Chapter 30: Days 13 and 14

The next thing I remember is waking up in a cot, my side is throbbing.

"Wheeler, are you ok?" Ma-Ti asks.

"What happened?" I ask.

"You were in a fight. Over a girl?"

"No!" I shout as it all comes back to me. "That girl…she was trying to…proposition me. I kept telling her no, but she didn't understand English I guess. Next thing I know, this guy is yelling something, pulls her away, and I go to thank him for getting her away from me…then he stabs me. How bad is it?"

"You were very lucky. He hit a rib, so it did not go in very deep at all, but when you were fighting you lost enough blood to cause you to pass out."

Then it hits me.

"What time is it?"

"A little after three."

"Oh no! I was supposed to call Linka!"

"I am sure she will understand."

"No, you don't get it, I told her I'd call her at 12…she's probably worried…or thinks I forgot about her!"

"Wheeler, I am positive Linka knows you would never intentionally forget about her."

"But she also knows I'd never miss a call unless something happened…she's probably worried that something bad happened!"

"Well you cannot call her now. It is too late. She is probably asleep."

"She won't mind if I call her! She'll be relieved!" I argue.

"She needs her rest, and so do you! Kwame and Gi are making arrangements to go home. You will be seeing Linka soon enough."

"We're going home?"

"Yes."

"Good," I say as I get up, but Ma-Ti stops me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to pack."

"You have plenty of time for that. The doctors still need to look you over one last time before they release you."

"Fine, then go get a doctor! Tell them I'm fine."

Ma-Ti does as I ask…well, more like demand…and after much convincing, and a bottle of antibiotics to help fight off possible infection, I'm released.

I hurry to my room, as quickly as my injury will allow me, to grab my things. It's a good thing I didn't take the time to unpack. All I need to do is put on a clean shirt and put away my pajama pants and Linka's shirt.

Once I'm all packed, I wait in the Geo Cruiser for the others. What's taking them so long? I need to get home! Finally, they get here.

"It's about time! Let's go!" I say.

"Geez Wheeler, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you paid that guy to stab you just so you'd have an excuse to go home!" Gi teases.

"Nah, if that were the case, I would've done it yesterday."

"How are you feeling?" Kwame asks.

"Like I just got stabbed," I joke dryly. "I'm fine. Really. It hurts, but I'll live…besides, it could've been a lot worse. So I'm thankful for that."

"We all are," Ma-Ti says.

"Let us go home then. I think that we have done all that we can for these people," Kwame says.

"Yeah," I agree. "…blood, sweat…and tears," I add quietly, thinking about Linka.

I wake up from a little nap and check my watch, it's after 7. Linka should be up…or at least, she should have gotten a decent amount of sleep. I use the satellite phone in the Geo Cruiser to call her.

"Hello?"

"Linka!"

"Wheeler!"

"Babe! I'm so sorry!"

"What happened? I was so worried!"

"I know, I figured! I wanted to call you sooner, but by the time I realized what time it was, it was the middle of the night on Hope Island, I knew you'd be asleep…"

"Da, but I was not asleep…I was waiting for you to call."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to call…I really did…Ma-Ti, tell her," I hold out the phone.

"Yes Linka. As soon as he found out what time it was, he insisted on calling you…but I told him it was too late, that you both needed your rest…"

I pull the phone away before he has a chance to go any further.

"Uhh, so you see Babe, I tried."

"Where are you now?" she asks.

"In the Geo Cruiser."

"Are you setting up the com link?"

"I can if you want."

"Of course I want…you need to make up for missing your call earlier!"

She doesn't seem too mad…and when she finds out we're coming home, she's gonna be ecstatic.

"Good morning Beautiful!"

"HI!" She beams, and then the happy look on her face is wiped away. "Bozhe moy Wheeler! You look horrible! Why are you so pale? Are you sick?"

"Yeah…I uh…got the flu bug," a little lie never hurt anyone. There's no need to worry her for no reason.

"Flu bug? Are you sure it is not a parasite? When you go to places like that…and there is stagnant water, and raw sewage I am sure…"

"Calm down Babe, it's not a parasite."

"Well, it is good to see you, even if you do look awful."

"Gee thanks."

"I did not mean it like that…I am just happy to see you."

"I know. I'm happy to see you too. And I've got something to tell you."

"Oh yeah? What is that?"

I miss you, I love you, I can't live without you…

"In about five hours, you'll be able to tell me how crappy I look…IN PERSON!"

"What? Do you mean…?"

"Yep! I'm comin' home Babe!"

"Oh Wheeler! That is wonderful news! I cannot believe you are done there already!"

"Well, my…illness was a big part of our getting sent home…"

"Wait…they are sending you home just for the flu? Why not just keep you in bed and let the others finish?" She asks.

Uh oh.

"Umm, I guess they don't want me getting everyone else sick. Besides, we called Cap and he did most of the hard work."

"You did? You were able to?" She asks.

"Yep. So our theory is still in tact."

"Good. I am glad to hear it. I cannot wait to see you!"

