Chapter 26: Day 11, Continued

The more time that passes, the more nervous I get. She's been in there for a while now and the water stopped running ten minutes ago. When she finally comes out, I remove the pillow from my face and sit up, wondering what she's going to say or do next.

"It is a little late for breakfast but at least the others will not be around."

She seems…happy? Or maybe this is the calm before the storm? I need to watch myself. One wrong move, one wrong word, and Linka could explode like the biggest volcanic eruption ever…like serious Pompeii proportions. What? Didn't think I was smart enough to know about that? Hey, I paid attention in history class! Especially when it involved explosions. I wasn't chosen to be the Fire Planeteer just because I have red hair!

I sit fully upright on the bed…don't want to get yelled at for slouching! And she surprises me again by simply sitting down in her desk chair. Hmm…should I say something? Should I make sure everything is ok? That we're ok?

I cautiously get up and kneel in front of her. I know that touching her and not being able to control myself was what got me into this mess in the first place, but like a moth to a flame, here I go again. I rub her arms and let my hands trail down to hold hers.

She just looks at where our hands are joined…she's not pulling away…that's a good sign. I don't know what to do or what to say next….I guess she doesn't either. Think, Wheeler, think! I'm usually so quick witted when it comes to making smartass remarks, but when it comes to saying something profound and meaningful…especially when Linka is involved, I always manage to either say the wrong things, or not know what to say at all. I wish I didn't get this way. I wish I could say exactly the right words to get her to know exactly how I feel, but I can't. I open my mouth with every intention of saying something that'll make her fall in love with me, but then my brain fails me and out comes…word vomit. And I end up babbling like an idiot or putting my foot in my mouth.

If I can't speak to her with words, my next option, my BEST option is my eyes. I release one of her hands to tilt her head away from our hands until our gazes meet. I give her a half smile, apologetic in a way. She uses her free hand to brush my hair away from my face. I open my mouth to apologize, but barely get a word out before she speaks.

"Ba- -"

"I am sorry Yankee, I seem to be over-reacting a lot lately."

"No, I'm sorry. I seem to keep giving you reasons to over-react…and you're not over reacting…you're reacting at a perfectly normal level. I just…I keep forgetting…"

Shut up Wheeler. Just SHUT THE HELL UP, before it's too late.

"Keep forgetting what?"

Too late. There's no turning back. No way to talk your way out of this one…

"I keep forgetting why we've been spending so much time together. It's not because you want…err, umm…if it weren't for the uh…whole Bliss thing…things would just be business as usual around here…right?"

"Da…probably…"

I raise an eyebrow at her, knowing that 'probably' wasn't the best answer.

"Definitely," she amends her answer. "But that still does not excuse my behavior. You are just being nice. I am reading too much into things."

Reading too much into things? Does she not think that I mean everything I do or say? Or maybe she knows that I do and she doesn't know how to react? How to let me down easily as opposed to how she used to just flat out turn me down. Does she feel obligated to let me get away with things because I've been helping her? Great…now I'm the one reading into things.

"And that upsets you? When I…"

Hmm, how do I put this?

"…care too much?"

"Da…"

I knew it. I'm pushing too hard. I'm pressuring her.

"I don't know how to stop. I can't turn it off."

"I am not asking you too. I just need to learn how to accept it…but I do not want you to stop. I need to know someone cares…even if it is just as a friend. I need you as a friend."

The F word. Friend. But how can I deny her anything right now?

"Then I'll keep caring. I'll never stop. Promise," I say as I stand up and hold out my hand to her. "Join me for brunch…Friend?"

She takes my hand but doesn't say anything, just nods.

Later, in the kitchen. She is looking through the fridge for something to eat. She settles on some blueberry yogurt and an orange. Not bad.

"You want some toast?" I ask.

"Do you want me to want some toast?"

"Noooooooo, I was just offering to make you some because I was going to make some for myself. I can't have eggs without toast and I figured if I was going to make some for me, I'd offer to make some for you…"

"Wheeler, I would love some toast. Thank you for offering," she says with a devious smile.

