Hi everyone! Here's the next chapter. 40! Wow! I have jury duty tomorrow (well, the voir dire part...we'll see if I get picked) and don't have any good books to read, but at least I'll have some reviews to look forward to reading. That will give me some excitement in an otherwise boring day!

Chapter 40 Day 29

I wake up when I hear a noise. I try to block it out and remain asleep, but then I realize my arms are empty. I become more awake and aware. Linka is gone and there's a light on in the bathroom. Soon I hear the noise that initially woke me up, Linka is sick.

I rush to her side. She is holding back her own hair and retching into the toilet. I take over the task of holding her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. She gives me a sad look, either embarrassed by me finding her like this, or sorry that she woke me up.

"It's ok," I say, absolving her of either of those worries.

Once it appears she is done, I hand her a glass of water to rinse her mouth out with and a tissue to dry her eyes. I have a cold wash cloth ready to cool her skin. I sit on the floor and pull her into my lap so that she is sitting sideways across it. She begins sobbing as she buries her face in my chest.

"I am sorry!" She cries.

"For what?" I ask as I press the wash cloth to her forehead.

"For waking you…for begin sick…for making you watch me like this."

"I still don't get why you're apologizing. It's ok. You don't need to be sorry. I was worried when I woke up and you were gone. You should have woken me when you felt sick. I would have been here with you sooner."

"I did not want you to know at all. I thought I was done. I thought this was over. I was feeling better," she rambles on, trying to explain to me why she's so upset.

I wrap my arms around her as tightly as I can without hurting her.

"I know you were. And you were doing great. Today was a rough day though. There was a lot going on. Even I'm exhausted," I say as I press my lips to her head. "And maybe it's not even the withdrawal…maybe it was that lunch…I blame the ruuuuuuuutabaga! Whatever that thing was you ate…with all those vegetables, of course you're gonna get sick. How many times do I hafta tell ya Babe? Veggies are EVIL!"

She chuckles as she wipes her eyes. Mission accomplished. I made her laugh.

"That's my girl…keep laughing," I say as I dab her puffy eyes with the washcloth.

I hold her to me, my arms wrapped around her and resting on her stomach. I lower my head to kiss the back of her neck. I can taste the salty sweat from the exertion of her illness. I'm rubbing lazy circles on her stomach without even realizing it. Once I do realize what I'm doing, I make the circles bigger, hoping that it'll soothe her.

"Thank you."

"Feeling better?" I ask.

"Da."

Good. I'm well aware of the fact that she's cradled in my lap. WELL aware. And also well aware of every movement she makes as she snuggles into me.

"Do you wanna stay here a little longer?" I ask against her neck.

I hope she says yes because I'm not ready to move. I like holding her like this.

"Da," she says as she turns to face me, her legs wrapped around either side of my hips and her face turned into the crook of my neck.

I can feel her lips pursing against my skin as her nose nuzzles just below my ear. I want to pull back and cover her lips with mine. I want to pick her up, carry her to the bed with her legs still wrapped around me, and I want to possess her body, claiming every inch of her with my hands and mouth. I want to rock my hips against her so she can feel what she's doing to me, and then I want to make love to her all night. I want her to not be sick and going through withdrawal. Why, for once in my life, can't I just have what I want? Because. This isn't about me. That's why. It's about Linka and taking care of her. Why am I such a pig? I'm supposed to be comforting her and all I can think about is what my teenage hormones want me to think. I'm exactly the type of guy she thought I was on the day we met. She was right to shoot me down right away. I'm a sleaze. I don't deserve her…and yet, I can't stop myself from wanting her…not just for my own desires. I want to make her happy…I know I can make her happy…I can make her forget all the bad things, if only for a little while…or maybe forever.

My hands are now wrapped around her back, one of them slips under her sweatshirt to rub her back, the other one cupping the back of her neck and holding her head against me. The more I rub her back, the wider the circle gets, and the higher my hand goes. She's not wearing a bra! Of course not, it's night time. We were sleeping. It's always been like this…I just never noticed…until now. I immediately stop what I'm doing and quickly remove my hand. I can't…I want to, but I can't!

She starts to pull back to look at me, but I use the hand that is behind her neck to press her face back into my neck. Please don't look at me. I'm afraid that if she looks into my eyes, she'll be able to see what I was thinking about earlier. Speaking of, I stand up, picking her up and carrying her to bed. I lay her down, but that's where the similarities stop. I crawl in behind her, trying my best not to make too many waves.

"Wheeler?"

"Yeah?"

"I am hot."

"Oh…uh…sorry," I say as I unwrap my arms from around her.

She sits up and takes off her sweatshirt, revealing one of MY Planeteer shirts, and drops the sweatshirt at the side of the bed before taking my hand and wrapping it around her again.

"Are you ok Yankee? You seem tense?"