I can't even begin to describe the feeling that hearing those words gives me. Like being on a roller coaster and you have that tickling feeling and you wanna scream and laugh all at the same time. My eyes are stinging with tears too. Happy ones of course.

I lower my voice to try and give us some privacy, but it's hard when everyone is sitting within 10 feet of me in the confined space of the Geo Cruiser.

"I can't wait to see you either Babe. I better let you go. Try to get some more sleep…it'll make the time go by faster, and I want you well rested." I catch Gi giving me a look out of the corner of my eye. "Uh…because we have a lot of catching up to do…talking…and uh, how are you feeling? How's the muscle soreness?"

"It is still a problem."

"Oh, ok. Good…I mean, NOT good, but good that I'm coming home."

"Da, it is good that you are coming home."

"Well, like I said before, I better let you go. We'll be home for lunch…so pick out your favorite yogurt and fruit, and I'll make the toast!"

"Sounds…delicious."

"Really?"

"Nyet!"

I chuckle at her attempt at humor.

"Sorry, I'm not used to you being the sarcastic one! See you soon Babe."

"Not soon enough Yankee!"

I close the connection and brace myself for the onslaught of questions from my teammates, who could, unfortunately, hear everything.

"So Wheeler, what's the deal with you two?" Gi asks.

"What do you mean Gi? I thought you knew the 'deal.'"

"Well, so did I, but you admitted that when she was sleeping, you…may have been enjoying yourself a little too much…"

"GI!" I exclaim as Ma-Ti and Kwame turn to look at me, knowing what she's getting at, but completely misunderstanding. "That's not what I meant! I was just…I…kissed her."

"YOU DID?" They all cry out.

"Yeah…well, sort of. Just a few times on the back of the neck while I was holding her…to keep her warm!" I quickly clarify.

"Wheeler!" Kwame says, but he's smiling.

"I know! I know! I just…I was just comforting her. I wasn't trying to go anywhere with it."

"So you're like her very own heating pad?" Gi teases.

"Yeah, I guess. But…it's not just that."

"Of course not! But it is a nice excuse eh my friend?" Ma-Ti joins in the teasing.

Great, now they are accusing me of having an agenda…just like Kwame was except they're hiding behind a teasing tone instead of a condescending one.

"NO!" I say, maybe a little bit more defensively than I need to.

"Calm down Wheeler, we're only joking!" Gi says. "Geez, all the time you've been spending with Linka, you're starting to sound like her…so serious all the time!"

"Yeah, well…there's a lot more to it than any of you know…or could ever understand."

"Wheeler, how are we supposed to understand? Neither one of you will let us in," Kwame says. "It is as if we need Ma-Ti to use his ring to get inside your head."

I guess that's fair. Maybe if they knew WHY I think I'm the only one that can help Linka, they'd agree.

"Ok. I see your point. There's something I need to tell you guys that'll hopefully help you understand why Linka was more willing to let me help her. If you remember, it wasn't easy at first…she was shutting me out too."

"So how did you get her to open up?" Gi asks.

"Have any of you ever had to deal with addiction before?"

Once I have their full attention, I go on to tell them about James and even a little bit about my dad. I tell them about how I have nightmares almost every night, which leads me to tell them a little bit about Linka's trouble with nightmares and how we've sort of become dependent on each other for comfort. I tell them how having me nearby helps her relax and sleep better, and how I haven't had a nightmare since we've been staying together. I even opened up about the dream that I had while in the Philippines. I didn't go into detail about it, but just told them that it was the worst dream I ever had and I knew that it was because I was so worried about her, but she wasn't there.

"So does this mean that you two will be…co-habitating?" Kwame asks.

"Umm, I don't know…for the time being, yes…I guess. Until she's 100 percent better and doesn't need me anymore."

"And you think her nightmares will go away once she is done going through withdrawal?" Ma-Ti asks.

"I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. There's a lot she still needs to deal with. Questions that she needs answered…I think once she has those answers, her nightmares will be less frequent and eventually go away completely."

"And what about yours?" Gi asks. "What happens to you when Linka no longer needs comfort at night? How do you plan on making your nightmares go away?"

"I don't. I've been dealing with them for practically my whole life. As nice as it is getting a good night's sleep, I think part of me NEEDS to have those nightmares. I need to be reminded of my past…so that it doesn't become my future."

"So you do not want them to go away?" Kwame asks.

"Of course I want them to go away. I wish I'd never have one again…but there's only one way that'll ever happen…and I know that it's not a realistic solution, so I'm not getting my hopes up."

I shut my eyes, indicating that I'm done with the conversation. I said what I felt needed to be said and now maybe everyone will be more understanding of what Linka is going through, be more accepting of the amount of 'alone time' that we've been spending together, and not jump to conclusions about the reasons behind it, or suspect that anything 'inappropriate' it going on. Not that it's any of their business what Linka and I do. We're both adults…well, technically, she's not...but the way I see it, if we're old enough to put our lives on the line for the planet, we're old enough to not have to explain ourselves to our teammates.

Everyone is quiet for a while. I guess they don't know what to say, which is fine by me because I don't really want to talk about it anymore.

