Chapter 33: Day 15, Morning

I wake up before Linka, which never happens. Part of my problem is that I'm so uncomfortable sleeping on my back and part of my problem being the pain that I'm feeling when I breathe. My ribs are sore, like they're bruised. It's not just the gash that's hurting…which is throbbing, by the way.

I extract myself from Linka's cautious embrace. Her head was still resting on my shoulder and I was still holding one of her hands, but her other hand was lying across my stomach instead of my arm.

What I really want is a shower. I haven't had one since the one I had yesterday…right before I got stabbed. And I feel like I have a fever. Must be the infection. Great. Maybe I will have to go to the hospital. I go to my bathroom and remove the bandages to check out my battle wound. It's getting even redder and puffier. I'll give Ma-Ti's medicine another day to work, after that though, I may have to suck it up and go to the doctor. Great…I hate giving Linka the opportunity to say "I told you so!"

I leave the bathroom door open slightly so that Linka can hear the shower running if she wakes up. I don't want her thinking that I just got up and left her, considering I was pretty moody last night and let my hurt feelings get the best of me. I turn on the shower and give the water some time to warm up before jumping in. I carefully wash off the balm and clean around the edges of the wound. It's tender and it hurts.

I get out of the shower and gently dry off, being extra careful not to pull the skin around my cut. Even though I had washed Ma-Ti's medicine off, the wound was still closed up…So maybe the stuff was working after all?

I wrap the towel around my waist and peek my head out the door to check on Linka. She's still sleeping. She must really be wiped out. I hope she's ok. It's probably just a matter of her not getting a very good night's sleep while I was away. I want to let her sleep so I don't want to risk disturbing her by fetching Ma-Ti's serum. I'll just bandage myself up for now. We can put the medicine on later. Besides, why do it myself when I'd much rather let her do it! You know, so she feels useful and like she's helping me. Honestly…I'm thinking of her feelings…mostly.

This is harder than I thought! I need a third hand. Just when I think I've got it figured out, I feel my towel start to loosen. No no no! Oh well, it's just gonna have to fall. I've almost got this bandage wrapped around the gauze pad and…

"OW! DAMN IT!"

The bandage slipped out from under my palm and my sudden movement to try and catch it caused me to pull the healing skin apart. The door is pushed open the rest of the way as Linka flies through it.

"Wheeler are you…OH!"

She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me standing there in nothing but my…well, nothing. She stares at me in shock before coming to her senses, covering her eyes and turning her back.

"SORRY!" We both exclaim at the same time.

I hastily and stupidly stoop down to pick up the towel.

"OW! MOTHER…" I bite my lip to muffle the rest of my curse.

"Are you alright?" She asks.

"No…I bent down too quickly to try and snatch up my towel and reopened my wound…worse than what I did to it when I first opened it trying to keep the bandages from slipping."

"Are you decent?"

"I am now," I say as I tuck the towel back around my waist.

Her face is red and from a quick glance in the mirror, I can tell that I'm also blushing and that the blood is seeping from my wound and running down my side.

"You should have woken me. I would have taken care of this for you."

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Come on, grab your bandages and lay down. We need to get the bleeding to stop again."

"Hold on…lemme grab some boxers…there's a better chance of them staying on than this towel!" I joke as I retrieve my favorite pair of boxers from my drawer.

I re-emerge from the bathroom and Linka laughs out loud. My goal was to lighten the mood of our embarrassment from a few moments ago…it worked.

"Are those monkeys?"

"Gorillas actually."

"Yes, you really are 'going bananas'," she comments, referring to the words around the waistband.

"What? You don't like 'em?"

"Nyet it is not that…they are…cute…and you can wear whatever you want…I just…cannot believe you wear those!"

"Well, usually, no one sees them…they're reserved for special people."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, so consider yourself lucky!"

"Oh, I do!" She says sarcastically. "I can use information like this against you for YEEEEEEARS to come!"

