I'm evil, so say hello to this nice little filler.

~o~o~o~

"Abel, d' you have a sec?" Berwald asked, even softer than usual.
"Sure, what's up?" Abel answered and they went around a corner to have a little more privacy.

"'ve got a bit of a problem."
"Tino?"
"Yes."
"Okay, spill it."

He looked as though he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. Every time he looked like he was about to say something, he cut himself off until finally: "Tino has a girlfriend."

Abel had to repeat that in his head a few times as even he didn't believe it. Tino…a girlfriend. That combination didn't quite compute. "A…girlfriend? What? Now that doesn't make sense. Are you sure it's even a girl?"

"Yes, p'sitive. It's Emma."

"That Norwegian girl from 4A2? Isn't she a bit young?"

"Tino is younger th'n we are. Skipped a year in primary school."

"Oh, yeah. Ah, man. That blows." It still wouldn't sink in. Something just wouldn't work in his mind. Then again, he wasn't a psychologist or even the most sympathetic person, but this was about the perfect case of mixed signals. In fact, so much that it seemed like downright strange things happened that went against all logic in any possible way.

"You know what you need?" Abel asked, hanging his arm loosely around his friend's shoulder. "A few good beers and some Mathias pwnage. Tomorrow's our night out again, remember?"

"Yeah. ''ll be there."

"Good."

"Mum, I'm leaving." Abel poked his head around the door to the living room to bring his little message.

"Okay, be back before one, remember?"

"Sure. Laters!" He went out the door, stepped on his bike and made his way over to Mathias. They met up there and continued to the café they always went. It was high time again. Once in a while, usually near the end of the month, they went out to have a drink with Ludwig, Berwald and Roderich. Just a small group of drinking buddies hanging out in a quaint little café in town once every month. It was fun and a nice distraction from everyday life.

The other three were already there by the time Mathias and Abel got there. "Ey, guys."

"And there are the porcupine-twins." Ludwig said.

"Hey, Blondie." Abel sniggered.

Right after they sat down, the waitress with quite a bit of cleavage gave every one of them a glass of beer. Just like last time, she bended a little more to the front that she actually had to. She did that with everyone, but this particular group of young men got to see her trying her hardest. That was not only because they were about her age, but also because they didn't even glance at her despite her efforts.

Mathias chuckled. "She's still trying to get us to look at her cleavage."

"Should we tell her?" Abel asked.

"Nah." Was the collective answer from everyone. It wasn't like none of them were interested in women at all. Ludwig and Roderich probably would have looked, if it weren't for the fact this particular woman was just trying too hard. And both were taken. That too.

"Hey, cheers." Berwald said.

"Cheers!" And they clanked the glasses together before starting on their first beer since the summer break.

"So how was Paris for you guys?" Abel asked. "Any good?"

"Yes, of course." Roderich answered immediately. "We have seen wonderful artwork and-"

"Yo, knock back a few more before you open your mouth, Rode." Mathias said with an expression of dismay. "You need more alcohol before you're fun."

This earned a glare, but Roderich took the advice anyway.

"Have you seen Trouillefou on the way home?" Ludwig asked.

"What, his face turning paler than Gilbert's hair when he found out half the class was making out on the way back? Yeah. Priceless." Abel grinned.

"No shit, he put almost every couple together in a room, and you know how prude the guy is." Mathias said and took another sip. "Of course he'd turn fifty shades of grey when he found out."

"I guess that is what happened in some rooms." Ludwig said, looking accusingly at the Dane. "Right, Mathias?"

"Hey, hey. That's my stuff."

"So have you?" Abel asked, grinning.

"None of your biz."

"They have." The group decided simultaneously.

"Shuddup." Mathias sank back into the bench.

"You know what's the scariest bit about that book?" Abel asked.

"Hm?"

"My mum read it." He answered, seemingly very calm.

The other four made all sorts of sounds of dismay.

"Apparently, she got it from a friend who told her to read it. She laughed her arse off all the way through."

"What? Really?"

