Chapter 12: Day 8, Late Evening

I cradle her in my arms as I kneel down and gently lay her down, supporting her head in my lap as I sit on the floor, brushing her hair out of her face, and stroking her cheek. I take her chin in my hand and gently shake her head back and forth. Instead of backing away, everyone has crowded closer.

"Give her some space!" I instruct. "She needs air!"

"It is the drugs!" Dmitri says. "She has brought them here with her and taken too many! The guilt she feels over not saving Boris is too much! She dies as he did!"

THAT SON OF A….I lay Linka down and jump up to confront Dmitri. Those that didn't know about Linka's "situation" before certainly do now! The ones that speak English anyway…and the ones that don't are undoubtedly getting everything explained to them right now.

I'm not gonna punch him, but I use my forearm to push him against the wall, holding him there.

"SHE'S NOT ON DRUGS! SHE DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING! I'VE BEEN WITH HER THE WHOLE TIME!"

"LIAR! LOOK AT HER! You were with her the whole time you say? So what? It only means you gave them to her! How does she repay you for the drugs that you provide?" He sneers.

I can't believe what he's implying! Now I'm actually grateful that Linka has passed out and didn't hear this. She would be mortified. Me, on the other hand…I'm just plain pissed off, and Dmitri will be reunited with his beloved son sooner than he thinks! I pull my arm back to punch him, but someone beats me to the punch…or should I say "slap."

Linka's grandmother has cracked her son across the face.

"DMITRI!" Grandma yells, as she places her hand on my arm and gets me to release Dmitri. I immediately go back to holding Linka as her grandma continues, "I will not have you speak about my granddaughter in that way! You are spreading lies! What would your brother think if he knew how you were treating his daughter? Your own flesh and blood?"

"She is dead to me…as dead as Boris."

"You do not mean that. Out. All of you. Thank you for coming. We will see you tomorrow." And then she continues on in Russian, repeating what she just said, I guess, because the crowd starts to leave.

Once we have space, I scoop Linka up into my arms and carry her down the hallway. I push the door open, then kick it closed behind me, and lay her down on the bed, picking up a pillow and fanning her with it.

When that doesn't appear to be working, I kneel down next to her and take her hand in mine.

"Linka, wake up Baby," I say as I stroke her cheek. I kiss her forehead, then her temple, back over her eyes, and gently on her lips. "Come on Babe," I whisper against them. "Open those beautiful eyes for me."

There's a knock on her door. I reluctantly get up and leave her side, keeping a watchful eye on her for any sign of her regaining consciousness. I open the door, just a crack, intent on keeping everyone out. I see her Grandmother standing there.

"Is she ok? Should I call a doctor?"

"No. She wouldn't want that. She's been refusing medical help."

"What? Why? She should not be going through this alone," her Grandma says.

"She's not," I say, perhaps a little harsher than I should. This is not her grandmother's fault. We should have never come here in the first place.

"Nyet, of course she is not. What I mean is, without a doctor."

"Yeah, well…Linka's a little stubborn and thinks she knows it all and can handle anything herself."

"Da, I know. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Umm, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I think it's best if you didn't."

At her shocked expression, I explain further.

"Ya see, I don't think she's comfortable around you. She's afraid of what you think of her."

"What? That is crazy! I love her. I do not think badly of her."

"I know that…but Dmitri's words…they're really getting to her…and now all her friends and family know…I didn't want her to come here. I knew it was too soon. But she wanted to be here…I don't think she realized how hard it would be to face everyone…especially you. She doesn't want to disappoint you."

"She could never."

"I know. And deep down, she knows it too. But for now, all she wants is to be alone. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this. It's all she does on Hope Island too. It took me a few days to get her to let me help. It's been just the two of us for the last few days and she's gotten used to that. She's not ashamed around me…not anymore anyways."

"Why is that?" she asks with a curious, playful tone.

"Umm, I have a history in dealing with this sort of thing."

Grandma gets a weird look on her face and I realize what she's thinking.

"Oh no! Not me. I've never…it was my cousin. He had a drug problem…and he died because of it. So I know the pain she's feeling, and I've had to deal with watching someone I love going through withdrawal before…so I kinda know what to expect and what can be done to help."

"Someone you love?"

