*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I'm free to do what the hell I please with the characters in my story. Enjoy!

Chapter XXXIX Title: 'It's the Little Things that Give You Away,' by Linkin' Park

Edward's silence allowed my already irrational thoughts a comfortable existence in my mind, but I could not bear to ask any more of my sweet Edward than he was already providing. He had offered to drive me to La Push's borders so not to violate the treaty but I could see that his calmness was a mere ruse to be compliant with my wants. And only my wants. And right now, I wanted to see Jacob.

Jacob.

Jacob, my best friend. My best friend who was a werewolf. A best friend who I had been fooling myself into believing that I didn't and couldn't love in the same capacity that I loved Edward. The strong bond of friendship that we shared had since become much more than I could have ever anticipated since convincing him to take a simple satellite radio out of my Chevy. The significance of our friendship had changed drastically since then and we were both to blame. Fate was neither our ally nor our enemy, but it was clear that he was destined to be a part of my life as much as I was to be a part of his and his imprinting on me proved it.

Imprint.

I still had no idea what that word really meant. I knew that it had weight to pack, but what bearing did it have on me and my life? What could it possibly mean for Jacob and I? Were we to share a life together as a couple or did it simply mean that we were family, always and forever, in some shape and form? I had to know and Jacob had to be the one to tell me. I felt cold when I began to think about how much it must have hurt Edward, the being of perfection, to know that Jacob's love now had some kind of reasoning behind it but it still invoked fear in my trembling fingers on the dashboard. I nervously tilted my head upward to glance at my surroundings, dreading each second that passed which brought me closer to confronting my best friend. A small breath left from my throat and out my mouth too quickly when I realized that I had not laid eyes on Jacob for some time and I now felt a huge burden on my shoulders to keep myself calm and set to the task. I must confront Jacob. I must know why he felt the need to not to tell me, to not need me the same as I needed him, friend or more. I couldn't even think about being less than friends with Jacob. I loved him and that was all. It felt like I couldn't live without Edward when he had left, but without Jacob, I saw no reason to.

"We are here, Bella." Edward's voice was monotone, but his eyes mimicked the concern I felt inside my own body. "Alice could not see Jacob, but she saw that you were…" His voice trailed off with some kind of sadness I had rarely heard before but after a moment he continued, "She did see that you were happier later. I can only assume that that is good news for you."

I struggled to look at him as he silently opened the door to my truck to let himself out. I climbed across the seat so that I could drive the rest of the way as carefully as I could but managed to slip on the gear shift. My fingers slid off the edge of the seat and my head nearly made contact with the steering wheel before Edward grabbed my shoulders, forcing my head to jerk back.

"Alice didn't see the hospital in her sight either, Bella. Try desperately to keep that part of her vision accurate." I smiled a little at his response and he returned it. "Take care," he replied while brushing his cold fingers on the side of my chin.

"I don't want you to leave Edward." My eyes met his golden eyes and I had almost allowed myself to forget what I was doing there. Why was on the border? Why was I forcing a boy, imprint or not, a friend or less, to speak with me when I had someone right here who loved me? As I said, almost. I loved Jacob and always had. I wanted to see how much further we could go. I finally wanted what was right for me. I had to try and save him, my Jacob. "But I have to see him," I continued. "I have to know why he couldn't tell me and why he let you."

"He didn't let me do anything," he argued. "But I am not bound to ancient tribal rules and practices. And neither are you, my love." Edward's lips kissed the side of my mouth softly before he lowered his voice to something close to a whisper to my ear, "You do not have to be with him. You can stay with me if you wished and I would have nothing but what you asked." His fingers ran through my scalp and I shook, not from enjoyment, but from chill.

My gaze dropped from his and I heard an angry howl not too far from where we stood. Another shiver ran through me. I knew it was likely that we were the cause for the "alarm," being that a vampire was so close to the border but there was no sound that followed. There was no break in the silence that endured after Edward's declaration to have me as I was. It worried me that I wasn't so willing to leave the memory of Jacob behind me. There was too much of a tug at my heart to stomach any longer. I was going to see him, whether fate or Edward was allowing me to do so or not. By throwing obstacles and tempting things in my way made me concentrate even more on getting to Jacob quickly before I lost the nerve. And before I lost Jacob. "I want to see him. That is my choice too. Please let me, Edward," I begged.

