WARNING: Self-inserts detected. Proceed at your own risk.

Yes, there are self-insert characters in here. Fifteen of them to be precise. Each one a member of the fanfiction writing group known as Ala Iridia.

By the way, I don't own Negima, any of its characters, or any members of Ala Iridia. The members of Ala Iridia do not own Negima, any of its characters or me. But the members of Ala Iridia do own their self-inserts. There you go.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I can proceed with the apology.

Really, I had this chapter planned to be finished by the end of April. As you can see, I had a major Schedule Slip. Work has kept me busy, but not busy enough to be THIS late.

I'd planned to post a chapter every month. That is still my goal, but as you will see, certain things are harder for me to write than others.

I'm not going to spoil anything, but suffice it to say that the final part of this chapter took me forever to write. I've had to rewrite it three times just to make it look credible.

I'll explain more about that at the end. Read onward, and I hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 4 Deus Ex Magister Nagi

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Time: Unknown.
Relative Time: Approximately 20 minutes after insertion.
Location: Unknown.
Relative Location: Approximately 1000 yards from insertion point.

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Meeting with Fate
by Zephyrus Anemoi Fiction

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'You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?'

It's strange that the single quote was the first thing to go through my mind. Not "Where am I" or "What's going on?"

'You've met with a terrible fate.'

The thick layer of snow I was laying in was definitely more than was piled up outside my house this morning. For a moment, I thought a snow plow had nearly run me over; until I realized that I was laying on the outskirts of a village.

I picked myself to my feet and stumbled toward the wooden buildings. The smell of burning wood was thick in the air, mixed with the taste of ozone; as if lightning had just struck. When I reached the first row of houses, I knew something was wrong. The first few houses were no more than burned out husks, with the ones ahead of me looking no better. I opened up my thick winter coat as a rolling wave of heat washed over me when one of the houses collapsed.

My voice hitched in my throat as I thought about calling for anyone around. Then I realized that whoever had done this might still be around. In spite of the rumors, just because I was from Brooklyn didn't mean I carried a knife on me at all times. With no other options, I stuck to the Solid Snake route, sneaking in-between the buildings for any signs of life. All the time, the Song of Healing was replaying over and over in my mind.

The village seemed to be getting worse and worse the farther I went. There were barely any buildings still standing, only piles of ash and burnt timber. However, there were no bodies. In fact, there were no people at all. It only served to reinforce just what had been going on; and how far out of my comfort zone I was. The sound of something scraping against wood caught my attention.

I turned and nearly shit myself. Behind me was, without a doubt, a demon. It was well over ten feet tall, skin as black as ebony, and four long, sharp teeth poking out from behind a pair of thick, purple lips. I didn't think as I dashed back in-between the houses, taking cover inside one of the few still standing buildings. I held my breath as I ducked down below a work bench, peeking out from underneath a hole in the wood. The demon stopped just in front of the building I was hiding in, its large, elephant-like feet taking up most of my field of view.

My heart was beating like a Congo drum as the monster talked. It spoke in what could only be described as "The Black Speech". I was shaking uncontrollably as it paced in front of me. Before I cracked from the sound of its language, it walked away. I don't know what made it leave, but it had stopped talking. I counted to one hundred before peeking out from behind the bench. The coast was clear; no sight or sound of the demon or any friends it might have. I took a moment to compose myself. There was no way I was anywhere near New York or anywhere in the Northeast. Hell I didn't even know if I was still on planet Earth. This was bad.

I looked around at the room I ducked into. I don't know what good fortune brought me here, but I wasn't questioning it. It must have been some sort of blacksmith's shop, because the wall was decorated with a number of sharp, pointy things I could use. I started drooling as I pulled a knife and its sheath off the wall. It must had been just made, because it shone like a beacon with an edge as sharp as anything. I partially undid my belt and slipped the sheath onto it. Another look across the wall gave me a nice crowbar which also went into my belt, and a hatchet I twirled in my hand. Hopefully demons were the same as fairies, and the steel in these weapons would deal even more damage.

Now armed, I slipped out of the blacksmith's shop, more wary than before now that I saw that monster. I didn't know what I was supposed to do now, but the feeling of the hatchet in my hand and the knife and bar on my belt helped restore some of my confidence. As I continued through the village, I heard a commotion over in one direction. Taking a deep breath, I moved between the buildings and streets toward the sound of what was going on.