Uh-oh…busted. Should I even bother trying to cover?

"Uh, yeah…my cousin."

"And Linka? What are your reasons for helping her? Are you that great of a friend?"

"I hope so. I'd like to think that I'd be a great friend to any of my friends that are going through this." I have this sudden urge to tell her everything. How I really feel…maybe it'll get back to Linka. That way, she'd know without me telling her, and if she likes what she hears, she'll come to me…and if she doesn't, she'll do nothing and I'll know where I stand. "But I admit…I'm doing more for Linka than I probably would anyone else. She's…special to me."

"She mentions you often in letters and in phone conversations."

"She does?"

"Da. So you must be special to her too."

God, I hope so!

"But she is a quiet, private girl and does not tell her grandmuska the details of her love life."

Love life?

"So, is there anything I should know?" She asks.

"I don't know…maybe you can tell me!" I say, hoping that Grandma can enlighten me. Give me a hint. Give me some hope.

"You are her boyfriend, da?"

"Uh…no!" I stammer. "Um, unless she's said something to you otherwise…we've never…I mean…we're not…I care about her…very much…but I didn't think she…"

"Linka does not show her feelings as freely as most…but she cares. She does not reveal what is in her heart…but you are definitely there…I just do not know how deeply. But now I see that you do not know either."

"I'll take any little bit I can get," I admit.

"Be patient with her. In time, she will let you know."

"That's not why I'm here…just so you know. I don't have any ulterior motives. I just want her to be okay."

"I know. I can see that. And I trust you. So if you think that it is best that I keep my distance for now, I will. You have been doing a good job of taking care of her so far. You should be the one that continues to be there for her…but if there is anything you need, anything I can do to help…please let me know."

"I will. And thank you for trusting me with your granddaughter. I want you to know that I'd do anything for her…I'd trade places with her in a second if I could."

"I know."

"Can you do me one favor?"

"Of course."

"I don't wanna leave her…incase she wakes up…I don't want her to wake up alone…can you bring me a glass of water for her? And in the Geo Cruiser, there is a first aid kit…can you bring that to me?"

"Da, it will at least make me feel useful."

She leaves and returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water, one for me and one for Linka, and a plate of food for me, along with the first aid kit that I requested.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome. Thank you Wheeler, for taking such good care of my granddaughter."

"It's my pleasure."

Her grandmother smiles at me before leaving.

I'm starving, but don't wanna eat yet…I think I'll wake Linka up so she can explain to me what it is!

I open the first aid kit and find what I'm looking for…smelling salts. I sit on the bed next to her, placing my arm behind her neck to cradle her as I wave the smelling salts under her nose. She jerks back, gets a foul look on her face, and says something I've never heard before.

"Ahueyet!"

Whatever it is, she seems angry. In a few more seconds, her eyes open slowly.

"Wha-? Where…?"

"Sssh, just relax and breathe," I say as I toss the smelling salts to the side and brush my hand down her cheek.

"Wheeler?" She whispers. "What happened?"

"You fainted Babe."

"That woman…the priest…everything was crushing me. I could not breathe. I could not find you."

"I was there. I was trying to get to you, but the crowd…I got to you just before you passed out. I caught you though."

"Of course you did."

"Here," I say as I hold the glass of water her grandmother brought her up to her lips.

"Spasiba."

"You're welcome…speaking of Russian phrases, what did you say when you woke up?"

She thinks for a moment, and then remembers.

"Nothing."

"Come on…tell me!"

"Nyet, it is bad!"

"I like bad," I whisper as I lean my head against hers.

"I know you do…you are bad at video games, sports, paying attention…"

"Hey!" I protest as I poke my fingers into her side, causing her to squeal and laugh.

Once she stops laughing, she takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Da, just got dizzy. It is passing."

"Sorry."

I should have known better. I was putting my own need to flirt and have an excuse to touch her ahead of her well being. She's in no condition for silly games and over exerting herself.

"For making me laugh? Da, how dare you!" She says sarcastically.

"You know what I mean."

"And I told you…STOP. APOLOGIZING!"

"I know, I know. I can't help it. It's habit."

She smiles, pauses, and then says,

"I smell…Pelmeni!"

"Yeah, is that what that is? Your Gram brought it for me to eat…I was waiting for you to wake up though."