No, just guilty.

"No, uh…I mean yeah…I mean…No…I'm not tense…yeah, I'm ok. I'm just…worried about you, that's all," I say as I begin to relax.

"I am fine. As long as you are with me, I can get through anything."

"I'm here," I say as I slip my arm under her head and drape my other arm and leg over her to pull her closer and let her know I'm not going anywhere.

"I know," she says as she rubs her cheek against my bicep and slides her hand down my arm, tracing my veins with her finger, her light touch tickles my wrist as she passes over it and circles my palm before linking our fingers together. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I say as I squeeze her hand and then kiss the back of her neck. "Sweet dreams, Sweetness."

"They will be, Yankee moy."

I've picked up enough Russian to know that 'moy' means 'my.' She calls me her Yankee…she has no idea how true that is. I'm hers and hers alone.

When I wake up, I know immediately that I don't want to move. One arm is still tucked under Linka's head; the other is draped over her midsection, as is half my body. My leg is over hers, entangled between them. My face is pressed into the crook of her neck…it's hard to breathe, but breathing is overrated. As long as I have Linka in my arms, oxygen is secondary.

"I know you are awake, Yankee," she says as she rubs my arm.

"No I'm not," I murmur against her neck. "This feels too nice to be real…so it must be a dream."

I sleepily press my lips to her shoulder, several times, and then move to her neck. Wait, what am I doing? This is very real. I'm surprised she hasn't hit me yet!

"Sorry, I must be crushing you," I say as I become more aware of how my body is covering hers. I try to roll off her and onto my back, but she grabs my arm and holds my leg in place with hers to stop me.

"Nyet, it is fine. I like it…umm, you are warm."

"Ok," I say as I smile against her skin and nuzzle my nose into her neck. "But how 'bout if I keep you warm without crushing you?"

I tighten my grip on her as I roll onto my back, and bring her with me, causing her to squeal and giggle. The best sounds in the world. Now her whole body is draped over mine, her head is now also tucked in the crook of my neck, just as mine was and still is with hers. It means that when I playfully tickle her sides, her laughter is muffled against my neck. It feels good.

"Stop!" She chuckles as she grabs at my hands, pulls them from her sides, and places them to rest on her back. "Unless you want me to throw up again, only this time, on you!"

"No, I don't want that…but now that you mention it…I am kinda hungry."

"Me talking about being sick makes you hungry? You are a strange man, Yankee!" She teases as she lifts her head and sticks her tongue out at me.

"No, I don't mean that…I mean…do you think you could handle breakfast? Maybe some tea and crumpets?" I say in a mock English accent.

"Do you even know what a crumpet is Yankee?"

"Nope."

"You would not like them," she says decidedly as she resumes her position of her face being buried in my neck. "I do not."

"Well then in that case, I probably will like them! We have completely different taste when it comes to food!"

"Nyet, trust me. I know you would not like them. They are not sweet enough for you."

"I'll take your word for it," I say. "I think I'll have blueberry pancakes and bacon, and scrambled eggs."

"I think I will have some of your eggs and possibly a few bites of your pancakes," she says as she looks up at me once again with a gleam in her eye.

"Linka, you know I'd do anything for you…but sharing my food? I gotta draw the line somewhere!"

"So you will let me starve?"

She punctuates her pathetic plea by rubbing her cold nose against my neck. She really knows how to play me like a fiddle.

"Well, no…I can't in good conscience do that. I'll just order extra."

"I knew you would not let me down, Yankee," she smiles at me and presses her cheek to mine as she hugs me. "You need to shave."

She emphasizes her point by rubbing her hand over my cheek and chin.

"Well, I have to get up in order to do that, and you're making that pretty difficult…plus I don't really want to."

She rolls off me and says,

"There you go. You are free now. Get up, shave, and order breakfast…then hurry up and get back here to keep me warm!"

"Yes ma'am!" I reply as I jump out of bed and salute her.

I must look ridiculous saluting her in my boxers and bed head because she's shaking her head and laughing at me.

While I'm in the bathroom shaving, I take the bandage off my knife wound. I like to let it air out, to help it heal. When I'm done placing our order, I unlock the door to the suite so room service can just bring our food right to us without us having to get up. I sneak back into the bedroom. Linka's back is to me which makes this perfect…I jump onto the waterbed behind her and the wave that's created smacks off the frame and when it comes back, pushes Linka back into my arms, much to my amusement. Not hers though.

"WHEELER! You really are trying to make me sick are you not?"

"Yeah, the less you eat, the more for me!"

She takes one of the pillows and covers my head with it. I pull the covers up over our heads and use my superior strength to flip her over and pin her down under me. I am able to pull the pillow free of her hands, and give her a few gentle hits with it before tossing it aside.

