingers clutched his silky black hair and I increased my hold once my fingers felt its smooth texture in my fists. Jacob wasn't going anywhere. Jacob was going to stay here and love me.

I tried to speak against his slowing dissipating form when I felt myself being shaken a little bit. The force opened my eyes partly, against my wishes, and Jacob disappeared completely. My lips shook with nothing to keep them together except my will and I quickly began to draw my knees to my chest again when Edward's sad face looked into me. I shrank back from his eyes and he held onto my wrists.

"My love?" Edward whimpered. "What's wrong? Please tell me what's wrong?" He was begging? Why was he begging? "Should I not have kissed you? I am sorry."

My eyes flew open. My fingers touched Edward's pained face and I again felt as though Jacob was so very long ago and the top half of my body caved in. "Edward, it's me. This is my fault."

Edward shook his head. "No. No Bella, it's mine. I should not have left. I never should have left. Then you never would have wanted to be with that werewolf—"

"He's not just a werewolf!" I felt protective of Jacob suddenly. I had never been able to protect him from the very few things that could hurt him, but I felt committed to defending him now. "Don't say that about him. He's more. He's done more. He saved my life."

Edward's eyes softened as he gently traced a finger along my jawline. "And he saved mine. I understand your need to protect your friend, but he is a werewolf. He is dangerous and the way he broke your heart and forced you out of his room when you were coming over to see him—"

"Stop. Don't say that." My fingers closed into tiny fists and the air I drew in was heavy and dense in my chest. "He's not dangerous and he's not just a friend. I love him, Edward."

Edward's mouth twitched, but he pulled it back into a dangerous smile. At least that was what it looked like from what I could see of it, through tears. "That's what I love about you, Bella. Your capacity to love everything and anything. I understand that you have feelings for Jacob and I am completely willing to accept that as your friend and as your first, he has control of certain emotions in you for now, but I do believe that 'love' is a bit strong of a word—"

"No, Edward." I looked at him and I suddenly felt my tears stop. My anger at his almost indifference to my feelings for his adversary had been slowly eating at me since his return, but I no longer felt the need to keep it contained any longer. Edward was going to listen. He was going to know that I was in love with Jacob. "I love Jacob, Edward. I do."

"And you love me?"

I swallowed. "Yes."

His breath graced my skin and made me calmer. "Yes." Edward repeated and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead with mine.

(JPOV)

I heard my father's chair in the living room and could almost see it slip past the kitchen to the porch. My eyes looked to the floor in shame as I remembered the recent tone I had just used against Billy. The trees whistled for my attention as I turned slightly and watched Seth and Embry along the forest edge, beckoning for me to join them. My nose turned upwards and I snorted harshly. Billy turned his head toward the window and his eyes met mine, with a look of sorrow and ache that I had seen many times this week.

"When will you be seeing Bella?" Billy had asked earlier that morning.

"I won't be," I had snapped back.

Billy looked taken aback. "She is your imprint. It's not healthy for you—"

"I know what she is. I haven't forgotten and no one will let me. I can go without seeing my friend for one day and not die. And who cares? She has her leech back. She doesn't need me anymore to fill her days & nights."

"Son, you don't understand—"

"I understand fine. You thought that I wouldn't understand about this tribe protector bullshit, but I did and I did what I had to do. Like I'm doing now. The elders thought that I might not be able to handle the news that I was the rightful Alpha to the pack and not Sam, but I handled that fine too. I don't want to be Alpha anyway—too much responsibility." I sucked in a breath before my next statement, which I knew would hurt me more than it would hurt Billy. "And Sam thought that I would treat Bella as a conquest and as a result push her away and break the bond that bonded us together in the first place, but it turns out all she needed was to keep loving her leech. I didn't have do shit. I pushed her back and she ran to him. She's doing fine."

Billy swallowed before his hand had crept across the table. I saw him flinch when he felt the heat of my skin, but he pushed through the reaction. "Charlie said that Bella's been look a little withdrawn lately. She's says she's been by herself a lot in her room or she drives off in the Chevy and no one can find her. He says a few people have seen her take the old road to the Cullen's place a few times this past week."

I forced out a shrug. "Does he know that the Cullens are back yet?"

Billy shook his head.

"So tell him and he'll stop worrying. He thinks she spends her time alone in that empty house. Tell him she's locking lips with a century old vampire. That's much better than laying underneath a werewolf all damn day." I cringed at the casual reference to myself and I hated that I had used Bella and mine's love-making as something less than what it was.

And if Billy noticed, he never gave any indication that he had heard my crude joke about his best friend's daughter. "She's supposed to be in your life. That's all that it means."

"Tell her that."

"I'm telling you."

My jaw cracked as I moved my teeth against one another. I was close to phasing and I didn't want to be pushed any further just in case I would have to clean up after myself later. I was already being resented by the pack. I didn't need my father adding salt to the wound. "And I'm done talking about this," I replied.