"Oh nyet, I could not possibly eat that."

"No, I was waiting for you to tell me what it is! It didn't feel right asking her!"

"I told you, it is Pelmeni."

"Yeah, okay…but what is it?" I ask.

"Try it," she urges.

"Not until I know what's in it!"

"My grandmother is not going to serve you anything that is not edible! And besides, you have never been picky about what you eat before!"

"Sure I have! I always know WHAT I'm eating! It kinda looks like ravioli…minus the sauce."

"I guess it sort of is. It is a traditional Russian dish usually made with minced meat filling, wrapped in thin dough, made out of flour and eggs, sometimes with milk or water added. For the filling, Grandmuska usually mixes together pork, lamb, and beef. Various spices, such as pepper, onions, and garlic are mixed into the filling."

"It smells good."

"And it tastes good! I wish I had the stomach for it…but I do not think I can handle it now."

"Do you want a bite? Just eat half of one? You know…to prove to me that it is actually safe!" I tease.

"Fork it over, as you would say!"

I cut one of the stuffed dumplings in half…it doesn't look that bad, stab it with the fork, and move it towards her mouth for her to take a bite. She doesn't notice when a drop of the broth falls onto her chin. I set the fork down and look for a napkin…it seems Grandma forgot about that, so I just take my thumb and wipe it off. She looks up at me and blushes before wiping at her chin.

"Don't worry, I got it all."

"Sorry," she says shyly.

"Don't be…I was the one that dripped on you!"

After a few moments of awkward silence, I ask her,

"Are you feeling any better?"

"I am exhausted."

"I should let you rest," I say.

"Nyet, I am fine. You do not need to leave."

"But you just said…"

"That does not mean I was trying to send you away," she says as she looks up at me from where I'm still cradling her.

"Okay then…I'll stay."

"Unless you are tired and want to go…"

"Nope…I don't wanna go anywhere," I can honestly say that. There's no other place in this world where I rather would be.

"Good, I am comfortable…as long as you are? I am not too heavy am I?"

"No way! Haven't you seen these pythons I call arms?" I joke as I flex.

"I may have noticed once or twice," she says as she snuggles into my arms.

From where I'm sitting behind her, she can't see me as I smile sadly and think, don't tease me like that Linka…don't make me believe that you notice me.

We stay like that for a while as I eat the Pelmeni with one hand, while continuing to cradle her in my other arm. She asks me about what I thought of the vigil. I told her how in some ways, it is similar to how we'd do a wake, and I pointed out the differences. She explained to me what was going on and the words that were being said. Once again, it was the same general idea of what I'm used to seeing.

"What are you?" She asks.

"Huh? I'm a guy, a Planeteer, an American, a red head…"

"Nyet, I mean…I was thinking earlier…I do not know what religion you are. We have never really discussed it. We have never had a reason too. You do not need to answer if you do not want to, if it is too personal."

"No, I don't mind. You're right, it's never come up before now. And it's not personal at all. Not to me anyways. I'm not a religious person. I've got my beliefs and that's all I need. I don't need someone telling me what to do, or how to do it, so I don't really practice anything anymore, but I was raised a Catholic. I used to go to church every Sunday when I was younger. Then when I got older, my dad stopped going…too hung over from being out Saturday night. My mom kept going and would take me with her, but once I got older, I'd sleep in late and she'd get tired of having to fight to get me out of bed. So I just stopped going, except on Christmas, Easter, weddings, and funerals."

"It will be interesting to see what you think of our church, how it compares to what you are used to."

"Yeah. So, what are you, if you don't mind my asking? Besides, blonde, beautiful, and Soviet?"

"Russian Orthodox."

"That's what I figured. My neighborhood in Brooklyn, Bensonhurst, is a big time Italian area. The majority of the residents are Italian, speak Italian, and are basically very stereotypical Italian. Organized crime and such."

"Like the Godfather?"

HA! I laugh at her pop culture reference. So she really does like the movies I pick out! I'll remember this!

"Not quite! The Godfather type would live in Dyker Heights…Bensonhurst is more like the ones who work for the Godfather."

"The Goodfellas?"

I laugh again and she looks up at me, wondering if she's said something wrong.