She's purposely being difficult. That's familiar…and encouraging. Things are getting back to normal.

"Very funny Babe."

"It is fun watching you squirm."

"Well, as long as you're happy! That's all that matters," I say as I lean across the table to kiss her nose. I linger for a little while and contemplate my next move. The "ding" of the toast makes me jump back, the moment ruined…once again. "Uhh, I guess my toast is done."

I remove the bread from the toaster and put in two more pieces.

"Here, you can have these. My eggs aren't done so I'm not ready for my toast yet."

"Thank you."

"Want some orange juice? I'm not asking because I think you need it, I'm asking because I'm getting myself a glass!" I clarify.

"No thank you, but I will take a glass of water as long as you are pouring drinks."

Better than nothin'.

We make casual small talk as we eat. I have a feeling I'm rambling. I was looking through the paper and making random comments on the stories, and we'd engage in conversation until we moved onto the next topic. Plus it gives me a chance to show her that I'm not a complete caveman and I do actually pay attention to what goes on in the world. Like who Madonna is dating these days, what movies are doing well at the box office, and that Guns and Roses' latest album has been banned in Singapore. I'm just delaying the inevitable though. I bump her shoulder with mine to get her attention.

"So are we going to go and have that talk with Gaia?" I ask quietly, hoping that the concern in my voice is evident.

She takes a while to answer, and I almost wonder if I spoke so softly, she didn't hear me.

"Would you mind if we did not? I… I need time to find my balance again. I am not sure I can cope with finding out yet, even with you there," she finally says, looking up at me with a pleading look.

Of course I understand.

"No problem," I reply, lifting my hand to soothingly stroke her cheek. Then I try to get things back to normal and ask with enthusiasm, "So what would you like to do today?"

She shrugs.

"Something normal. I am not sure I can face the others though, I dread to think what Gi must think of me after my behavior yesterday."

"Well they're off somewhere so we probably won't have to deal with them," I say before pausing to take a moment to think about what we can do. "We could watch some movies, we were gonna do that the other night remember?"

She nods in agreement.

"I would like that, but the others…"

"Won't be back until at least dinner time. When they turn up we can take our dinner to our rooms or down to the beach or something," I say confidently. Doesn't she know by now that I've got everything under control! She doesn't have to worry about anything as long as I'm around.

"Okay." She smiles at me and says lightheartedly, "I get to pick the video though."

I drop my head in my hands dramatically and say, "Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?"

Then I wink at her to let her know I'm only joking and then I start clearing away our breakfast plates. I don't care what movie she picks, as long as I'm spending time with her.

She helps me clean up and then we head over to the commons area. I take a seat on the couch while she goes to the video cabinet to make her selection. After a few minutes, she gets up and heads towards the door. I give her a questioning look and she says,

"I have a couple of tapes in my room that I brought back from home with me."

Oh great. Not only is it gonna be a cheesy romance…not that I'm not in the mood for romance…but it's also gonna be in Russian? She pauses at the door and says,

"Do not worry they are in English."

It's as if she can read my mind! While she's gone, I go back to the kitchen to make some popcorn.

She's not gone long and is setting up the video.

"Yankee, we just had breakfast!"

"We can't watch a movie without popcorn Babe." I say with a mischievous grin, holding my arm out for her.

She rolls her eyes at me, but snuggles up against me anyway. "I think you will like this, it is a romance but it is funny."

"Whatever," I reply, not really believing that I'll like it, but not really caring, as long as we can sit like this for a few hours.

She chuckles and says, "Trust me Yankee."

I trust her…or at least, I'm trying to fix that trust. I give her a squeeze as we get comfortable and watch the movie. And I hate to admit it, but she was right. I laugh the whole time…but she eats most of the popcorn, so I guess we were both right about each other! It's weird how well we know each other.

We are sitting there comfortably watching TV when we're interrupted by the sound of a landing Geo Cruiser. She looks up at me with a panicked look on her face. I lean down to kiss her forehead to reassure her.