I got up to move and Billy's hands gripped my wrist. My skin tingled and I felt the familiar burn ease its way back into my blood. It wouldn't be long. My father had about 5 seconds before I would explode under his very hand. "Listen Jacob, I'm not usually very firm with you, but you will talk to Bella. You will get her back in your life—"

"Get off of me," I growled. "Stop telling me what to do—"

"You will speak to Bella," he insisted, tightening his grip.

I shut my eyes. Not long, not long. Let go of my arm. Once again, I said through clenched teeth, "It's her choice."

"It's your lack of action that has made her make that choice. She had no say in it at all, did she?!" His voice broke my barrier and I snarled horribly. His fingers loosened and I grabbed my arm back. My feet skidded backwards as my back claws suddenly scratched the tiles in the floor. My clothing became bits of fabric on the floor. Billy, our true chief of the tribe, the warrior, son of Ephraim, my father, wheelchair bound, sick and all in one swift move opened the back door and pushed his right wheel toward my growing snout and black eyes. I barked at him as he stared up at me from the doorway with nothing left in his eyes but pity. "I'm sorry son."

He could have been sorry for anything he had done to me and I still would have been mad. I was sick of being sorry. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and for what I had lost. I was sick of the people around me being sorry for things that they had no control over.

In my anger at myself, I snapped at Billy again and this time he wasn't prepared. He rolled back too quickly; his chair hit the counter and his body half flew out, but his arms clung to one of the wheels. I felt my tail slide between my back legs in guilt and I shook with such fury that I didn't trust myself to phase back in time to help him.

The recollection of what had happened minutes ago slowly faded as my eyes lingered on the face of my father's a little longer than needed. Billy refused to look away as he continued to gaze at me with tired eyes, searching in my face for what had made me snap at him in my wolf form as I had. I felt mocked as I felt Seth and Embry's eyes on me.

What are you going to do? Seth whimpered at me. His sandy brown ears were almost taped down to his head, but he could have been growling at me for the anger that I showed to him.

What's it to you?! I snapped. What do you know about imprinting?! What do you know about anything? Your sister has only ever had it hard up for Sam and he's with Emily now—

Not fair! Don't talk about Leah like that! Seth's paws parted in the dirt, but his head and ears still hung low and submissive. He didn't want to fight. He wasn't looking for a fight.

But he was going to get one.

Back off, you fuckin' brat! My voice echoed in my head and I felt the hurt emit off of the poor little wolf. He shook a little but I knew it wasn't out of terror. He wanted to show me that he meant no harm. He was only showing concern. I took a step forward and growled at his still shaking frame when Embry's spotted gray fur blocked off my view.

Relax, Jacob. Don't hurt the kid. His eyes pleaded with me and I turned on him too.

Bullshit! I've seen the thoughts you've had Bella so don't pretend that you haven't—

I would never do that! Embry cried. No one in this pack would. She's your imprint and—

I let loose a roar and eight paws leapt back in preparation for my turn of attack. Stop calling her that! It means nothing to her so why should it mean anything to me?

You can't change what she means to you. Embry thought softly. Maybe she won't be anything more than a friend, but you have to tell her. You've seen her—we've all seen her. She's upset.

My back turned away from them. She has her leech, I repeated. She doesn't need a friend like me. I'm not good enough to be her friend anymore.

Bro, you—Embry's voice was cut off as we all inhaled a horrible, sick, and dying smell in the air. There was a leech close to the border of our land and it was moving with great speed. The three of us looked at each other and took off toward the border. We were the only ones as wolves for the moment, but I knew if it became a dangerous threat that the others would phase on the spot. But I had this. I was Beta. And Sam was preparing for his wedding. I would bring this leech's head as a wedding present.

My reddish brown body took the lead and I increased the gap between my two pack mates as I let my anger fuel the motion of my paws, hitting the ground repeatedly in a fluid motion. My eyes narrowed as I tried to catch sight of the creature before I would kill it. I wouldn't need to look into its eyes. I would just need to see that it was pale and that it was inhuman. I would imagine that it was the only thing standing in between Bella and I, which it was, and my teeth would tear into its undead body and shred it. The ashes of its burnt remains would float into my nostrils and into the trees with a great scent, stabbing me with hurt, reminding me of when I had last buried my face into Bella's hair. The burning of that undead thing would be like hell, the hell that I was in without my Bella.

My loins ached and my speed increased. She wasn't mine. She wasn't mine no matter what imprinting said. This was going to be the first failed imprint in our tribe. Imprinting was wrong. My tongue fell out of my mouth as I imagined the wind was her body that shook in pleasure and in awe under the control I had over her. She had been everything and now she was being held by this object that I would soon destroy. Time could not catch me enough as my short daydream almost made me crash into a tree. The bark splintered by my passing force and I pushed into my shoulders harder.

I heard retreating steps. Too late now, bloodsucker. I will go off my land to hunt you down. I thought cruelly.

