Not much more to go. Thanks to all those who've stuck with it, especially those of you who have reviewed every chapter! You are amazing! "Thank you" doesn't seem like enough to express my gratitude for your support! And welcome to Harathor...hope this update makes you happy!

Chapter 47: Day 40, continued

I saw her shiver when she took her coat off and I can't resist walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her.

"You cold, Babe?"

She leans back against me, turns her head, and smiles at me as she says,

"No more than I should be, Yankee."

I give her the once over, looking for a sign of distress or weakness. I see none. She doesn't look away. Before, when she was trying to hide something, she wouldn't look at me. I kiss her temple and let her go, turning my attention go her grandmother.

"What do you need me to do Gram?"

She gives me the task of taking the guests' coats and then going around and offering to get them drinks. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Many of the older people don't speak English. Or if they do, they're too stubborn to budge and help me out. Instead, they're probably enjoying watching me struggle to communicate. This one old woman must not trust me with her coat…what would I want with an old lady's coat? I'm about to give up and just let her keep her coat on and sweat…and I won't get her a drink to refresh herself either! Much to my surprise, Dmitri comes over and says something to her. Great. I wonder what load of crap he's telling her about me. Then she smiles at me, takes off her coat, hands it to me, and says "Spasiba, Linka's Yankee."

"Uh, yeah…you're welcome," I reply, blushing a bit. Then I turn to Dmitri and thank him for his assistance. "Umm, spasiba."

He nods in return. Weird…but in a good way I guess. Maybe he's seen a therapist since the last time we visited and has learned to manage his grief better. Good. We don't need anymore drama.

When I return from putting away the coats, I see Linka talking to her grandmother, both smiling, Gram laughing, and Linka blushes. I wonder what they're talking about. I wonder if it's me. With the way she's smiling, I hope it is.

Everyone is getting settled in around the table. In an attempt to be polite, I wait until the others are seated before I sit down. There's an empty seat next to Linka which I presume is for me. Looking around the table, I realize that there is still an empty chair with a beverage and piece of bread. Am I missing someone? Are we waiting for someone else to arrive? I lean over and whisper to her,

"Did you set too many places, Babe?"

"Nyet, that is for Boris," she whispers back.

Of course it is. Duh. Idiot. Thankfully Father Koslov saves me from embarrassing myself further when he stands and says a prayer. I raise my head when the prayer ends and expect Linka to release my hand, but she doesn't…not that I mind. I look over at her and notice she's looking towards Gram with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you okay Babe?

She gives me a weak smile.

"Da, do not worry about me Jason. Some things are harder than others, but I will not fall apart."

But I do worry. I can't help it. She picks up her drink, but then stops before taking a sip.

"Do you mind if I drink this? It is vodka?"

I smile at her thoughtfulness and repeat her words to her.

"Don't worry about me Linka. Some things are harder than others, but I won't fall apart." I wink at her and continue. "I don't mind. I don't have anything against alcohol or people who drink it…as long as it's responsibly. But are you sure this is ok for you? I mean, in an actual drug rehab program, alcohol is discouraged…it can still give you that 'high' feeling and make you crave something more intense."

"Da, I know. But this is tradition. I have to do it. I will not lose control. I am responsible. I will not get drunk off one drink though…I am Soviet…vodka is in my blood!"

"Hmm, I thought it was ice in your veins," I say, nudging her with my elbow.

She narrows her eyes at me and then laughs quietly. I continue,

"As a matter of fact, I'm kinda impressed that you're gonna drink that straight…I'm not gonna have to stop you from dancing on the table later am I?"

She chuckles and shakes her head.

"As if you would stop me! You would probably be encouraging me!" She says as she nudges me in return. She's right. For a moment, I consider pulling out my wallet and checking to see if I have any one dollar bills to offer her to further encourage her dance…but think better of it considering this is a memorial dinner, not a little fun, family gathering.

She gets serious again and says,

"You do not have to drink it if you do not want to."

"It's fine. I don't want to be rude if this is part of the tradition. Besides, I can't wuss out and let you be more of a man than me!"

I take my glass and raise it to my lips and take a gulp. Big mistake. I have to force myself to swallow. Then I have to force myself to keep the sick look off my face as I feel my throat and stomach burn. Is that the vodka going down or the vomit coming up? And can she tell that my eyes are watering? How many more times will I have to do that until I finish the glass? Did it get hotter in here or is it just me?

I need to focus on something else…how 'bout food?

Everything smells good…I just wish it looked as good. I'm not sure what a lot of it is so I'm trusting Linka and only taking what she takes. Once she points out what certain things are, they get more appetizing, and it all tastes really good.

Things seem to be going well until one second, Linka's Uncle says something to her and the next second, she's making a mad dash for the bathroom. I give Dmitri a harsh look before running after her.

Gram is not far behind me.

"He did not say anything upset her…not intentionally. They were just talking about the blini. Linka and Boris used to love them as children," she explains.

"Ok," I say, wanting to drop the conversation and get to Linka.

"I know he did not try to make her cry," she continues.

"It's ok Gram…she's not crying, she's sick…sometimes her stomach just can't handle things the way it used to. Excuse me… please…I gotta…"

"Da, go! Go to her!"

Before the words were even out of her mouth, I was gone.

Seconds later, I'm at her side.

"It's ok Babe, nothing to worry about."

I rub her back and wait for her to finish being sick. I regret that her hair is in its usual ponytail. Now I have no reason to hold her hair back, no excuse to run my fingers through it.

Once she's finished rinsing out her mouth, she turns to me and collapses into my arms. I sit on the toilet lid and pull her onto my lap.

I wrap my arms around her and rub her stomach.

"Too much of a mix, huh?"

"Nyet, it was not that. I think it was a psychological reaction to the…the blintz."

"Oh Babe," I say as I hold her tight and start to rock her in an attempt to soothe her. "I'm sorry."

I knew we shouldn't have come here, but now is not the time for "I told you so."

We stay like that for a while, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Thank you," she says. "I am okay now."

Is she? Of course she is. She needs to prove something to them…to me.

"You wanna go back to the dinner?" I ask.

She nods.

"I have to face them sometime, it is better if I do not think about it too much."

I don't want to argue with her and upset her even more. My sole purpose in life is to make her happy…or at least to make her smile. Her makeup has run from all the crying. I hold her face in my hands and rub her cheek with my thumb.

"You better fix your face then, Beautiful. You're streaky," I tease.

She laughs and then gets up, leaving my lap cold.

"Go on back Yankee. I will not be long."

Maybe I should stay? And what? Re-apply her make up? No. There are some things that I am NOT qualified for.

"See you in a bit," I say.

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 47 of LouiseX's Codependence!