Chapter 19: Day 10, Early Morning, continued

I wake up to find that my arms are empty. I reach for Linka and find nothing but empty space, and upon opening my eyes, I see that I'm alone. I knew it was too good to be true. Another dream. But it was a nice dream to have, and I sure did sleep better than I've ever slept before. I close my eyes to try and go back to sleep, with the unrealistic hope that I can re-capture that dream, and have Linka back in my arms. Then I hear a noise coming from somewhere in my room. I open my eyes again and look around. There's a light on in the bathroom…and that's where the noise is coming from. It wasn't a dream? Was Linka really here? She just got up to use to restroom?

I wait a while to give her a chance to do her thing and return to bed where I will welcome her into my arms and go back to that peaceful, relaxing sleep that I was having before. Except she never comes; I keep hearing more noises coming from the bathroom…like…drawers and cabinets opening and closing?

I sit up to get out of bed and notice that my nightstand drawers are open, as well as my desk and dresser drawers. What's going on? Is she looking for something? I go to the bathroom door, which wasn't closed all the way and slowly open the door as I peek my head in. That's when my heart is broken. She's looking through my medicine cabinet, turning all of the pill bottles around to read the labels.

"They're empty," I say.

She jumps and turns to face me.

"Bozhe moy Wheeler! Do you not know how to knock?"

"Didn't think I had to knock in my own room."

"I could have been using the toilet!"

"Yeah, I thought that's what you were doing in here when I first woke up and heard you in here…but then I waited and you never came out. Then I noticed that all my drawers have been gone through. You're not gonna find what you're looking for."

"How do you know what I am looking for?"

"Damn it Linka! Don't treat me like I'm an idiot! I come in here and find you scopin' out the pill bottles…what the hell else am I supposed to assume you're looking for? Is that why you wanted to sleep here?" I bark.

"Nyet, I needed…"

"You needed a fix. You came in here pretending to need me, but all you were doing was waiting for me to fall asleep so that you could look for drugs."

"Nyet, I have a headache…all I needed was an aspirin. That is all! I am not looking for anything stronger. Just something to ease this headache," she explains.

"I told you before…if you ever got a bad headache, I'd give you another massage."

"You were sleeping…I did not want to wake you…"

"I don't care! You should've woken me up! I told you I'd be here for you no matter what. Even if I was sleeping! So you can't use that as an excuse. You used me!" I accuse.

I'm so angry. How couldn't I see this? I was so blinded by my feelings for her that I couldn't see…or didn't want to see when I was being used.

"Nyet Wheeler! Please! I would never…!"

"You know what? Whatever. And for future reference, if you try to pull this with any of the others, you won't find anything in their rooms either. We got rid of ALL the medicine on the island."

"Please Wheeler, do not do this! I am sorry you think I used you, but it is not like that at all! I just…it hurts so much…I did not think that a massage would make it go away."

"It worked before didn't it?"

"Da…but it came back."

"They're gonna keep coming back Linka! It's the withdrawal!" I yell. Then I sigh, resigned to the fact that yelling at her isn't going to help either of us. "Come back to bed. I'll do what I can to get rid of that headache."

She storms past me and out the door.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"Back to my room. I do not want you to think that you have to stay up the rest of the night and guard me from going through your things. I will sleep there, if I can get over the pain that I am feeling right now."

She's not the only one that's in pain right now. Linka's hurt my feelings before. She's said things in the past that have made me question whether or not I was wasting my time flirting with her…but deep down, her actions spoke louder than her words. The hugs, the smiles… She talked a tough talk, but I knew there was something there. She'd never do anything to hurt me…at least I didn't think she would. Now I'm not so sure. Now it's her actions that have hurt me the most. I feel betrayed. How can I ever trust her again?

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 19 of LouiseX's Codependence.