"I thought you wanted me to keep you warm? That's not going to work if you kill me. My cold, clammy body will be wrapped around you…and then I'll haunt you!" I tell her as I kiss her nose.

"You will not have a need to keep me warm if you crush me to death!" She replies as she rises up and kisses my nose in return.

"Good point," I agree. I roll off her and pull her against me, pinning her hands against my chest and tucking her head under my chin. I keep her close as I rub my hands up and down her back to generate warmth. While I'm doing that, she is once again examining my healing knife wound with her delicate fingers, tracing lazy circles around it. I know she worries about it. I know she hates it because of what it represents…how I could have died; how she thinks she almost lost me…as a friend of course…as someone who is helping her through this difficult time…that's all. I can't wait for it to heal so she can stop being reminded of it…except she'll always be reminded of it because of the scar. But I suppose the time will come when she no longer needs me and moments of closeness like this will be non-existent.

"Hey, that tickles," I whisper into the top of her head.

"Sorry," she says as her cheeks turn red.

"Don't be. I didn't mean for you to stop. It felt good. It's itchy."

"Good. That means it is healing. Do not scratch it though. Fingernails harbor all kinds of bacteria."

"Thanks Dr. Linka…I won't have to scratch it if you keep doing what you were doing though," I plead with her and give her a squeeze.

"Nyet, I should not have been touching it either."

"You weren't scratching it," I try to reason with her.

She goes back to rubbing circles around the wound with the pad of her finger. It feels good. Really good. Great. I close my eyes and pretend for a second that it's not an injury she's concerned about. I pretend she's touching me because she wants to; because she's admiring me, teasing me…because it will lead to more; because soon, her fingers will be replaced by her lips. I must have a very good imagination because it really does feel like her lips are making their way around my wound. I open my eyes before my imagination runs wild and I end up in an embarrassing predicament, but what I see is not what I expected. It wasn't my imagination. Yesterday morning on Hope Island, before we made the trip to Eden, I jokingly asked Linka to "kiss it and make it better" and she was a good sport and played along. Then last night, as she was applying the ointment and right before she put on the bandage, she kissed it…once again, at my prompting. Right now, she's doing the same thing and I didn't even have to ask.

Then I feel something else on my skin. It's wet. A tear. I see the trail it made from the corner of her eye and down the tip of her nose where it then dripped off and onto my chest.

"Stop it," I say quietly.

"Sorry…yesterday…last night…you wanted me to. I thought you liked it."

"I do…very much. But that's not what I meant. I meant stop going to that dark place your thoughts are taking you to." I wipe away her tears. "I'm ok. I'm alive. I'm here."

With each phrase, I kissed her forehead, then her nose, and ended on her lips where I lingered until I see her eyes slowly close and then felt her slowly pucker her lips in return. After our little peck of affection, I reluctantly pulled away and watch her eyes flutter open.

"Ok?" I ask.

"Ok," she confirms.

"Now, say it like you mean it."

I give her a squeeze for encouragement.

She smiles up at me and looks me right in the eyes.

"Ooookaaaaaay!" She draws it out for emphasis.

"Good," I say as I pull her against me and kiss the top of her head.

It would be so easy to go in for another kiss. Everything in me wants to do it again, only this time make it last longer…but I don't. Maybe the moment has passed. Maybe I should have done it sooner, like right after the first kiss. Or maybe I shouldn't have pulled away at all that first time. Whatever. What's done is done. Can't go back now.

I'm hoping all the bad thoughts are gone and she can relax…and so can I. I run my hands up and down her back and I can feel how calm she is; from her lack of tension to the evenness of her breathing. We still have the covers over our heads, creating a cozy little cocoon. I've almost fallen asleep again when the knock on the door causes both of us to jump and then laugh.

"IT'S UNLOCKED, COME ON IN!" I call out.

When I hear the door open, I continue with the instructions.

"IF YOU CAN BRING IT INTO THE BEDROOM, THAT'D BE GREAT. MY WALLET IS…umm…where'd I put it?" I quietly ask Linka.

"Is it in your jeans? Probably on the floor by the hot tub," she whispers.

"Oh, right… "IN THE BACK POCKET OF MY JEANS, ON THE FLOOR BY THE HOT TUB! TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST HURRY UP AND LEAVE!"

"Wheeler!" Linka hisses as she smacks my chest.

I just give her my infamous "what?" grin.

"Actually, your jeans are lying at the bottom of the bed."

"GI?" I say as I pop my head out from under the covers.

"Uh, I had a question for Linka…umm, a message from Kwame. I thought this was her room."

"It is," Linka says as she pulls the covers down and pokes her head out.

"Oh…uh, sorry…I…you said to come in so…I…did."

"I thought you were room service," I say.

Just then, right on cue, there's another knock on the door.

"I'll get that," I say, anxious to get out of this awkward situation, but only make it more awkward when Gi takes in what I am wearing…or lack there of.

