Sorry for the long absence. It was my fault. A friend that I've known since we were 5 has had some health issues since June and just when we think it's over, something else pops up. He's my inspiration for Wheeler, the reason I chose "Jason" as the name for our beloved "J. Wheeler" (although I know on the forum we came up with funny and embarrassing possibilities). So I just couldn't focus on writing and I didn't want anything to do with Wheeler or happy endings until I knew for sure that MY Wheeler was going to be OK. Got good news a few weeks ago so hopefully this is the end of all the setbacks and I can finally allow myself to indulge in fiction instead of harsh realities.
Chapter 38: Day 28, continued
The Mediterranean biome is a lot cooler than the rainforest one…it's still warm, but not nearly as suffocating as the rainforest. Linka must still be cold. I've been holding her hand, but she takes it and pulls my arm over her shoulder so that she can lean into my side…for warmth? For support? Or just because? I'd like to think it's the last one.
I actually like this biome better than the last one…not just because it's more comfortable; I've been to a real rainforest before, but I've never been to the Mediterranean…it's pretty cool. Linka is still equally as fascinated with the facts here as she was in the rainforest.
"Look, it says here that this landscape is mainly man-made. It has been cleared for crops over thousands of years."
"Mmm hmm," I nod. I'm still thinking about how I'd like to go to the Mediterranean for real. Maybe a mission will take us there some time…although I'd much rather go there to relax. It'd be especially nice if Linka joined me. White sand beaches, bluer than blue waters, the old architecture, the Greek mythology…maybe Linka and I could get some help from Aphrodite?
"It is important Yankee. They are studying what has happened to our planet to try to balance what we really need with what can be sustained."
She's getting frustrated with me because my daydreaming is coming across as lack of interest.
"I know Babe."
"Oh look Jason, a Robin!" She exclaims.
I look around but don't see any Robins. We don't see them often in the city, but when I would go to my grandparent's place, it was more rural and they were all over the place.
"Where?"
"The little brown bird with the red breast," she says as she points to a bird that is definitely NOT a Robin.
"That's not a Robin, I do know something about birds. Robins are bigger with black heads and their bellies are more orange."
She shakes her head and smiles at me.
"I am impressed Yankee, but you are describing the kind of birds you have in America. These are English Robins."
It's cute. Smaller, rounder…and less mean looking. Ours have a mean look to them compared to this one. I shrug. "It's singing to you."
She laughs.
"It is just singing Yankee, it is not singing to me."
I guess she doesn't want to believe that even the birds think she's beautiful.
We've moved on to a different part of the exhibit and see the little bird again.
"I think he's following us, Babe."
See, it's not just me. Even birds are attracted to her! The little guy flies down closer to us and tilts his little head to the side, looking at her curiously.
"Well hello little one. It is nice to meet you."
He tweets in response and continues to watch us as we look at the flowers. I wish I could pick one and give it to Linka…but I don't think the people here would appreciate it…and I know Linka would yell at me for it!
When we leave the biome and get back to the outside gardens, the change in temperature can be felt immediately. I still have my arm around Linka, so hopefully it's helping to keep her warm.
"That thing's creepy," I say as we walk past a statue.
"The giant statue is made from 3.3 tons of electrical waste," she explains. "The amount an average person in this country throws away in their lifetime."
People can be so wasteful. I roll my eyes in disgust.
"It's still creepy."
As we continue to walk around, the once sunny skies are becoming overcast and cooler. Linka shivers, despite my arm being around her for warmth.
"You want to go back indoors?" I ask.
"It is too far in the other direction and it is already starting to rain. Perhaps we can take shelter over there," she says as she points to a small building.
I grab her hand and we run to the building's porch, just as the rain starts to get harder.
"It is a mechanical theatre!" She says excitedly as she reads the information from the wall outside. "The next show is in five minutes…?"
I know she wants to see it and of course I'll suffer through it for her sake. I smile at her and pull her into my arms. "Too bad we can't wait inside…I'll just have to keep you warm."
She snuggles in closer to me and I wrap my coat around her and hold it closed. She laughs and lays her head on my shoulder. This is nice and private. I hope no one else comes to see the show and we have the whole place to ourselves. It'll be much easier to distract myself with Linka. If no one else is around to see, she won't push me away.