"Yes. Judithe and I read a bit of it, and it actually is hilarious to read. The so-called 'steamy scenes' were so disturbing, impossible, badly written, weird, over the top and fucking ridiculous that it was funny. Judithe said it was like reading a sexually frustrated sixteen-year-old virgin's sexual fantasy." Abel sniggered. "And to be honest, it was funny, but some bits made me vomit fifty shades of green."

"B't there's one thing I want t' know." Berwald asked right after he was done laughing. "Does 't have a bett'r love story than Twilight?"

"You know what? It doesn't."

"Wow! We found something with a worse love-story than Twilight!" Mathias burst out. "Let's drink to that!" He ordered another round as everyone's glass was empty by now.

"Maybe that's because it is a washout fanfiction of Twilight." Roderich figured.

"A what?" Berwald asked.

"Fanfiction. Basically, when someone uses existing characters and/or storylines from existing stories and writes their own story with it."

He got four strange stares as a response.

"I got that from Elizabetha. Apparently, fanfiction tends to be rather…racy when looked for in the wrong places. Or right places, if that's your cup of tea. And if someone mentions the word 'shipping': Run. Like. Hell. Pardon my French."

"What about we all just…stay away from this thing called fanfiction at all costs?" Ludwig proposed.

"Deal." Everyone else responded.

"Where did she get it then?"

Roderich sighed. "Kiku."

"Kiku?!"

"That baby-face can get you in serious trouble."

"Speaking of which," Ludwig wondered. "How'd your Tino-trouble end?"

The group looked up at Berwald now, who remained quiet for a moment. "I tried t' avoid him, and failed."

"At the end of the week." Ludwig added.

"We t'lked things out a l'ttle. He's scared to death 'f me, apparently, but he said he'll try n't to freak out 'nymore 'round me." He sighed and looked at his glass.

"Subtle." Abel said. He, along with the others around the table couldn't help being a little confused and maybe even disappointed. It had seemed so much like Tino actually fell for their Swedish classmate, but apparently, they had misinterpreted. Quite a bomber.
It was still strange how they, plus a few other guys plus a few girls had all misinterpreted in the exact same direction, though. But this was no time to hang up sad stories or sulk in a corner.

"By the way, Abel." Berwald started. "How'd your parents react t' Matthew?"

He smiled visibly in response and emptied his glass. "Pretty good, really. I mean, they're familiar with him, so the only difference for them is that they might catch us kissing at some point. In which case, I must add, I will not be happy."

"My parents did have their doubts about Feliciano." Ludwig admitted, and also drank the last bit out of his glass. "But it was nothing they didn't get over with time and a few beers."

"And if that doesn't work, a good joint can probably solve it." Abel joked.

Mathias gestured to the waitress for another round. "That only works on your old man. Any other parent would freak out about the fact you even have weed and just forget about- oh! That's clever! My mother sort of had the shock of her life. Or at least, so I thought."

"What happened?" Roderich asked.

"Well, I-eh. Remember that report last year we had to finish over the weekend everyone was moaning about? Yeah, we did that together, and when we were done we sort of had, eh…quality time."

"Smooching?"

"Yeah. And my mum walked in. Funny thing is that the only thing she had a problem with was the fact I hadn't told her he was such a cutie. And she was so kind to apologise for not knocking."

The waitress replaced their empty glasses with full ones, again not without showing her cleavage. When she had left again, Berwald sighed. "'nd I have yet t' tell my parents."

Mathias slammed his glass onto the table, and a simultaneous outburst of astonishment came from everywhere around the table.
"Dude, you're kidding!" The Dane shouted

"You were the first one who was out in our class!" Abel said. "In first freaken' year!"

Berwald just shrugged. "Doesn't mean I told m' parents."

"Appears so." Ludwig said before taking another good swig. "I'm just glad I told them before I dragged Feliciano home. My dad would have freaked."

"You don't want that." Abel said. "Believe me. Matty's mum freaked completely, and hell is she scary."

"I'm glad I didn't have that to be afraid of, if I hear you guys talking like that." Roderich said. "The only thing I had to be worried about was what my father would think if Elizabetha would misbehave like she usually does." He smiled at how nervous he had been when he first introduced her to his father when they were still in second year.
"And I was extra nervous about it because my father wanted to see her to decide whether or not it was a good idea to invite her to my Bar Mitzvah."