His sigh was the closest I would get to a "yes" and I accepted it silently, driving onward. I did my best not to look back over my shoulder as I started to cross La Push's imaginary border and toward Jacob's house. The fear did not lessen as I got closer to the door. The house was dark, no lights in the window or movement that I could hear without straining, but someone had to be home. The threat may have been eradicated for now but someone from the pack had to be around. This couldn't wait and I needed to see for myself just how much our bond could take. How much I could take. I didn't want to intrude anymore than necessary, but the second my fist first hit the door I began to pound on it instead. How dare Jacob not tell me? How could he say that he loved me and wanted was best for not giving me the whole truth? What was he? Edward? I could only deal with one evasive man/vampire (whatever) in my life but I could not handle being jerked around by two. I just wouldn't do it.

I pounded on the door again. "Jacob, I know you're in there! I won't come in unless you tell me to, but you will talk to me. You can come out here or we can do this in there. Take your pick." I had never been very forceful or demanding of Jacob, but my anger was betraying the calm exterior I fought to grab a hold of on my way over to his house. "Jacob?"

"Come in then." Billy's voice shocked me, but I still obeyed. I turned the knob to the door and stared at Billy on the other side. He was in the open doorway and looked calm. He wasn't in his chair, but he still looked as though he could take me on in a fight. There was energy behind his eyes and I felt the same defiance in the air that Jacob had given me many times before. I took another mental stand with my feet after I closed the door behind me. I stared at Billy and tried to mimic his look, but I knew I was unsuccessful. Billy's eyes widened a little at my similar, serious expression before he chuckled.

"I take it you know now, Bella?" His voice was amused, but I knew he was not. It was like artificial show.

"Yes. Where is he, Billy? I need to speak to him." If I didn't get it out of the way, and soon, I was going to forget everything I had tried so hard not to.

"I don't know where he is. I'm sorry." He did not look sorry and it felt like he was lying. I was through with pretending that Billy didn't know where or what his son was. All fathers knew in some way. I was sick of Billy not letting me through on the phone and for allowing Jacob to ignore me when he knew the significance of us talking.

"You approve of what he's been doing? What he kept from me?"

Billy shrugged, but looked remorseful that he had been so abruptly unsympathetic before. "He did what he thought was best and I support his decision."

I sighed heavily, close to tears. "Do you know what I've been doing the past few days? The past few weeks even? How much I missed him and now I hear that everyone in the pack knows about what we shared and—"

"The pack members do not discuss their hardships and inner quarrels with me, the elders, or even each other. They don't have to."

"Because of the mind thing they do?" I asked, while sniffling.

"I know the troubles of men. My son is a good boy, but he has a lot to learn yet still. He did not do this to hurt you and he did not intentionally keep it from you."

I scoffed. "Yet no one wants a 'vampire girl' for a daughter-in-law. Heh, Billy?"

Billy's hard look dropped. "I'd be honored to have you for a daughter-in-law, Bella. When the time is right and you are ready for it." His head gave a grave nod. "I suspect that Jacob thought the same thing."

"He should have told me," I muttered. "I had a right to know."

"Would it have changed your mind? Would it have taken you away from the other who shares your heart with my son?" Billy asked. "No one wants to be second guessed."

I shifted my weight. "I never second guessed my love for him. I never have."

"And yet it took you this long to be ready to speak with him about it."

"I just found out!" I argued.

Billy smirked. "Didn't you think about why the two of you were such good friends? Why things meshed so well between you despite your extraordinary circumstances?"

"Nothing was so extraordinary about me until I came to Forks, you know."

"There was always something there. It just took awhile to show itself."

I swallowed hard before silently praying for my tears to push themselves back. I did not want to cry in front of Billy. If he was anything like Charlie, I would have problems. "Is he really not here, Billy?" It almost sounded like begging.

"Would you like to check?" Billy pointed toward Jacob's room, with the door wide open. I couldn't see anything from the angle that I was in, but I took his word for it. Besides, I didn't need reminding of all the things I had done Jacob's room while Billy wasn't home. To now be given permission to enter his son's room seemed discomforting to me.

I didn't trust my voice to ask any more questions of Billy at the moment, but he seemed to understand my need to leave suddenly. Again, I was reminded just how much Jacob and Billy were alike. They read people and gave them exactly what they needed. They never fell short of what was required of them and I started to feel regret that I had almost missed out on what the Black family could have offered me had I not had Edward. These two families loved me more than I deserved and I knew I would one day have to make a choice between them, regardless of how civil they were being with each other. One part of me was going to have to shatter the other. "I'll be down at the beach for awhile. I was excused from work. If he comes back here, could you tell him or give him the message?"