"Your friend's back," I say when I see the little Robin perched on the wall watching us. Linka turns her head to see what I'm talking about.
"It cannot be the same one…" She says, but she waves at the little bird anyway.
A few people exit the theater when the doors open, but we are still the only ones waiting to go in. It's sort of got stadium seating, only instead of chairs, it has large steps for seats.
I take my seat and Linka sits between my legs on the same seat. Despite being inside, it's still pretty cold in here. She's only doing it for warmth, I know, but the gesture means more to me than she'll ever know. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close as I rest my chin on her shoulder. I'm glad no one else is here.
The lights go down as the show begins. I turn my head and hide my eyes in her neck. I hate marionettes! They're so creepy! I'm listening though, so Linka can't accuse me of not paying attention.
Linka is still as excited as a kid in a candy store…or a nerd at a comic book convention would probably be more fitting. I doubt Linka would get this excited over candy. She's babbling on and on about those awful puppets and all the information they were spewing. I wanna say "I know! I was there!" but I don't want her to think I'm irritated with her. I just wanna get as far away from those damn puppets as possible. Damn you James for making me watch The Puppet Master when I was just a kid! Ok, so he warned me that it wasn't "a kid's movie" and that right there was enough for me to yell "I ain't no kid!" and insisted on watching whatever he was watching…add that movie to the list of things that have scarred me for life! I guess she picks up on my discomfort because she asks,
"Is everything okay Yankee?"
"Yeah, 'course," I say, trying to sound convincing.
She steps in front of me and blocks my path. Great…those puppets are still back there! I put my hands on her waist, trying to give myself something else to concentrate on. Touching her, having that contact somehow makes me feel a little better.
"You did not like the show?"
"It's not that… not exactly." I wonder how I can explain it to her in a way that won't make me sound like a total wuss. "I'm just not big on talking puppets okay?"
"They were not really talking Yankee…"
I roll my eyes, Please, just drop it Babe!
She leans forward, so close that our lips are almost touching…well, this is one way to make me forget about the puppets.
"You watch too many horror movies," she says.
Puppets? What puppets? I smile down at her and play along.
"Who needs horror movies after that! I'm gonna have nightmares tonight!"
She puts her arms around my neck. To anyone else, this probably looks like no big deal…like we've been doing this for years. But to me, this is the best moment of the day.
"Then it is a good thing I will be there to protect you and make all the nightmares go away."
She wants to sleep with me? Here?
"Really? I thought… I mean we're staying in some hotel, I just..."
"What?"
I don't know what to say…I don't really have a reason why I assumed we'd be staying in separate rooms…I just…I thought…Hope Island is familiar territory…everything comes natural to me there. This is different. The others…what will they think? Great, now I sound like her. They know I stay with her at night…but this isn't home. I know how to act at home. I can see in her eyes that her mood has changed drastically.
"Were you hoping for some other company tonight? I do not want to get in the way…"
WHAT? How could she think that? I haven't even looked at another girl the whole time we've been here. I haven't looked at another girl in a long time! Not seriously anyway…just to make Linka jealous…and I'm soooo beyond that now. Especially now. I've been nothing but loyal to her…stuck by her throughout this. How could she think so little of me? That I'd leave her now…that I'd want to be with anyone else. This hurts worse than when Kwame suggested I was using Linka's addiction to try and get close to her. How could Linka think that I was "hoping for some other company"? If I'm not spending the night with her, I'm spending it alone. And that doesn't just apply to my nights. It applies to my life. It's her or no one. Why can't she see that? I'm too shocked to even speak. I'm afraid that I'll say something I'll regret.
Her eyes get big and she covers her mouth as she starts apologizing,
"I did not mean that Jason, I promise you I did not… I know that you were not thinking that… I mean you would not… I am just so... I am sorry."
Her eyes start to well up, and I can't be upset with her anymore. I know she's not thinking clearly, and I know she has a bit of a jealous streak…even though we're not together, she has always bristled at the attention I give to other girls. All I can do is hold my arms out and wait for her to step into them.
"Forget it," I whisper as I rest my head against hers.