"Wouldn't that be about as scary?" Abel asked. "If she had…been her very well-mannered self, you'd have been in trouble."

"No, aristocrats aren't as scary as Matthew's mother. Pretty scary, but not that scary. My father is not as much of a stick-up-the-butt as you might think. He's pretty cool."

"Lucky." Abel mumbled, and took another swig. "I still have to see if Matthew's mother is ever going to even pretend to be cool. Did you hear she smashed Alfred's phone?"

"How can we not have?" Ludwig sighed. "He can't shut up about it."

There was a silence around the table for a moment.

"It could always be worse." Ludwig said. "Remember Felicja?"

"Oh, yeah. Her parents are shit." Abel said.

Roderich nodded. "I'm not easily negative about parents, but yes, her parents are terrible."

"Remember we dragged Bennett out of her class because Felicja had a nervous breakdown? Hell, I thought she'd never stop crying." Abel remembered, wincing.

"Yeah, pretty scary." Mathias admitted. "You'd probably do the same if you got kicked out and disowned being sixteen years old."

"Yeah, probably. I'd still do that. I mean, come on."

"You saw in third year what it did to Knoxie." Ludwig reminded them. "He was ten years older and he was seriously depressed. And shit is serious if that guy gets depressed."

"Remember we used to call him Mr. Happy-happy-joy-joy in second year?"

It was time for another round again, and again, there was the waitress with the cleavage. With every round they ordered, she seemed to get more and more annoyed, until she sent her colleague to serve their table at the fourth round. Her colleague being a young man in his early twenties, a bit geeky and clumsy looking. He had freckles and glasses and was gone again in a split second.

Mathias chuckled a bit at the guy. "He's new."

"Definitely." Roderich concluded.

"He's cute." Ludwig commented. "Teddy bear-cute."

"Bit too bony." Abel assessed.

"So you like a little more meat on those bones?"

"'course he does!" Mathias interrupted. "Look at Matthew. I bet that gut's soft like a baby's cheeks."

"He's a bit soft around the waist, yes."

"Bet his ass's pretty soft too, hm?"

"No idea."

"Wud, for real?" Mathias poked Abel against the temple. "Something's wrong with you that you didn't grope that ass."

"Nah. I just don't feel like randomly groping someone's ass."

"What, because it's 'indecent'? Come on. Now you sound like that guy." He pointed at Roderich. "I bet even Luds has groped Feli's fine ass at least once."

"Actually, no." Ludwig deadpanned.

Mathias looked at Roderich, but he didn't even get to ask.
"Before you ask: I've never touched Eliza's behind." Roderich deadpanned.

"Stick-up-the-butt." Mathias nagged. "You guys really don't know what you're missing out on."

"How could you possibly know?" Abel deadpanned. "The only time I've seen you groping Aleksander's ass, he bashed your brain in with a book and pulled you over the banister, face-down into the floor by your tie."

"Let's call it a night." Mathias quickly added before that came up again. That little joke had actually hurt! This conversation was getting so far downhill it was clearly time to go home again. When Mathias gestured to the waiter for the bill, he noticed that the waitress was still looking at them. Glaring, rather. Nope, she still wasn't very happy about her boobs being ignored.
"Should we tell her now?" He asked.

The others quickly looked at her. "Yeah, go for it." Berwald said.

It was Mathias' turn to pay, so he pulled his wallet. When he had paid, and given the waiter a generous tip for being a cutie, the waitress was still looking. At the moment the guy walked away, Mathias slapped his butt.
The poor guy yelped and sped back to the bar, where the waitress was gaping back and forth between the group and her wide-eyed colleague.

As they left the café, the five friends laughed loudly. "Ahahah! Her face!" Abel nearly choked laughing.

"I think she got the hint." Ludwig laughed. "Oh, boy, is she mentally scarred now."

"So 'm I." Berwald said. "She did't first."

"If she's got the same hobbies as Eliza, she probably loved the sight." Roderich assured.

~o~o~o~

Oh, joy. Don't give those guys too much beer. It'll go wrong some day.

Disclaimer: Please note that Mathias neither denied nor confirmed the alleged sexual activity with Aleksander.

Please don't kill me, Norway! Please?

And please review?