"Why not?" Kwame asks.

I thought maybe I dozed off and missed part of a conversation. When no one answers him, I look over to see that he's looking at me.

"Huh? 'Why not' what?"

"Why would you not get your hopes up? Why is it not realistic that you and Linka would not end up together?"

"Because you said it yourself…I'm not going to take advantage of all the time we've been spending together. I want to get her through this, but I don't want her to think that she owes me anything."

"So what will it do to her when she is better and all of a sudden, you are not around? What will she think then?"

"Damn Kwame! Can't I do anything right? First you accuse me of using her situation as an excuse to spend time with her and get closer to her, and then when I tell you that I'm not, you give me shit for that!"

"I am not giving you…" he sighs in frustration. "I just do not want to see either of you get hurt, or end up in a situation that could be detrimental to the team."

Detrimental to the team? Why do things have to be so complicated? I think I'm in love with her. I feel like there's something there on her side too. I can't possibly be imagining the vibe I get from her…can I?

Gi speaks up before I have a chance to respond.

"Wheeler, I think what Kwame is trying to say, is that we all care about both you and Linka. We want what's best for you both. We all know how you feel about her, and even though she's not as…forthcoming with her feelings as you are, we can all see how much she cares about you."

"We are all worried about Linka," Kwame says. "She is very fragile right now and if she leans on you too much…if she expects more than you're ready to give…"

"I'm not gonna hurt her. I care about her."

"I know you do my friend…and she cares about you," Kwame says softly. "I am sorry about the other day. Her ring was very helpful…for those who were able to use it."

Is he…jealous? Gi admitted that she was jealous that Linka turned to me. What's he jealous of? That he doesn't have control of the situation like he usually does? That I took control this time and am handling things…or is it more? Is he jealous of the time that I'm spending with her…of our closeness? I self consciously touch her ring which is still securely placed on my little finger. Doesn't matter…her ring worked for me. It only worked for me.

"Yeah…it would have been better if she were here to use it."

"So she could have watched you get attacked, or worried herself sick when you were taken to the medic? They would not let us see you or give us any information for almost two hours…who would have been able to comfort her? Not any of us…she trusts you. She needs you. She has already lost her cousin…if she had thought that she was about to lose you…"

"It would have been bad," I finish for him. "Which is why I'd appreciate it if no one said anything to her about my injury. It would worry her too much and stress her out."

"Yes, of course," Ma-Ti says as the others nod.

"That is why we did not think she should come on this mission. While we had no way of knowing that this was going to happen to you…we knew that Linka was not ready…and this mission required our full attention. You could not have taken care of her on this mission like you can on Hope Island…She was safer there…we really did think this was the best decision for her…for her recovery."

"You need to tell her that. Part of withdrawal is paranoia. It's really hard for her to trust. She thinks everyone is out to get her…it took me a really long time to convince her that she can trust me. You can't expect her to be the same Linka. She's emotional and moody. One minute she's fine, the next, she's crying. She's in pain. Her muscles cramp. She wants to get better…but she wants Bliss."

"She told you that?" Gi asks in surprise.

"No, of course not…but she was addicted to the stuff and it's only been…" I do a quick count in my head. "…13 days."

Has it really only been 13 days? It feels so much longer.

"Like I said, my cousin was an addict. I saw how it consumed him. The difference is, Linka wants to get better. She's trying. James ACTED like he wanted to get better, but never did anything about it. But just because she wants to get better doesn't mean the craving isn't still there. Bliss made its users happy…it made them forget their problems. Sounds tempting right? Don't you think she'd give anything to be happy again? To get back to the way she used to feel? I just want her to be happy again. I wanna do my best to make her happy…to forget the Bliss. To replace it. I wanna be the thing that makes her happy."

I'm mad at myself for feeling like I need to explain myself to them, but at the same time, it feels good to let them know how I feel.

Gi is the first one to speak.

"Wheeler, you know I'm a hopeless romantic. I'd love it if you two could live happily ever after…but we're young. Linka has never come out and said it, but I know she's worried about how it will affect the team as well. And if I were in her position, I'd be worried about you."

"Me?"

"You're a big flirt! Are you really ready to settle down? What if we weren't on Hope Island and you could have your pick of any number of girls?"

"Then I'd STILL pick Linka," I say confidently. "I've had crushes before. I've had a girlfriend before…but I've never felt what I feel for Linka before. If we were in a relationship, it wouldn't be detrimental to the team because I'd do whatever it takes to make things between us work."

Gi smiles and shares a look with Kwame, and Ma-Ti.

"Then tell her that!" Kwame says.

"I wish it were that simple," I say. "I don't want to scare her, or push her away and ruin our friendship. I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all."

"Wheeler, I do not need my ring to tell me that Linka is not scared of you. If anything, she is scared of what she would do if she ever lost you," Ma-Ti says.

Everyone else nods in agreement.

"Thanks guys."

Those were the words of encouragement from my teammates that I've been longing to hear.

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 30 of LouiseX's Codependence.