She looks up at me and uneasily says,
"You do not have to stay with me if you do not want to, whatever the reason."
Is she giving me an out, or trying to tell me that she doesn't think it's a good idea that we keep doing this? No more games. I'm just going to come right out and ask it.
"You don't want me to?"
I look into her eyes, searching for the truth.
"Of course I do! I just do not want you to feel that you have to."
I see the truth. It goes deeper than that. She doesn't just want me to…she needs me to…still. And I don't feel like I HAVE to be there. It's the only place I want to be.
"I don't want to be anywhere else," I say as sincerely as I can.
Her cheeks turn pink as she pulls away and says,
"Then why are we discussing it, come on Yankee, we have lots more to see."
That's it. End of discussion. She takes my hand and drags me along behind her towards the gardens. I follow her and laugh at her renewed enthusiasm. At least things are ok between us, as long as I keep remembering that these changes in her mood are completely normal and to be expected. I can't take anything she says too personal. I just need to be there for her when she's upset, be patient with her, and get her through it.
She points at a large stage and says,
"There is a concert scheduled for this evening."
"You wanna go Babe?" I ask, but I hope she says no. This day has been long enough as it is. I'm worried she's over doing it and it could be a big set back to her recovery.
She shakes her head no.
"Nyet, it is not anything to do with conservation, it is just to create attention for the launch."
Good. I'm exhausted too and I'm not the one going through withdrawal.
"So what's left to see?"
"The Core. The education centre of the Eden Project."
Education? Ugh! My groan earns me an elbow to the ribs.
"Bad Planeteer! It is a functional work of art, a testimony to sustainable construction!"
"Spare me, please Babe?" I give her my best puppy dog look. I know she can't resist it. "I'll go with you, just don't try to teach me anything."
She laughs and shrugs, not seeming to care about my lack of interest.
"So long as you are with me."
My sentiments exactly. I don't care what I see, or how much I'm learning…because I am actually learning…I'm just trying to maintain my "I don't care" image…as long as I'm with her, I'll suffer through the rest.
It's obvious that a lot of effort was put into this place, and it is very impressive. Especially the machinery…it's pretty damn cool.
The art and the films are less cool. To me anyway. I'm sure this is all very fascinating to Linka and the others…wherever they are. Linka wants to take it all in. It only takes one film before I'm getting antsy and ready to move on. Thankfully, Linka suggests that we stop at the coffee lounge. Good. I could use some sugar. I'm so relieved and judging from the smile that she's trying to suppress, she can tell.
She's rambling on about the things she's learned. I don't mind though because I'm eating the best cream cake ever. I offered Linka a bite, but she declined…I'm kinda glad she did. If she knew how good this was, I'd end up having to share more than just a bite. I'm hoarding this whole piece for myself. The milkshake I got was also delicious.
To prove to her that I have been paying attention, I ask her some questions about things we've seen. I'm running out of things to say though. I'm relieved when the others join us. Linka is in her glory as she talks with the others about what they've experienced.
I don't have much to offer to the conversation. I feel like I've had plenty of time with Linka and now it's time for the others to get reacquainted with her. I'm happy to see everyone getting along…it's like the way things were before the Bliss. Linka must be worried about my quietness. I'll be the first to admit, it's not like me to be quiet for long. I give her a big smile and a wink to let her know I'm ok and perfectly content to sit this conversation out. I've got my milkshake to keep me occupied.
According to Gi and Ma-Ti, they've taken a ton of pictures. Everyone agrees that it's been a long day and time to go to our hotel…just as soon as Gi and Ma-Ti get one more picture.
We're standing on the bridge over the valley, where a kind stranger agrees to take a picture of the five of us. I know Linka is still self conscious about her appearance and I can tell she's not thrilled with having her picture taken. She looks fine though. I try to take her mind off things as I stand behind her and pull her close.
"Too bad your Robin isn't around Babe."
She laughs quietly and leans back against me. She kisses my cheek and whispers,
"Thank you for doing this with me Jason, it has been a wonderful day."
"You're welcome Linka. I'm really glad you've enjoyed yourself. You deserved it. Thank you for letting me share this special occasion with you," I say as I kiss her cheek in return.
To Be Continued…
And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 38 of LouiseX's Codependence!