"I can't believe you're not taking this seriously," I say, trying to keep a straight face. "You're the only person that I've ever let see these!"

"Tell me Wheeler, how am I supposed to take anything seriously when a grown man is standing before me in boxer shorts with bananas and monkeys on them!"

"GORILLAS! And just because I'm legally an adult, does not make me a grown man…I'm 18…still a teenager!"

"Obviously," she smiles. "Now come lay down here before you get blood all over those nice boxers."

I do as she says and reply,

"I'm sensing a hint of sarcasm."

"Just a hint? I guess I am not trying hard enough!" She teases.

"I don't know what hurts more…my wound or the fact that you don't like my favorite boxers!"

"When did I say that I did not like them?" She says.

"You didn't have to say it…it's the lack of respect you're showing for them!"

"I have nothing but the utmost respect for you AND your preferred sleepwear Yankee."

"Oh these aren't just for sleeping. These boxers have been with me on some of my favorite missions…that's why they're my favorite boxers!"

"Which missions have been your favorite?"

She'd make a good doctor some day. The whole time we've been talking, she's been taking care of my wound. She's gotten the bleeding to stop and is now rubbing the ointment into my skin and over the wound.

"Ok, well, my first favorite mission is our first one…because it was a day that changed my life forever…and it was the day I met you."

She smiles and her cheeks redden. She's concentrating a little harder than necessary on keeping my wound closed.

"Then there's the mission in Thailand…with the dragon."

"You liked being captured by a mechanical dragon?" She says in surprise.

"I liked what was about to happen BEFORE I got captured by the mechanical dragon."

She pauses to think about what I'm talking about. Once it hits her, she smiles at the memory…or at my foolishness for thinking anything of it. After all, at the end of the mission when I mentioned how much I was going to miss that place, she commented about how I didn't even want to come there, and I said that that was before she hugged me. Then, as she always does, she killed my hopes by saying she had no choice, it was either me or the dragon beast.

"But I had my lucky boxers on, so I knew I was going to be ok. And then there was that time with Sneezer! I wanted to get you a birthday present, but was an idiot and thought that an ivory necklace would be nice. Then I learned the cost of ivory…not just money, but the life of all those elephants…and that mission didn't leave me any time to get you a present…but you said seeing Sneezer reunited with her mom was good enough…and you were so happy, you almost kissed me."

"That is not what happened! You said that in America, when you got a present, you thanked the person with a kiss. I said that in the Soviet Union, when boys make fast move, they get a fast nyet! Your lucky boxers were not so lucky for you then!"

"Sure they were…Sneezer and her mom were reunited. I didn't say they were always lucky for me!"

She rolls her eyes at me.

"Anymore favorites?"

"That time we went to DC…and I found out you were a hacker!"

"What was so great about that?"

"Nothing…just learning something new and surprising about you…and it was kinda nice gettin' to work with you on a mission…just the two of us…and we didn't kill each other!"

"Da…we were a good team."

"We still are!" I say.

"Nyet…I am no longer a member of the team…it is only a matter of time before I am asked to leave."

"No way! That'll never happen."

"You sound so sure."

"Because I am. Remember when I was trapped behind that wall of ice with Blight? It was only a matter of time before we ran out of air…but you didn't give up on me…just like I'll never give up on you…Which brings me to my last favorite mission."

"Being trapped behind a wall of ice with a mad scientist?"

"Yep…it was worth it for the hug I got when you saved me…and then when we watched the sunrise…the start of the New Year…and I heard your beautiful singing for the first time. The lucky boxers were there for it! It was a great way to start off the New Year."

"It may have been a great start…but it has not been a very good year so far," she says sadly.

"No, it hasn't been…but the good news is it can't get any worse, right? Things have to start getting better…and they will…I thought they kinda were."

"Da, they are…thanks to you…"

She smiles at me and I smile back at her, once again, sharing a moment in my lucky boxers. She stands up, motioning for me to sit up.

