Chapter 15: Day 9, continued

We get more candles to take with us outside as we light them and stand around the graveside. More praying and some singing. I can't understand the words to the song, but I can guarantee that it's most likely a typical funeral hymn. The melody of the music is enough to give it away.

I've got one arm around Linka, and my other arm is linked with Grandma's. I'm glad I can offer her some support…and in a way, I guess she's showing her support of me. I don't care what the rest of these people think. As long as Linka's grandma likes me, I'm good.

Linka leans over and says,

"They are singing 'Be open, o earth, and receive the body that has been created in the image of God.'"

I nod, not knowing what else to do.

FINALLY they lower the casket into the ground. Good riddance Boris. Hopefully, we can go home soon…and by home, I don't mean Linka's house. I mean Hope Island.

All these people keep coming up to us, offering their condolences I guess. They hug and kiss Grandma, take her hand and squeeze it. Some of them even address Linka. I'm not sure if she even gets what they are saying. She is silent the whole time, nodding when the time seems right and trying to force a smile. Those that don't know her as well as I do might believe she's fine. I know better.

Linka's grandma says something to her in Russian and Linka nods. Her grandma walks over to another headstone a few yards away from Boris'.

"My grandfather's grave," Linka explains.

"Oh."

"Is it ok if we stay here a little longer while she visits? She does not get to come here to visit as much as she would like to."

"Of course it's fine," I confirm. I hesitate to ask my next question because it might be too personal. "Are…your parents here?"

"Da, over here," she says as she leads me by my hand towards the graves, located right next to her grandfather.

I can't read anything since it's in Russian; no names, no dates. I'd like to know more about them, but don't want to ask. There's no reason I need to know other than my own curiosity. Linka has spoken of her father before, but doesn't mention her mother much, but I know that her mom died when Linka was really young. The sound of Linka's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Mamma, Papa, this is Jason," she says as she kneels down to brush away some dead leaves from the head stone.

I kneel down next to her and help her clear the leaves.

"Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Orlov."

Then she turns to look over at me.

"I know it is silly to talk to them. I know they are not here."

I put my arm around her.

"Nah, it's not silly at all. And they are here. They are always with you everywhere you go."

"I hope not…they would be so ashamed of me."

"No way," I say to her. I then place my hand on the headstone and address her parents. "Your little girl has grown into a beautiful, kind, compassionate, intelligent woman. You'd be proud of her and all her accomplishments. She's a hero."

I say those last words to her as I press my lips to her temple.

She wipes her eyes and stands up, pulling me with her.

"Thank you," she says as she leans into my side, linking her arm with mine and taking my hand.

I smile at her and joke,

"Did your parents speak English or should you translate?"

I was hoping to get her to repeat the words to herself, so she'd believe it.

"I think they will get it," she blushes.

I stand behind her and cross my arms in front of her to keep her warm, nuzzling my nose against the side of her head and letting my lips brush against her ear. In a way, it's giving her a moment alone with her parents, but at the same time, it's my way of showing them that their daughter is in good hands. She's safe, I'll make sure of that.

Linka's grandma comes up to us and let's us know that she is ready when we are and the three of us begin our walk back to her house.

Linka holds onto my hand tightly as we walk back to her house in total silence. Her hand is freezing. I try to engulf it in mine as much as possible to keep it warm, rubbing my thumb over her cold skin. I take off my jacket and hold it out for her as she puts her arms through. And even though I know she's perfectly capable of doing it herself, I stand in front of her and button the jacket. She's so tiny, almost childlike, especially as she looks up at me with a shy smile. After I'm done, I return to her side. She's got her hands shoved in the pockets of the jacket. I'm a little disappointed that I can't hold her hand anymore. That look must be written all over my face because Linka leans into my side and my arm automatically goes around her. This is just as nice. I turn my head and press my lips to the side of her head and linger there for a while. I take back my previous statement…this is better. We continue on to her house like this.

Once we get back to her home, she once again takes my hand and leads me down the hallway, towards our bedrooms. She's still in a daze. I try not to take it personally when it seems as if she's forgotten I'm even here. She releases my hand then heads for her room and I go to mine. I change my clothes and go to the kitchen to prepare her a cup of tea. If anything, it'll warm her hands up and make me feel useful.

I enter her room, not even bothering to knock. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I figured that we've gotten so close, she wouldn't even care. Or that she'd be done undressing by now and I wouldn't be walking in on anything.

Worrying about catching her undressing was unnecessary; she didn't even start. She's sitting on her bed with blankets wrapped around her, shivering.

"Tea, just how you like it," I say, sitting next to her, as closely as I can as I hand her the hot drink. Once she takes it, I put my arms around her, hugging her to me to help keep her warm.

"Spasiba."

"No problem. And I told Grandma we aren't staying for the dinner."

I know she's gonna be mad that I'm making decisions on her behalf, and I'm fully prepared for the argument that's to come, but surprisingly, there is none.

"Is she annoyed?"

"No Babe. Of course not, she understands," I say quickly, kissing her temple. "She did say something about Father Koslov giving us black bread before we leave though. It seemed pretty important to her so I figure I'll take our stuff out to the 'cruiser and then we won't have to walk through with it when the priest is here?"