"Yeah, I guess so. I've never really thought of it that way, but that's a good way to explain it. Anyway, the churches are pretty elaborate. And the thing about America, in the older parts of it, many of the people who settled there brought parts of their culture with them. The designs of the older churches are very 'European.'"

"Really?"

"Yeah, so I'm really interested to see what your church looks like…unless you've changed your mind and don't want to go…" I say, hoping that it's not too late to make her change her mind.

"Wheeler, I am too exhausted to have this argument with you. I know you mean well, and I know you are probably right, especially after today…but I HAVE to go to Boris' funeral. I have to be there for my family. I need to continue to try to mend the relationship between my uncle and me."

WHY? I want to yell and tell her what a scum bag her uncle is. He's a selfish jerk. But the best thing for me to do is just change the subject…and I have to use the restroom. And it would probably be nice if I took my plate out the kitchen to be washed. Besides, it'll give me an excuse to drop the whole 'Dmitri' subject.

"Hey Babe," I say softly. "I gotta get up. I need to take this dish out to the kitchen to clean it off."

"I can get it tomorrow."

For a brief moment, I consider it. I'd rather stay here…and it sounds like she doesn't want me to leave either…or maybe I'm imagining it…I'm probably imagining it.

"Thanks, but I don't want your grandma to think I'm a pig."

"Since when have you cared about cleaning up dishes? When we are running low on plates on Hope Island, we know to go check your room because they are probably all piled up and dirty there! If you want to leave…just say so."

NO! No way! That's not what I wanted her to think!

"I don't wanna leave…Erm, I, uh,…I'll stay if you want. I just…I gotta pee. Just didn't think…that is…I mean…too much information?"

"Oh…sorry!"

It seems we're both always apologizing. Then she continues.

"I did not mean to hold you up. Go! Sorry," she stammers as she sits up just enough to let me up.

"It's ok," I chuckle as I gather the plate up and head towards the door.

"Wheeler?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you coming back? Or are you going to bed?"

"We should both get some sleep," I say. Then I see the scared look on her face, so I hurry to reassure her. "I'll be back though. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

I take my plate out to the kitchen where I see her Grandma finishing cleaning up. I clear my throat so I don't startle her. She turns around and says,

"Oh Wheeler, how did you like the Pelmeni?"

"I liked it very much. Thank you. I just wanted to bring the plate out and wash it so that it didn't sit in Linka's room overnight."

She takes the plate from me before I have a chance to offer to do it myself.

"Sorry, I feel like I should be doing more to help you. You had all these people in your house and were left with this huge mess to clean up by yourself."

"It is ok. You are helping me in a more important way. Making sure Linka is taken care of and knowing that she is being cared for is a great burden lifted off my shoulders…how is she doing?"

"She's awake. She had a few bites of the Pelmeni."

"Good. It was always a favorite of hers. Did you tell her what happened?"

"You mean about what Dmitri said? No. And I don't plan on it. She doesn't need that stress," I say.

"But how is she? Does she need anything? Is she feeling well?"

"She's tired, but other than that, she's hanging in there. I should probably get back to her. I told her I'd stay with her."

When her grandmother raises her eyebrows at me, I clarify,

"Umm, until she falls asleep."

She nods in understanding.

"I should go."

I hastily retreat from the kitchen, not wanting my face to get redder than it already is.

When I get back to Linka's room, she's already asleep. I think about just leaving, but something pulls me in. A need to make sure she's really asleep, and comfortable. I see that she's changed her clothes and into something more comfortable to sleep in; one of my hoodies and a pair of sweatpants. They are huge on her, so much so that the legs cover her feet…which is good I guess. It'll help keep her feet warm.

I grab a blanket from the foot of her bed and drape it over her. Then I kneel down next to her, brushing the hair from her face. She looks peaceful. Her hand is sticking out from the blanket so I take it to move it back underneath the covers and notice how cold it is. I take her hand in both of mine.

I grab an extra pillow and place it on the floor to sit on, making myself more comfortable. I'm going to be here a little while longer. I can't leave her like this.

"How much longer are you gonna have to go through this Babe?" I ask as I lay my head down on the bed and look at her. Big mistake. I didn't realize how tired I was until I put my head down. I'll just shut my eyes for a minute. It won't take long for me to warm her hands up.

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 12 of LouiseX's Codependence.