I finally emerged onto what I guessed was the main road. In front of me was three of those demons, with one of them being the same demon I saw earlier. This time, it was holding a sword. And that sword was buried inside two people. One was an older man, holding a boy with spiky red hair. Familiar spiky red hair. My feet moved without thinking as I ran toward them.

"NEGI!"

'You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?'

A Wild Gary Stu Appears!
By Calm And Insane

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You ever had one of those days where you wake up in a different place than where you went to sleep? He was having one of those days, he just skipped the falling asleep part. As has been noted several times by now, roughly a dozen people were displaced in space, and perhaps time, from the world where you currently read this, to one that so far you can only assume, and with good reason, is the focus of the Negima franchise.

He sat up in the snow. The only thing notable about his surroundings, and thus the only thing he noticed about his surroundings, was a series of burning buildings in the not too far off distance. So far this seemed like a setup in a dream to him. So he did what he always did when he was dreaming, he rolled with it. Idly brushing the snow off of his back, he jogged down the hill, awaiting the wonders his subconscious had planned for him this evening. If this situation had been produced by a sleeping mind, it would most certainly qualify as a nightmare.

The first thing apparent to him upon his arrival to town were the statues. They were all definitely of human subjects. The subjects were definitely fleeing from something. It's as though everyone has been turned to stone as part of some modern art piece about the relationship between... He couldn't come up with anything. He mentally shrugged and started searching the town.

As he turned the first corner, so did an ogre. The two stopped both mildly surprised to see the other. The ogre looked down at him and was surprised that there were still humans left in town that weren't panicking. He was surprised that the ogre was even there. The ogre wound up to throw a punch. The fourteen years of martial arts training kicked in, and in his relaxed "I'm dreaming so nothing can really hurt me" mindset, he stepped to the right and with his left hand nudged the punch off the path that would have hit his face if it had still been there. Taking a step forward to put the ogre within his arm's reach, he delivered a solid punch to its ribs. The ogre was knocked back by the force of the hit. It was now scared, this was a town of mages, what was a hand to hand fighter doing here? And why did he look so calm!?

Using the opportunity given to him by his larger opponent's pause, he took another step in and landed a punch to the creature's solar plexus*. The ogre bent over forward as the air was knocked out of its lungs. He grabbed the back of the ogre's head and slammed it down on his knee that he was springing up just for that purpose.

"Ah." He grimaced. That hit had hurt a lot more than he had expected. Wait...The hit hurt... Dreams don't hurt... Fuck! This shit is real! He decided not to push his luck any further. He started running towards the edge of town. When a massive pillar of smoke broke the skyline in that direction, he turned around. Things were getting worse fast. First the ogre attacked me then the building in the direction I was heading burst into flame... ya know, things aren't so bad actually. Crap that means they can get worse easier.

Confirming his well placed fears, another ogre stepped through the doorway of a house. The ogre had to duck and turn sideways to fit through the door. As it stood up straight, it looked around, spotting him. This time he panicked. His natural fight or flight response told him to turn around and run. His years of training told him to never turn you back to an enemy. He hesitated. That was all the time the ogre needed. It charged at him and threw a punch. His feet didn't move fast enough, but his arms did. He managed to bring his arms up in an X to prevent the punch from hitting his chest. It was a damn good thing that he did too. His arms acted as a shock-absorber and took a large portion of the force away before his body was hit. Then the ogre followed through with his punch, feeling the force of his blow dampened. The man was sent flying. It was lucky he hit a door of a building, because a wall wouldn't have bent and broke like the door did**. The ogre started walking forward to finish him off when...

"NEGI!"

Negi, as in Negima. This must be when his village is attacked. So those ogres I fought were like the one Ku Fei fought.. er... will fight. That explains how I beat one considering I've been training for as long as she's been alive... I mean will be alive when the fight happens. Speaking in the future tense about things that used to be in the past tense is hard. All of this went through his mind in a fraction of a second. He stood up to face his attacker with newfound confidence. Only to find that the ogre had decided that Negi was the higher priority target. He panicked. If Negi doesn't live, none of his adventures will happen and this world's timeline will be completely destroyed! I have to help!

He had just started to run towards where Negi must have been when he felt a presence behind him. He turned just in time to see another monster. A demon this time perhaps? This one had a sword. He shifted his stance so that he could move out of the way of the first swing easier. The demon decided that a swing was unnecessary as its prey froze like it had a bad case of deer-in-the-headlights-syndrome.