"There, you are all patched up…again. I will wrap you in gauze and you will be all set."

She wraps the bandages around me and tapes them in place.

"All better…how do you feel?"

"Thanks Babe…didn't feel a thing," I say as I put my hand on her waist.

"You are welcome," she says as she puts her hand in my hair and ruffles it.

She sits down next to me on the bed, hip to hip. We stay like that for a while, silent. The subject of going to see Gaia hasn't been brought up since I got back from the last mission. It's time to break the silence.

"So, should we plan on seeing Gaia today?" I ask.

"NO!" She replies, a little bit more strongly than I'd expected.

"Babe, you've been putting it off for days…what if something else comes up to put it off even longer?"

"That is fine by me."

"I thought you wanted to know."

"I DO, but why is it so important to you? What difference does it make?"

I gotta admit, I'm a little wounded by that. Why wouldn't it be important to me? She's important to me. I just want to know that she's ok and that that scum bag, Skumm didn't do anything to hurt her even more than he already had. If so, he's a dead man…err, rat.

"It makes a huge difference."

"You want to know what Skumm did to me? You want to know if I am still worthy of your flirtations? Or whether or not I am damaged goods?"

Here comes the mood swings.

"NO! This isn't about me. It's about making sure you're ok," I say as I lay my hand on her cheek. "Nothing will change how I feel about you. I'll always be around to annoy you with my flirting and bad lines, no matter what. I just…I have so much anger towards him. I wanna kill him for what he did to you…If I know that he didn't…you know…I'll still hate him, but maybe I can eventually get over that feeling of wanting him dead."

"And if he did…?"

"Then I'll make him pay for what he did to you…for all of it."

"You are not saying that you will kill him…are you?"

I'm ashamed to admit it, but that's exactly what I'm saying. I don't have to tell Linka that. She knows what I'm thinking. She takes my hand and moves so that she can look me in the eyes.

"You are better than him Jason. Do not let him cause you to do anything that is against your nature. I appreciate your wanting to get vengeance for me…but it is mine to get. I must be the one that deals with Skumm, and when that opportunity comes, I will take it…but it must be me who does it."

"What will you do?" I ask.

"I do not know."

"But if we go to Gaia, she can help…"

"GAIA DOES NOT WANT TO HELP ME!" Linka shouts.

"Why would you think that?" I ask.

"She has had her chances. She avoids me. I think she is ashamed of me for becoming addicted to Bliss."

"It wasn't your fault…she knows that."

"Does she? She sure is not acting like it! She probably regrets choosing me for the Planeteers. I have been nothing but a disappointment."

"That's not true. You're the best Planeteer there is!"

"You are just saying that!" She says.

"No, I'm not. It's true. I've learned more from you than from anyone else. Maybe Gaia just doesn't know HOW to approach you? I mean, maybe she's having the same problem that the others are having? They didn't know how to approach you…they're still struggling with it."

"But she is not like them! She is more! She is the Spirit of the Earth! She should know! She should have all the answers! She should not be afraid to approach me!"

"How can you say she's avoiding you? You hardly venture out of your room or my room…and when you do, I'm with you."

"When you were away and I went to the Crystal Chamber to talk to you on Planet Vision, she could not leave the room fast enough."

"Maybe she wanted to give us some privacy?" I say, waggling my eyebrows at her to try and make her laugh…it doesn't work. "Seriously though Babe, I think maybe you're reading too much into it. I'm sure she just left because she didn't want to intrude."

"Do not defend her to me! I do not want to hear it! I need you on my side!"

"I don't wanna take sides Babe. I wanna be neutral. But at the same time, I wanna be supportive of you."

"Thank you."

We sit there in silence once again…but I can't let it go.

"So you're just gonna forget about it? Forget about finding the truth?" I ask.

"Maybe not knowing is best."

"If you can live with that…I guess that's fine."

"You do not agree? You think I am wrong?"

"It's not my place to say…if this is what you want…I'm with you."

"For now…this is what I want."