Billy nodded, probably unsure of what else he could say. I understood that motion well and almost staggered toward First Beach to enjoy the mid-day sun. I half expected to run into one of the pack members or see a giant paw print somewhere in the dirt or sand, but I saw nothing. I didn't even see any people on the beach. I didn't expect them to be swimming in the beginning of January, but I at least expected to see a few scattered clusters of people enjoying the sun. It was so rare that it was out full force during the winter months. It wasn't even cold out. I pulled on the zipper of my hooded sweater and faced the north side of the water. I kicked at the sand and then I kicked myself by accident. My shin felt a numbing pain, but I refused to cry out. I would need to sustain a lot more than an injured shin if I was going to face an angry, misguided teen werewolf.

I paced back and forth, twenty steps exactly. I walked in the same wet footprints that I had made in the sand. I wanted Jacob and I like the footprints I had made; to stay exactly as we were and there for each other, but I knew that would not happen. Jacob would always want more and whether I was truly ready or not, I was going to have to face the truth. I needed to admit that I was going to need Jacob and I was going to keep loving him, despite the horrible things we were sure to do each other. I wasn't sure if love meant that you could hurt the person that you were in love with, but if it were possible then that was what Jacob and I were: in love.

"Isabella," a dark voice called out.

Jacob's voice disturbed my conscious dreaming. My eyes settled on his body, though I tried not to share at his shirtless torso and torn cutoff jeans. I hated to marvel at his physique while I was still unsure of what we were, but I settled for a quick glance and then narrowed my eyes. "It's Bella, Jacob. It's still Bella."

"You fuckin' stink, Bel-la," he snarled. I grimaced at his remark, but his tone remained unchanged. "Yeah, I am surprised it's still you. I would have thought he would have turned you by now." His voice was hard, but his eyes looked sad.

I took a small step back and the sand underneath my feet made me slip a little. I saw him reach out as if to catch me, but then he seemingly thought the better of it and his hands went back to his sides. I was glad I didn't fall. My heart had already dropped below my stomach. "Be careful, Bella."

"Are you going to continue to be this cold to me? This is me, Jacob. It's always been me and it will continue to be me after I am turned."

Jacob's fists shook and he shouldered his massive weight from side to side as he walked a few paces away and back. "You won't be the same and you won't be Bella. Not to me," he added

"Well I am not much to you now, am I?" I began. "You couldn't even tell me that I was your imprint and yet you want me to stay human? For what, Jacob? You don't even consider me enough to tell me something that important? You've never kept things from me."

His eyes widened at the mention of "imprint," but otherwise did not indicate that anything had changed between us. "I did you a favor by not telling you. You might have chosen me out of guilt or necessity or fuckin' convenience!" he accused. "You never would have loved me!"

"I do love you!" I argued back. "That's why it's been so hard to understand why you did this." My tears began to show and my voice continued to break. "Why didn't you tell me? All the times I called and you wouldn't pick up broke my heart, Jake. If I mean so much to you, why wouldn't you have said something?"

"I tried!" Jacob's eyes went black and the veins on his forearms visibly throbbed. "I tried to tell you so many times and something always happened. And you think I wanted to not talk with you? You think I wanted to avoid you? I've been by your house almost every night during patrol and I endured the punishment of letting parts of the land I've been sworn to defend go unprotected because I had to see you. I had to lay my eyes on you just once. I had to see if there was any part of you that cared about me even half as much as I cared about you!"

"Why are you using 'us' in the past tense?" I cried out. "We are not over. We are not done."

"We are if you become one of them." His calm voice resumed as he gave a horribly light chuckle. "You'll be nothing more than another leech and the memories of us will be done."

"Says you," I defied. "I wouldn't do that to you. I would never make you choose me over the pack."

"You wouldn't have to!" He barked. "And you're wrong. You are doing something much worse to me; by becoming another leech, you are leaving behind people that would love you no matter if you fell out of your truck, banged your head, bled from a wound, or even grew old. You'd be leaving Charlie. You'd be leaving your mother, your friends, everyone! You'd be leaving me."

"I couldn't leave you." My protests sounded babyish as I continued to sob. "That's why I'm here. I can't stand us apart anymore, Jake. You make imprinting seem so freakin' easy and it's not—"

"No, it's not. It's a real bitch." Jacob turned away and I grew angry. He wasn't even trying. He didn't really care. He could stand there and profess his love, but the truth was he felt nothing because he walked away every time.

My feelings of hurt overtook my self control. "Why don't you face me instead of running?"