Thank goodness for weak mooks. He shifted out of the way to the left. The demon rushed past him thrusting it's sword and making a surprised face at hitting nothing but air. Apparently it's prey hadn't been frozen. It started to turn to swing at the man that had made it look like a fool, but said man was ready for it. He overlaid his right hand over the demon's on the hilt of the sword, locking them in place. He then continued with the momentum of the swing, using it to jam the elbow of his attacker, making its grip on the sword loosen. He twisted the demons arm forward, causing the thing to smash its face into the ground, as it had no hands free to catch itself.

Changing his grip so that the demon's hands were free, but that it had to give up the sword to use them, he stepped back with his new weapon. This is too easy. He brought the sword down for a death blow against the monster. Only to find that both the sword and his target were quickly dispersing into mist.

"Not today." The demon hissed as it went back to wherever it was summoned from.

Upset at the loss of a weapon, he sighed and resumed running towards where he had heard the cry of Negi's name.

*The solar plexus, for those that don't know (and I have no idea how common knowledge this is so this is not meant to insult anyone's intelligence), is the slight indent in your chest where your ribs meet. Most of the time when someone has the wind knocked out of them, it's because most or part of the force of the blow was focused at that spot.

**If two objects hit and one breaks, the broken object absorbs most of the force of the hit. This is part of how people can break cinder blocks with their bare hands.

Haberdasher Hyperdash
by UberNimrod

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"NO!"

"NEGI!"

Two different reactions from two different people. He could tell that much from where he was on the ground, sprawled out from when he'd been swatted aside like some sort of bug.

He was dazed, but he was fairly certain that one of the voices belonged to the gentleman that had run from them earlier. But the other voice...

'Was that really a girl?' he thought as he twisted his head toward the source.

It was a girl. With long blond hair running towards the scene with a very old man trailing behind her.

He was certain that he had been injured in the process of trying to save that boy. After all, who ran around dressed up as Gandalf from Lord of the Rings?

He tried to get up, and discovered two things. First, he wasn't hurting anywhere on his body. Second, someone else was running towards them, and at least was armed with a hatchet with something else stuck into his belt.

Glancing to his right, he discovered the three demons had turned around to face the old man and blond girl coming up to them. He bent over to grab the sword he'd dropped when he was knocked over, only to find that someone else had gotten it first.

Or rather, something.

He almost needed to stifle a giggle. His weapon was being carried off by what looked like a pool of water. Except that water didn't move like this was moving.

'There goes my weapon. What the hell am I supposed to do now?' he thought.

That was when everything happened all at once.

Just as the person armed with a hatchet got to him, there came what sounded like a warcry of some sort. Both of them turned to see a third person wearing glasses charging the trio of demons, while another approached both of them at a run. Unfortunately, the second person didn't see the "water" in his path.

It happened too fast to really see. It didn't help that the person armed with a hatchet was trying to drag him out of the way. All he was certain of was that the two smaller demons landed several blows to the person who had charged into their midst, and that the other person who was trying to help was himself needing some assistance once he stepped into the "water." Especially after his leg was grabbed. He bent forward to do something, but was rewarded with a solid smack to the jaw or face before the "water" flowed towards the trio of monsters. Perspective being what it was, he was certain that whoever that was had been knocked out as he fell backward from the blow. The other person that had charged the monstrous trio was lying on the ground writhing in pain.

That was when both the old man and the larger monster did... something. He wasn't sure what. The larger monster shot something that looked like an energy attack from a computer role-playing game, an instant before the old man pointed something at the group ahead of him before starting some sort of chant. The energy attack caught both the old man and the girl beside him, but apparently the old man's attack proved useful as the trio of monsters and the "water" was sucked towards him and into something. He couldn't tell what since he was still being helped up by the guy with a hatchet.

At least until the Honorable Hatchet Man spotted what had happened as well. It was a good thing he was almost fully standing, otherwise he'd have been dropped to the ground again because of the astonishment of the other guy.

"Holy CRAP!"

He might disagree on the semantics, but he shared the sentiment. There was no rational explanation for what he had just seen. Both of them went over to the old man to see how he was.

The answer was obvious. Whatever that energy attack was, it was as if both the old man and the girl were slowly turning into statues themselves. He could hear the material of their clothing crackling as it changed from cloth to stone. Both of them seemed in obvious pain.

"Run... Please."

"Eh?"

"Save that boy... No matter what else, protect him." The old man was trying to face them, even as his clothing and skin lost their normal color.