Jacob—you can't! What would Sam say? We're not allowed to defend off of our land now that the Cullens are back—

I cut Embry's whine off. They stole from me! I threw my weight forward and bounced off of a rock. My best friend abandoned me because of THEM! Because of HIM!

"I didn't make her leave you, Jacob. You asked her to leave and she did." A calm voice interrupted my irrational one and my head shook, disbelieving my eyes. My teeth bore again at Edward Cullen. He looked amused. "Jacob, I apologize for my toe dancing on the treaty line, but I was unsure how else to get to you. I couldn't very well use the phone."

"Sam honors the treaty's boundary rules" I stated as I phased back to human and stepped over the imaginary line, intending to rip the Cullen leech to shreds. I hadn't been swayed from my previous decision to take down the vampire. "I do not."

Edward's eyes regarded my harsh ones and his hand gently touched his chin. "I am here for Bella and Bella only. I've come to ask something of you."

I was unmoved. "I don't take orders for leeches."

His chuckle made me tremble. He cut it short. "I do remember that the last time I made a request of you, and I did receive an eyeful. That was not the most pleasant night I have ever spent watching her, but I was glad that you did keep her company. She was rather…lonely. And it was not a satisfaction that I could provide her with."

My jaw set in a hard line and I felt my teeth grind together. "I don't provide babysitting services for a nominal fee either."

Edward looked at me. "No, your broken heart was not an insignificant loss. That is why I am here, for Bella," he repeated.

"I know she's fine," I snapped at him. "So if there's nothing else—"

"She loves you. She needs you in her life and if it would make her happy, I will tolerate you—"

My head snapped back and I phased immediately. My paws went up as instinct and his teeth showed themselves, glittering in the disappearing whites in my eyes. Now my black colored stare tore into his body and my teeth ached to feel the flesh tear beneath me. My ears caught the noises of the approaching Seth and Embry, but I barked a silent order toward them to keep them back. Leave. This leech is mine.

But it's Edward! Seth cried. And you're not on our land—

Beat it, Seth! You too Embry! My eyes continued to stare at Edward as he crouched low, half under me. I wasn't holding him with my paws, but I could very easily still attack and kill him.

Don't, Jacob. Bella will never forgive you—

You think I care? You think I care what she wants? Even as I said it, my sides shook. I had just lied. My heart opened and the air that I had been breathing was blocked off now from my lungs. I took a step back, allowing Edward to cock his head toward me in concern. You're concerned for my life? I laughed bitterly. Leeches only care about who to eat next.

"That's not true. I care very deeply for Bella. I have been where you are and I watched her with another—"

You have no idea what it's like for me! 'Watched her with another,' he says, I mocked. It's your own fault. It's always been your fault. I was there for her. I fell in love with her. I—I cut my thoughts off and shook my head again. The upper half of my body was still layered down with the lie I had told about not caring for Bella. I felt the ache lessen slightly, but I still struggled to keep my back somewhat straight. Embry and Seth looked at one another quickly and began to collectively think of what was going on with me. I barked at them. Stop thinking! He can read your minds! He can read our minds—

Seth yelped as his thoughts continued. Embry snapped at Seth, but it was too late. Seth's unbalanced stance made him quiver as he started to replay the memories of Bella and me; when I had seen her on the beach that first day months after Edward left, when I had grabbed her hand the first time at my house. Seth remembered, through me, the way Bella and I had studied homework together on her bed. The night we had almost kissed for the first time at the carnival. I saw my face when I had promised her the one thing that had been worth my life to promise her: "I know what he did to you. And you need to know that I would never ever do that. I will never hurt you. I promise." All other promises I had made seemed unreal in comparison.

My eyes squeezed shut as the pain from my hurt resumed and my legs shook, no longer able to support my weight. I had been so wrapped up in the calmness and serenity that my moments with Bella had brought me that I felt myself changing back to human. I buried my clenched fists into the earth as Seth's memories showed Bella and I in the dead meadow where I had saved her from Laurent. When Bella and my eyes met and she had reached out to touch me. I had been so afraid that I would do to her what Sam did to Emily that I had forgotten how beautiful she looked. I had forgotten how loving and warm she was, even with me as hot tempered werewolf.

I had almost forgotten how I felt the exact moment that I had imprinted on her. She was my world and I let her go. I pushed her out and now my body was breaking. Sobs punished my now human body and my anger could no longer be channeled. It was just as lost as I was with my imprint. I had been fighting the urge and it had made me bitter and hateful toward everything and everyone. I felt my tears hit the dirt and I heard Seth give out a low whine. I knew he was apologizing, but it was too late. And I couldn't do anything to take it back.

Edward's velvet voice was regretful. "Imprint?"

I gave a low, shuddering howl in answer.

** A/N: Story is almost finished. Remaining chapters will be uploaded by my birthday. It's a present to myself! :-)