"You mean running like your leech did? Where was he? He only came back to fight off Victoria with his family. Wasn't he supposed to leave after the battle?" His voice turned relentless and I was suddenly grateful that he wasn't facing me after all. "Well guess what Bells, the fight is over and he will leave you again. He'll leave if you don't let him turn you. You're just another human to them. That's all you ever will be until you let them bite you and then you'll be just another meal."

Jacob continued to take more steps away from me and I suddenly lost it. I ran after him and pawed at his hot flesh, taking a hold of his arm. A shock went through my body as if we had been too far apart and then tossed back together like two magnets. His expression was surprise, but then his still, black eyes turned venomous. "Let go of me," he ordered.

"No," I hissed at him. My grip tightened around his arm and swallowed, suddenly ashamed. "You said you wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm not. I'm giving you what you want," his voice mocked back. "You want to be like them and you want to leave me. I'm making it easier."

"It's not easy leaving you."

Jacob hissed, "Yet you do it so well."

"Please Jake," my voice softened. "I love you. Don't do this. Stop doing this."

"I imprinted on you, Bella and that's a fact. You've chosen not to be with me." His breath caught before he continued. "I'll continue to love you until you're no longer Bella. That's all I can do."

"That's all you want to do!"

"I can't make you be with me. I can't make you see that I'm the better option. Imprinting doesn't work like that."

"And if you didn't imprint on me?" I asked.

Jacob's smile was evil. "I would have probably been better off. My imprint wants to be my friend while she goes off to be a fuckin' vampire and expects me not to get mad. She'd rather die than be in my arms!"

"Your arms would have me suffocate," I spat.

"My arms kept you alive!" he roared. "I may very well be the monster you think I am, but that leech would have you die to be with him! All I did was ask!" His arm wrenched from me and I grabbed for him again.

"You are acting like a monster! You're right."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not the right kind of monster for you then."

"So am I!" I shouted angrily. I regretted it the moment I saw his face.

Jacob turned to me, shaking and red. His pants looked smaller suddenly and his arms grew longer in front of my eyes. I huffed at him, still annoyed and unafraid at his transformation. I didn't mean a thing to him anymore, yet I still felt the need to protect him. My feet were still unwilling to move from in front his path. A soft voice was in my ear, "Bella, stop it. Don't push him. Step back and don't push him anymore." I blinked furiously at the voice of my beloved Edward, but my eyes didn't stray from Jacob's growing form. I was convinced it was an imaginary voice in my head. It was from the pain and anguish I felt over losing my one true friend. Of losing a love that I had to work so hard for, though it had been almost so easy to fall in love with. It seemed natural. It seemed expected. It seemed right.

Jacob wouldn't hurt me. I had no reason to fear him.

(JPOV)

I felt the skin on my lower back begin to separate itself from me. I was close to phasing in front of Bella. I was close to losing my control. My head swam through the thoughts of us laughing, fighting, playing, yelling, hurting, and smiling. I felt angry, scared, and confused. My knees shook from under me as I watched her, but couldn't see her. I could smell her scent in front of me as my nose stuck further out from my face. I could smell the bloodsuckers on her. She had been near them recently. I knew one of them had been there at the border, but it had smelled like a Cullen so I had not bothered to investigate the offending stench. My grief from this morning spilled over again, not waking up to Bella by my bed side had left me resentful and I had searched for peace through a voluntary morning patrol. It still had not helped the time pass.

I pursed my lips together as Bella stepped forward. I shook my head, still hearing her last words that she had uttered and my own response. I'm sorry I'm not the right kind of monster for you.

So am I!

I loved her. I was in love with her and yet she did not want to be bothered with me. Not even feeling sorry for not caring for me like she did the leech. I would have given her anything she wanted, but she never gave me the chance. She loved him more and she always would. Sam was right. She would never love me the way I wanted her to when I bent to her will at every waking moment. But that was what she wanted! That was what she had asked! A roar begged to escape from my chest, but I held it back. My knees still shook and I almost fell forward. Bella rushed to my side and I barely felt her fingers on my skin. My mind reeled to when she had last touched me on my bed, in my house the day of Harry's funeral. I had forced her to leave and she did. Her small frame didn't have a hope to keep a hold of me and yet I struggled to let her keep touching me. I breathed in her hair from a closer distance and felt my eyes tear. I had never smelled anything so terrible and beautiful at the same time.

Bella, get away from me! My plea came out in a yowling sound, but I was still mostly human. I continued to shake, unable to get a better hold on my emotions. I couldn't calm down and my fear multiplied as I tried to guess just how close Bella was to me.