"But..." the other guy started to say.

"I'm too far gone. The petrification spell is beyond reversal now. That dead fool won't forgive me if that boy cannot be saved."

"Negi?"

Both of them turned to the blond that was staring at both the boy and the man with the sword through them both. She tried to step forward, even as her legs were a solid gray color.

It was a mistake. They could see her legs crack, then break above her knees. She fell forward and managed to extend her arms outward so she didn't fall flat on her face.

"Find the one healer that remains."

Both of them turned to the old man again. He marveled at how much of the old man was gray in color now.

"If the petrification isn't stopped, her life will be at risk as well. Someone had a grudge against this village, likely because of that dead fool. I had thought we could hold off an army. I was wrong. Now... Go!" With a final crackling noise, the old man went silent as he turned completely gray.

He stood there looking at him for several seconds while his mind raced. 'This can't be... What I think it is, is it?' he thought.

As he turned to go see about the two people that had been stabbed, he heard a groan coming from the person who had been punched by the whatever that had stolen the sword he had. He started to head towards him, but two things made him change his mind.

The first being that Honorable Hatchet Man was faster in moving towards him. But the second was what stopped him from moving entirely.

His foot had kicked a bottle that was on the ground. As he bent to pick it up, he noticed the pentagram on the side of it.

'Oh God. This is what I think it is.' he thought.

That's when it happened.

Just as in the manga. Just after Stan was fully petrified, Nagi appeared. Just in time to save Nekane. And Negi too.

And the rest of them as well, of course.

Obviously Nagi would take care of family first though. Obviously.

So why was he carrying someone when he appeared?

Nagi set the person down and it became obvious why he was carrying him. First, he was unconscious. Second, he was missing part of his leg.

As he watched, Nagi went over to the blonde who was obviously Nekane and chanted something or other. He didn't know what he said as he was still in a state of shock from the realization of where he was. All he knew for certain was that it didn't sound like Latin.

While Nagi bandaged up Nekane, he glanced around, and saw that several of the others that were on the hill had wandered up. A couple of them were a sight to behold. One looked like he had had a run-in with one of the demons but had gotten away with just a torn shirt. He stayed back though, and looked around as if trying to understand what had happened.

The other looked like he had taken something in the belly, as evidenced by the blood on his shirt, but was walking up to him as if nothing had happened. When he got beside him he said quietly, "That's Nagi Springfield."

He nodded, "We are in the story. How, why, I don't know." He then glanced over at both Negi and the guy that had tried to save him, and realized that Nagi was still fiddling around with Nekane's legs, even as she started trying to shoo him over to where Negi was.

He started to go over there, even if he didn't know what to do. But Nagi appeared in between him and the pair and waved him back.

"He was trying to fend off an attack when both of them were stabbed," Nekane said. "He was trying to protect Negi." She looked as if she was about to start crying, the worry and fear visible on her face.

Nagi nodded and knelt by both Negi and the older man, the sword still stuck through both. As he watched, Nagi seemed to examine both of them carefully, with his expression getting darker as he did so. After several seconds, he stood up and smiled at Nekane.

"They'll be fine. Both of them will be fine."

As Nekane's expression changed from worry to confusion, Nagi bent over the pair, and gripped the sword. Nagi started chanting something, starting off with his "Manmanterroterro," but after that it became something unintelligible.

Well, not unintelligible. More like something from a Monty Python skit. "Whim bim ala-lim. Wham bam thank you ma'am." Something like that.

The man by him said, "That isn't what he chanted when he healed my gut."

He started to say something to him, but as he was about to turn his head, he spotted Nekane's expression.

He was pretty sure it was a combination of disbelief and shock, but he wasn't certain. But it was obvious that she understood the spell he was chanting. It was also obvious that she was surprised to see him cast it.

Then Nagi finished. As he pulled the sword free, both Negi and the other guy glowed for a couple of seconds.

Several seconds after the glow faded, he saw Negi sit up. He smiled at that, then started to frown as the older guy he was sitting on moved slightly, but didn't act as if he was going to wake up.

"Now then, if all of you guys would come over here," Nagi gestured to everyone in front of him. He stepped forward a few steps, as did several of the other guys there with him.

Nagi turned to them, keeping himself between them and Negi and Nekane. "I want you guys to take care of them," he said, gesturing behind him. "Take care of them, because I can't right now." He smiled before continuing, "Help them grow strong, and grow strong too."

"Father?"