"Ok…" But it's not ok. I'll let her think I've dropped it for now, but this is far from over. I stand up to leave. "I'm gonna see if Ma-Ti and Kwame feel like playing some video games since that's about the only fun activity I can do…wanna come?"

"Nyet…I think I will go for a short walk…I promise, I will not over do it!"

"Good," I say as I lean down to kiss her forehead.

And I'm glad she declined my invitation to play video games. I was never planning on doing that. I was planning on going to find Gaia. She has some explaining to do.

"GAIA? YO GAIA? WHERE ARE YOU?" I call out as I enter the Crystal Chamber. She appears before me.

"You bellowed, Wheeler?" She says with a tone that is similar to a mother's when she's irritated at the kids for yelling indoors.

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Talking being the operative word, I presume?"

"Yeah, yeah…I'm done yelling…I was just trying to find you." Geesh who knew the Spirit of the Earth could be as moody as a real woman?

"So what brings you here?" She asks.

"Linka."

"Oh? Is everything ok with her?"

"Yeah…no…well…sorta…She's getting better. Much better. But there's one thing that's bothering her…well, two things…but she can't resolve the one issue until she resolves the other," I try to explain.

"Why do you need to talk to me about it? Shouldn't you be talking to her about it?"

"I've tried. She doesn't want to," I say.

"Well if she doesn't want to, perhaps you should accept her wishes?" She suggests.

"Even if I know that that's not what's best for her?"

"Won't Linka be mad if she knew you were going against her wishes?"

"Very…but it's for her own good. She has questions that need answered…but she won't come to you for them," I say.

"Me? What sort of questions can I answer for her?"

"She thinks you're avoiding her."

I was expecting Gaia to deny it. To say she hadn't been, not intentionally, and that Linka was just seeing something that wasn't there.

"So she's noticed?"

"Wait? So you have been avoiding her?" I ask in surprise.

Gaia doesn't say anything. Just bows her head.

"Why? Are you mad at her? Ashamed of her? She couldn't help it. She would've never done Bliss if she weren't tricked into it! You can't blame her for that! She…"

"I know Wheeler. I'm not mad at her. I don't blame her. I blame myself."

"Yourself?"

"I put her in this position. I brought her to the Planeteers. I made her a target of Skumm…I've made all of you targets," Gaia says sadly.

"But it's part of the job. We knew it was dangerous when we agreed to it."

"And I knew what would happen to Linka…and her cousin."

Wait, she KNEW? No way! How could she? If it weren't for the fact that she's a spirit and not a solid being, I'd have my hands wrapped around her throat as I demand an explanation.

"AND YOU DIDN'T STOP IT?"

"I couldn't."

"Well if you couldn't have been there to stop it, you could've warned us! I could've gone with her! I could've protected her!"

"No, you couldn't have. It would have changed history," she says as she shakes her head.

"YEAH! I KNOW! LINKA WOULDN'T HAVE GOT HOOKED ON BLISS, AND BORIS WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!"

"But what happened to Linka HAD to happen."

"WHY?"

Gaia pauses and looks like she's thinking about how she can explain this to me in a way that I'll understand.

"How would you describe your relationship with Linka?"

"Relationship? We're not in a relationship," I say.

"Not in the typical human definition of that term, no, I suppose you're not…but how are things between the two of you? You seem to be spending more time together."

"Yeah, we are…it's been good I guess. We don't fight as much…not over stupid things anyway, like we used to. We uh…she uh…she's more affectionate…or I guess I should say, she's more accepting of my affections…even though I'm not trying anything!" I quickly clarify. "I'm just trying to be a good friend…comforting her…being there when she needs me…and she's done the same for me in return."

"So you've been there for each other? You've been healing each other?"

"Yeah."

"So what do you need me for? That's the other reason I've been keeping my distance…because you seem to have everything under control," Gaia says.