"Jake, stop this." Her voice was anxious, but quiet. We were the only ones on the beach. She was hugging a monster on the beach and yet she still sounded so calm. Why wasn't she afraid of me?

I growled and jerked back. Bella's arms fastened to me and I heard her heart beat elevate though her clothes. I wanted to rip them off. I wanted to take her and make her mine again. I wanted to mark her in places where I was sure that vampire would find them and I dared for him to still take her then. I pleaded with myself to just grab her with my still human hand, force her on the beach sand, and enter her as I never had before. She wouldn't have to ask me and I would not stop if she asked me to. I was going to make her see how good I was. She was going to be mine no matter what she thought.

My fingers started toward her neck, going up her lower back. She trembled.

Jacob, no! Quil's voice was in my head suddenly. Don't, Jacob! Don't do it!

I shook my head and wrestled from Bella's grasp. My fingers slipped past her hips, covered by her jeans and my ache nearly overtook me again.

Get away from her! We're coming! Embry's voice sounded closer than Quil's.

My heart pounded as I forced myself to back away. Bella's scent was still invading my nose and the traces of her fingers were still bothering my skin. I let out a mournful howl that sounded too close to wolf. My feet were paws, but my hands were still dark russet, as they had always been. I was less than human and now I physically looked the part. I shook more as I watched Bella's lips moisten themselves and I tore at my hair and the skin on my chest to keep from tearing into her.

Bella's eyes looked horrified, but she stayed. "Jacob, I love you. I'm sorry about what I said. I'm sorry about all I've done to you." I watched the throb on her neck pulse. My breathing went heavier and my shoulders felt saggy as I tried to stand from my kneeling position. "Jacob, calm down! Please!"

I can't! I roared at her. I was fighting a losing battle. I wasn't a good friend. I couldn't be. I was going to rape her. I was going to take her against her will just to make her something that she was not.

Mine.

I grew disgusted with myself and howled as I started to rip at my scalp. My short hair came out in clumps and I felt my teeth become too big for my mouth to handle. I had a twisted expression on my face as my mouth turned into a long muzzle under my already snout nose. My stomach made a noise and my feet buried themselves into the sand as if I were getting ready to jump onto the haunches of my prey. I begged Bella to move. I didn't want to hurt her.

I couldn't hurt her like Sam did Emily.

We're almost there! Just hang on! Embry's tone was nervous. What was taking them so long? Why didn't they get here? Why had my prayers not been answered?

God, Bella. Move, please! Don't make me hurt you, I pleaded. Please don't let me hurt her. I begged myself. I'll never forgive myself if I hurt her, if I never get to hold her again, if I never get to feel her over me, loving me like she should have been doing. Look at her. She would have still been loving me. She would have still been holding me like this, like she would still be doing if not for that leech, that lifeless being. That vile, cold, disgusting—I roared toward Bella's direction and started to get in position for a charge as my thoughts were suddenly menacing. Why didn't she love me? How could she love him?

I could smell the growing panic on Bella. I could almost feel the light sweat dripping off her neck. I shook again and felt my back slack. I lurched myself forward into the sand and felt it between my paws. I would make our hips join together and our lips one. She was going to love me. She was going to say my name. And I was going to make her.

She didn't have a choice anymore.

Jacob, stop! One more minute! One more min—

Too late, I replied coldly as I cut off Quil's voice.

Sam! Quil's voice pleaded, Stop Jake! Issue an injun—

He'll never say it in time. My eyes narrowed as I regarded my prey and teared as the last bit of humanity left me. I growled again and set my right leg in front of me.

"I'm in love with you, Jake. Imprint or not, I'm in love with you." Bella's voice was full of tears, but she stood in front of me without hesitation. My yellowish-brown eyes continued to glare at her, my lips parted, and my hind legs stood ready to push me forward. "I'm yours, Jacob. I want to be yours."

My back legs launched me into the air. I could smell the sea water and I could hear the rapidly approaching steps of my two pack mates, who were too late. The last sentences that screamed from their minds and into my head had been almost muffled to the point that even I couldn't understand what they were saying. I was already in the air with my eyes closed.

I was afraid to look into Bella's eyes and the dark was almost more welcoming than her arms. The look in Bella's eyes before I had turned on her, when she had once been happy with me in my memories, were enough to cut off my heartfelt, animalistic cries and made me feel less than empty. No other noise that entered my mind was as sweet as her voice had once been. My heart was no longer broken over her absence; no longer did my heart even exist.

*Next chapter will be the last for this story. Thanks for sticking through my first fan-fic thus far!