Nagi turned back to Negi, then walked to him and ruffled his hair. He leaned over to him and whispered something into his ear, then handed him the staff he carried.

He saw Negi look at the staff, then back up to his father's face. His eyes opened wider in surprise, and he saw the reason why.

Nagi was beginning to float upward, just as he did in the manga.

"I must leave. I wish I could do more," he said.

"FATHER!" Negi yelled, standing up but falling over again as he was still trying to hold the staff that Nagi had given him.

By the time he got up, Nagi was gone.

Were this a manga or a light novel, this would be the end of the chapter. Being as this is Reality for everyone present however, the chapter end was marred slightly by the guy still writhing in pain giving off a particularly loud gasp of agony, and the appearance of everyone else that had been present on the hill outside of the village.

He heard the girl sigh, then ask, "If I could trouble someone to carry me over, I can at least help mend some of the worse wounds on him?"

Between him and the Honorable Hatchet Man, they carried her over. At the same time someone else went looking for shelter. Things started organizing themselves after that.

Nimrod Notes

I'm not going to spoil anything, but suffice it to say that the final part of this chapter took me forever to write. I've had to rewrite that whole part three times just to make it look credible.

I said that at the start of this chapter. Here comes the explanation. Feel free to skip if you want, since there isn't much here besides the ramblings of an idiot.

The first two parts I didn't have trouble with. Mainly because I didn't write them.

Mistake number one was trying to describe the fight in third-person. I'm fairly good at visualizing things, but in this case I could not 'see' the fight happening.

I tried for over a month before I gave up and was going to resort to using figurines and a mapsheet. Just like Dungeons & Dragons needs for their combat rules. I had even decided that it was complicated enough to require asking one of my roommates to help me set things up.

Said roommate promptly told me that if the fight scene was that complicated, that I needed to step back and rethink the entire thing.

Best thing he's said in a while. So I did what he suggested.

That's when the idea hit me to not describe the fight scene in an omniscient viewpoint, but to use the perspective of one of the people bearing witness. Considering the speed at which fight scenes happen, that made it much easier to describe.

Lopsided beatdowns are rather easy to describe by witnesses. They are quick and brutal. And the demons attacking Negi's home were exactly that. Quick and brutal. You can see that the attack took everyone by surprise as there are statues of people looking like they are about to attack. Graf Herrmann petrified everyone before they could even organize to counterattack.

The Zerg Rush in StarCraft is annoying. It is annoying because it works. Anything can be overrun with enough numbers. It has been said that, "quantity has a quality all it's own," and they are not kidding.

As for the end with Nagi, I repeated the exact same mistake. I wanted to describe everything he did, including the incantations for the spells he was going to cast, which would have been a separate snippet from the other. That stumped me for over a month and a half, until someone asked me if the project had been dropped.

I promptly pulled up this chapter with the intent to stare at it until I found a solution. Evidently, writing A Stultus Pulchram Story has cleared up the logjam regarding this story as well, since you are able to read this. Amazing what can be done by ignoring a problem long enough.

Again, I simply relied on having someone else describe what happened. And since said person has read and researched Negima for his own stories posted here, it made things easier to describe.

The reason that snippet is called Haberdasher Hyperdash is because of the GrandHaberdasher's viewpoint. We know him as Rikalous on the TVTropes forums. By the way, the guy giving him a hand up off the ground is Anemoi, or Zephyrus Anemoi Fiction as he is known here on Ffnet. He wrote the first snippet and likes hats quite a bit as well.

Credibility. Plausibility. Realism. Three things I am trying to keep in mind as I write this.

Yes, the Negima universe is a fantasy universe, but so what? Just because Magic exists doesn't mean people suddenly become stupid. People will act the way they usually act. One person appearing out of nowhere without proper identification raises questions. Questions that the authorities will want answered. The authorities will be perfectly happy to detain you until you answer those questions to their satisfaction.

Now imagine FIFTEEN people appearing out of nowhere.

If you know anything about the Negima universe, then you know that the demon attack on Negi's home village takes place before 9-11. Just because the biggest terror attack in History has not happened yet doesn't mean that the United Kingdom is unfamiliar with terrorists. Bear in mind that the IRA was blowing things up before 9-11 happened.

There are other difficulties that fifteen people appearing out of nowhere have to contend with. Those are what the next few chapters will cover. Hopefully you'll find them as interesting to read as I will in writing them. I just hope they make sense, considering what I have in mind to happen.