"Don't worry Babe. Go back to your room. I'll take care of dinner…and the others."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I say as I stand up, help her up from the couch, and pull her into my arms. "Now hurry up and get outta here before they get here!"

She smiles at me and says thanks before hurrying out the door and retreating back to her cabin. I'm glad she's finally letting me take care of her and not fighting me.

I put a pizza in the oven, it's Linka's favorite. Gi enters the kitchen with an armful of grocery bags.

"Here Gi, let me help you," I say as I take a few of the bags from her and put the contents in the cupboards and fridge where they belong.

"Thanks Wheeler…what'cha making?"

"Pizza. For Linka and me to eat for dinner."

"Are you sure she'll be able to handle that?" She asks with concern.

"Nope, but it's better than nothing. When she does eat, it's always healthy! I know she wants stuff that's going to be easy on her stomach…but I think she needs to start eating things that are gonna put some meat back on her bones."

"How is she doing? I mean…after last night…how did she handle the news of having to go back to the clinic…obviously she's ok with it if she's still willing to have dinner with you."

"Actually, she's not going," I say.

"She's not? You let her talk you out of it? Wheeler, I know you can't say no to her, but this is what's best…and believe me, I know how easily she can manipulate us to get her way. I was a victim of that, but…"

"She didn't manipulate me!" I interrupt. I'm not going to stand here and listen to Gi bad mouth Linka. I know she's mad at her, but still. I guess I'm sort of being hypocritical. Last night, I was just as angry with Linka and screaming at her and saying things I didn't mean. "Look Gi, there's a lot more going on with her than even I realized last night. She explained things to me that I didn't know."

"Like what?"

I don't want to give too much away because Linka trusted me with this information and no one else.

"When she was with Skumm, he didn't treat her like he treated the others…he treated her and Boris better. They pretty much had access to Bliss anytime they wanted it…the others had to work for it. They did bad things, like fight until one of the combatants was dead. The winner got Bliss. These kids were so out of their minds with addiction; they didn't even care that they could die, just as long as they had a shot at getting some Bliss. The others knew that Linka and Boris were getting special treatment. If Linka goes to that clinic with them…she won't have any allies, only enemies that hate and resent her. How is that going to be good for her? Not having any support from peers?"

"I guess it's not. But…"

"No buts. There's nothing you or anyone else can do or say to convince me to send her to that place. If we forced her to go…she…" I think back to last night. "She wouldn't survive."

"That's a little dramatic don't you think?" Gi asks.

"No…I think it's frighteningly accurate," I say under my breath as I turn to get my pizza out of the oven.

"What was that?" Gi asks.

"Nothing…Look, you didn't tell Kwame and Ma-Ti that I was going to make Linka go back to the clinic did you?"

"Yeah, I told them today."

Great.

"Well, I guess you'll have to tell them that plans have changed."

I slice the pizza, take it off the pan, and put it on a platter to take to Linka's room. I grab two Cokes out of the fridge and leave the kitchen without another word.

When I get to Linka's room, I take one look at her choice of activities and make a face.

"Checkers? Babe I suck at checkers! Don't you have a chess set?"

She looks at me in surprise. I guess she didn't think a dumb city boy like me was cultured enough to understand chess, let alone actually enjoy playing it.

"Da, I do," she says quickly, trying to hide her face.

Busted Babe-ushka…let's see you get out of this one!

"You didn't think a guy like me could play chess did you?" I tease.

She smiles at me, a hint of mischief in her eyes, and says,

"I just thought you preferred more 'physical' games."

I laugh. Careful Babe, you might give a guy the perfect opportunity to show you just what sort of physical activities I'd prefer to be doing with you! Oh man, there I go again. Focus Wheeler…I let her comment go and simply say,

"I'm good at chess."

"So am I."

Sounds like another classic USA vs. USSR chess challenge. And another classic Wheeler vs. Linka competition. It's a friendly little rivalry that we've had since we met…probably in part due to our countries' not so friendly competitions…but mostly because we are just competitive people. Game on Babe!

