Chapter 22: Day 10, Night

Once I get back to my room, I flop down on my bed and replay what just happened. She wasn't serious. She wasn't really going to leave. She was just mad. She was trying to make a point. Like I said, she's being stubborn. Maybe she really does hate me, resents me for trying to help…for thinking that I was using her to help get past the pain of losing James…but I wasn't. It was the opposite. I was using the pain of losing James to help her. I look at the bottle of anti depressants in my hand.

"I wonder if these things work?" I don't wanna know. I flick my wrists and watch the bottle arch through the air and right into the garbage can across the room. "Nothin' but net. Look out Michael Jordan."

Maybe I'll have Gi talk to her. I look over at the clock…it's not too late. I wonder if Gi is still up. I sit up and look out the window to see if there are any lights or activity coming from Gi's cabin. It's totally dark out there except for the soft light cast by the moon.

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to look at the main building. Linka is coming out of it and hurrying back to her cabin. I wonder what she was doing? Surely she wasn't getting anything to eat. I'm a little hungry now that I think about it. Weird timing, but I hadn't really eaten anything all day. Maybe I'll get a bowl of cereal before bed.

After I finish downing two bowls of cereal, something inside me tells me to go to Linka, to make things right…or at least try. If she still wants to leave, fine, but if she leaves, I need to know that I did everything in my power to try and save our friendship. If she still hates me, and if she still never wants to see me again, then I'll leave…and I don't just mean leave her cabin, I mean, leave the Planeteers. There's nothing here for me anymore if I don't have Linka. And maybe if I leave, she'll stay. The team…the Earth needs her more than it needs me.

After washing my dishes, I head towards Linka's cabin, trying to come up with the right words to say to her. Maybe I should just tell her the truth about how I feel. That I care about her more than anything or anyone.

I reach her cabin and am about to knock on the door when I notice that it's not shut…or more specifically, it won't shut. It's out of alignment. Oops. I guess when I slammed it, I damaged it. Oh well, fixing it will give me an excuse to be around her…fixing the door, and ourselves at the same time. I don't just want to enter without her knowing I'm there though, and I don't want to scare her so I softly say her name.

"Linka?"

No reply.

"Linka, can I please come in. We really need to talk. I know you'll agree that neither one of us wants it to be like this. There's too much between us. Too much has changed...for the better...and you can't deny that. And I can't forget it. I'm not giving up on you. You can hate me if you need to, but I only want what's best for you. Can we just talk to each other instead of screaming at each other? I have something I want to tell you…a lot of things actually."

Still nothing. I listen but don't hear any movement. There's no way she would've left already! She couldn't have. Maybe she's in bed. I push the door open to look. Her bed is empty, but I see a light coming from the bathroom. I carefully enter the room, not wanting to risk scaring her.

"Hey Linka?"

I'm still getting the silent treatment. I walk towards the bathroom and don't hear any activity in there. I immediately think back to what I said, telling her to take all the pills…OH NO! WHAT IF…? I push the door open and can't believe what I see.

"NO! LINKA! OH MY GOD! NO!"

Linka is submerged under the water. I see the knife lying beside the tub. She couldn't…she wouldn't! I rush to the tub and grab her by the shirt, pulling her out. There's no blood. She didn't do it, but she still passed out…and I have no idea how long she's been underwater. The water is still warm, so I guess it hasn't been long…which is a good thing. Her lips are blue though, and that's not so good. And what about the pills? Did she take anything? I took the bottle…but what if she had more? I lay her on the floor and check for a pulse. My hands are shaking so badly though, I can't really tell one way or the other. She's not breathing, that much I'm sure of. I cover her mouth with mine and begin CPR on her.

"COME ON LINKA!" I plead as I pump her chest.

I go back to giving her mouth to mouth.

Tears are streaming down my face and my voice cracks as I demand,

"BREATHE!"

I hold her face in my hands.

"Please," I sob.

I'm having a hard time doing the compressions because her bulky sweatshirt is made even bulkier by the water that it's saturated with. I grasp the collar and pull with all my strength, tearing the garment in half and ripping it away from her body. That's better. Now I can see and feel her sternum and make sure I'm doing the compressions right.

"Linka…" I plead before breathing into her. "Come back to me Baby."

I am just about to start a second breath when she starts choking and spitting up water. I quickly turn her onto her side and hold her as she expels the water from within her.

"Oh thank God!" I exclaim as I hug her to me and kiss the side of her head while brushing the wet strands of hair away from her face. "Are you ok?"

When she doesn't answer, I pull back to look at her. She's passed out again.

"Wake up Babe. It's ok. I'm here now. I have you. I'm not gonna leave you…I'm not gonna lose you."

I think she's in shock. She's very cold. I have to get her out of these wet clothes and dry her off. I pick her up and move her to her room, laying her down there on the floor. I don't want to get her bed wet. I dump out her shopping bag to look for the new warm clothes that she had bought. I find a pair of thick jogging pants and a matching hooded sweatshirt. Leave it to Linka to get a coordinating hoodie for her pants!

I grab a towel from the bathroom and quickly return to kneel down next to her.

"Forgive me Babe," I whisper as I remove the soaking wet clothing that she's wearing. The trinket around her wrist catches my attention. The bracelet I got her…she's still wearing it. She was wearing when she was gonna…did seeing it stop her? Did it make her hesitate long enough to cause her to pass out before she had a chance to make the fatal cut? I hope so. But I guess it doesn't matter WHAT prevented her from going through with it, just as long as something did.

I take the towel and run it over her body, rubbing away the moisture on her skin. Even through the fabric of the towel, I can feel how cold she is. It makes me hurry up and dry her off as quickly as I can. And it's not easy. I'm trying my best not to look at her. Of course there's nothing attractive about this whole ordeal…but it's still Linka, the object of my affections…and I'm still a teenage guy. For the last year, only one girl has made regular appearances in my dreams…and, God help me, even like this, she's still beautiful…more beautiful than anything I could have made up in my dreams.

Focus Wheeler. This is so ass backwards! I never in a million years thought I'd ever be putting clothes ON Linka. I'd always held out hope that there'd be a day when I'd be taking them off. Once I've got her dressed, I wrap the towel around her head and squeeze the excess water out of her hair. I pick her up and carry her towards her bed. She moans softly and her lips move, as if she's trying to say something. Her eyes drift open, just a bit, but I can still see they're partially rolling into the back of her head. She's lost consciousness again.

I lay her down and pull the covers over her, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Wake up Babe," I say as I caress her cheek. "I need you to talk to me. We need to make sure you're alright." She's still completely out of it.

I take off my shirt, which is now also soaked and curl up beside her, wrapping my arms around her and throwing my leg over her so that I've got her completely enveloped in me, half of my body covering hers as I bury my head into the crook of her neck and whisper,

"I'm so sorry Baby. Wake up. I need you to come back to me. I need you."

I didn't want to fall asleep, but I did. I'm emotionally exhausted. I cried myself to sleep, knowing how close I just came to losing everything. Linka is my everything.

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 22 of LouiseX's Codependence.