I grab my jeans and rush out of the room, jumping into them before opening the door to the room service delivery…or at least I presume that's who it is…but we all know what happened last time I did that. The last thing I need is for Kwame to see me in Linka's room wearing nothing but my boxers. But it's not like he won't be hearing all about it from Gi!

This time it's room service. I tip the guy and take the cart back to the bedroom.

"I'll let you two get back to enjoying your breakfast in bed," Gi giggles and winks at Linka. "I hope you didn't put your jeans back on on my account Wheeler!"

I force a smile, but am not in the mood for joking. Everything Linka and I had, all the playfulness and closeness is going to be gone. She sits up and I set the tray over her lap. I take a seat next to her, staying on top of the covers. I figured she'd prefer it that way.

"Do not put this whole thing in front of me! This is your breakfast. I just want a few bites," she says as she lifts the tray up and hands it off to me.

I don't say anything, just take the tray, and set it over my lap.

"Sorry," I finally say.

"NOW what are you sorry for Yankee? You are always sorry for something and I keep telling you to STOP apologizing."

"Gi…I didn't know it was her…"

"I know you did not…which is why you do not need to apologize. I told her it was not what it looked like."

"And she believed you?" I ask in surprise.

"Nyet, of course not! It is Gi! She believes what she wants to believe."

"Sorry."

"Bozhe moy Yankee. If you apologize one more time…I'll…"

"You'll what?" I ask as I scoop up a fork full of eggs and hold it to her mouth.

She takes the bite and says through her mouthful,

"I will give you something to be sorry about!"

She then takes the fork from my hand and cuts off a piece of the pancake and eats it. She takes several more bites.

"Don't over do it, Babe," I warn.

"Da, I know. I am just very hungry," she explains as she takes her next forkful and offers it to me, accidentally dripping the syrup from the pancakes onto my chest.

"Oops, sorry."

And she quickly, without thinking, reaches out, wipes it off with her finger, and then pops her finger in her mouth to suck it off. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but it was hot as hell.

"That's ok." I need a subject change. "So uh, Gi said she was here because Kwame had a question for you?"

"Oh, da…he wanted to know what time I wanted to leave. If I wanted to go back to the exhibit…if there was anything more I wanted to see."

"And?"

I really hoped the answer to that question was no. I don't know how much more educational crap I can take before my head explodes.

"Nyet, there is nothing. I am ready to go back home. I just want to quickly stop by and say goodbye to everyone."

"You mean say goodbye to Stuuuuuart?" I ask. I had to, I couldn't resist.

"To EVERYONE," she reiterates as she rolls her eyes.

Once we finish our breakfast, we get ready to go back to Eden so Linka can say her goodbyes. It's just a short trip by Geo Cruiser. When we arrive, we all go with Linka. The others want to thank the people at Eden for their generosity and hospitality. I want to make sure Stuart behaves himself and doesn't get too friendly in his goodbyes.

He takes a step forward, as if he's going to hug Linka, but I stick my hand out, my handshaking gesture was meant to stop him, and it did. Instead of hugging Linka, he takes my hand and shakes it.

"Nice meeting ya, Stu," I say coolly. "Cool place you got here."

"We couldn't have done it without Linka," he says as he offers his hand to her.

She takes it and replies.

"Thank you for saying so, but my role was minor."

"And she's humble too," he says.

"Yeah, she's amazing. Brains and beauty, but we've got to get back to saving the world. Enjoy your little make believe perfect world. Have a nice life Stu!"

As we walk away, I put my arm around Linka's shoulders and press my lips to the side of her head.

"Let's get outta here."

She gives me a nasty look.

"What?"

"Do not play innocent! You know what! That was rude. I told you, Stuart is a nice guy, but I am NOT interested. There was no need to be rude. You make yourself look bad."

"As if I care what he thinks!"

"What about what I think?"

"Of course I care what you think!"

"Well, I think that right now, Stuart is thinking 'what is a nice girl like her doing with a jerk like him,' and that makes me look bad."

I want to argue with her that she's not "with" me. But I know what point she's trying to make, and I know she's right. I may have over done it in trying to make Stuart think that she was taken. But she's not done with me.

"And it is not just his 'little make believe perfect world.' I had a part in this too…and if you think so little of it…"

Oh shit. I stop walking, move to stand in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders.

"Of course I don't really think that. This is amazing…what you've done here is incredible…I was just trying to get a dig in at Stuart…trying to make myself look better…but I ended up making myself look worse. You're right. I'm sorry. I was a jerk AND an idiot. Do you want me to go back and apologize to Stuart?"

"Nyet. I want to go home," she says as she steps around me and starts walking towards the Geo Cruiser. "You can think about how you are going to make it up to me on the flight home."

I think I already know what she has in mind.

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 40 of LouiseX's Codependence!