"That sounds like a challenge," I say with a sly smile.

She finally notices what I'm holding.

"Wheeler I cannot eat that! Putting aside for just a moment how unhealthy it is, my stomach will never keep that down!" She exclaims.

I shrug. I knew before I made it that it wasn't very "tummy friendly." Mine will probably get a little messed up by the grease and spicy sausage, pepperoni, garlic, and oregano. It's a good thing I know there'll be no kissing tonight.

"Babe your stomach is not keeping much of anything down, the way I see it you might as well enjoy it."

I put the plate down between us on the bed, and hand her a Coke.

"And it's your favorite kind."

I can see how badly she wants it as I take a bite and pull it away, letting the extra cheese stretch dramatically between my mouth and the slice, making an "mmmm" sound as I twirl the cheese around my finger to break the string, then pop my finger in my mouth and suck off the extra cheese.

I hold out my piece of pizza to her, offering her a bite, tempting her.

"Come on Babe…you know you want it." I am talking about the pizza…aren't I?

It works. She takes a bite…and then she takes a slice of pizza for herself.

A couple of hours later, I'm standing next to her, rubbing her back and keeping her hair out of the way as she bends over the sink, emptying her stomach. I feel really guilty. I wish there was more I could do for her, but all I can do is be here and apologize. We both knew it would end like this, but now I feel responsible. I hate seeing her like this.

When she's finished rinsing out her mouth, I suggest she go lie down while I take care of cleaning up.

When I'm done, I go back out to her bedroom, join her on the bed, and ask,

"You okay?"

She nods and snuggles into my arms as I wrap myself around her.

"Sorry," I say as I kiss her forehead. "I shouldn't have pushed you to eat that."

"You did not," she replies, closing her eyes. "You were right it does not make a difference what I eat, what matters is that I am not alone."

She's not alone. I'll never leave her side unless she tells me to. I hold her closely. I can tell she's really tired and on the verge of falling asleep. Actually, I think she's already out.

"Do you wanna get ready for bed? Linka?"

I nuzzle her face to get her attention.

"Mmmm?"

I chuckle softly at her, and repeat,

"Babe, it's getting late. We should get ready for bed."

She opens her eyes sleepily and asks,

"Can we not just stay like this?"

I kiss her temple and pull her up into a sitting position.

"Come on Babe."

She groans and leans against me, still half asleep and no doubt all her energy has been drained from throwing up.

"Too tired."

"You okay to sleep in what you have on?" I ask. When she nods, I easily pick her up in my arms. She's so tiny and light; it's like carrying a child. I'm able to cradle her against me with one arm while pulling the covers on her bed back. I lay her down and pull the blankets up around her.

I lean down to kiss her head.

"Stay," she murmurs.

She thinks that was a kiss goodbye. Never.

"I'm not going anywhere Babe, I just need to use the bathroom, I won't be long," I say, waiting for her to acknowledge that she understands and then leave for the bathroom.

I'm torn. I can't sleep in my jeans. It's just not comfortable…but all I've had on all day was my jeans. After cleaning up her room, I never got around to putting a shirt on…so if I lose the jeans, I'm sleeping in nothing but my boxers…which is how I usually sleep, but is that really a good idea? It wouldn't be the first time…a few nights ago when she came to my room, it was all I was wearing. What's it matter anyway? By the time I get out there, she's gonna be asleep. Besides, it's not like anything is gonna happen. While I'm wearing nothing but my boxers, she's wearing practically everything in her wardrobe!

When I get out there, her eyes are closed. Good, she's asleep. I slip in beside her and she cuddles into my embrace, without opening her eyes. She can probably still tell what I'm wearing though…or not wearing, as she presses her body to mine and runs her ice cold feet along my bare legs for warmth. I guess she's not asleep.

"Good night Babe, sweet dreams," I say, placing one last kiss on her cheek and resting my head against the top of hers.

She shocks me by pressing her lips to my shoulder in response and saying,

"You too."

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 26 of LouiseX's Codependence.