She nods and drinks her tea, and then she snuggles into my side. I don't want to leave her just yet. I can't. I turn slightly to get comfortable, and to get a better grip on her.

"So what is this about the black bread?" I ask, needing her to talk, trying to let her know I'm interested, and not at all sorry that I came here with her. It really has been an eye opening experience. I start rubbing her arm without even realizing it. Once I do realize though, she doesn't seem to mind, so I'm not gonna stop.

"Kolliva. The bread is blessed and then my uncle will offer it to everyone. The ingredients symbolize death and resurrection as, in the making of the bread; they end one life and become something new and greater."

"Cool."

Lame response, I know, but I didn't really know what else to say. I guess it's good enough because she's smiling.

She finishes her tea and suggests that we start getting our things together and then she'll help her Grandma until Father Koslov comes to bless the bread. I do as she says without protest, although I do regret having to let her go. The sooner we get our stuff together, the sooner we can get out of here, so I'm not gonna argue with that! I just wanna get her back to Hope Island and undo any damage that this trip may have done to her mentally. She's holding up, but being strong and ignoring what's going on around us is wearing on me…I know her well enough to see that she's struggling as well. And I hope she knows me well enough to know how important she is to me and that I'd do anything for her, to make her happy and to keep her happy…including listening to her when she's ordering me around!

Things are pretty quiet at first during the flight home. I can't see her face because she's facing the window, but I'm hoping that she's taking a nap. She could probably use the rest. I'm feeling pretty relieved as I look down at the ocean below, putting as much distance between ourselves and the Soviet Union as I can. Cold War indeed! The icy stares we were getting from Dmitri were giving me chills. Now I know how Linka feels when she can't shake the feeling of being cold.

Before we left, Dmitri led the family though yet another ceremony. When he handed the bread to Linka and me, he didn't even look at us. It was obvious he didn't want us there. Poor grandma. Dealing with the loss of her grandson, having to play peacekeeper and keep her "adult" son in line. We couldn't get out of there soon enough in my opinion!

I see that Linka is awake, but deep in thought. That could be dangerous. I should keep her talking.

"What did Grandma mean about coming for the dinner 'next time' Babe? Is she expecting someone else to...I mean it's a bit of a funny thing to say given the circumstances, you know?"

She laughs a little and then turns to face me. "She did not mean another funeral Yankee. We usually have three memorial dinners." She sighs and sadly continues, "Boris should have been buried on the third day after he died, but with the police enquiry and everything it was not possible, that is why it had to be today."

Interesting. We don't have any timelines. It's just a matter of when the body is released from the hospital and when the family finds a funeral home to hold the viewing and a church to do the service. It's all pretty straight forward…I guess. I'm just giving my observations from the sidelines. Hopefully it'll be a long time before I'm actively involved in planning a funeral.

I'm still a little confused as to why he had to be buried today. I think she's a little frustrated at my denseness as she pauses, probably to figure out how to "dumb down" her explanation for me.

"We believe the soul leaves the body on the ninth day, we would normally have had the second memorial today so we combined them." She stops for a few moments before quietly repeating, "It had to be today."

I know what today is; her 17th birthday. I didn't know if I should say anything about it earlier. I want to let her know that I didn't forget, but what do you say? 'Happy' birthday just doesn't seem like an appropriate thing to say to someone when they're getting ready for a family member's funeral. I'm glad no one else mentioned it either. I didn't want it to seem like I only remembered because someone reminded me.

Truthfully, I'd been planning something for her for a few days…before this whole funeral thing came up. Selfishly, I was mad when I thought it would interfere with my plans, but now that we're headed back to Hope Island, I can still do something for her. Hopefully once we are home, she can put everything that happened with her uncle and the funeral behind her. I just want her to have a nice birthday. It's not fair that the burial HAD to be on her birthday. If it weren't for her explanation, I would have thought that Dmitri planned Boris' burial to be held on Linka's birthday on purpose. I just can't believe no one acknowledged her.

But I remembered. And later, I'll make this day a little happier for her, or at least, I'll try to. I glance over at her and see her looking blankly ahead with a forlorn expression on her face. I reach over and take her hand. Her fingers are so cold. I link mine with hers and ask,

"You okay Babe? You were staring off into space."

"Sorry, I am just tired." She half lies. I'm sure she's tired, but I know that she was thinking of something. If I were her, I'd be thinking about how sucky it is that no one remembered my birthday. I guess it'll make the fact that I did something for her all the more special…not that I'm lookin' to score any bonus points. But who knows…is it too much to hope for a kiss on the cheek?

"The next dinner is on the fortieth day, when the soul moves on to the next world."

Now I'm the one who's staring straight ahead. Hopefully, it just looks like I'm concentrating on flying!

"You wanna go?" I ask, looking over at her.

She shrugs. "I am not sure it is a good idea, I will see how things go."

All I can do is nod. Maybe she'll be better a month from now. I hope. Almost as much as I hope that if she does decide to come back, that she'll want me to accompany her again. I give her hand a squeeze and then release it as I begin piloting our descent to Hope Island.

Home. What a relief. I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders…a sense of freedom. After coming here, I didn't think I'd ever have to go back to New York. This was my 'safe haven' from the hell I left behind. These are my friends. My family. I never want to go back.

Hope Island is all I have.

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 15 of LouiseX's Codependence.