"But I don't! I'm flying blind! I could really use some help…some guidance…and so could Linka! I didn't have the best childhood and while I love my mother…I feel like I missed out on what most kids' mothers were like…and then there's Linka…she never really had the chance to know her mother…YOU'VE been the closest thing either one of us has to a caring, authoritative, motherly figure, other than Linka having her Grandmother…and when you haven't been there for Linka…it's like…she feels abandoned. Like you don't want to be around her because you're mad or disappointed in her."

"That's not true at all! It's like I said…I feel guilty…I knew what was going to happen, but I had to let it," Gaia says.

"Yeah, you said that…because you couldn't change history…"

"I can see possibilities, futures that could be or, in some cases, should be. What has happened is hard for you both now but it will lead to a better future for all of us, Linka most of all… but I don't think it would be easy for her to understand or accept that, at this point in time. Do you understand?"

"No," I reply, still fuming over the fact that she knew what was going to happen to Linka and did nothing to stop it.

"If Linka hadn't gotten addicted to Bliss, you would have never had the opportunity to help her through it…you would have never had the chance heal your own wounds from your past…the two of you would have never seen this side of each other…and your perceptions of each other would have never changed. Your relationship would've never progressed and moved forward."

"But we're NOT in a relationship!"

Once again, Gaia pauses, contemplating…like she's struggling with herself as to whether or not she wants to say what she's about to say.

"No, you're not…not yet…but…" She pauses, still unsure if she wants to reveal more to me. "My goodness Wheeler…how is it you always manage to get me to reveal things to you that you shouldn't know?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know…my irresistible charm? If you need tips on how to resist it though, just ask Linka…she's a pro…but you were saying?"

"Some day, you'll mean more to each other than just friends."

This is what I've always wanted to hear…so why aren't I happier? Is it because she said "someday?" Or am I in denial that it'll ever happen; not wanting to get my hopes up? I need more information from Gaia.

"What if that day has already come? What if I already do feel that way? I think I always have."

"What you THINK you feel now, is nothing compared to what you are capable of feeling…not now though. You're not ready…and neither is she."

"But…"

"Wheeler, I've already told you more than I should have."

"I know…I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around it…and being greedy. I want it to happen sooner…I've wanted it for so long…can you at least tell me WHEN to expect it? Or if there's anything I need to do to get there faster?"

"NO! You can't…you'll know when the time is right…but you have to be patient. You've still got a few years yet before either one of you are ready."

"No, I think we're ready now! We've been so close to making it happen…it's just…so many interruptions! As if something is keeping us apart…"

Gaia raises her eyebrow at me and waits for my own words to sink in.

"Oh…you?"

"Not me…not completely…not always. It's fate. Like I said, it's not time."

"But if it's inevitable, why not make it happen? If we're meant to be together…"

"If you force it, it'll change everything…and then you WON'T get what you want. Like I said, you're not ready. Linka is going through a very difficult time. She needs you…as a friend. She needs to know that you'll always be there," Gaia says.

"But she does know that! I've told her."

"And it's what's getting her through this…knowing that she'll always be able to count on your friendship…and her biggest fear is…and always has been the prospect of losing it. A relationship other than friendship has potential to end…and if she loses that, she'll feel like she has nothing left…she fears she could relapse. There's a lot you both still need to go through before you can fully realize the importance of your places in each other's lives."

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to give me any details on that?"

Gaia smiles and shakes her head.

"Didn't think so," I say. "I'll do whatever it takes to make it work though! I won't let it end. She doesn't need to worry about that. But I really do think Linka should talk to you…and you need to know that she doesn't blame you for what happened to her…she's just upset that you haven't been around since. I'll talk to her…try to get her to reconsider coming to see you. She's a little unclear about the details of what happened while she was with Skumm. Is there anything you can do? Maybe see into her subconscious and tell if there's anything we…I mean she should know about."

"If Linka's agreeable to it, I can do that to help ease her mind…and yours."

"Thanks Gaia. I'll talk to her."

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 33 of LouiseX's Codependence.