Once I heard Clara's voice crack I knew she wasn't okay. I didn't listen I just walked in. The light was off by the lamp allowed me to see enough. I looked around and sighed when I saw her. She was tucked in the corner with her head down on her arms and her legs pulled up. "I thought I said go away." She didn't look up.

"When do I ever listen?" I laughed walking over to her. I slowly sat next to her on the ground and turned her head away from me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just having a break down. Which I would rather do alone thank you." She sniffed angrily.

"Who was that women?" I asked just trying to get her talking. I have never seen Clara this broken down before.

"A dead women." She shot back.

"How did she die?" I asked. She didn't answer. "Unless you want me to go away I kinda need to know the story." I said nudging her a bit. "Come on Clara... what's so bad you can't tell me." I laughed. She just shook her head. "Alright I'll just sit here then." I said looking away with a sigh.

It was quiet or a few minutes before I heard Clara's voice crack. "We were in New York." She sighed still not looking at me. "Agent Kate Joiner was lead on the case and we were looking for a guy that was shooting people in the back of the head."

"The case that turned into a terrorist cell?" I asked.

I watched as her head nodded a bit. "She and Derek weren't seeing eye to eye and by the end of the day Hotch had kicked him out of the building." She sighed. "I was supposed to stay with agent Hotchner. I said I was just going to check on Derek and I would be right back." She sighed moving her head a bit. "Hotch ordered I stay with him and Kate. I argued and Kate called me out. Called me reckless and disobedient." She finally lifted her head.

"Bitch." I whispered with a smiled.

Clara's eyes glazed over as more tears fell. "I reacted and said she was a naive control freak. I said she wasn't fit to be in the commanding position she was in." She shook her head. "Hotch lost it. Made me leave and told me not to come back unless I had a good reason." She shook her head. "I left and went after Derek."

"Okay so you called the women some colourful names..."

"I was supposed to go with Hotch back to the corner's office that night, to see if there was anything else connecting the victims. He and Kate left the station together that night instead of me." She paused as more tears fell. "Their was a bomb under their SUV." She said and I sighed. "Derek and I tried to help but all I could do was get mer stable enough to get t the hospital." She took a deep breath. "It should have been me laying in my blood in the middle of the street, it should have been me on the table and I should be the one who is six feet under." She spoke through her teeth.

"Hey." I stopped her putting a hand on her arm. She wouldn't look at me. " That wasn't your fault."

She let out a small laugh. "I should have died three times that day." She said looking over at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I was hoping it wasn't true that I was just seeing things but one of the shooters. We got a small glimpse of his face. His eyes were black." She said the tears not bothering to stop. "I thought maybe it was just the camera." She shrugged looking away. "After I saw the picture we were sent out on the streets and I was with one of the detectives. Nice guy, wife kids the whole picture. One of the shooters shot a women getting out of a cab and was running right for us. So we went after him. I called out to the detective to slow down but he didn't. I should have rounded the corner first but he was faster. Turned the corner and a bullet ripped through his shoulder." She said with a sigh. "I shot at the suspect but he smiled and then smoked out." It was sad to watch Clara relive this. "That was before the car bomb. I wasn't the one who got shot, I didn't get blown up so it tried again. I was running to help Kate and Hotch when another car bomb went off." She shifted and put up her palms. "All the glass landed in my hands." She shrugged.

"Maybe it was just coincidence?" I offered.

Clara laughed a bit. "I doubt it." She shook her head. "Fact is I should have died, and I'm sitting in the corner crying about it." She shook her head wiped the tears from her face. I didn't know what to say. She moved her arms and her phone fell onto the ground. It was opened and it sounded like someone was talking.

"What's that?" I asked picking it up.

"Oh just the 55 messages my team has left me." She said pushing away and standing up slowly.

"Have you answered any of them?" I asked standing as well.

"No. They think I'm dead now." She said with a sigh turning her back.

"What? Why?" I asked reaching out for he shoulder.

Once I touched her she flug round and pushed my hand away. "Because I showed up covered in blood and claw marks on my face." She said tears building in her eyes. "Derek was so freaked out. He thought I was already dead. Hotch tried to help but I just walked away."

"Why did you go there?"

" I don't know..." She sighed throwing her arms. "Sam and I just buried you and I got in my car and just drove. Didn't change. Didn't even try to look like I hadn't just seen someone ripped apart."

"I told you not to follow us." I said taking a step forward.

"Oh come on Dean." She smiled. " How could I not?" She shook her head. I was confused. " Skip to the first message." She said and I went back.

I heard my own voice. It was the message I had left her when Sam and I left. Then the whole day suddenly came back to me. Clara standing in front of that hellhound so we could get away. Lilith trying to kill Sam, then Clara breaking free of her hold. I looked over to her as I slowly dropped the phone. "You broke free of Lilith's hold." I said quietly as I slowly got closer to her. "I could barley see anything but my own blood and all I could hear was her laughing and Sam's calls for me." I stopped just in front of her. "But then just before the light goes out I see you, gash on your face..." I paused putting a hand to her cheek lightly stroking the scar. "I asked you why you came." I smirked a bit. "You're answer. What was it?" I asked and I saw the tears build more and a few fell. I hoped so much she would say what I needed to hear her say.

HELLO! So how is everyone liking me so far? I know I changed a few things but I thought it was okay... so let me know!

OH BTW this story is rated M... so that's the warning. a little FYI for ya ;)